Hello All...It's been a rough week for happy endings on tv lately it seems...So to bring back some happy endings...here is a little one-shot to satiate you Darvey Lovers. And Just an FYI...not sure when Donna's birthday really is but if anyone knows...feel free to fill me in!
I do not own SUITS or any of characters/content. All rights belong to Aaron Korsh and his team.
It was late in the day when she marched into his office. Most everyone had left for the day. He turned to ask her what she was still doing here when he caught her stone-faced expression. She was on a mission. Without a word she picked the phone up from its cradle and held it out to him expectantly.
"Call her," she said with decidedly. It wasn't a question.
Harvey hesitated, looking up at her, and in her eyes he saw she was resolute but distraught.
"Donna," he began cautiously, unsure of how to start.
"No, Harvey! Don't 'Donna' me right now. Call her. Right now," she demanded interrupting the speech he wanted to give but had not yet prepared for.
He knew Donna and he knew she wouldn't let this go without a fight. But he also knew something she didn't and it was about time he laid his cards on the table. She towered above him, waiting for him to take the phone from her hands. He frowned slightly and leaned back in his chair and took the phone. He held it momentarily before releasing a deep sigh and setting it back down on its cradle.
"Unbelievable," she muttered, shaking her head and storming out of his office.
"Donna, wait!" he called after her but she refused to look back as she gathered her belongings from her desk.
He jumped out from behind his desk and made his way over to her before she could run off. Reaching out he grabbed a hold of her arm and give it a light tug. She turned to face him but said nothing. He saw the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes and was at a loss for words. He couldn't understand why apologizing to Scottie mattered so much to her and why it would have her so upset.
Fixing his gaze on her, softening as it met her eyes, Harvey pulled her a little closer. Her eyes widened at the gesture and it made him smile on the inside. Donna wasn't easily shaken nor was she one to break a gaze first but when she looked away, he knew he couldn't let her leave like this.
"What's wrong, Donna?" he asked softly but the quiet of the Pearson-Specter office around them made it seem as though he was speaking much louder than in the space between their bodies.
She shook her head and pressed her lips together in a tight smile. He cocked his head to the side and smile slightly at her stubbornness; he wasn't letting her off the hook that easily though.
"Come on," he said, nodding back towards his office and tugging at her arm gently. To his surprised she obliged without much struggle.
He shut the door to his office behind them and led her to the black leather sofa that adorned his office. When she had taken a seat, he took a seat himself in the black sofa chair and pulled it closer to face her directly. It didn't escape his notice that she still refused to look him in the eye though. He'd considered many scenarios in the past of what he would say if this moment ever came but as time went on he came to believe it might never actually happen.
"Hey," he said as he nudged her knee with his own, taking note of their proximity. Though the door was closed and they were out of earshot if anyone was lurking about, he still couldn't help but whisper, as if speaking any louder would startle her.
She shifted her gaze to meet his and took a deep breath.
"Louis' wedding is off. He and Sheila are over," she blurted in a small voice, a frown setting on her features.
He nodded once in silence. The news surprised him and he felt for Louis' situation, he seemed so thrilled after all, but he still wasn't sure why this had Donna so upset. He knew better than to ask her so instead he waited silently for her to continue.
"This place," she cried out, hysteria threatening her tone as she threw her hands up in the air, "This damn place. We work so hard for it and for what? To forget to have a life that can be truly fulfilling and happy. We keep fooling ourselves, saying that everything we do here makes up for everything we let go and push aside. Guess what, Harvey?…It doesn't!"
"These things happen, Donna. That's just part of life," he said hoping to appease her but somehow knowing it wouldn't.
"He was so happy, Harvey! You saw his face when he told you. But if you saw him now-," she said unable to finish that thought.
"Nothing in this firm has ever made Louis that happy. Nothing. Knowing that he was going to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loved and start a family was bigger than all of this," she added.
"Then what happened?" Harvey asked.
"He wants to be a dad someday. She hates kids. They couldn't compromise on that one," she replied tearfully.
"Donna—," was all he could manage to whisper before she cut him off.
"Harvey," she said looking him square in the eye, "This place isn't going to be where you find true happiness either. Don't let this damn office get in the way of that."
"But Donna—," he began to protest but she was on a roll now.
"No, Harvey. Listen, you have a chance to go at it and make it work with the woman you love. Don't wait until it's too late. Would you really jeopardize it because you're not willing to meet her half way?"
"I would never let the woman I love go because I'm too proud to compromise."
"Good," she said, "Because I'm tired of watching people lose the sense of true happiness in this place. And when they finally come within reach of it, it gets yanked away from them."
She took another deep breath before adding, "I don't want what just happened to Louis to happen to you."
He gave her an easy smile, "It won't. I promise."
She returned a soft but sad smile at his response and Harvey fought the urge to pull her closer to him. He studied her features for a long moment before speaking again.
"What about you, Donna?" he inquired softly, giving her knee a light tap.
"What about me?" she asked straightening self-consciously.
"Well, you sit here worrying about Louis' happiness, Mike and Rachel's happiness, my happiness, but what about yours? Are you taking care of yourself, making sure that you're happy?"
"I'm just fine, Harvey. In fact, seeing everyone around me happy will make me happier. So quit being stubborn and call her already, geez!"
"What makes you think I'm not already happy?" he asked curiously.
She looked at him, considering how to answer this question.
"Well maybe you're happy right now but I'm just making sure that the future Harvey is happy too."
A light chuckle escaped him at her words and he shook his head.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing," he answered, "Look, Donna I can try to ease up on the stubbornness but I can't call Scottie."
"Harvey!—" she began to protest, but this time it was his turn to get his two cents in.
"Donna, I can't call her because I already did!" he finished.
"What, when?" she questioned, her eyes alert.
"Yesterday. When you were with Louis in the hospital."
"Oh," she replied absent-mindedly brushing a strand of her loose red locks away from her face.
"Oh? That's all you have to say?" he asked suspiciously. He wasn't sure what was in her tone, he wanted to say he detected some disappointment but dared not ask.
He stood from his chair and pulled off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. He walked over to his drink cart and busied himself with pouring them each a glass of his Macallan.
"Well, did you fix it?" he heard her voice break the silence.
He took a sip from his glass and shrugged his shoulders before turning to face her again, "In a manner of speaking, yes."
"Oh no, what did you do now?" she asked with disbelief as she accepted the drink he held out to her.
"I apologized, like you said I should…" he began as he took a seat beside her on the couch now.
She nodded silently as he tried to gauge her reaction. It drove him crazy that she was so difficult to read at times. Damn acting skills, he thought. He supposed there was really only one way to find out; a knot formed in his stomach at the thought.
"…But I didn't apologize for what you think I should have," he said finishing his thought.
She snapped her head up, her eyes narrowing in on him.
"What do you mean? What did you apologize for?" she questioned him warily.
"Scottie and I are over, Donna."
He awaited the reaction that he was sure would come. First her eyes widened at the news and then she shook her head as if the words he had spoken hadn't encoded into the proper message and she was trying to make sense of the nonsensical data.
"You can get her back, Harvey," was her first response as she began to rise. Before she could move past him he grabbed a hold of her hand, their eyes locking fleetingly at the contact, and he pulled her back down to sit next to him.
He turned to face her, one arm draped across the back of the couch, the other still holding her hand.
"Scottie didn't end it. I did," he admitted.
Donna stared at him blankly. He supposed he couldn't blame her but he'd almost prefer one of her fiery rants than the puzzled version of her that was in front of him right now. He let out a soft sigh when she didn't speak up. He continued, his eyes locked and engaged on hers.
"Donna, Scottie and I could never really be happy together."
This seemed to have triggered the fiery tempest of a response he expected from her as she frowned slightly, "But did you even really try? You're calling it quits this soon? After everything you've done?"
"I made a mistake," he answered honestly, unsure of how else he could really justify it.
He heard a scoff escape her throat as she gave him her expression of pure incredulity.
"Don't give me that look," he said as she refused to back down now. Her reluctance to this news made his next task even more daunting, so he considered a new approach.
"Not too long ago you told me that you were tired of seeing me fight for everything in here," he said raising his hands in the air to indicate his office, "…and nothing in here," he finished, pointing to his heart.
Donna nodded, she remembered that conversation.
"Well," he continued, "Seeing what happened to Louis and knowing that it could all be over in the blink of an eye, it got me thinking that maybe you were right."
"Of course I am. I'm Donna," she said rolling her eyes but not with as much enthusiasm as usual, "But Harvey, if I'm right then why are you letting her go after one fight?"
"That's the thing, Donna; it's not just one fight. It's a perpetual cycle. It's something that will keep happening with her and I won't be able to count on you to fix it every time and frankly I don't want you to fix it. You stepping in to make it right is only forcing me into something that isn't natural, that isn't right."
"But if it hadn't been for me—," she tried to counter but he interrupted her thought.
"Yes, I know. If it hadn't been for you, Scottie wouldn't even be here right now because I would have let her get on that plane back to London."
"Yes! So why are you throwing all that hard work out the window!?" she cried out in frustration.
"Because I'm starting The Fight, Donna! The one that matters!" he declared with equal frustration. He combed a hand through his hair, disheveling it slightly, trying to find the words. The woman was as stubborn as he was and it could infuriate him to no end. But he couldn't understand how she could read so many people, could know so many things but not know this…not see what was right in front of her.
"You just said that I have a chance to go at it and make it work with the woman I love. And I believe that but—"
"But you're not in love with Scottie," she finished for him, realization dawning on her.
"No, I'm not."
"Are you sure about that?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm sure," he answered with absolute resolve.
Donna gave a small sigh and leaned back on the couch, shaking her head. Her red hair brushed Harvey's hand and he couldn't help but twirl a loose strand in his fingers. She looked over at him, her expression tired.
"You couldn't have figured that out before spending half a million to have her work here?"
"What's done is done at this point," he replied with a shrug, "but I can't stay in it if my heart isn't in it."
"How can you be so nonchalant about this, Harvey? You're acting like you just bought her a necklace or a damn watch, not a contract to work by your side forever. What's really going on? What happened?"
He could sense some anger in her tone and knew her patience was wearing thin.
"When Jessica came in here and told us about what had happened to Louis and you took off to see him, I began thinking that if it had been me in his place, who would I want to see at my side? I could name a couple of people but without contest there is only one person I'd want to see first," he answered with his eyes fixed on her.
"Not Scottie?" she asked, her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper, as she shifted in her seat.
"No, not Scottie," he agreed with a shake of his head and inched himself closer to her.
"Maybe you just didn't give it enough time with her," she countered, "We both know you are not an expert when it comes to relationships after all."
"Damn it, Donna!" he cried out in an outburst of passionate agitation, "Why are you pushing this so hard? Why do you insist on Scottie when you know, you have to know, that she and I can never work!?"
"Because you paid $500,000 to have her stay! For crying out loud, Harvey, how could you do something like that and then say it means nothing!?" she yelled back now.
"I screwed up! You said so yourself, a second ago, that I'm not an expert at this! And if it weren't for you having this constant need to fix me, then Scottie wouldn't even be here right now!" he shouted and stood up to pace the room.
"Well sorry for trying to help! Remind me to never do you any favors again!" her shout matched his but he could sense some hurt in her tone.
He scolded himself for letting it get to this point. This was not how he had intended this conversation to go. He had definitely not intended on upsetting Donna. Maybe he wasn't cut out for relationships after all. He stopped pacing the room and turned to look at Donna again, letting out a long slow breath to calm down before walking back to her. It was all or nothing now. Go big or go home, Specter he told himself.
He took a seat on the edge of his coffee table. They were eye to eye and he wanted to make sure he kept it that way.
"Donna, I'm sorry," he began sincerely, "but Scottie and I don't trust each other enough and I don't think that we ever would. Not just on my part but on hers as well. She betrayed my trust before and she feels that I'm betraying hers by not telling her Mike's secret. And there is nothing you can do to change that. When she asked me if you knew the reason that I owed Louis a favor, I told her that you did and she couldn't come to terms with that."
She broke eye contact with him and stared out of his office window and into the dark skyline of the city.
"Hey," he nudged her knee again when she refused to look back at him, "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Donna remained quiet so he continued.
"You know about my mother and what happened with my parents. So you're right, I'm not a wizard on the subject of relationship and love. I've been cynical of it. I became a lawyer and learned to see relationships and marriages in contractual terms. Anytime I saw someone getting married without a prenup, I immediately thought that person must be a fool. But one day, I figured it out: the woman I want in my life and by my side is someone I would trust so wholeheartedly that I would risk everything I have for her, even my heart. That's something no prenup can protect."
"And are you ever going to trust anyone enough for that, Harvey?"
"I already do," he said softly, with a slight tremble to his voice, as he reached out and took her hand in his.
"What exactly are you saying Harvey?" she asked, her eyes large, as she looked down at her hands in his.
"I'm saying," he said with a nervous smile, "that the person I would want to see first if I woke up in a hospital bed is you. I'm saying that the only person I can trust enough to keep the biggest secret of my career, and risk her own career for it as well, is you."
Donna pressed her lips together and he could see that she was fighting back tears. A drop betrayed her though and rolled down easily on her porcelain skin. Harvey reached out and wiped it away, looking at her, waiting for some kind of response.
"No, Harvey," she said letting out a shaky breath and stood to walk away from the couch, "You're just confusing love and trust."
"Like hell I am," he got up moving after her.
"Well what if this didn't work, who would pick up the pieces when it all goes to shit?"
"Do you really think I'd let that happen? Do you really think I'd risk losing you for something I'm not absolutely certain of?"
She gave him a look that had the number $500,000 resounding in his mind.
"You always did like a good bluff, Harvey," she tried weakly.
"Donna," he said in a softened tone, "you're not a bluff. You…You're…Your birthday is the 6th of December, you put it on my calendar every year and I delete it every year because I don't need the reminder, I just know. On the first of July you'll come and ask me if you can have Halloween off, the answer is always yes. Your acting is infuriatingly impeccable, except when you're not into it, your eyes lose their brightness; it's how I can tell you are faking it. You have several smiles but my favorite is the one that is reserved for me and the secrets we share; I want to see that smile every day."
She stared at him in complete bewilderment so he continued.
"You have a small lonely freckle that sits on your left hipbone and it drives me crazy when I think about it. Yes I still remember," he added at her questioning expression, "You are a strong and independent woman but you have a lot to say for chivalrous men. When you are having a rough morning you always miss a spot when you shave on the back of your leg. You believe Chunky Monkey is appropriate not only for dessert but for breakfast, lunch, or dinner…and any other meal in between. I still don't know how you sleep but I'd die a happy man if I got to spend every day finding out. You are beautiful and I should tell you that every day. You are Donna and you seem to know everything except for the fact that I love you."
"Love?" she asked breathlessly after a moment of silence, her eyes locked on his.
"Love," he answered firmly with nod and small smile. He moved toward her slowly, afraid that any sudden movements and she'd bolt like a deer.
When he reached her by the window, he slowly reached out and pulled her in by the waist. He could hear her breath hitch in the throat. He felt as though an electric current moved between them that intensified at their touch.
He spoke again, this time in a whisper.
"I've told you before and I'll tell you again: I need you in my life, Donna. But more than that, I want you in it. In every aspect, not just here within these walls, but everywhere. I want to wake up to you every morning. I want you to fix my tie like you always do but before I get into work, before I leave home. You make me a better person, not a better lawyer, a better person. I want to be the one, the only one that makes you a happier woman."
She looked down and Harvey felt his heart pounding in his chest, awaiting a response, she had yet to say anything to let him know what she was feeling.
"I'm scared," she said finally, letting some of her guard down, "What if this doesn't work? What if you get tired?"
"Any relationship is risky but I'm risking something I've never been willing to risk before because that's how sure I am. Donna, I love you and have loved you for a very long time. And besides, have you spent 5 minutes with yourself? How could anyone ever grow tired of you? You've been with me for 12 years and I'm still not even close to being tired."
"But now, after all this time?" she asked still unsure.
"If not now, when? You put that rule of yours in play and I respected it. But when you broke that rule for Stephen, then damn it, I had to at least try. Break that rule one last time, Donna. Break it for me?" he asked with all sincerity.
He looked down at her, she was inches away from him and suddenly a smile broke out on her face and she nodded unable to speak, as tears streamed down her face. She laughed, wiping them away as Harvey pulled her in closer and smiled back down at her.
"The only thing I'm tired of is not being able to do this…" he said leaning down to kiss her.
Though he thirsted for her like a dessert for rain, the kiss began softly. He didn't want to rush this and hurry through it. He wanted to feel each second of it instead. He felt her hands reach up and around his neck and he allowed himself to pull her closer, tightening his grip around her and deepening the kiss to which she reciprocated. He wasn't sure how long they stood there like that but he eventually felt her pull back slowly but he refused to let her go.
She broke the kiss but kept her forehead pressed against his for a moment longer, the smile he loved, spread across her face. She pulled herself onto her toes to plant one more kiss on his lips. When she pulled back, he bit down on his bottom lip, urging himself to behave. She ran her hands down his shoulders, back over his chest, resting them on his tie.
He leaned back to rest on the shelf against the windows. He pulled her into him and she stood between his legs and busied herself with his tie.
"Harv?" she said after a moment, focusing entirely too much on his tie.
She turned her head up to face him, but her hands still toyed with his tie, that same nervous smile he had on earlier was now on hers.
"I love you," she said simply.
He beamed a smile back at her, "I was hoping you might. But I do have one more question for you."
"What's that?" she asked curiously.
His face grew serious, "Donna Evelyn Paulsen, will you m—"
Donna's eyes grew wide and she cut him off before he could finish, "Dear God, Harvey, that sentence had better not end with the words 'marry me!' I know you like to 'go big or go home' but my heart cannot handle another one of your larger than life declarations right this second."
"-Meet me for dinner later?" he finished with a chuckle, "I figured I'd give you a few days to adjust before I pop that other question on you."
She raised her eyebrows and gave him a playful jab on the shoulder and laughed along with him, "Geez."
"So will you?" he asked.
"Sure," she said relaxing into his arms, "but Harvey, we need to take this slow. I mean what about Scottie, she still works here now."
"I think Scottie knows, I think deep down she's always known. I don't think she'll want to stay around so I'm sure we can work something out with Jessica. I'd say Jessica's wrath will be worse but you don't need to worry about that. I'll be the proper gentleman at work, scout's honor," he said raising his hand.
"Oh please," she said skeptically, "we both know you were never a cub scout."
He gave her that heartbreaking smile that only he knew how to give.
"My place in an hour?" he asked, brushing his hands through her hair, planting a light kiss on her lips.
She nodded and sauntered out of his office, turning back to give him one last smile before making her way to the elevators.
It was nearing 9 when he heard the doorbell. Sure, it was late for dinner but he had a feeling of elation. This was different, his dynamic with Donna was changing but it was for the better…far better he thought as he opened the door and saw her standing there looking like a goddess in a cream colored dress that hugged each of her delicious curves, the straps teasing to slide off her shoulder.
He shook his head smiling widely at her, "You don't play fair." He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to take it slow if she was going to make him weak at just the sight of her.
Without a word she smiled and threw herself into his arms, planting a passionate kiss upon his lips that nearly knocked the wind out of him. She'd been holding back at the office, he thought. They were nearly out of breath when they broke apart, both still smiling at one another.
"Sorry," she apologized with a breathless a giggle as she turned to make her way into his loft, "Been waiting to do that for a decade, I think."
He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back to him upon hearing this, "Well I know something else we haven't done in a decade that I'd like to try out," he suggested with his eyebrows raised.
"Not a chance, Harv. You promised me dinner," she said with the impish smile of a woman that knows she's in control.
"That's not to say we can't have dinner after dessert," he countered, kissing her exposed clavicle and working his way up her neck.
"You don't play fair, either," she struggled under his touch.
"You know…it just occurred to me that I've got some whipped cream in the fridge."
He felt her inhale deeply and he smiled against her skin as he continued trailing kisses up to her mouth.
When his eyes found hers, he saw the same smile on her lips reflected in them, "That didn't just occur to you."
"No, it didn't," he said.
"That's presumptuous of you," she said as she moved slowly toward his bedroom.
"A guy can only hope."
"Well you've waited 10 years, so what's another hour or two," she teased as she changed direction and moved into his kitchen instead.
He shook his head, laughing, as he followed her. But she was right, he thought. She was always right. He'd probably have to get used to saying that a lot more now and he was perfectly fine with that.