the bunny story

Once upon a time in 1950's New York City, there was a pure white rabbit who went by the name of Joe. He roamed the streets on his own, free of all human contact. That was until one day, when he was kidnapped by an evil band of pirates. They were going to sell Joe as a slave, because bunnies can totally be slaves.

Fortunately, the bunny fell into the hands of a young gambler named Nicely Johnson. He bought Joe (for free) as a present for his boyfriend of six months, Benny Southstreet. Nicely brought the gift home and delivered it to his beloved partner. Benny was very happy, and he thanked Nicely profusely.

Later that night, Benny and Nicely went to a crap game. Southstreet returned home first, and found a pure white kitten on his bed. Benny hated cats with a burning passion, so he threw it out the window.

Nicely returned not five minutes later to find Joe in a dumpster outside their bedroom window.

Now neither of the two men realized that the bunny Nicely had purchased (for free) was actually magic and had shape-shifted into a kitten. Nicely just assumed that Benny had thrown it away for no good reason.

Nicely was actually an animal rights activist, so he was very against animal cruelty. He was extremely mad at Benny, and yelled at him for an hour straight before deciding to break up with him.

After their untimely separation, Benny and Nicely both lived unhappy lives apart. Nicely was alone with Joe the bunny, wallowing in self-pity and loneliness. Benny, being the huge player that he was, dated fifteen girls at once. But he hated his uncommitted lifestyle and broke up with all of them, and was subsequently very lonely.



One long, melancholic year later, Nicely was out for a forever-alone stroll when he bumped into a very familiar man. It was Benny! The two ex-boyfriends immediately recognized each other and hugged in a really adorable way. They decided that they belonged together and that they could settle their differences and resume dating.

Benny and Nicely rented an apartment together and were living happily with Joe. Said white rabbit had learned his lesson to not transform into a cat, but he wasn't sure about other animals yet...

One day, Joe decided to transform into a dragon and breathed fire all over the apartment. Benny and Nicely died.



Suddenly, Benny and Nicely woke up. They were in heaven! The two gamblers lived happily ever after together, kissing each other passionately in the rain way too often.


The moral of the story is: don't buy bunnies for free...Because you always...