30A/N: Yes, three years doesn't seem like a big difference. But the problem is when Bella is 12 and Edward is 15, the age difference becomes a bit more significant, especially when they share the kiss. Her 13th birthday was very close though. And in this chapter she is thirteen but not much wiser ;). A few more chapters will show them growing up. After that it will be mostly grown up Bella.
No Beta. No claim on Twilight.
Chapter 5- Growing, painfully slowly
Bells Swan, thirteen years and one kiss old. It was monumental. For me, at least.
I looked the same I knew, but I felt that with one amazing tick of the clock, I'd been completely altered.
I was a teenager just like Edward!
Granted I still did not have the right kind of boobs and was not in the same league as Jessica or Lauren, I was thirteen and it was… something. It was a good something.
Esme had baked a cake for me- apple and cinnamon. But that was all I let them do. I hated big parties. They had a way of ….going very wrong.
So, no parties. Just a cake and everyone…and Edward.
Edward was not there when we had cut the cake. I would have waited but I didn't want everyone to make a big deal out of it.
I was in Rain Room, playing scrabble with Emmet and Alice, when I felt his presence. He opened the door and I felt like I was about to burst with equal amounts of joy and apprehension. Suddenly too shy, I just bent my head and pretended to be engrossed in my letter tray. I wanted him to look at me, my spaghetti strap dress, my new earrings- a gift from Alice, because every girl should have a butterfly studs – but I didn't want him to know how much I needed his eyes on me.
He sat opposite me and I saw him shove Alice, making her fall on the blanket. I giggled and relaxed. He was my Edward.
He looked over at me and smiled, his warm gaze making me tingle.
He always looked good to me but he was wearing my favorite things- white shirt with blue jeans, and his hair was a bit wet and darker in color- and I had trouble tearing my eyes away from him. I could see his arms- lean muscles and just a bit of hair. After a while, I slapped myself mentally, and tried not to be so obvious.
Watching them joke around, I waited patiently until we got our moment alone. I knew he would find me. He always took extra care with me during birthdays, saying that it was his way of celebrating my existence. When I was eleven, he bought me a bike so that I could join them for rides. The next year he bought me basketball and then spent ages on the private court, teaching me how to play – he had heard how much the others teased me at gym.
When the sun was setting, I went out to the porch with a cup of mint tea. Edward came to stand beside me and took a sip from my cup. He never really drank tea but for some reason he always wanted a sip of mine. I turned to him and grinned like an idiot- probably because I was having idiot thoughts like 'lucky lucky cup of mint tea'.
He kept the cup on the table and rested his back against the short wall protecting Esme's flowers. It was just tall enough that Edward could stretch his arms out and rest them on it. His head dropped back, and his eyes closed. He seemed so tired.
I stood there awkwardly, fighting the urge to go sooth his soft frown.
"Long day?" I asked, drawing close so I could see his eye lashes flutter.
"Yes, the longest. Dad gave me a lecture too."
"About?"
"You don't want to know Bella." He smirked a bit.
Suddenly, as if he had just remembered something, he opened his eyes and straightened a bit.
"It's your birthday." His smile was brilliant. " Come here."
He drew me in for a hug and I leaned into him.
"Happy birthday Bella." He murmured.
His hands were low on my waist, holding me protectively. I wound my hands around his neck and reached up. Laughing, he held me up.
His laughter did things to me and for some mad, dangerous reason, I acted without thinking; I had to rub my nose on his neck breath in very loudly. I would never forget what he smelled like. If I had to describe it, I would say he was like basil, rain, love and home. His smell, his warmth and the rightness of the moment enveloped me, but I knew the exact moment he stiffened and tried to draw back to see my face.
I let him see. For once, I let him see everything. I held his eyes and tightened the grip I had on his neck. I knew he could see my longing for him in my eyes, my blush. He was seeing my dreams, desires, my trembling lips and my worries. He was seeing my absolute trust.
His green eyes darkened and with a soft sigh he lowered his eyes and let go of my waist. A wild panic rose in me knowing he was drawing back from me….from everything. I had to do something – I couldn't find the courage to kiss him – but I had to do something to stop him from leaving me.
Desperate, I grabbed his shirt, just above his heart.
He looked up sharply at me and then stared at my hand for the longest time.
I felt a bit dizzy and started breathing hard. Wanting to say something I looked at him but when he very slowly looked up me at me, the look in his eyes made me freeze.. He had never looked at me like that.
He swallowed and slowly lowered his head. His lips touched mine for just a heartbeat. And then he kissed my cheek near my ear.
" Bella," his voice was controlled. "I can't be what you need me to be. I am going to go away. For the holidays."
I didn't say anything. Couldn't. But I did remove my hands from his person. Having completely humiliated myself, I could not bring myself to meet his eyes again. My limbs felt heavy as if I was slowly turning to soft stone. Shame and sadness made me clench my fists and stand in front of him as if awaiting punishment. I was exactly what Rene thought of me. A disgrace. A thing without grace.
"You should spend time with boys your own age." He said taking one step back from me.
I nodded automatically, looking at the blue sandals Esme had bought me. I didn't deserve them.
It was goodbye. Edward was saying goodbye. No sobs escaped but I was breaking apart. Things I had hidden away were coming to surface.
" And for God's sake, don't offer yourself to some idiot." He was so loud and I cringed. That harsh sound was the final blow that unleashed everything in my hidden box. But at the bottom of the box was something I had stored for such a day as that. A little bit of quiet strength.
I held on to that strength and took in a shuddering breath. That one breath was enough and it settled into my lung, heart and skin and kept me from breaking into pieces.
"Goodbye Bella."
He walked away. He did stop once to look back at me but then he kept walking and disappeared.
I stood there for a long time.
Thirteen years and two kisses old. Minus one best friend.
When I came home, I found Edward's gift. A journal with a beautiful golden cover. And a bunch of orchids.
The days that followed were very quiet. I wrote in the journal and watched the orchid's fall of the stem, one by one. Things were being rearranged inside me. It took fifteen days for all of them to fall. On the fifteenth day, I threw the dead flowers and went about living life without Edward Cullen.
He was never my best friend after that. I would have hated him – if I had been capable of it – because he had known. That was what the look had meant - goodbye. He had knowingly put an end to us. That hurt the most.
Edward came back a few days before school started, looking more grown up.
Emmet joked that Edward left a boy and came back a tanned, brooding man. There were stories of many girls. I did not listen.
He was even smoking. Never in front of Esme but Carlisle knew. He spent more and more time with Carlisle and his new friend Jasper, distancing himself from Alice, Emmet and me.
Just like before, he was polite and considerate to me, but the bond between us had died, and Edward made sure I knew not to seek him out. I did not even want to; he was no longer the boy I knew.
Emmet and Alice stepped in to fill the void left by Edward. She was my best friend and he was the protector of my virtue. Not that it needed protecting; I did hangout with some boys, but with them, I never forgot I was just thirteen, just a stupid kid.
What did you think? Next chapter will be in Edward's perspective. Leave me some love. I love hearing what you think? Is there anything particular you want to see?