"Why is it that every time you try to tie your daughter up the phone rings?!"


The night was dark, with no moon and only a few streetlights (most of them were broken) lining the streets, it was the perfect time for the creatures of the night to make their magic, and by creatures of the night, I mean hookers. Yes, the night was dark, but it was also young. There would be plenty of work for them to find at this hour...at least for your average whore anyway. Cthulu was different, she was the most valued hooker on the block and no one could take that street cred away from her. Tonight, Cthulu leaned against one of the only working streetlights on the darker side of town, if you catch my drift. The woman was irritated, she had had a terrible day and honestly needed a break. She watched the lone souls wondering pat her, shuddering as some crude and grotesque older women eyed her intensely. NOT TODAY. She sighed, it was a waste of her time to work the corner that night. Just as she was about to take her leave, she felt a shadow loom over her. it was a kid, a boy of about seventeen years old. Before she could ask him "If he lost his mommy" , he held a finger to her lips. Cthulu rolled her eyes, it was obvious to her that he was into the quiet type. He then handed her a couple bucks as payment-not that she was impressed-it as just enough for a "quick fuck". She waved her finger, urging him to follow her down the street and to her 'private' room at a rundown motel off of North Avenue. Honestly, little boys weren't her type, but if he came all this way to learn a lesson, he might as well learn from the best.



The boy didn't need to learn anything, in fact there was nothing little about that boy at all. Nothing. He was a very skilled young man, is skilling in fact, that Cthulu swore a vow of chastity. She was obsessed with him, so much so that she took a vow of chastity after the one night stand they had. She would never be with another man, she would save herself until death just for this mystery man to find her again. She didn't need to be a ho, it was a hobby after all. She searched for the boy for months before giving up, all she had left of him was an unopened rubber which Cthulu wore around her neck daily. She vowed to find him no matter what the cost or her name wasn't Prudy Pingleton.

-1 Year Later-

"Penny get down here! You're going to be late if you don't hurry!" Prudy yelled up the stairs to her 18-year old daughter.

Immediately following her shout, she heard a crash from above her, followed by rapid footsteps coming down the stairs. Penny was a sweet girl, but she was a klutz and had no backbone; honestly how did she plan on surviving without a few tricks up her sleeve? After telling her daughter goodbye, Prudy went to go and pray for the return of her lost love, but not before threatening Penny with a punishment if she got into any more trouble with her so called friend Tracy.

Prudy Pingleton was not always the devout Catholic woman she was now, in fact she wasn't; it was a facade to protect her daughter from becoming unholy and tainted like she had been previously. Prudy now wore more clothing than a nun, and it all was to protect herself from the predatory eyes that could stray her away from the man of her dreams.

"God is good!" She randomly chanted throughout her home as she cleaned it. She had nothing better to do, someone had made this ho into a housewife, but unfortunately couldn't take her adulterous ways out of her. While cleaning, she saved the best room for last, kept under lock and key was a spare bedroom. The room itself only contained a copious amount of lit, scented candles. These candles were arranged in rings around the room, leaving only a path to the center open and a large hole in the middle of the room. This was only a cover, for the real treasure was hidden in the center of the room; there was a trap door that opened and led to a hidden underground bunker. It was supposed to be used for emergencies, but Prudy had other means for its use.

The room was pitch black, the only light coming from the room above, but it was just enough light to see the shrine she had made of the seventeen-year old boy out of rubbers and glue. It was his perfect likeness, yet somehow she still couldn't find him. She spent hours in the shrine room, familiarizing herself with the memory of their first and only night together.

Mrs. Pingleton was startled when the phone rang. She was one of those "Don't call me, I'll call you" type of people. Quickly she ran into the main part of her home, securing and locking everything up as it was before she quickly composed herself and answered the phone. when she picked it up, she wasn't surprised to hear it was the police department; they called on a daily basis threatening to institutionalize her...again, but how could she get to her man if she was locked up? After all she wasn't crazy, she thought while holding her precious condom pendant, kissing it for good luck before putting it back down her shirt. She was surprised though when they mentioned her daughter had been arrested. Prudence remembered the last time something like this had happened...



"How dare you step on that crack young lady?!" She screamed at her daughter.

"But Mother, I didn't mean to! I was just walking over to Tracy's house and-"

"Its sinful to plot against your mother Penny Lou." Prudy chastised while tying her child to her bed.

"But is it really necessary to tie me up?"

"Penny dear, when do I not tie you up?" Her mother stated with an all too knowing glance at her child.

Oh yes, this was not the first time Penny had been tied up, and she had been tied up A LOT. Her mother always had some reason or another to confine her, but sometimes she felt her mother was just lonely and needed someone to talk to...but sometimes she was a little too creepy and..touchy about it. It didn't feel right, but her mother was a good "God fearing woman", she'd never be caught doing what she wasn't supposed to do.

Yeah, Prudy just never got caught. She had to admit the fleeting glances she gave her daughter were nothing compared to the punishment she was going to give her. She remembered the last time she had to teach her child a lesson and shook her head, this time would be different.

"Penny Lou Pingleton! You've really done it this time." Prudy yelled at her daughter once again. Penny had walked in through the front door behind her mother. She was lucky that the situation wasn't as serious as she had originally thought.

Penny knew she was in some serious trouble. When a mother started using your middle name, shit was going to go down.

"I'm sorry mother." Penny said quietly and obviously not loud enough to hear. She really didn't know why her mother was so mad, but if her angry tone was anything to go by there was nothing that could be done to stop her.

"Penny Lou Pingleton, you are absolutely, positively, permanently punished. This one's for being willful." she said tugging the ropes that she had used to tie her up. "This one's for being deceitful. This one's for being neglectful. And this one..." she paused unsure of another threat before adding "...this one's for crying 'wee wee wee all the way home'."

Prudy wasn't through with her yet, she had another lecture for her child when the phone rang. She briskly walked away complaining, "Why is it that every time you try to tie your daughter up, the phone rings?"

On the phone was a very convincing telemarketer who was trying to sell her some very high quality rope. And Prudy-although broke as hell-was very interested in the product for sale. After promptly hanging up the phone with aggravated force, Prudy returned to her daughter's bedroom only to find her there...with a boy! She shouted the first thing to cross her mind.

"Oh my God! Colored people in the house. I'll never sell it now!" she ran from the room, heart racing as she dialed 9-1-1. Why did she feel the way she did? There was something familiar about that boy...she just couldn't put her finger on it. Then it hit her, she knew him, they'd met before. He was the man she was looking for! She bolted from the phone, leaving the telephone operator to their own devices, and ran to Penny's room, only to find it empty. She scanned the room, the window was obviously their exit, but the next clue she found convinced her that her assumption was indeed a reality. Once again left at the scene of the crime, was a rubber: unopened just like before. She knew where they were headed, she remembered overhearing some of the nonsense Penny was telling her about that "Coby Collins" or whatever his name was. Prudy Pingleton had found her man, and she wasn't about to let him go.

"Give me back my daughter! I know you've got her!" Prudy yelled running onto the Corny Collins set. "I saw it on TV."

Prudy marched towards her daughter ready to chastise her not only for disobeying her for what seemed like the millionth time, but also for snatching up what was rightfully hers: Seaweed J. Stubbs.

"Penny!" she started before softening. "I hardly recognize you all done up like that."

Timidly Penny responded, "I'm a pretty girl mamma."

She had tuned her daughter out and intently began staring at her long lost love...he was younger than she remembered, and looked completely different, but somehow she knew it was him, he was black, just like she remembered...or was that just the broken streetlights confusing her? She snapped herself out of her thoughts.

"And you look so happy. I can't say it's what I want, but if this fine looking cat-like black boy is responsible for the light in your eyes, then how could I object?" She stated sound like the prowess she was just a year prior. She was proud of Penny, she finally had a backbone. She then to hug her daughter and then moving on to Seaweed. When she hugged Seaweed she made sure to feel every inch of him that she possibly could. She was however rudely interrupted by her daughter pushing the two apart when she tried to grab his ass. With an ass like that, who wouldn't want to grab it?

Happy ending right? Wrong!

Prudy was happy for Penny, but she was also cross with her. How dare she snatch up her man like that? And once again, Penny was tied to her bed, this time though, she fought back, not taking her mother's strange and bizarre 'punishments' anymore. Seaweed had plans of his own too; although the two had only been apart for a few hours, he thought that maybe he'd go and see his girl one last time for the day. Nothing in his life could've prepared him for what h saw when he climbed in through Penny's bedroom window, but instead of turning tail and running to tell that, he stayed and joined in on the room's events...as cruel and unusual as they were.

By the night's end, things had returned to normal...well at least as normal as things could possibly be, and the once a hooker always a hooker, Cthulu, was left satisfied for the first time in her life.

Now we've got a happy ending...hopefully...