A/N: Wow, when was the last time I wrote some sort of Stan and Kyle friendship story? Anyway, this is just a compilation of Stan and Kyle's texts, along with some plot do I don't get in trouble. Ha.

Stan's texts are italicized

Kyle's texts are bolded



where were u today

Sick. As fucking usual.

u ditched me at school u lazy fucker

I wasn't even there dude.

yeah but u not being there forced me to hang out w/ cartman and kenny all day. kennys cool i guess but cartmans such a dick omg

How is that news? Cartman's always a dick.

my point is dont get sick, ur buddy is suffering

Stan I was gone for one day. You'll live.

yah but that day lasted 4ever. oh and btw, u got hw. ill bring it 2 u.

Oh great, homework's just what I needed.

ugh ikr. i havent done it yet. can i come over and do it w/ u

That could mean one of two things.

see now this kinda shit is why cartman teases us on being gay lovers

Relax Stan, it's a fucking joke.

but still dude. and ur wondering why cartmans always like 'hehe, r u and kyle going to buttfuck now'

Will you stop talking about me and you buttfucking?

just saying.

Maybe Cartman ships us together.

dude stfu. im outside ur room.

At that, a sharp knock came from outside, and Kyle groaned. He was about to say come in, but Stan barged in anyway, throwing a bunch of books on Kyle's bed. He ambled over to Kyle and sat down on his bed.

"What's up?" He asked. Kyle rolled his eyes, and blew his nose on a convenient tissue next to him.

"Oh you know, being sick, having my best friend insult me via iPhone, etc." Kyle stated, a bit indignantly. Stan rolled his eyes and shoved Kyle over.

"What the hell was that anyway? You texting 'that could mean one of two things,' what the hell?" Stan laid out textbooks on Kyle's legs.

"I thought it was funny."

"That's like, Kenny-type humor dude," he said. Kyle rolled his eyes, and leaned over Stan's lap to grab another tissue.

"Well then don't bring it up. Now, what did I miss?" Kyle asked, changing the subject.

"Uh...fractions, George Washington, Beyonce performing in the cafeteria—"

"Stan. I meant school. Not your Beyonce in the cafeteria bullcrap." Kyle interrupted.

"Then, excluding the Beyonce part, you missed fractions and George Washington. You also missed Bebe making out with Clyde for some dare thing. I think they're a couple now. Craig was kind of pissed off about that." Stan recapped the day's events.

"Why, does Craig like Clyde or something?"

"I don't know, I never pay attention to those guys, so I legitimately don't know." Stan replied. The two boys fell silent for a minute as Kyle grabbed the math textbook that was carefully placed on his upper thigh, and opened it to fractions.

"Just what the hell is this bullshit?" Kyle asked, breaking the temporary silence. Stan leaned his face in, so his cheek was touching Kyle's.

"You see the half thing? You can add that or subtract it from this fraction, and then you can—"

"Dude eat a fucking tic-tac." Kyle interrupted. The other boy narrowed his eyes.

"Shut up and pay attention. If you add that, you have to make sure to carry the one, and—" Stan was interrupted yet again.

"Move your sleeve out of my face," he said. Stan was pointing to a number in the textbook he was holding up, and rolled his eyes. He rolled his sleeve up, and moved his arm slightly over.

"—and then eventually, you should get your product as either a whole number or a decimal." Stan finished. Kyle sniffled, and grabbed the textbook out of Stan's hands, along with retrieving his homework from his legs.

"I think I've got it?" Kyle asked. He usually would've gotten the material, but he was sick. That was totally a valid excuse. Stan rolled his eyes and continued working. Kyle did too, but he managed to finish early. Even when sick, he was apparently still able to finish before Stan, who had a look of confusion on his face.

Stan sighed, and got up. "Sorry dude, but I've got to go to some lame thing at home. I'll text you though." He said. Kyle nodded in response, and snatched his phone off his dresser.

ugh this party is boring as fuck

Lol, sorry to hear that.

u little shit, ur supposed to comfort me

What the hell do you want me to say? "Oh prince Stan, I'll come swooping in on my gallant white horse to save thee soon."

the fuck was that

Uh...nothing in particular.

thee? that's some shakespearian shit right there

Because I am totally Shakespeare.

wtf. anyway stupid butters is here. he keeps saying shit like 'hey stan we should hang out' and 'stan u wanna come to my place sometime' like no butters, i don't want to go to your goddamn house

Is he trying to ask you out? C;

ur so gay sometimes omg

I'm not the one who's saying 'omg'.

shut the hell up. im going to ask butters if he's trying to creepily ask me out or sumthing.

If he was, would you say yes?

...none of your damn business



StanxButters. Stutters.

u need to stfu up already. im gonna ask him now brb

yo im back, i asked him


he stammered a lot

Did he say yes, dumbass?




You're the first gay couple at our school haha!

no we're not

What do you mean?

u and cartman have a thing going on

...I'm going to kick your ass the next time I see you

no ur not because u love me

No I don't.

i love u

...Fuck you.

I love you.

WHOA. Did you actually use proper grammar?

I love you.

...I love you too.

lol ur so gay