(Hi guys! Thank you for the support on this story, it means a lot! :) Hope this chapter'll live up to your expectations.)

They stayed like that for a long time. Grantaire desperately pressed against him while he himself remained tense under Grantaire's weight. He didn't have the energy to shove the other man away. Nor did he have the energy to gather him in his arms.

He was tired. So very tired. Tired of feeling miserable all the time. Tired of being angry, of being sad, of being guilty. He was tired of hating Grantaire and tired of loving him. He was tired of being this shell of a person just because of a break-up. He was tired of everything and he didn't have the energy to fight it anymore.

He needed closure. He needed to finish this up so that he could move on with his life. He needed to forget about Grantaire.

"Grantaire," he muttered after softly pushing the other man away from his chest. "R… I can't do this anymore… please, I need you to go. Please, go…"

At that statement, Grantaire started panicking again and he frantically shook his head, pressing even closer to his friend. "No, no, no, no, please E, don't send me away. Not yet, please. We need to talk. I want to explain!"

He didn't take that well. A sudden icy anger coursed through his veins and this time he shoved Grantaire away with force. He narrowed his eyes at the man and let out a scornful laugh. "Explain? You want to explain to me? You want to explain why you felt the need to fuck up our relationship? To screw everything we had?"

"You broke up with me!" Grantaire suddenly yelled, tears still leaking from his eyes, but lips pressed together in suppressed anger of his own. "You broke up with me Enjolras! I was trying to be honest with you about how I felt and you broke up with me!"

He shook his head and pushed himself away from the bed. He knew his eyes were spitting fire, he could feel the flames radiating from his skin. "We fought!" he yelled back, his voice raising in volume and for the first time in weeks he felt alive again. "We fought Grantaire, like we did so many times. I was angry!"

His own tears were now slowly making their way down his cheeks and he wiped them away.

Grantaire's breath caught in his throat and he shook his head. "That's not true. It wasn't like other times, it wasn't and you know it. You broke up with me, Enjolras. You broke my heart!"

"Even if I broke up with you!" he yelled, ignoring Grantaire's other statement. "Even if I did, that didn't give you the right to go and fuck someone else… The same damn evening!" He choked on a sob of his own and sunk to the ground, digging the heels of his palms in his eyes.

Grantaire kept silent, bottom lip quivering violently as he tried to hold his own sobs back.

"I looked for you…" Enjolras whispered between hitching breaths and salty tears. "The second I said those things and you stormed out, I looked for you. I went after you. I wanted to apologize, to let you know I didn't mean what I said. Because I didn't, R… I didn't…"

Grantaire pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his arms, shoulders shaking with sobs he could no longer hold back.

"I called you a dozen times… I went to the Musain, to the Corinth and to every possible club I could think of. And when I couldn't find you anywhere, I decided to just go back to the apartment and wait for you there, so we could make up, make it better… And you… you"

He didn't have to finish his sentence. They both knew very well what he found when he returned to Grantaire's apartment. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, both crying and both trying to get their break down under control.

"Why?" he asked when he had forced himself to calm down a little. And without realizing it he was asking for Grantaire's explanation that made him so angry only minutes before. "Why did you do it R? Why did you… Don't I mean anything to you?"

He jumped at the loud crash that followed. Looking up, he saw that the glass of water that used to be on his bedside table was now shattered across the other side of the room. Smashed to pieces against the wall. Like both their hearts.

"Don't say that," Grantaire cried, fisting his hands in his hair. "Don't you dare say that Enjolras. You mean more to me than anything else in this wretched world, you know that. You mean more to me than the air I breathe. I love you. I love you with all I have."

He could only huff again. "Then why?"

"I don't know! I don't know what the hell came over me, okay? I have no idea why I did what I did. It was like I wasn't even in control of my own body anymore… Enjolras… When you said you wanted to break up with me, I died… I died, and I wanted to die over and over again. I thought I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn't think I had anything left to live for. So I drank and I didn't stop until that woman forced herself on me. And I curse myself each and every single second of every single day that I didn't have the strength to turn her down… I'm a disgusting and weak human being and I know that I don't deserve to be here, but Enjolras… Please don't ever say you don't mean anything to me…. You mean everything to me. You mean so much to me it physically hurts…"

He watched as Grantaire yelled and cried and yelled again. Tears smeared all over his face, his nose and eyes red and puffy. And he knew he looked the same. Images of a sick, depressed and broken Grantaire flashed before his eyes and he forced the painful memories away.

"I didn't break your heart," he said quietly, watching Grantaire curl into a ball on his bed, fisting the blankets. "You broke your own heart by breaking mine."

TBC.

(Phew, this was painful to write. Hope you liked it, please let know!)