I finished Allegiant today and I'm so sad omg. AND I'M OBSESSED WITH BEATING HEART SO MUCH IT'S NOT EVEN REAL.
I remember my first impression of Edward. A geeky, nerdy, excuse of a dancer. But then, I fell in love with him. A beautiful, deep, persistent love. And now he's gone. Forever. I'm still trying to cope with his death, because I feel like it was my fault. My fault that we were about to eat at the restaurant. My fault that I didn't walk where he was. And, most importantly, my fault that he's dead.
I sit on the edge of my bed, reading a book, Distant Waves, which he never finished. I'm not a sucker for reading, but I feel like I have to do this, for Edward. He would want to know how it ended, so I'll tell him. Tears blur my vision, making the words have a shadow. I wipe them away, and try to relax myself. To not think of Edward. I think of my family, and friends, and all my happy memories with them. I breathe heavily, for this helps me calm myself down, and read the book, the word's shadows becoming bigger and bigger.
Edward's funeral was about a week ago, and he looked so peaceful, laying there in his coffin with his arms folded perfectly in his lap, and his hair pushed away from his forehead. Edward's last words spilled across my tongue, just before they buried him. I love you.
One thing that I realized right after the funeral was that he would've wanted this. For him to die instead of me, because that's the kind of person he is. He's willing to give up his own life for others, and apparently, he did so. And I'm proud of him for it.