135HMMMM WHAT IS THIS? An upload already? *Gets hit by a million tomatoes* OKAY, OKAY, I actually had this chapter complete when I uploaded the last one and because I'm sure that ch4 won't be done for a while, I'm going to post this one up to appease the masses (for now, at least). In any case, uh, yeah - just...I'm just dying. Everything that shouldn't go wrong is going wrong for my research project. Like, the machine is broken and I just ughh. My thesis is dying, wait no, it doesn't even exist right now *weeps for 100 long years*. Enough about me, I hope you guys enjoy the read!
P.S. WHy ArE yoU AlL reqUEsting FOr Jerza? And more KIDS, and 2ND GEN PAIRINGS? PLeaSe, Nuuuuu. WhHyYyyyyyy? If I decide to suck it up and please you all, this ffic may exceed 4 chapters. Let us all pray to the holy beings that I won't burn in Hell while trying to do this.
Disclaimer: FT is not mine!
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Natsu and Gray weren't horrible fathers and anyone claiming anything of the sort couldn't be more wrong. The rest of the guild teased them relentlessly about their questionable parenting skills but it was almost always in good humour. In fact, it was amazing how much the two doted on their kids. Like they were God's gift or something. Whether or not they were aware of it themselves was an entirely different matter though. Lucy and Juvia would always laugh about it with the rest of the girls, always mentioning how adorable it was and how unexpectedly good at parenting they were, but at the same time, it came without saying that Natsu and Gray were treading in unknown grounds. Their own childhoods weren't exactly reflective of what the general public viewed as 'normal' and that was what made the whole thing so much harder.
Like, that one time when Natsu gave Iggy a helicopter ride but nearly ended up flinging him out the window – he didn't get dinner that night. Or breakfast the next day. Or any meal cooked by Lucy for the next three days for that matter. And then he tried to play nice by playing peekaboo with the kid AND LOOK WHAT THAT GOT HIM – A swollen, bloodshot eye that stuck out like a sore thumb. That's what. Then there was Gray who decided that playing house with a one-year-old was a good idea. He even made her a mini-ice chair and kitchen and- It…it didn't end too well and frankly, he didn't want to re-live the situation again. Ever. Juvia wasn't too pleased when she found out that Gray had accidently frozen their daughter's ass to a chair, well, she was wearing a nappy but- yeah, it's complicated. The situation was so horrible that they had to call Natsu for help. That night, Gray slept in the pantry with a violent raincloud floating above his head. That was also the day when Sylvia's 'I-don't-give-a-shit-aura' increased ten-fold. Their clumsy mistakes that resulted from stunts intended to entertain the toddlers had quote: "Traumatised them significantly-" instead and that somehow led them to think that perhaps…Iggy and Sylvia…
"Say," Gray started, an unresponsive, 'don't-give-a-shit' Sylvia in his arms, "Do you think that maybe, just maybe…they hold a grudge against us?"
Natsu gave the ice mage a nervous look that lasted barely a second.
"What? No way. They're just kids and plus, even if they did, what's the worst that could happen?"
"Hmm…If you say so." Gray shrugged.
"Relax, this'll all be over in an hour or two anyway."
"I'm trusting you on this one."
Okay, Gray was a total idiot to even believe for a split-second that this was going to be 'fine'. Natsu, that flaming piece of shit was a liar. A LIAR. The ice-mage had to admit that wishful thinking was a dangerous thing and he swore to never do it again because it had brought him to his knees in defeat, literally. And now he was crawling all over the guild-hall like some cockroach incarnate, searching for his missing daughter. UGH. Bless Mira for cleaning the place at the end of each week – It was Friday and the floor was disgusting. The thought of Sylvia rolling around in a layer of crap, dust, microbes and other shit made him worry. Gray felt an immense amount of guilt for her disappearance, knowing that this would never have happened if he didn't leave her in the care of (an unconscious) Macao for a measly trip to the toilet.
"Sylvia honey! Where are you? Come to papa!" The words left his throat in a desperate, hoarse jumble.
The ice-mage knew that he probably wouldn't get a response (since Sylvia was the silent type) and sincerely hoped that she would magically make her way towards him. But he had learned through the hard way that wishful thinking was stupid, which was why he had opted to crazily waving around a thermometer in his search. It wasn't as if all one-year-olds had developed even a smidge of magic but hey, a man could dream.
"SYLVIAAA. Please. If you at least give a flying shit about your parents- Wait, if you care even a little bit for your mother!"
"What in the Hell are you doing ice pants?"
Gray felt a certain Iron dragon-slayer's figure loom over him and was suddenly reminded of the fact that it wasn't only him, Natsu and Jellal who had been tossed into the daddy role. Honestly, he envied the guy for having such a docile daughter – not that she was better than Sylvia or anything.
Gray grumbled as he rose to his feet, somewhat dreading the encounter since Gajeel was Juvia's closest guy friend after all.
"What does it look like I'm doing?!" He narrowed his eyes in annoyance when the studded man before him shrugged carelessly.
"Either you've decided to join the cockroach crib or you're dry-humping the ground? Gihee."
"You know what? I'm too stressed to even comment on that, you stapled-face bastard. I lost my kid – have you seen her around?"
"How the fuck do you even do that when all she does is stumble around like some robot?"
"Uh I dunno, maybe I needed to go to the toilet?! More like, didn't Levy go with the girls too? I don't see your baby around- oh wait, did sweet Levy not have the confidence to trust you with her precious daughter?"
The ice mage watched in petty satisfaction as Gajeel spluttered unintelligibly for a while.
"HAH?! If your eyes weren't so droopy, maybe you'd notice that Elvis is like, right there."
Gray grimaced slightly at the name – Levy had slapped Gajeel into the next week when he suggested it and for a while, the poor little baby had been referred to as 'the baby'. In the end, Levy and Gajeel had decided on a much more civilised and sweet name…which Gray felt bad for not remembering since they all called her 'Elvis' afterwards anyway.
"Where?"
"Like, right over THERE-"
"Yeah, well, my droopy eyes don't spot anything 'there'." Gajeel looked as if he were about to rip Gray a new pair when he turned to where Elvis was supposed to be, only to face thin air.
"…"
"Well shit."
For the next 5 minutes or so, the two males stood dumbly in the middle of the guild, the silence between them probably the result of their distressing inner thoughts. Suddenly, the prospect of facing their wives in a mere few hours lost all of its appeal.
Gray started to pace around in circles, hands tugging crazily at his hair.
"Okay. OKAY. OkAy. This will work out. This will ALL WORK OUT! We just have to not panic. Yes? Yes."
Gajeel who looked to be too consumed by his own thoughts didn't even spare the ice mage as much as a glance.
"…It feels pretty damn stupid to be saying this now but for the moment, I don't think I'd mind joining your cockroach crib."
"Hearing you say that makes me feel as if we're beyond saving. I don't even know if we should tell the others about this."
Gajeel grunted in agreement.
"Yeah, can't risk having the missus finding out."
"Wait, there's one…"
HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BROS. HE REALLY, FOR THE LOVE OF MAVIS, THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE BROS. But he was wrong, yet again. Natsu, that bastard, looked awfully smug as he reclined in his stool to lean against the bar and of course, Iggy had to be in plain sight, nestled somewhat securely in his father's lap.
"Oh, now what's this we have here?"
The pink-haired man took the extra measure of ruffling his son's nest of blond hair. Oh, what Gray and Gajeel would give to be able to do that with their toddlers right now. Ugh. Was this his sick way of rubbing it in their faces? Stupid, flaming piece of shit, getting all cocky just because he could.
Gajeel's blood-red eyes narrowed into slits at the sight.
"Listen here you flaming douche, we're asking you because we can't ask anybody else so if you don't have a damn answer then stop wasting my time."
"Geez, Can't even take a joke…"
"Well, it wouldn't be so funny if Iggy disappeared into thin air." Gray bit out sarcastically.
"Okay, okay! I was just messing with you two. I haven't seen them around- Wait, what the Hell are you waving around- Is that…is that a thermometer?"
"And if it is?"
"Gray, you don't even know if she has your magic. More like, if you've been waving that thing around for the past half hour and haven't found anything then, you may as well check the toilets or sewers or something in case she slithered away into the big wide, world."
"What? Are you for real?"
Natsu gave a roll of his shoulders, baby still in his arms, "I dunno? Maybe?"
"Or maybe your kid evaporated her or somethin'." Gajeel held back a snort as he added in his two cents to the doomed conversation.
"…"
"OH MY GOD! SYLVIA, MY BABY! What if somebody drank her?! Wait, does it even work that way?"
"Chill, ice brain! We just have to scope out the place and then BAM, puddles and Elvis will be back in our arms in no time! And for some extra help," Natsu paused as he hoisted his son onto his shoulders and experimentally whirled around in a circle, "360, bird's-eye view of the guild!"
Gray raised a brow, momentarily deciding not to finish tearing out all of his hair.
"Uh, as helpful as that sounds, I don't think Iggy's looking too good up there?" He motioned to the infant whose face had taken on a green tint.
"Huh? What are you talking about? Iggy's fine! Aw, did you just burp, little guy-"
And then it happened. A disgusting mix of stomach acids, milk and whatever the heck Iggy had consumed in the past few hours (AKA unidentified chunky bits) came out of his tiny mouth almost as if he were a toilet flush in reverse.
"AHHHHHH! NO NO NO, NOT ON DADDY!"
"Holy shit! Vomit spray! Don't come running here flame ass!"
Gajeel pinched his nose in horror as he watched the scene before him. This was worse than training the newbies when he was in the council! And as funny as it was to watch, he didn't exactly have the luxury of giving any shits about anything else other than his sweet, precious, little Elvis. He knew he should've used that tracker on her while things were still going well, or better yet – magnets. Magnets always did the trick.
"Friggin' Hell, I'm gonna go look again. Shoulda known that it'd be a waste of time asking you of all people." The iron dragonslayer briskly turned away and left to continue his search.
"Damn it! Juvia is so going to kill me." Gray cursed, running a tired hand through his hair. He spared both males a look before finally deciding to run after Gajeel, leaving a vomit-covered Natsu behind.
"…Uh, guys? Help? Wait, what, and you're both gone? SERIOUSLY?!"
YOY! Another chapter complete! *Insert tears of blood* Ah yes, I've kind of updated part of my profile too so now you can find me on Tumblr! *Insert some confetti and more tears of blood* And golly gosh guys, I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you for all the reviews, favourites and follows. I just- You guys rock. ; u ;
I hope you all have a wonderful day and at least got a laugh or two from this!
Reply to guest reviews:
Guest #1, 2, 3 &4: *Insert long, exasperated sigh*Okay, fess up...I've either got 4 Jerza readers or 1 crazy Jerza reader whose super passionate about this pairing and their kids. ; u ;The Jerza fambam were originally meant to have a bit of screen-time BUT BECAUSE of a certain few people *COUGH* Yes, guests 1,2,3 & 4, I'm talking about you *HACK* I'm considering revising that part. Then again, I'll have to say that it'd probably be better for me to do it this way since I don't exactly want to take the lazy approach to any of my stories OTL.
Guest #5: Grrrrr...Updated!
Guest #6: Yes, I am trash who will sneak in spoilers just for the fun of it XD !