Conversing over MSN with Debb was the inspiration behind this. So once more, many thanks.
The darkness sings.
The night speaks.
And we are left with the absolution now of what is… this being it…
And this requiem is for me. I know that. How can I not know? For I am fully aware, even as my senses desert me, even as he ignores me, ignoring my pleas. Even when the darkness comes and this final dance with Death is for me.
…I know what is happening… and I am powerless to stop it. Ironic in all senses. Divine power was once mine, yet I am powerless to stop this…
This was not how I wanted it to be, not something I had wanted… never. In moments of blindness I had never imagined that this cold element would befall me. To take a grasp on my very essence and snatch me away…
And it's taking me, and he watches it. I see him, watching this happen to me.
…What have I done?
The pain comes and it goes. I look to him; a drop of his blood would help me, just a drop. And what is but a drop to him? And I am asking him to help me. Inside I am begging. The pride in me has gone, though I feel foolish I care not of it. I am torn between my own feelings and my own desperation. Everything he says I agree with, if not only to please him – and in hope that he will sympathize with me.
It continues to leave me, this life flow, this substance that I have taken from others just so that I myself could continue. Crimson substance, dark, a shocking contrast that scars my skin.
Yes, I see it now. I see you ruling Nosgoth… But… where are we Kain? Are we there with you? I cannot see us, this image I picture, this image that burns my mind. Sometime, in the hazy future, when this land is yours… will we be with you?
And in this fading moment, again I look at him. Can you not see? It is taking me Kain. Taking me.
His eyes are cold. He remains undisturbed, the complete opposite to how it is I feel inside.
It was a mistake, this I know. A moment of concern, and uncertainties… maybe more then a moment. I admit that this fact has been grinding on my mind for a while. His arrogance and blindness of others only highlighted my uncertainties. But Vorador was so certain that only he could be the one to save us…
To save us? Is that what he was going to do? How, in taking Nosgoth for his own? And in doing so what would happen to us? Would he become paranoid of each of us, and so kill us off one-by-one?
…I am dying…
I had asked him this, 'what would become of us?' and he had turned to me, merely shrugging as if it meant little to him, for it was something he had not really considered. Forgetting that it was us who saved him, sheltered him whilst it was his body repaired.
Already he has forgotten us. Forgotten Vorador who offered him shelter, who helped him, who has been there… Always… The only time he would consider us would be on the terms of whether we would be a threat to him or not. Other times his mind remains to be filled and dominated with one aspect, always driving him forwards – revenge.
With these truths I began to question him. Firstly in my own mind, attempting to figure him out – if only to make sense of what was, and now what is. And then I questioned him openly, something he does not welcome.
But I do not want this! If death is release then I do not wish for it!
The conclusion had been drawn and I had taken it from him when my uncertainty only arose more. Is it foolish of me to love my kind the way that I do, to want better for them? But, I admit I was careless, and carelessness brings us to our knees. There is no question about that…
As it is I collapse so I hear him speak again. "I thought you were to bring the Sarafan Lord to his knees."
Oh why torment me? Only you would say something like that upon someone's last threads of respiration. When I finally gone, when the final glow of light has faded within this shell of mine, will you laugh at me Kain?
"Kain… I am dying."
"Yes. You are."
The words spoken make it seem as if they alone will bring it to a close. To close in on me, to shut me out. And through those words I want to speak more, I want to speak out. I want him to hear me, for him to understand my reasons. But inside I am fading, leaving…
He alone cuts off any escape that I have from death, any chances left to make what has turned to chaos to right. But deep inside me, I know I am not to have that chance. I know that he will not allow me to have it, because it is who he is.
The realisation cuts through me, wounding me deep internally, enough to cause me more pain then the wounds inflicted upon my outer core.
If only I could make him understand. But no longer does he see me, only the betrayer. Just another traitor. He cannot forgive… he cannot forgive me. It is against all his reason to forgive, something that he cannot do.
I see many things, blurred, threading throughout as if they were strands of mist. For a moment I forget this scene, I forget what has happened and remember the very beginning. Awakening the very first time, and Vorador is near, and I am safe. I imagine it all again and again, living each moment throughout, remembering everything, recalling all memories back to me. I hear my name spoken; I hear it as a vampire for the very first time.
But the threads of the voice that speaks my name become lost.
My final words are drawing to a close; I have been speaking without fully comprehending it. He asking the questions, and me automatically answering them – the same routine as before. Though it feels like this moment lasts an eternity, it is but brief.
"Then you will die, knowing the truth."
A silence that radiates and it consumes… alone.
"You should never have betrayed me."
…I never wanted it to be this way…
…This was not how it was meant to be…
"Now you have left me alone…"
But Kain… you are alone, you have always been, and you will always be… alone…
…As will I…