Eric. My name brings fear. Initiates fear me. Dauntless-born fear me. I fear Max. Max is feared by all. He is the only guy higher than me. Four is not afraid of me. I don't show it, but I am grateful that he doesn't fear me. I have friends. They don't really like me. They only hang out with me because I am higher-up than them and they don't want to be factionless. What they don't know is that I will never make them factionless. I love the power I hold over most Dauntless, and at the same time I really hate it.
It gets lonely sometimes. A king needs a queen, right? Max doesn't seem to think so. He's all up on his high horse, alone, and perfectly happy. I, however, am not. But whenever I try to act like someone with feelings, my "friends" think I'm being funny and says, "Good one, Eric!" I laugh along with them, but I don't really feel amusing, I was trying to be someone I knew I could be. That's the think about façades. They eventually backfire.
I have a crush on this girl. Lynn. She's so beautiful and I want her to love me. I can't seem to make her though. Uriah tried and failed. So did her male instructor, Guy. Well, kind of. He dated her for a while but they kept attracting too much attention and I honestly thought that was why she was getting rank #1 for a while. I made him lower it to #3, because she was a good fighter, but not better than Uriah or Marlene. They knew it too.
I have to try, though. It worked for Tobias and Tris, right? Why couldn't it work for me? I'm Eric! Everything always works out for me. I could make her love me, and we could start a happy little Dauntless family. I'm 19 now and I need someone to love. The solo route may work for other Dauntless leaders, but not for me. I don't fly solo.
I walked into the training room. There's Lynn. Here's my chance.
"Damn, that bag sure is swinging hard!"
She looked up. "Eric! Sorry, I was just-"
"It's fine. That means you'll be a useful fighter to the Dauntless." Really, Eric? You're trying to get a girl, not recruit one.
She gave me a ghost of a smile and then let it fall from her face as if I would hurt her if I saw her smile.
"Y'know Lynn, its ok to smile. See?" I smiled at her. She grimaced a little, but reluctantly smiled.
"Are you scared of me, Lynn? Be honest…"
"I, uh… no, Eric! Wh-why would I be?"
"You're stuttering, and you only smiled because I told you to, I can smell fear, you know." Great, I've probably freaked her out.
"Uh… Sorry Eric…"
I was starting to get frustrated. "What are you apologizing for!?" I exclaimed.
She had fear written on her face.
"Lynn… I'm sorry…"
"It's… okay Eric…" She stood rooted in place.
"Lynn… do you ever think you could love me?" I looked her directly in the eyes.
She looked at me and then looked at the floor. I, uh… No Eric. I don't think I could ever love you."
She looked at me, like she was waiting for some sort of punishment for saying no, being Dauntless and telling me the truth.
"If you want to go, you can go. You don't need my permission to leave."
She walked passed me, not looking back and walked out the door. The door closed, the cool metal locking in place.
She left. She's scared of me, just like everyone else. When did this turn into a fight for power? When did I decide that I liked being feared? Because… it sucks. Being feared, that is. I can't have anyone be real with me. I mean yeah, I'm a bit rough around the edges, but inside I'm really not that bad. I could love her- I really could. But I can't even make her like me, let alone love me. Why does everyone think I'm some emotionless robot, because I'm human too…
I'm human too.
I felt kind of bad for Eric in Divergent. I mean, isn't he just a guy on the inside? Shouldn't he be loved to? I wanted to write something from what I feel is in his point of view. I know I'm still not doing my normal stuff, but it's Spring Break for me and I might post a little something if I have time between old friends, Wattpad updates, and this humongous 10-page geometry packet my math teacher gave me. Fun? I think not. My Wattpad user is TheWritingFedora if any of you want to support me there.
So… love it? Hate it? Leave me a review, you know I love those! Until next time…
~The Writing Fedora