Summary: Heinz enlists Phineas and Ferb's help to propose to Brooke. Meanwhile, Perry battles his new nemesis.

Okay, to recap from "Calling Agent P," Doofenshmirtz is no longer evil, Perry has a new nemesis and is dating McKenzie (although, she is not in this episode), Candace no longer tries to bust her brothers, and the Flynn-Fletcher's know Perry's secret. Admittedly, Perry's new nemesis may take some getting used to, but give her a chance. She's gonna have more depth, once we get to later episodes. Come to think of it, with all the differences, the whole series may take some getting use to... Just please give it a chance. I think you'll like it.

Star-Crossed Loathers


Phineas, Ferb, and Perry - who was leaning against it, like a human - were relaxing under the tree. Perry was between the boys, finishing a story.

"And, now, I am no longer welcome in Ohio. Long story short, never kiss a poodle."

"Guys," Phineas said, "I know what we're gonna do, today."

Heinz walked into the backyard. "Hey, fellas. Whatcha doin'?"

Phineas answered, "Well, I was thinking we could make it so Perry can go back to Ohio."

Heinz frowned at Perry. "Why can't you go to Ohio?"

Perry's eyes became half-lidded. "Long story short, never kiss a donkey."

Now, Phineas frowned. "I thought you said it was a poodle."

"Honestly the memory's kind of hazy. I drank a lot of root beer, that night."

There was an awkward pause, then Heinz said, "Well...I-I guess, if you guys are busy, I can come back tomorrow."

Phineas and Ferb stood up. "Nonsense, Dr. D," Phineas said. "I'm sure Perry won't mind us helping you, first." He looked at the platypus. "Will you, Perry?"

Perry shrugged. "I don't wanna go back to Ohio, anyway. Pretty sure someone there wants me dead."

Another awkward pause, then Phineas smiled at Heinz. "So, what do you need?"

Heinz suddenly felt a little self-conscious. "Well, Brooke and I have been dating for a while, now. A-and, I kinda want to 'pop the question,' so to speak."

"'Pop the question?'" Phineas asked, not recognizing the term.

"It means he wants to ask Miss Winters to marry him," Ferb said.

Phineas's eyes lit up. "Really? That is so cool!"

Perry sat up. "Do my ears deceive me? Are you saying that you and Brooke are still together?"

"I know, right?" Heinz said. "My ears can't believe it, either." (Return Policy)

Perry's watch beeped, and he stood up. "Well, I'm outta here. Peace." He pressed down on the tree trunk, and a door opened. He walked into it, and the tree closed.

Phineas asked Heinz, "So, why do you need our help?"

"Well, you see, fellas," Heinz began, "it all started when I was just about to propose to my ex-wife, Charlene..."

-Flashback- (reference to the Gravity Falls episode, "The Legend of the Gobblewonker")

Heinz and Charlene were out on a canoe on the lake. Charlene was taking in the sights, while Heinz, his back to her, smiled at what he was holding - a diamond ring in a little back box.

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, closed the box, faced his girlfriend, held the box behind his back, and said, "Charlene?" Charlene looked at him. "We've been dating for a while, and...I-I was wondering-"

"Hey!" Stan Pines from Gravity Falls sailed his boat up to them. "You guys wanna hear a joke?" Without waiting for a response, he said, "My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is gettin' better!" No response. "Her aim is gettin' better!" Still no response. "See, it's-it's funny, because marriage is terrible."

-End of Flashback-

"In hindsight," Heinz continued, "it was probably a good indicator of things to come. But, anyway, I figured, since you guys are good at violating the laws of physics and what-not, you could help me create a good proposal. Please?"

Phineas looked at his brother. "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do, today, instead of the other thing we were gonna do, today."

*Agent P's Lair*

"Greetings, Agent P," Major Monogram said. "We've received reports that your nemesis, Janet Applebottom, was seen purchasing soda pop. Normally, this wouldn't be suspicious, but, on the same day, she was buying machine parts. Get to the bottom of it, Agent P."

Perry saluted.


The boys stood by a computer, when Candace walked up to them, smiling. Since she had overcome her desire to bust, she had actual started enjoying her brothers' inventions. "Whatcha guys doin'?"

"Well, remember what we did on Jeremy's birthday, last summer?" Phineas asked.

Candace frowned at the memory. "You mean the giant scrapbook that disappeared?" (Cheers for Fears)

"That's the one. We hope you don't mind, but we're gonna use that idea to help Dr. D propose to Miss Winters."

Candace smiled. "Well, alright. I mean, you are doing it for love. Where is Dr. D, anyway? And, where's Perry?"

"Dr. D's collecting Miss Winters memorabilia with that camera that sends photographs to our computer, and Perry's off fighting his nemesis."

*Applebottom Evil is Crazy*

Janet Applebottom's house looked like any other suburban home, with two-stories, cream-colored shutters on the upper floor, and tan bricks on the lower-floor. Her lab was a large room on the first floor, with a beige tile floor and off-white walls.

Perry crashed through the window and landed in a fight-stance. His nemesis - he was assigned to her a few days after Heinz stopped being evil - turned around from where she was working on an invention.

In a huge contrast to Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Janet Applebottom was beautiful. She had straight, black hair that laid just below her chin with bangs, brown eyes, a little, pointed noise, and a great figure. (Perry recalled her mentioning that she used to be a model.) She wore (Signature outfit. Most cartoon characters have one.) a purple T-shirt with a black tank top under it, bootcut jeans, and black flats.

Janet smiled in mock happiness. (I imagine her being voiced by Amy Lee.) "Oh, hey." Then, she scowled, and it leaked into her tone. "It's you."

Perry rolled his eyes. He was used to her attitude, by now. "Yeah, like seeing your face freshens up my day."

Janet groaned. She pressed a red button on the wall, and a cage fell on Perry. "Now, then, Agent P, I recently learned that too much soda, while obviously unhealthy, can actually contribute to dehydration. I don't know how. I tend to zone out, when my cousin starts spewing out facts. But, what I did listen to gave me the idea to build," she held up the ray gun on the table behind her, "the carbonator. It turns any beverage into soda."

Perry was unimpressed. "That's kinda dumb."

"Cut me some slack. It's the first episode. That reminds me; I'm gonna have to talk to those jingle writers. I mean, 'evil is crazy?' That's just insulting."

"Why do you even need a jingle?"

"All the other evil scientists in Danville have one."


"Let's see..." Heinz was wandering through the city, searching for anything that reminded him of Brooke. He stopped in front of his building, which no longer had its 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.' sign. "Oh, the front of my building! The place where we first met." He took a picture of it and pointed somewhere. "Oh!" He ran up to another building. "And, here's the courthouse! Brooke is a lawyer, after all." He took a picture of that, as well.


Heinz's photographs appeared on the computer.

Phineas saw the photo of Heinz's building and said, "Perfect. The place where they first met." The courthouse picture came up. "Courthouse. I-I'm drawing a blank."

"Miss Winters is a lawyer," Ferb reminded him.


*Janet's Lab*

Janet opened her window and aimed her carbonator. "Okay, let's give this a shot."

Perry - no longer trapped - used his tail to knock her off her feet. The carbonator fired out the window and bounced off a satellite in space.

*Somewhere in Danville*

"I can't believe you bought a soda shop," a woman scolded her husband, "but you filled it with fruit juice! What? Did you think a random green ray from the sky would turn it all into soda?"

A green ray from the sky did just that. It also affected the glass of orange juice her husband was holding. He took a sip. "This is orange soda."

"Oh, come on!"


Heinz, grinning in anticipation, led a blindfolded Brooke to the boys' backyard.

Brooke chuckled, "Heinz, will you please tell me where we're going?"

"You'll find out soon," Heinz sang.

"Oh, brother."

They entered the backyard. "Okay," Heinz said. "Take off the blindfold." Brooke did so. Heinz spread his arms out to the enormous book in front of them. "Behold! The...whatever Phineas and Ferb call it!"

Brooke gazed up at it. "Wow. This is pretty cool, Heinz, but does it have to do with me?"

To her surprise, Heinz grabbed her by the forearm and dragged to it. "Hit it, Love Handel!"

(This song is a Brookenshmirtz - that's what I'm calling it - version of Scrapbook of Memories [All About You] from the episode "Cheer for Fears.")

I remember when you first bumped into me.

On our very first date, we saw that funny movie.

Here's where we washed your car

And made it look brand new.

Your green eyes make me melt with a wink.

You're always so honest. You always say what you think.

It's a giant 3D scrapbook, and it's all about you!

I know I used to be evil

Enough to make a lot of women flee.

But, you're still here with me, now.

Let's make some more memories.

Let's make some more memories!

Your brothers may not like me, but I think they're pretty cool.

When you're defending clients, you're never played for a fool.

It's a giant 3D scrapbook.

It's a giant 3D scrapbook.

It's a giant 3D scrapbook, and it's all about you!

And, it's all about you!

*Janet's Lab*

Perry and Janet continued fighting. Unlike Heinz, Janet was actually a pretty good fighter. She kicked Perry near her invention, which gave him an idea.

"Janet," Perry mocked, "you kick like a guy."

"Is that so?" Janet growled. She went in for another kick, but Perry jumped backwards, and Janet ended up knocking her carbonator into the wall, breaking it. "Ah, heck. Once again, Agent P, you manage to simultaneously thwart my scheme, and stink up my lab with your disgusting milk-sweat."

It seemed like their battles always began and ended the same way: with insults. Perry retaliated with, "Yeah? Well a skeleton called. He wants his body back."

Janet scoffed. "I'll have you know that I am at a healthy weight."

"And, how many pounds would that be?" Janet's glare turned frightening - a look that always intimidated Perry. "You know what? I'm just leave, while all my limbs are still attached."


At the end of the song, Heinz and Brooke stepped off the ride.

Brooke hugged her boyfriend. "Heinz, that was amazing! What's the occasion?"

Heinz broke the embrace and pulled a little black box from his lab coat pocket. "Brooke," he opened it, revealing a ring with a diamond between two smaller diamonds, "will you marry me?"

Brooke gasped, her lips curling into a smile. "Y-yes! Yes, I will!"

Heinz grinned. "R-really? You said- You-"

Brooke silenced him by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. Heinz wrapped his arms around her torso and returned the kiss. Phineas, Ferb, and Candace cheered.

Perry returned, saw what was happening, and said to the audience. "Ah, man. I miss all the fun."

The End

Not bad, but not perfect. Whatever. I like it, and I hope you like it too. So, review, and all that!