Story: The Hetalia Seme's Handbook

Rating: T for Spanish flailing.

Warning: Implied boy x boy, possible lemon. I know everyone says this, but don't like, don't read.

For now, this story is going to be rated "T." For anyone who's read the "Seme's Handbook/Uke's Survival Guide," you know how extremely difficult this will be. As the original aim of this fic is humor, we shall see how long I can make this last ;P

Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Hetalia. Nor do i own "The Seme's Handbook." That credit goes to the illustrious EddieVanPanda on deviantart. However, I did have quite a bit of fun coming up with ways for Spain to try and prove himself to the other nations.

This is just the beginning. *maniacal evil laughter*

Spain blinked down at the book that had been thrust into his hands.

"What's this?"

Germany shifted uncomfortably.

"It's a guide. Japan gave it to me. And seeing how you seem to be having issues, ah, asserting yourself around Southern Italy, I thought that maybe it might help."

"Asserting myself? But I would never want to hurt my cute little Lovi!"

"Not… like that, I mean..." the German gave up and sighed, massaging his temples. This man seemed to be almost as clueless as Italy was.

"Look, just read the introduction."

Spain looked at the German curiously, but flipped to the first section. Germany watched him intently. As the minutes ticked by, Spain's form went rigid, eyes widening as he stared at the text. Two minutes later, he carefully shut the book. When he looked up, Germany could see his eyes had gone wide with panic.

"Señor Germany, I haven't been doing any of these things!"

"Ja," said Germany, nodding his gravely. "and in order to advance in your relationship with Southern Italy, you have to do all of those things, exactly by the book, no exceptions!"

Or so Japan had told him. And Japan had been right so far…

"I had no idea Lovi was in so much trouble! Is this what you've been going through to protect Feliciano?"

Germany felt the color rise in his face. Not wanting to meet the Spaniards eyes, he stared resolutely to the side, mumbling, "Ja… some of them."

He just hoped Spain never asked which ones. Lord help him…

A/N: Inspired by Machi-pan's application of the guide to Death Note. Her's is entirely different though.

Also, I am taking requests for "Rules" you want to see in the future. R&R!