Get a grip Holden. He hasn't left yet, so get a hold of yourself! He's surely in there packing a bag and will be ready to leave in a few minutes. I wonder where he'll go. Hooper's probably. Wait, no. NO! It's not over yet. It doesn't have to end like this. And I'll be damned if I'm just going to watch him walk out of my life. I go to the sink to get myself together. I wipe my face with a paper towel, drink a glass of water, and try to think of what to say to Banky. Then I decide, fuck it. It's not like anything I plan works out anyway, so I might as well just go with what my gut tells me. And right now it's telling me to get my ass in Banky's room.

I don't bother knocking. Banky's sitting on his bed with a duffle bag full of clothes next to him and seeing that just makes me lose it.

"I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Banky doesn't say anything. He doesn't react at all. He just stares up at me with an exhausted look on his face. Like he doesn't even care. Well, I do. I fucking care a lot.

"I've never lied to you Banky and I'm not about to start now. It hurt to imagine a life without her. It hurt a lot. At first. Then all I could see was a life with you. And it was good. Really fucking good. Then I tried to imagine a life without you and I wouldn't say that it hurt at all. No, a more apt description is that it almost killed me. It was like suddenly all the air left the room. So there wasn't anything to mull over, no pros and cons to consider. It was simple. A life without you isn't an option."

I stop to give him a chance to respond. He doesn't. But he's not walking out the door either. I choose to focus on that as I sit next to him.

"I know you're scared. I am too. This is new to both of us, to say the least. But it's us Banky. It's you and it's me. I know we can make this work. I'm begging you Banky, please don't give up on me. I know I've messed up. Not just with tonight, but for taking you for granted. For avoiding this thing between us for far too long. I fucked up royally and I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking anyway. Please, give me the chance to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I reach out to him and this time he doesn't pull away. I place my hand on the side of his face and pull his forehead to mine. I can feel him tense up a bit, so I move my hand to the back of his head and start to run my fingers through his hair. He's not pulling away! For the first time in what feels like forever I smile. It's a small smile, but a smile none the less. I can feel him begin to relax and that's when he starts to speak.

"Holden?"

"Yeah?"

"There's still something that I haven't told you yet, and I need to."

I'm careful not to let it show, but all I can think is, 'What now?!' We're finally so close to making progress. To taking our relationship to the next level. To looking forward and never looking back. His lips are finally only a breath away. I'm tired of the tears, the yelling, and the fear that he'll decide we're not worth all this trouble after all. I'm just so fucking tired. But, I just promised to make up for all my fuck ups and I meant it. Listening to him bare his soul to me is hardly any trouble, it's a privilege. So, whatever it is I know that I can handle it. That we can handle it.

I pull back and hold his face in my hands, because I want him to see me clearly as I say this.

"What is it Banky? Whatever it is please know that we can get through it. I promise. Together I know we can do anything." At this he smiles. A true big Banky smile and I fall in love with him even more.

"I just need to tell you that I love you too, Holden. I love you too."