A/N: This is a funny little fic inspired by Tim Minchin's interview about playing Judas in JCS. In it, he describes Jesus as basically being a whiny little kid who bitches and throws temper tantrums and Judas as the only logical one in everything. It gave me feels, so here. Enjoy!

In hindsight, maybe listening to the endless banter and gossip in the group had been a bad idea, after all. Because now, despite his best efforts of convincing the man otherwise, Jesus was off to his temple. Someone (multiple people, actually) had mentioned that it had become anything other than holy, and that had been more than enough to send their supposed savior into a panicked frenzy. He kept it calm, though. Calm yet frantic. Passive aggressive, if he wanted to describe the man as most men would describe him. He didn't, though, because damn it, Jesus was not just any man.

He was a child.

Not a messiah, not a man, but a child. A child that threw temper tantrums and whined when he didn't get his way. A child who didn't like to fight, didn't like violence, but would argue until the end of his days. A child who found a Messiah complex somewhere between being a carpenter's son from Nazareth and a holier-than-thou figure heading to Jerusalem. A child who was now on his way to his temple, fully prepared to scream and shout at anyone who wasn't fulfilling God's wishes or dreams of what that place should actually be.

And who was following him?

Only one man. The only one who would follow him. The only one dumb enough to follow his "leader" into a fight and the only one smart enough to know that it was a good idea. The only one who had any bit of common sense nowadays. The only one who would gladly walk into an embarrassing, silly catastrophe just because Jesus thought it was the right thing to do. His friend was losing his mind, sure, but that didn't mean that he still wouldn't support the guy. No matter how stupid or trivial and frivolous his ideas may be. No matter how completely and utterly pointless this little venture out to the temple was going to be, Judas was still going to tag along and at least try to stop his best friend from making a fool out of himself.

"This isn't a good idea." he tried to explain as he followed close behind his friend. "They won't listen to you. They're too stuck in their ways. They-" he paused, not really believing in his next words, but knowing that they will stop his friend. Or hoping that they would, at least. "-they're helpless. We can't help them, they're too-"

"Be quiet."

He didn't stop. He didn't turn around, didn't look back at him. He just said two simple words. Two simple words that made the rumored-to-be-actually-evil apostle go quiet for a moment. Very, very few people ever stood up to him like that. Of all people to pick up that trait, did it have to be Jesus? It wasn't a very heavenly or pure characteristic or trait, if Judas had any say in it...

"No. No, listen to me. There isn't any point in going to the temple."
"There is always a point, Judas."

He went silent again at that. All these months, and he still hadn't quite figured out a successful way to respond to those sorts of vague, powerful words. They were like sermons and preachings. Why his friend had to always speak in tongue, he didn't know, nor did he really care to know; all he cared about as holding a real, logical conversation every once and a while. More specifically, all he cared about was stopping Jesus from going to the temple, which judging by the fact that it was well in sight by this point, wasn't going so well.

"Are you honestly going to disrespect all of those people?"

Oh yeah, that was going to for sure cause a reaction. It had to; come on, disrespect? That was one of his supposed leader's least favorite things! Along with prostitution, and not being the center of attention, and love in the physical sense, and unfairness, and uneven numbers, and the cold most of the time, and snakes, and...

...and ignoring his best friend's words apparently, too. Great.

"Hello? Excuse me? Are you honestly planning to scream at all of those people due to their odd usage of leisure time?"
"It isn't right."
"Well screaming at them about it isn't right, either!"

It hadn't quite been an argument just yet. That was until Judas raised his voice. It was only a gentle, slight change, but that was enough to spark yet another of their infamous arguments. Too bad the rest of the group wasn't around to condemn him for it.

"How are they to learn if they're not taught?"
"How about being calm? How you are with everyone else, perhaps?"
"They are not everyone else, Judas."
"But they are still people, are they not?"

This time, it was his friend's turn to go silent. It felt like a victory. Score, one-nothing, Judas couldn't help but think as he watched the shorter man ahead of him grumpily trek along in silence. He was going to speak again soon. Probably since they were only a little bit of a walk away from the temple by now. Maybe he hadn't succeeded in stopping Jesus from going to the temple, but he had succeeded in causing the man to be silent. A win was a win, was it not? This win felt nice...even if he himself had to speak again about it since Jesus was refusing to break his silence.

(This fucking silent "king", I swear)

"Have fun in the temple. Would you like me to wait here for you or to go back to camp?"

Yes, he was treating the man like a child because he was one, damn it. He had already established this point months ago; Jesus, despite what most of the population seemed to believe and despite what the rest of the group tended to say, was only a child. He wasn't a man, not mentally or emotionally. That much was certain in Judas' mind. The parts about the man being a King, a Messiah, the Son of God himself...those bits were a fair bit blurry in his head. He didn't really believe in any of it, and he had actually spoken out about that disbelief on more than one occasion, but he was trying to keep it under control. He, honest to God, was really trying his hardest to believe in it all. But when that disbelief was strong and when he was actually in a halfway decent mood, Jesus was but a child. A grumpy little pouty child. An angry, temperamental little kid who declared only two dignified, quiet words before storming in to the temple.

"Be quiet."