If Only Othello Knew

It is so easy to pretend to be innocent. Too easy almost. If only they knew. If only Othello knew that he was right all along, if only Iago knew that what he thought were clever lies actually came quite close to the truth, how would my story have ended? Probably not much different. I would still be lying here, strangled by Othello's strong black hands, struggling to breathe my dying breaths.

I first invited Cassio into my bed shortly after we had landed on Cyprus. Yes, in Venice I had loved Othello, but it seemed as if his mind was distant and gone too often, busy with war and governing Cyprus. I missed Venice, missed my father, all the luxury and comforts Othello could not offer me on Cyprus. I had known what I was in for when I married him and looking back, I can't even say I did it out of spite towards my father. No. I truly believed that I loved Othello, and as I am lying here, my soul nearly gone, I realise that I do love him, after all. He killed me, and I love him. Is that ironic? I can't blame him for what he did though, I brought it upon myself. For while I was missing Venice, there was Cassio, brave, handsome, charming Cassio, closer to my age, whom I had, of course, seen before, but never noticed. But there he was and he adored me and I let him in because I felt that he could give me what Othello couldn't. It was short, it was sweet. But was it worth my death?

We met in secret for a few times but when Iago started spreading the "lies" to Othello, it became dangerous. I had to start pretending to be innocent, and it was too easy. The thing with the handkerchief really was a mistake. I dropped it, Emilia, stupid, loyal Emilia, picked it up and gave it to her husband, who gave it to Cassio. Funnily, while this event gave Othello the motivation to murder me, it also ended my relationship with Cassio. We all keep secrets. Cassio was my secret from Othello, that slut Bianca was Cassio's secret from me.

It is too late now to repent. Othello's hands have done the deed. I cannot say that I want him to suffer for all eternity because in the end, I was guilty of all he blamed me for, although for the wrong reasons. This is my time to save my soul: "Nobody, I myself. Farewell. Commend me to my kind lord. O, farewell."

- Desdemona