Jess crossed her arms, and put on the sternest expression she'd ever had to use in all her years as a teacher. "Look, it's not happening. I came over here to talk this over like reasonable adul-"
She was abruptly interrupted by Schmidt's loud voice. "When a man makes a bet of honor –"
"Seriously, stop it with that! I am not naming this little guy," she gently tapped her mid-section, which was getting uncomfortably large, "Reginald VelJohnson because Nick couldn't flip a pancake like ten years ago!"
Schmidt leaned back in his chair and just looked at her for a moment. A beat. Then: "When a man makes a bet of honor – "
"Oh, my God!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "There has to be something you want. Something I can do to negate the terms or make you let this go…"
He shook his head. "That's not how bets of honor work. You can't just do me some sort of favor and make me forget that Nick and I had a bet. You weren't even there, so-"
"Exactly!" she snapped. "I wasn't there! I didn't agree to these terms, and it's my kid too! And I'm just humoring Nick by having this conversation with you at all, against my better judgment, when I could just ignore –"
"You can't just ignore a bet of – "
"So help me, if you say 'bet of honor' one more time…" She gave him the death glare.
He seemed unaffected by the implied threat, but moved on regardless. "I mean, if there were anything that could override the terms, it would have to be another bet of…" He caught himself, glanced at her face quickly, which was still holding the death glare, and seemed to decide not to test her.
She sighed. "What kind of bet? What terms?"
He paused a second. "Well, for it to be truly fair, it would have to replicate the terms of the original bet. You'd have to flip a pancake. If you can, you don't have to name him Reginald VelJohnson – which, by the way, is not even a bad name. He could go by Reggie, or VelJo, or – "
She cut him off with a huff, not interested in hearing what else he could come up with to add to that particular list. "And if I can't?"
He took a moment to think. He stood up, turned his back to her, and walked toward his stove, before turning back. "Then you… knit me a scarf. Like a cool one, not one of your granny ones. I've seen you make cool ones. I'll send you a design."
She countered, "How about, if I win, the Reginald bet is off, and if I lose, the Reginald bet is off and I knit you a scarf?"
He rolled his eyes, but stepped forward without hesitation and took her hand, gave it a firm shake. "Agreed."
She grinned, then frowned, considering. "You know, I could just knit you a scarf – "
He abruptly snapped, "The terms have been settled!"
**15 minutes or so later**
A pancake gently flipped in the air and landed back in the pan on the other side, beautifully. Perfectly.
Jess clapped her hands and turned to him, smiling widely. "Well, glad we got that settled! Pleasure doing business with you," she began walking towards his door, grabbing her coat along the way and giving her belly another pat, "and Robert, or Tom, or Devon, or Nick Jr., or Chico, appreciate it as well."
He had started walking with her to the door, but paused. He lifted an eyebrow. "Chico?"
Jess sighed, shrugged. "It's on the table. It'll be off the table soon. I've been doing a lot of humoring Nick lately."
He opened the door for her. "Well, go enjoy your victory. I notice you didn't include 'Schmidt' in that list of possible alternate names, but I guess now you have a world of options to consider, though I still think Reginald should be in the pool too."
She rolled her eyes and walked through the door. Just before he started closing the door, she turned and stepped back towards him, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll knit you a scarf. A cool one."
Author's note: Yeah, I haven't written anything for any fandom in years and years and when I do, this random little thing pops out. Getting me through another no-new-episode Tuesday! Also, the title is a lyric from the Family Matters theme song.