A Child in Wal-Mart

Antigone (enthusiastically): Come sister; let us find the popped corn!

Ismene (nervously): I think it's called 'popcorn'.

Antigone (scoffs): Wait… do you hear that?

Creon: Relinquish the sweets, peasant!

Ismene: Was that King Creon?

Antigone: I think so… let's go investigate.

Ismene (singsong): This is a bad idea…

Antigone: Really Creon? Taking candy from a baby? That's low even for you.

Creon: This 'Mart of Walls' has bestowed upon me this child. I will raise him as my own flesh and blood!

Antigone: Good luck with that, your last son hated your guts.

Ismene (quietly): Uhm… Shouldn't we find this boy's mother?

Creon: Want to say that again, louder this time Ismene?

Ismene (squeaks): No thank you! (Hides behind Antigone)

Antigone: She said we should find the kid's mother.

Creon: There was no mother, only the cornflakes woman standing nearby.

Antigone: What in Hades are you talking about? Cornflakes?

Creon (crazily): The cornflakes chose her, just as the child chose me!

Ismene (stuttering): There's…er… a problem with your thought process, your highness…

Creon: Out with it you silly girl!

Ismene: The cornflakes woman must be the child's mother! (Hides behind Antigone again)

Creon: You dare defy me? Once more and I shall lock you in your tombs!

Antigone: Do you mean our rooms?

Creon (Snape [Alan Rickman] voice): Obviously.

Antigone (rubs neck): That was less than fun last time.

Creon (cackles evilly): This time… this time… I'm taking out… the Wi-Fi!

Ismene: But… but… As you wish my king. (passes out)

Antigone: Woah woah woah! Uncle… brother… whatever you are, let's not do something we'll regret!

Creon: Dang it Oedipus, you ruined everything!

Ismene: Don't talk about Father… brother… you may have a point.

Antigone: Don't encourage him!

Ismene: Oh look! A policeman! (Policeman takes Creon)

Creon: Release me you cretin!

Policeman: You're under arrest for kidnapping that child.

Creon (being pulled offstage): There was no mother, only the cornflakes woman!