Warnings: There is one swear in this chapter, if you count 'screwed' as a swear.
Hawk-like eyes stared through the trees, watching the crowds of stick-wielding folk wander around on their shopping business, picking out colorful clothes and socks. This was a good position as any to carry out his plan, and the person in question knew it. From an area like this, it wasn't going to be extremely hard to dart out quickly and return in a matter of seconds. The real set of problems was how he was going to be able to steal with all of these people around, the stares he would arouse with his obviously very noticeable wings, and the large amounts of magic that they all emitted. Even though Pit acted stupid half of the time, he still had hundreds of years of skill, and knew better than to hope that they were such outdated people that they did not have security alarms.
But this was where his video game experience came in.
For a while, the angel merely stood in the trees, brainstorming various ideas from his vast collection of video game events in order to steal one of the terrifically blinding sets of robes that the wizards were wearing. His mind jumped from one idea to the other, but he found that he could not really find a way to do it unless he risked them seeing his wings. Of course, he could just act like the fool in Assassin's Creed that apparently thought that throwing money for distraction was a great idea. Pit didn't even want to think about killing someone to divert attention, because reality was clearly not a video game, even if it was currently filled with magical people wielding sticks.
Maybe I can just convince them that it's my costume for that mortal tradition called Halloween and that I'm trying it out? It might work…might not…
Frankly, it was a rather stupid idea, seeing as Pit only saw the humans dress up like that once a year, and he doubted that Fate would love him so much that it just happened to be today, especially considering his current luck. Could he pass it off by acting like an escaped patient from an asylum?
Nah, I'd be yelled at within half a second of walking out…besides, I bet even these weirdos have some kind of hospital, I'd probably get 'sent back'.
Hmmm...oh! I think I have it!
A smile began to curve up the young boy's mouth until it was plastered across his entire face, stretching in weird, elongated ways. It went on until Pit realized what he was doing and snapped his mouth shut, doing his best to act like Kuro (who had a permanent scowl). Pit had often wondered how it had gotten that way; no one sane could possibly go by without smiling their entire life! Happiness was the key to…being happy! Even when his twin had rescued him from dying that time by bringing him to the Spring, he had been bearing an indelible glower. In a very useless maneuver to counteract his gloominess, the instant he'd woken up Pit had smiled a hundred-watt smile twenty-four seven.
Needless to say, it didn't work. He hadn't expected it to, but who was he but a person who tried everything (even if it was completely implausible?). Only frownyfaces like Pittoo don't think outside of the box! He always ignores my luck-based plans and goes around telling people about the 'most logical course of action blah blah blah'. Who doesn't take risks?
He continued ranting in this manner until he became aware that he was drifting off from the matter at hand. The matter that wasn't possible to get through unless he took the risks that he always did. Really, why had he been vociferating about Kuro anyway- he wasn't there to berate him for taking risks, after all. Straightening up to attention, the angel focused back onto the streets, trying to remember the plan that had taken hold of his mind and then escaped it again all because he had entertained a small personal fit. Sighing at himself, Pit thought hard for a few moments before he began to loosely recall what his mind had come up with some time ago.
Every person that had come across this particular alley, Pit had noticed, was very eccentric, to put it mildly. Hagrid had told him that the robes were supposed to be black, and here they were, shining in all of their glory with extremely bright and happy colors. Pit had jumped to the conclusion that most of those who came here were either shopping for a holiday, wanted to collect clothes, or were just oddities in general. The first and last were the most probable options in this world, where he assumed Christmas existed due to the green-and-red socks that some of them were wearing.
Therefore, Pit had realized that he'd have to pretend his way through using a combination of conclusion one and three. He knew that mortals played a game called Truth or Care, or whatever it was called. It'd always sounded like a kind, nice, and very boring game to play until Pit had gotten a video game that had included sending Wi-Fi signals through heaven to earth to monitor your movements (luckily, it didn't track wings, otherwise somebody would have gotten in trouble). That had been the first time he had ever played Truth or Dare.
Soon afterwards, Pit had found out that it was Dare, not Care, and suddenly the game became much more interesting, and for lack of a better word, embarrassing. Pit, being the brave soul he was, had chosen Dare almost religiously and it had caused him to become a very frequent target. He'd ended up prank calling someplace called Subway ("Hello, may I have biggest with everything, please? With extra turnips on the side?"), having a brutally painful staring contest with Kuro (who'd gotten unnerved, snapped at him, and eventually shoved him very unceremoniously into a hot spring), dressing in a mortal female's wedding clothes, and saying 'in my shoe' after every sentence for ten minutes while performing a cartwheel. The last one was the worst, mostly because Pit hadn't known how to cartwheel at the time and had gotten very pointed glares sent his way as he, flailing and screaming, crashed into innumerable pieces of expensive furniture.
The point was that Pit could use that game to his advantage. He could easily lie his way past his obstacles by pretending that his evil best friend had forced him to dress in a Halloween costume complete with wings for a dare. Pit really hated to admit it, but in this case the size of his wings helped greatly; he doubted that mortals could make wings as large as those typically found in Skyworld.
Taking a deep breath and making a final prayer to Palutena, Pit stepped outside, immediately rousing staring. Laughing nervously, he walked into the store and began digging through the clothing. Deciding that glittering gray robes were close enough, he shoved them quickly inside his undershirt and walked out of the crowded store, feeling just a slight bit guilty but promising that he'd find the world's currency later and pay them back for it. The label on the robes had read 'BARGAIN-Five Sickles' and Pit had had no idea what it meant. The only thing that he knew about sickles was that they were sharp curved swords. Did this world trade items for weaponry?
Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice something in his way until he nearly walked into them and they gave a tiny cough. There, standing in front of him, was…a thing…dressed in pink. It had on a pink cardigan, a pink headband, a pink dress, pink high heels and pink jewelry as well as a faded pink ruby ring sitting on its pudgy hands. A large emerald locket with a serpentine S engraving was sitting on its chest, and it was holding a lacey pink notebook with a moving kitten yawning on the cover. After what seemed to be an eternity, he dimly comprehended what its gender was.
The first distinct thought that crossed Pit's mind was 'Dear Palutena, she's devil spawn' before realizing that he'd judged someone for their appearance and apologized mentally, even though Pit had a bad feeling about her. Really, he could only tell that she was a woman because of the impossible amounts of pink and her dress. She looked so bloated, and so toadlike, that he'd had a hard time distinguishing her gender at all. For a while, he'd thought that she was an extraterrestrial widget.
"Hem, hem," She coughed, folding her arms and sending a vile, syrupy smile at him.
Pit ignored the reflexive urge to puke.
"Um, I'm sorry, ma'am," He began, but was instantly cut off.
"I am the Senior Undersecretary of the Ministry of Magic, Dolores Umbridge," She spoke in a soft, fluttery voice, "And I demand to know what is going on."
Pit almost jumped; the way she had said it had sent shivers up his spine, and not in a good way. It didn't help that he hadn't been expecting such a girlish voice to come out of something that resembled a bloated amphibian. He opened his mouth, but found that no sound could come out of it. He merely looked foolish for a half second before he closed it and focused again on the woman, apparently named Dolores Umbridge.
Her beady eyes remained on his clothing. "I repeat…what exactly do you hope to accomplish by dressing in such clothes? It is not anywhere near October."
"Ah, that…" Pit forced a sheepish smile. "My best friend, he's evil, and ever since I accidentally dumped him into a bucket of soap water he's wanted to get back at me, so since I'm kind of unused to stuff like this and since he said that I apparently have a hero complex, he made me wear this for a game we played."
"I…see." The woman coughed again. One of Pit's eyebrows rose, but it fell back down as quickly as it had come as the woman continued speaking. "May I ask, why are you wearing a Muggle costume?"
Muggle…muggle…I know I can't ask. If I do, my cover is blown and I fail at life. I'll just ignore 'Muggle' and pretend she never said the word. "Uhhh, I got forced me into this outfit due to a game so that I would feel humiliated. My best friend got the costume...last year, from Pa-uh, my dad, and he never wore it because it was too girly. So today, he gave it to me to embarrass me." Pit ducked down his head in what he hoped could be interpreted as flat-out mortification. Beneath the facade, his teeth were grinding against each other; that had been the singlehandedly most terrible lie that he had ever given. Maybe he could chalk it up to having no warning about this whatsoever.
Yes, he had lied before, was that so surprising?
The woman eyed him skeptically and gave a soft, breathy, childish sigh.
All that Pit could think was that it was terribly unbecoming for her age. Not that she actually cared.
"Are you a Muggle-born?" She asked contemptuously, and by the way she said the word 'Muggle-born' Pit could tell that she wasn't very fond of them, whatever they were. Time for more lying.
"No, but I've studied about them so I know a bit more…" He hoped fervently that schools here were similar to those that he'd heard of around at the mansion; most of them usually studied sciences including stuff about humans. "I mean, it's never too bad to know more, right? Even though I don't like school usually, studying is boring. Of course, my evil best friend begs to differ but that's him being an unexciting old man. But back to the subject! Um, knowledge can both really help you and really hate you. Once, my god-I mean, mother, she wasn't paying attention to her food and she accidentally put too much of her liquid stuff into dinner and the vegetables ended up destroying the entire place, and then everyone had to go and repair it and I ended up having to make dinner instead and everyone was almost poisoned 'cause I'm bad at cooking although I don't really regret it since my best friend got poisoned too-"
"Hem, hem," The woman coughed again, and this time Pit actually smiled - albeit sheepishly. "Uh, sorry, did I talk too much?"
"You certainly did," she muttered under her breath. "And, really, that should have been taken to the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, although how that escaped our notice…" The squat woman shook her head condescendingly. "Truly, your mother should have taken that case to the Ministry; she certainly did not handle this case accordingly." From the way that this young person that said it, Dolores was sure that the disaster described by him should have been taken to the hands of the Ministry. Such irresponsible populace should not be left unsupervised, she thought, and made another note on her clipboard.
After she finished writing, she straightened up in an effort to look official and imposing. It didn't make much of a difference, considering how short and stumpy she was anyway. "I do believe that I have not seen you before," She spoke in her shrill voice. "What is your name?"
Pit froze. His mind entered the same state as his body for several seconds before Pit shook his head, smiling at the woman unenthusiastically and innocently asking her to repeat the question in an effort to gain a few more seconds to think the question through.
My name...I can't give her my name. That's the worst thing I could do. Especially my last name. I need a common last name...
She was looking at him expectantly, and Pit knew that he couldn't think any longer lest she began to suspect things.
"Ah, sorry...I'm Pi-atrick...Smith." There has got to be a Smith family here somewhere, otherwise I'm screwed, Pit thought desperately. And there has GOT to be a Patrick. Please. Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaase.
Dolores Umbridge eyed him suspiciously. "I will make sure to check that, Mr. Smith," She commented suspiciously, making yet another note on her clipboard. "Your attire alone has narrowly breached Code One Hundred and Two. I would have escorted you back to your living space, but I have very important tasks that I must finish. As you know, the Muggle-borns have been poisoning our carefully constructed Wizarding society for generations upon generations. This, of course, will not be tolerated in a magically active place such as this." She swept her arms around in a full circle for emphasis, indicating the area around them. "I would not advise for you to make contact with any of these so-called Muggle-borns, as they have diluted our magical history with their own common taint. Which brings me back to your…less-than-desirable clothing." Dolores Umbridge scrutinized Pit's attire again with thinly-veiled disgust. "Do take care not to dress in Muggle costumes, whatever the reason may be. We of the Ministry will not, I repeat, not, tolerate such behavior. Now, be off; I must attend to my own matters." She shot a last, sugarcoated smile at the 'angel' standing in front of her before striding off, aiming suspicious backwards glances over her shoulder as she continued on her way. The last thing Pit saw before she disappeared was the strange locket that had been dangling from her neck.
Pit released a breath of air that he hadn't realized that he had been holding and his heartbeat instantly began to slow.
Only then did Pit realize that he had been breathing shallowly the entire time. Allowing himself to respire properly again, Pit carefully inhaled and exhaled the warm air, making sure not to breathe in and out too quickly. The constraint that he had not noticed settle on his chest had gone entirely; he would have never noticed anything out of the ordinary otherwise. To be honest, Pit had merely passed it off as anxiety earlier, but now the brunette teen could feel clear traces of darkness that both resembled and did not resemble the monsters that he had fought in the Smash world and in the Underworld. The new aura was sinister, far superior to the sheer malevolence that the monsters had radiated. It was even stronger than Hades, and instilled a strong sense of danger in Pit's mind.
Now Pit couldn't help but wonder, as he strode back toward the forested area that he had occupied earlier. Why was he feeling this way?
Was it because of the traces of darkness that he had felt when he first arrived in this unfamiliar world?
Was it because of the creatures?
Or was he simply going senile?
Pit shook his head and decided not to think about the insoluble problem doing its best to plague his mind. Taking out the rumpled robes that he had somehow managed to fit into his toga without arousing too much awareness, Pit looked at them with slight amusement. What he had mistaken for a glittery shade of gray was actually some kind of dazzling silvery tone.
Might as well…Pit thought with a sigh.
Stomping over to the patch of mud that he had found infested with weird slimy things earlier, Pit unceremoniously dunked the bright silver robes in and withdrew them, satisfied when he found them a sufficient shade of darker gray. Folding his wings neatly, Pit slipped them onto his person and buttoned every button that he could find up, covering all traces of his ripped clothing. Although the mud had managed to get inside the robes, Pit didn't really care. He'd get the black robes that Hagrid had mentioned using these robes.
When he was finished, Pit twisted his head to look at his wings. All that he could see was a large bulge that could be mistaken as part of his body.
Finally satisfied for the first time in this world, Pit skipped out of the trees, smiled, and began to explore.
A/N Dear lord, was that a bad ending. And have I got a bunch of the most convoluted excuses for you all. And because they're so convoluted, I'm not even going to bother explaining myself.
I'll just hope that this longer chapter will make up for it. Maybe. It's the longest chapter I've ever typed in my life.
I feel like saying R&R would be stupid.
Well, some of the other Brawl characters will begin to show up in the next chapter, so continue voting on the poll.
Pit'sSexyWifeNikki66: Thank you for the input ^-^