My Final Thoughts

I rested in my mom's warm embrace, I knew it was an illusion caused by me right now but it felt so real I didn't care. Breathing in and out through the pain I let my mind drift, I'm not going to die until my mind is at peace with all the things I've done.

Will, I'm so sorry Will; I wish I thought that through more he was my friend… Christina's boyfriend. He was so kind, nice and us debating was always funny- infuriating- but nice. Can't wait to see you again, my friend.

Peter; Oh god Peter was just… indescribable. He embarrassed me, he hurt me, he threatened me, he tried to kill me, he imprisoned me and yet he protected me when I needed it and saved my life. I don't trust him but I can safely say he was a memorable person. I won't forget him anytime soon.

I cringed as a stabbing pain shot through my entire body, it felt like someone was ripping my back open; I tried wiggling my fingers, my toes anything. I could feel. Yes. But it was barely there, I felt my blood run in between my fingers warm and thick, my visions blurred but I can see the ceiling… white no, blue, green?

Green? Like… Caleb's eyes. Caleb my brother; the one I'm sacrificing my life for right now. I'm almost sure I forgive him now, he might have betrayed me but he's my brother and I know I love him. He loves me too, or else he wouldn't have so willingly tried to do this for me, for my forgiveness. I'm sorry I was so hard on you Caleb. You'll always be the one who helped me when I most needed it before The Choosing Day.

Uriah, Lynn and Marlene; Their all dead. Just when I got close to any of them they died, one by one. All unexpected, each sadder than the last… I wonder if I'll see them in the afterlife. I hope I do. Ouch, I wince again. Thanks for always making me laugh, Uri.

I feel my senses deceasing more and more but I need to hold on a little longer… theirs still Cara. Um… she's ugh, I can't remember no I can. She forgave me after I killed her brother, she took me into Allegiant and helped save all our lives from Evelyn. She's Erudite but, one of the most Dauntless girls I've ever met, she's brave, strong and smart. Thanks Cara.

Christina; My best and closest friend. After everything, it's amazing how she forgave me and stuck by me. I know I'd never meet another friend like her ever again and I'm eternally grateful. Dauntless friends for life… guess that ends here

Then there's the man I love… Tobias. I can still feel the stinging my mother's embrace long gone, I'm no longer aware of where I am. My bodies numb everywhere; my eyes are half shut as I try to focus on an image of Tobias… he's smiling.

Forgive me.

I choke out a sob or is it blood, I can't tell.

I'm sorry Tobias. I'm so, so sorry; I love you so much. I don't want to leave you… I don't wish to die not now at least. I'll always remember what you told me.

'I don't want to be just one thing, I can't be. I want to be brave and I want to be selfless, intelligent and honest and kind.' And you are.

Good bye, Tobias Eaton. You're still the only person sharp enough to sharpen me 4 and 6 always, and I go gladly back into my mom's embrace.

Can I be forgiven for all I've done to get here?

I want to be.

I can.

I believe it.

I love you all… bye.

I never liked the way Tris died, it was so sad and it just ended no thoughts nothing. I felt no closure. I tried making this as un-sad as possible, I know I missed a couple of people but I wanted to keep it short.

Thanks for reading.

xoxo Ivory out xoxo