12A/N: Hey there... It's been a long time ne? Well, here I am with another fic though it's not of the pairing that I usually write about ^^;; But do try and check it out. Don't forget to send out your reviews afterwards.
Disclaimers: The characters are not mine... but the story is.
Note: This story follows... The Choice and The Gift, though you really don't have to read the two to understand this fic ^^;;
LOVING YOU IS ENOUGH
by: Yenny
{Tokyo University}
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
Garbed in his basketball jersey, Ryota Miyagi, sophomore college student and member of Tokyo University's varsity team, stormed out of the room he was in and made his way towards the dormitory's elevator, passing by a crowd of eavesdropping students. Ignoring the chatter around him, he gritted his teeth and pushed the down button a couple of times.
"Come on… Come on…"
Much to his relief, the said door swung open and without checking if it was going up or down, he immediately squeezed himself in amongst the ones already inside and all but closed the door himself in his haste to leave. However, by doing so, he totally missed an anguished voice crying, "Wait, Ryota!"
Too late.
Sagging forward against the closed elevator door, Hisashi Mitsui, 3rd year college student and member of Tokyo University's basketball team, cursed and mentally kicked his stupid pride for letting the other leave in the first place. Not one to make the same mistake twice, he immediately made a beeline for the stairs.
Taking two steps at a time, he was uncaring if he were to fall, trip, or roll all the way down from fifth to ground floor, his sole concern was to reach ground level before Miyagi. But, as luck would have it, the elevator was already moving up when he reached the lobby.
"Damn!"
Exhausted and frustrated, Mitsui sagged against the wall behind him as he thought of a way to find his boyfriend.
"Mitsui?"
Even without opening his eyes, Mitsui knew whose voice it was and he mentally cursed his bad luck. Sighing, he opened his eyes and turned them towards… "Kogure."
Stopping a few feet away from his teammate, "What happened to you? You look beat."
Straightening himself, Mitsui forced a small smile and replied, "Nothing, just tired from using the stairs since this," pointing at the closed steel door beside him, "stupid elevator missed my floor again."
Tilting his head to the side, "And now you're waiting for it because…" Kogure trailed in question.
Caught off guard, "Er… I forgot something upstairs and I can't use the stairs to climb back up after running all the way from the fifth floor now could I?" Mitsui bit back, avoiding Kogure's intent gaze.
Shaking his head, the mild mannered former Shohoku vice-captain made a snickering sound before latching unto Mitsui's arm and forced the shooting guard to walk alongside of him.
"Hey! Where are you taking me?" Try as he might, Mitsui could not pry his arm from Kogure's grasp.
Turning to stare at the brunette beside him, "I'm taking you somewhere where we could talk," he revealed, using that no-argument-accepted kind of tone of his as they stepped out of the dormitory.
Frowning, "I have no time for that, Kogure. I need to find Ryota fast!" Upon saying so, Mitsui twisted his arm and was successful in freeing it.
"Aahh…" Kogure drawled, arms crossing as thoughtful brown met apprehensive blue.
Realizing his blunder, Mitsui slapped a hand onto his forehead and knew from his friend's expression that he was doomed to confess everything. Not willing to give up, "Look…" he started then shook his head before continuing, "Okay, so Ryota and I had a fight." Seeing the arched eyebrow, "Stop that!" He reprimanded. It always irked him that his bestfriend could read him like a book.
Better than Ryota, he could not help but add.
Changing tactic, "What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be somewhere with Ayako?" He questioned, turning his head away and walking ahead.
Chuckling, "She's in the library and I have plenty of time to spare before picking her up." Kogure explained, falling in step beside the disgruntled Mitsui. "So… You mind telling me what happened? Or… is it a secret?" He asked, peering through the rim of his glasses.
Mumbling, "As if I could hide something from you." Aloud, "No, it's not. But I have to find him first."
Mimicking what he had done earlier, Kogure dragged his friend opposite the route they were taking and said, "If he left mad then you better let him cool off. Besides…" he trailed. Smiling broadly at the scarred-face player, "I think you need time to sort things out yourself. So, come on. We'll go to Starbucks and I'll treat you to that frapuccino you love to drink."
Despite Mitsui's audible grunt, Kogure's words hit a nerve.
Maybe… Maybe we do need this time apart to think things through…
Giving one last look towards the opposite direction, Mitsui sighed and went with his friend to the aforementioned place.
{Elsewhere}
A lone figure sat in comfort amongst Mother Nature's creation; arms behind his head, eyes closed, and legs outstretched. Tranquility… Peace… Silence… It was a welcome change after leaving a very tensed and unwanted situation.
Miyagi was not surprised the least that his feet carried him deep inside the park after leaving the stifling air inside the dormitory. It was his favorite refuge, well his and Mitsui's actually, but he refused to let himself think of his dark-haired lover at a time when he wanted to be alone and away from the latter.
Opening his eyes, what did we fight about anyway? Miyagi mused, gazing upwards.
That question bugged him and it irritated him further with the realization that he's been asking himself that for the past month. Fights, misunderstandings, mild squabbles… May it be over basketball, food, the TV, and even as silly as not turning off the light at night would ignite the air of tension that surrounds them.
Kneading the bridge of his nose, he couldn't help but blame Sakuragi's Gundan for starting the whole thing.
If it weren't for Ookusu's question …
*** Flashback ***
"Hey, Ryochin. Do you have any plans of following Hanamichi's footsteps?" Ookusu asked.
"What? Get married?" Miyagi questioned and after seeing a nod, "I don't think so. Hisashi and I are happy with the way things are and marriage is not our thing," he replied.
"YET!"
Turning towards his scarred face lover, "Huh?"
"We might not have talked about it yet, Ryo-kun, but I do intend to settle down one day, and since Rukawa and Sakuragi were able to pull it off..."
Surprised and dumbfounded, Miyagi could only stammer, "Hisashi…"
*** End Flashback ***
Miyagi groaned at the remembrance. It was THAT which triggered Mitsui's intention and he was certain of it. During that time, he thought that his boyfriend was just making conversation or that maybe the festivities just got under his skin. It was Sakuragi and Rukawa's wedding and most people they know were wrapped in that aura of love. Therefore, he just assumed that his blue-eyed lover was just feeling the moment.
But, Miyagi was wrong in that assumption.
Dead wrong.
For 3 months later…
*** Flashback ***
{July 31st - Somewhere in Tokyo)
"Hisashi, where are we going?" Miyagi half-cried, tugging his hand free from his unusually hyperactive boyfriend's tight hold.
Without stopping, the blue-eyed 20-year old player just said, "It's a surprise," before slightly turning sideways to grin that silly charming grin of his that never failed to douse Miyagi's growing irritation.
Yielding, Miyagi clamped his mouth shut and continued to walk in stony silence. However, after a bus ride and a few more minutes of non-stop walking later, "For the last time, where the heck are we going? You've dragged me long enough, Hisashi, and I swear that if you don't tell me then I'll…"
"We're here," Mitsui intervened with a smile on his face.
Caught off guard, "What?"
Mitsui chuckled then turned his aggravated lover around and repeated, "We're here," pointing towards a place where a group of people where piling and forming a line.
Though still slightly vexed, Miyagi could do nothing but to follow where his giddy boyfriend was pointing and then, after like a minute or two, "You're kidding me, right?" He choked.
Taking advantage of his partner's obvious disorientation, Mitsui dared the wrath of the not-so-showy-in-public Miyagi by loosely wrapping his arms around the latter's shoulders and whispered, "That's part of my surprise, Ryo-kun. Hope you'll give it a chance."
Miyagi was only slightly aware of the arms around him since his focus was on the people across the street. The people, or rather men of different ages, which cluttered the front of a movie theater, were obviously… "They're… They're…" He stuttered, having difficulty with saying the word.
"…Gay."
Hearing it spoken out loud was the trigger that made the height sensitive player wrench himself from his boyfriend's hold and whirled to stomp away from the theater.
Bewildered and taken aback, "Wait!" Mitsui yelled, stretching to catch hold of one retreating arm then blocked Miyagi's path.
"Where are you going?" He questioned.
Eyes blazing with undisguised anger, "Move, Hisashi!" Miyagi spat.
Though shocked, the scarred player stood his ground and said, "No, I won't. Not till you tell me what's gotten into you."
"Then stay here!" Miyagi snapped, sidestepping his lover but the latter was quick on his feet and was blocking his way again.
Mitsui's head was whirling with a thousand and one question over his boyfriend's reactions at that moment but all he could muster was a pathetic, "Why are you so mad? It's just a movie."
Chin set in a stubborn veneer, Miyagi held his head high and defiantly met the blue questioning orbs of his beloved's as he drawled, "Just a movie?" Then, "God, I can't believe how insensitive you are," he remarked, turning his head away.
Mitsui leaned his head back, staggered. "What? How could I be insensitive about this?"
Realizing that Miyagi was about to say something again, he hastily placed a finger against the other's lips to silence him. "Look, today's your birthday and I want everything to be perfect for you. Don't you know how hard it was for me to find this place?" Undaunted by the look of disinterest and indifference, "This is the only place in Tokyo where they not only show movies about gays but also where gays usually hangout and I almost had to beg Maki to tell me of this place!" He continued, spreading his arms wide.
Crossing his arms across his chest, "You shouldn't have bothered," Miyagi clipped.
"God, you are so…" Mitsui trailed in vexation.
"Okay, I don't want us to fight over this, Ryota, but I won't back down either. We're gonna have a good time in this place. Mingle with our kind. Eat at a restaurant like a normal couple and we'll watch that movie even if I have to carry you inside myself," He declared.
Silence…
Black met determined blue, both unrelenting. Time stopped for the pair as neither moved nor talked, both adamant in their stand. People passing by gave them no second glance for a squabble between gay lovers was not a thing of surprise to the majority of people who frequents the place.
Miyagi, on the other hand, was getting more self-conscious and uncomfortable. After a few minutes, he looked away and dejectedly said, "I'm sorry. I can't." He hoped that his lover could just leave it at that and let him be.
Frowning, "But why? Most people here are the same as we are and there's a million to one chance that we'll be recognized. So what's stopping us or you from having a good time?"
"Just drop it, okay?" Miyagi replied.
Persistent as ever, "Drop it? Now who's being insensitive?"
Mitsui's voice shook, but he was vaguely aware of it. "Can't you just let go of your issues for one day and let me enjoy the company of my boyfriend?" He asked, then after a second added, "In public?"
Instead of answering, Miyagi remained silent and turned his head away. Guilt was slowly creeping into his system but he refused to give in.
Though the reaction somewhat irked him a bit, Mitsui opted to stay clear of a probable full-blown fight and calmed himself by taking deep breaths. After which he gathered his resisting lover into his arms and cajolingly said, "I love you, Ryota, so much, and saying it is not enough for me. I want to show it to you, prove it to you as often as I want to but… you just wouldn't let me."
Slightly leaning his head back to peer at Miyagi, "Why do you insist on hiding our relationship anyway? Are you ashamed of me?" He softly queried, tightening his arms around his lover.
"Don't be ridiculous," was Miyagi's muffled reply, his face buried inside Mitsui's jacket.
After a terse silence, "Then what? You don't love me enough? Is that it?"
That question made Miyagi's head jerk up so fast that it almost connected with Mitsui's jaw. "Stop being melodramatic, Hisashi," he clipped, pushing the shooting guard away from him.
Eyes wide, mouth hanging open, heart beating loudly in his ears, Mitsui was about to say something when a loud faraway laugh jarred him back to his surroundings. Cursing under his breath, he scanned the area for a more suitable place to talk then dragged his boyfriend when he found the spot.
"Look, Ryota, I think it's time we talk about this. You've been tight lipped about this issue long enough and I'm getting sick and tired of it. Call me melodramatic or… whatever, I intend to have my answers now!" Mitsui burst, the dam of frustration stemming from numerous times of thwarted public show of intimacy finally cracking.
Standing but a foot away from the other, Miyagi clenched his teeth as well as hands as he said, "I can't. Not yet, anyway."
Throwing his hands up in the air, "But why? What's keeping you from saying it? Is it a secret?"
Miyagi shook his head in silent response.
"Then say it! Don't just stand there and play mime with me. This is about us, our relationship, and not just some trivial matter." Mitsui pointed. "Besides, it's not as if we're gonna break up or something if you say it right?" He casually asked, eyeing Miyagi who in turn avoided his gaze.
"Ryota?" He called.
"Hey, have you gone deaf on me? Didn't you hear what I just said?" He waved one hand in front of his lover's face only to have it shun when the latter turned away from him.
What the… He thought, confused and surprisingly hurt with that lone act.
Miyagi, eyes glistening and feeling like a heel, ignored the guy behind him. He knew from the vibrations emanated by his lover that the latter was teetering on the edge and yet he felt no remorse for staying silent. He had to stay silent, if only to spare Mitsui of further being hurt with the truth. It was not the time or the place to have THE talk and it would be best if the discussion ended at that.
Looking up though with his eyes still closed, please… please make him see. Make him understand. I… I can't… It's still… "No," he heard the other say, cutting his thoughts, and his back stiffened at the sound of his lover's voice.
"No," Mitsui repeated, audibly, his voice laden with pain. "No, it can't be. It's not it." Lifting his head, "You're pulling my leg right? It's not that sort of thing. Right? Ryota…?" Seeing no reaction, "Answer me damn it!" He roared.
Visibly flinching, Miyagi slowly turned and his breath hitched when he saw his beloved's rugged handsome face. Pain, fear, doubt, anger… "Hisashi," he choked, unconsciously moving slowly towards the other.
With his fear heightened upon catching Miyagi's fleeting expression of guilt and then remorse, "Why? Why now? Why after a year are you making me feel like this?" He cried, sagging against the wall and covering his eyes to hold back the wetness that had formed.
Mitsui never thought that such pain exists; searing, mind numbing, heart stopping, and yet, there he was… feeling, wallowing, and threatening to drown in its pit. And it was but for a mere thought that his beloved would leave him.
Damn it!
But then, he was not one to give up without a fight, never was and never will be. Hence his next thoughts were…
No! No! I won't let him. I'll show him… I'll make him see. He can't leave me!
With that resolution, Mitsui pulled himself together and was already thinking of what to say when a dark brownish mop found its way inside his jacket. Though caught off guard, his arms automatically went around the slightly quivering form.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way."
The tone of his lover's voice, the feel of him in his arms, it was one sure way of calming the scarred-face player no matter what. Hence, despite his earlier thoughts and feelings, Mitsui found himself burying his face onto that darkish mop and smelt his lover's unique intoxicating scent.
"I don't want to lose you, Ryota."
"You're not. I love you too, Hisashi, more than you think, and I'm not gonna lose you either," was Miyagi's spoken return. No matter what, he mentally added and prayed for it to be so.
Those words, those words were the only ones Mitsui needed to hear and the rest of his earlier questions got shoved at the back of his head as a burst of intense happiness made him squeeze his lover tight in pure joy and relief.
"Urrghh…"
Loosening his embrace, "Oops… Sorry," Mitsui chuckled, his humor and gaiety gradually returning and the shroud of tension slowly lifting.
As his form of sweet retaliation, Miyagi nudged Mitsui's jacket to the side and impetuously nipped the protruding aureole within his lips' reach, feeling oddly playful all of a sudden.
"Hey!" Mitsui jerked, inching his arm to make a shameful try of shielding his assets from Miyagi's nasty bites. "You better not start anything you can't finish, Ryota, or you'll have another issue to throw over my head," he warned.
Miyagi was immobile for a moment but not because he took offense of what his partner just said but it was of waiting to hear either the sound of warning bells or that swooshing sound which means that his walls were up. But there was none. All he could hear was Mitsui's heart beating against his ear and he smiled at that sound. Welcoming the strange calmness settling in, he moved his head back and gazed deep into amorous sapphire orbs.
"Why worry about it now? It didn't stop you before."
"Huh?" was Mitsui's intelligent comeback to that innuendo, agape like a goldfish.
A camera… Miyagi wished that he had one at that moment for his lover's expression was a definite Kodak moment. Seeing that he has none, he thought of something that would clamp that mouth shut effectively without ruining the moment and he knew just the thing. Grinning, he wound his arms around his dazed boyfriend's neck and covered the gaping mouth with his own. Pleasure and a surge of power flowed through him when he felt the other responding and moaning through the kiss.
With a boldness that he had never showed before, the ear-pierced teen deepened their kiss. And with their lips, arms, and bodies entwined, he really didn't care if somebody stumbled upon the secluded haven they have found beside the busy street. Neither was he concerned that his actions bridged his own rules.
It was like their first time. The first time they have ever kissed, not the one he instigated when he was drunk and tipsy during Hanamichi's birthday party, but a real kiss, like the one they shared right after the said party. And like that first time, he felt as if he was floating and not really standing on solid ground. Mitsui's kiss never failed to make him feel that way and he smiled inwardly at the thought. Mitsui was not his first kiss. No. He had kissed before. Back when he thought that he was straight. Girls who he had fleeting affections for.
Fleeting… Miyagi could now easily describe those feelings as such since someone managed to show him the true meaning of love. Hisashi Mitsui. Thinking of which, his eyes slowly fluttered open when the lips that were making him heady left his and he was left aching for more. But, after one knowing gaze from those crystalline blue eyes, he leaned his head sideways and moaned when he felt burning lips traveling along his exposed neck. Without a word, he tightened his arms around his lover and grinded their hips together.
Mitsui growled at that and sucked on the exposed flesh. He never thought that making out openly could be very alluring and enticing and the temptation to just throw caution to the wind and take his lover right there and then was too great but… he couldn't. Thus, with great reluctance, he released the pale skin he entrapped in his mouth and gave the red mark one last kiss before pulling his head back with a slight grunt.
"Hisashi?"
The sweet calling of his name made Mitsui groan out loud and without saying anything, he crushed Miyagi's slimmer frame against his once again and gave the latter an even clearer indication of how their recent act affected him.
"Feel that, Ryota? You'll not get a wink's rest tonight. I guarantee it," he huskily drawled, leaning his forehead against Miyagi's.
"Are you sure your stamina could take a whole night without rest?" The once-ace-point-guard of Shohoku high teased with a wicked grin.
Lifting his head, "Why you…" Mitsui started then swooped to claim Miyagi's lips for a chaste but deep and passionate kiss. "That's for wiping that grin off your face," he said. "And this," he stalled, leaning down to kiss his lover slowly this time. "That's a preview of what I would be doing to you tonight," he whispered seductively against a pierced ear.
Suddenly at a loss for words, Miyagi hid his heated face inside Mitsui's jacket and wrapped his arms around his lover's waist.
Not even hiding his mirth, "What's wrong, Ryo-kun? Don't have a comeback for that?" Mitsui asked, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, still heady after the kiss.
"Stop it, Hisashi," Miyagi chided but without conviction it seemed since Mitsui only laughed out loud, causing some passersby to turn sideways and stare at them through the alley's entrance.
Controlling his laughter, "I think this place suits you, you know. First, you flirted, then you kissed me, and then you flirted again. I should bring you here everyday!" Mitsui jested and waited for the retort that he was sure would come.
Rising to the occasion, Miyagi's face was crimson as he gave his lover a baleful glare. "Idiot! Just try and make a habit of it," he dared, disentangling his arms from his love's waist.
"Now that is my Ryo-kun," Mitsui remarked with a grin, earning him one of Miyagi's endearing glares. Laughing aloud, he pulled his lover back and hugged him tight. "God, what I would give to always be like this. Laughing, teasing, flirting, being with you… " He trailed just to give his Ryo-kun a tight squeeze.
"Yeah…" Miyagi sighed in content, closing his eyes as he basks in his lover's embrace.
Mitsui smiled contentedly down to his lover and kept silent, letting the feeling of contentment cloak them both for a while. But then, they couldn't stay that way all day, so, with great reluctance, he broke away from the other.
"So… What now?"
Miyagi stared at the hopeful look on his boyfriend's handsome face and instantly knew in his heart what his answer would be. Sighing, there's no winning when he looks like that, combing his fingers through his cropped hair, but who says I can't torture him first?
Glad to have learned something from his former stoic and impassive teammate, Miyagi forced a blank expression and gave Mitsui a look that revealed nothing before stepping from the alley and into the busy street.
Stretching his arms upwards, "Can we ride a cab on the way back? Walking all the way back to the bus station is out of the question, Sashi," he casually stated and Rukawa would have been proud of him for staying cool and indifferent even after seeing the disappointed and then pouting expression on Mitsui's handsome face.
Stuffing his hands into his pockets, the crestfallen young man forced a small smile and said, "Yeah, we could. Let's just wait by the shed then."
Watching the slumped shoulders and the defeated posture almost made Miyagi want to chuckle, but he did not. "Oi, where are you going?" He called out after the retreating figure, still holding his expression.
Bleak looking cobalt blue held the gaze of a pair of twinkling black orbs for a minute before those blue orbs looked away and in a faint voice its owner answered, "To wait for a cab."
Hands on hips, Miyagi mumbled something incoherent under his breath then said, "You better hurry up if you want to find good seats." Lifting one hand to point at the receding line that was earlier jammed pack with waiting moviegoers. "I think the movie's gonna start very soon," he commented.
Whirling around, "Huh?" Mitsui stammered, dumbstruck and unable to comprehend what Miyagi just said for a moment till he saw the latter walking steadily towards the movie theater. "Hey wait!" He called for the second time that day, but this time, this time he had a wide beaming smile plastered on his face when he caught up with the other.
"You mean we could go?"
Instead of answering the question directly, Miyagi just pushed his lingering boyfriend towards the end of the line and mischievously said, "Buy the tickets, Hisashi, and choose the right seats or else…"
Not slow on the take, "Topmost right. Yes, I know." Mitsui joyously affirmed. Without a minute more to spare, he sauntered towards the end of the ticket line and waited patiently for his turn.
After buying the tickets, popcorns, and beverage, the happy Mitsui and the still-slightly-wary Miyagi went inside the theater and waited for the movie to start.
The movie was not what Miyagi expected a gay movie to be. There were no gory sex scenes between males, no heavy petting, kissing, or cuddling. It was just a story about overcoming hardships and difficulties of being gay. Thus, after the movie ended, he actually felt good and somewhat enlightened, sort of anyway since he could not place his finger on it.
"It was good huh?"
Turning towards his companion, "Wipe that smirk off your face, Sashi, or I swear that I'll really go home, " Miyagi warned, walking alongside the other.
"No you won't," Mitsui countered without hesitation, still grinning. "You enjoyed the movie. Admit it."
Miyagi grumbled something under his breath but didn't deny anything. He did enjoy himself and he was actually looking forward to the rest of the day. Thus when his human-size-blue-eyed cuddly bear stirred him towards their next destination, his only reaction was a snort then a smile.
Within minutes, the birthday boy found himself inside a cheesy restaurant and wondered how his lover could've afforded it. It was not like them to venture inside an eating establishment where spoon, fork, and a knife were a necessity to stuff their tummies. But before he could even blurt out his question, a rather handsome gay guy sauntered towards them and started placing different sorts of foods on their table.
"Who ordered these?"
"I did." Mitsui gave his puzzled lover a lopsided grin before picking up his set of spoon and fork and made a show of starting his meal.
"Come on, dig in. I can't finish all of these you know."
Miyagi sat and stared at his boyfriend for a second. Then as if realizing that the other was not kidding about finishing everything laid out for them, he started nibbling a piece of everything before his own appetite got the better of him. Soon enough, what seemed to be a food fest fit to feed half of Tokyo University's Basketball Team was almost done by the time the waiter cleared their table and announced that dessert was about to be served.
"But, Sashi, I can't eat anymore," Miyagi whined.
"It's the last, Ryo-kun," Mitsui promised, squeezing the other's hand lying atop the table.
Rolling his eyes and sighing in defeat, Miyagi sat back and waited. But, as it turned out and much to his relief, the desert was just a simple orange cake. His favorite. And his eyes gleamed appreciatively.
"Would you want me to cut it for you, Sir?" The waiter asked, looking at the couple.
"No thanks," Mitsui answered and took the knife from the guy.
When the waiter left, Miyagi's right hand was already poised to stuff his fork into the yummy looking orange cake when he saw Mitsui cut it in half, right across his favorite part. "Hey!" He cried, frowning as he looked at his suddenly sweating boyfriend.
Dropping his fork, "Sashi, are you okay?"
Looking up from his cutting, Mitsui saw the worry on his beloved's face and smiled his understanding. "I'm okay. I just want to make this right," he stated and returned to his rather concentrated cutting of the cake.
Make what right? It's just cake?
However, as soon as it was 'perfectly' cut, as the other remarked afterwards, something shining stuffed inside the cake caught Miyagi's eye. Using his fork, he fished the thing out from the cake and his eyes went wide as saucers as he locked gaze with his rather nervous looking boyfriend.
"Sashi, what… What does…" was all he could stammer before the person in front of him disappeared and a crown of black with tinges of blue suddenly materialized beside him.
Then, his heart pounded at the sight of a kneeling Mitsui.
*** End flashback ***
Miyagi's expression was thoughtful as he touch the rounded object that hung around his neck and thought that even though he might not know half what they've been fighting about all the time, he knew just when the fights started.
It was when Mitsui found out that he had removed the ring from his finger and turned it into a necklace.
A wrong move, and might probably have been a wrong decision but what could he do?
Nothing.
After Mitsui had slipped the ring into his finger, everything went blurred and hazy for him all throughout the remainder of that day since his mind could only focus on one thing…
Mitsui asked to marry him…
And he said yes.
And it was, again, a wrong move.
It's not that he didn't really mean it when he said yes, because at that time, he did, with every fiber of his being.
But not afterwards.
Definitely not.
{At Starbucks}
"Then what happened?"
Twirling his frappucino drink with a straw, "I really can't tell. We were okay for the first few days after that and I never suspected that anything was wrong until… Until he removed the ring from his finger," Mitsui softly said, dropping his gaze to the matching ring adorning his finger.
Kogure regarded his companion with understanding in his eyes. He was witness of how the two got together last year and he felt troubled that they were having such problems. Unlike their mutual friend, Akagi, he knew of Mitsui's feelings towards Miyagi and he couldn't be happier when the latter returned Mitsui's affections.
"He's like a different person, you know," Mitsui said, cutting Kogure's thoughts.
"In what way?"
Shifting, Mitsui turned sideways and gazed outside the window, unseeing. "He became silent, withdrawn. I feel like we're growing farther and farther apart and I couldn't do anything about it."
Kogure remained silent, allowing Mitsui to bare his problems; not really talking to Kogure but more like talking to himself.
"It's weird. I know he loves me. I feel it. But, there's something that's making him hold back, something…" Mitsui paused and tilted his head to the side, still lost in his own world. "Something that's making him scared of me, of us, and of our relationship. But he wouldn't tell me what!" He ended, frowning.
Turning towards Kogure all of a sudden, "Am I making any sense to you?"
Smiling, "It doesn't matter if you make sense to me or not, Mitsui. What matters is that you make sense to yourself," Kogure pointed.
Mitsui slumped forward in his seat with a groan and said, "That's just it. I can't. I'm not sure what to think and do anymore. I've tried talking to him but he just wouldn't listen. He became so… So…" He trailed, unable to voice out the word that made him so frustrated over Miyagi's present attitude.
"Stubborn?"
Casting Kogure a frowning glance, "He's always stubborn so that's nothing new."
"Then what?"
Raking his fingers through his darkish locks, "I dunno, moody maybe? That's the best I could describe him to be lately. Blowing hot and then cold. But mostly cold, especially these past few weeks."
Leaning on one elbow, "I don't think Miyagi's attitude is your problem, Mitsui, and you know it. I think you're just afraid of facing up to what's obvious. Fear is what's affecting your relationship. Eliminate that and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the old Miyagi back," Kogure advised, playing with his emptied cup while looking straight at his bestfriend.
Fear…
That word alone made Mitsui feel nervous without really knowing why and he shifted again in his seat, leaning back. What is he afraid of? Me? He inwardly questioned and shuddered at the thought that that was it. But then… Why?
Kogure silently watched the emotions playing on Mitsui's face. Love was never said to be easy, in any way, that's why he was letting Mitsui figure it out for himself. It's better that way. For his own sake as well as Miyagi's.
If only Mitsui would admit it. Admit THAT which was tearing Miyagi away from him. But knowing Mitsui, it would take something drastic before he would do so.
That's Mitsui, stubborn as a mule, much more so than Miyagi, if the former would care to admit it, Kogure couldn't help in thinking.
After a while, Mitsui let out a huge sigh and his expression became somewhat forlorn as realization and acceptance dawned on him, his gaze… fixed on the ring around his ring.
Kogure knew from the look on Mitsui's face that the latter had finally figured it out and that's why he stood up then said, "I think it's time you find Miyagi." In which Mitsui only replied with a slight nod of his head.
{Later that night - Tokyo University's basketball gym}
A silent figure decided to stay hidden behind the shadows while following the lithe movements of the player practicing alone with his eyes. It took all of his will power to not just stride and haul the other into his arms, to hold him tight and never let him go. But he couldn't, not just yet. He has to figure out how to say what he needed to say before he could do so and it's tearing him up inside just by the thought that he need to say it.
He had to.
For, Ryota's sake.
Finally, as Miyagi stopped to rest for a bit, Mitsui made his presence known and their eyes met. Both held on to that loving gaze they were receiving from the other for a moment before Miyagi looked away and promptly made Mitsui say, "I've looked everywhere for you."
Mitsui's voice sailed across the gym and Miyagi didn't know how much he needed to hear it till a feeling akin to relief crept into his system. While he was at the park, he waited till the sun went down before returning to the university. He had already decided what to do and was anxious to have it done and over with. But, upon returning to their dorm, his nervousness turned into a deep sense of foreboding when he didn't find Mitsui.
"Sure took you long enough," he said and grimaced when he heard how hoarse his voice sounded. He took another shot to the hoop but didn't pick up the ball and stayed standing where he was, giving his boyfriend his back.
Mitsui let a ghost of a smile grace his lips as he walked past Miyagi to retrieve the ball. Head bent, he started dribbling the ball while his brain racked for a better way to start the little speech he practiced earlier.
"I'm sorry."
The words were uttered almost inaudibly that Mitsui had a hard time catching it. "What did you say?" He asked, looking up, and was surprised to see pain etched clearly on Miyagi's face. Without even thinking about it, he dropped the ball and immediately went to his lover's side, pulling the latter into his embrace.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault," Miyagi repeated, arms tight around Mitsui's waist as tears trickle down his face.
"Sshhh… It's not entirely your fault, Ryota. I was wrong too," Mitsui soothed.
Leaning back slightly to stare at his beloved's face, "No! You don't understand. It's me. I… I was scared. I'm still scared and I don't know how to handle it. It's not your fault," Miyagi countered. Burying his face back against Mitsui's chest, "It's me, Hisashi. All about me. You didn't do anything but make me feel love and like the idiot that I am, I'm pushing it away. Pushing you away because I'm scared of loving you too much, and of loosing you," he stressed.
Not wanting to let the other continue with the self-reproach, Mitsui effectively shushed Miyagi by fusing their lips together, projecting his love through the kiss. When they broke apart, he looked deep into charcoal eyes and seriously said, "You're never getting rid of me, Ryota. No matter how hard you push."
Eyes still glistening, "Hisashi, I," was all Miyagi could utter before Mitsui silenced him again with another kiss.
"Stop it! You don't have to say anything anymore. This time… this time, you listen. I need to tell you something," Mitsui said then dragged the wide-eyed Miyagi down to sit on the cold-hard floor in front of him.
Drawing in a deep breath, Mitsui stared straight into Miyagi's eyes as he said, "I did went out and looked for you. Why wouldn't I? Parents and siblings aside, you're the most important person in my life and I don't want to lose you. But, it seemed that fate wanted us to have time to think things through so, I guess, that's why it took me this long to come and find you."
Seeing Miyagi looked down, he sighed and said, "My finding you this late don't mean anything, Ryota. Please, let's not add this to our problems."
Cupping Miyagi's face so the latter would be forced to meet his gaze, "If you were that worried, why didn't you come and look for me then? It's two way you know," he pointed, slightly teasing while wiping Miyagi's face dry of any remnants of tears.
Feeling rather stupid all of a sudden, Miyagi slightly blushed as he stammered, "I… I did. But, you weren't in the dorm. So, I came here and waited for you. I knew you'd look for me here. Eventually."
"There's no 'eventually' about it. Of course I'd look for you," Mitsui vehemently corrected, brows furrowed. Then, as if realizing that they're stirring far from what they're supposed to be talking about, he waved a dismissive hand in the air and said, "Let's just drop it, okay? We found each other and that's that. End of story."
Scooting a little closer to the ear-pierced player, "Now, before anything else… Here." Mitsui removed the ring he had on his engagement finger and placed it on Miyagi's palm.
Miyagi was dumbfounded, to say the least. Of all things, he didn't expect that. It's implication was something he didn't even want to think about at that moment as his heart beat painfully against his chest.
While Miyagi burned the thing on his hand with his intense look, Mitsui gazed at his lover with a wistful expression on his face. What he just did was one of those times that he acted spontaneously. It was not even included in his agenda. All he thought of was to talk to Miyagi but seeing that he couldn't say what he wanted to say… He acted on it instead.
However, much to Mitsui's dismay, Miyagi's reaction was one that he truly didn't quite expect.
Eyes downcast, expression hidden behind a sudden impassive mask, hands clenched, Miyagi stood up and said, "So this is it. After all that speech you just said, this is what it leads to. You're breaking up with me. Is that it?"
Leaving out Miyagi's unusual veneer, Mitsui hastily scrambled to his feet as the cold tone in his lover's voice made his insides churn and freeze all over.
Grabbing onto one of Miyagi's clenched hand, "No, it's not! I'm not breaking up with you. That's not what I meant," Mitsui rebutted.
"Then what?"
Feeling an incoming headache about to break, Mitsui kneaded his forehead and looked for a better way to make the other understand his intention. After a while, he grabbed Miyagi's hand and led him to the bench and motioned for him to sit.
Crouching in front of his still impassive looking lover, "I didn't mean for it to look like I'm breaking up with you," Mitsui started then took a deep breath before continuing. "I want you to keep it for a while. Make it a companion for that ring on your necklace and then return it to me when you're ready to make the commitment."
"Why?"
"Why?" Wetting his lips, it's now or never, Hisashi. Do it before you lose your nerve, his mind urged. Taking a deep breath, he looked down onto their clasped hands and said, "Because… It's because I don't want you to be afraid anymore."
Mitsui heard the sharp intake of breath and felt the tensing of the hands he was holding but he neither looked up nor faltered in his explanation. "I'm sorry if I've been slow in catching up because I sort of just realized it today." Stilting a laugh, "It's funny, really, since I had to almost lose you before I really got down into thinking things through. If I weren't such a dope in believing that you meant it when you said yes then, maybe, we could have avoided all those fights we had."
"Sashi…"
With a sigh, Mitsui slid to the floor, laid his head on Miyagi's lap, and wrapped his arms around Miyagi. "I love you, Ryota. I really do."
Expression softening, Miyagi tenderly stroke the head on his lap as he said, "I know, Sashi. I know."
However, Mitsui didn't give any indication that he heard what Miyagi said. "I'm not taking back my proposal. I still want to marry you, more than anything, but I'm not gonna push you into doing something you don't want to do. That's why I gave you my ring. So you could decide whether or not you want to take your answer back."
Miyagi felt his heart tightened and almost choked on his next words. "Are you sure you want to do that?"
Am I? Mitsui questioned himself then answered, "No, I'm not. But it's something I have to do." Raising himself to a crouching position again, "I don't want you to be afraid of anything, least of all me, and by letting you hold on to this," squeezing Miyagi's hand where his ring was cocooned, "you'd have one problem solved."
Silence…
The gym was suddenly filled with an ear-deafening silence that Mitsui almost wanted to reach for a ball and start dribbling. Then, he heard Miyagi say something that was too low for him to hear.
"What did you say?"
A frown broke through the impassive mask Miyagi was trying to hold and then turned into a grin as he said, "I said you're an idiot."
Taken aback, Miyagi's changed expression was lost to Mitsui for a moment as he uttered, "What?"
Breaking into a huge grin, "You're an idiot. But my idiot and I wouldn't have it any other way," Miyagi stated, leaning forward to give Mitsui a kiss.
Bewildered, confused, and, again, at a loss for words, Mitsui could only stare agape at first before he heard Miyagi laughed out loud. "What's so funny?"
Controlling his laughter, "Nothing. I'm just happy. Happier than I have ever been in my entire life," Miyagi supplied.
"Why? Because I released you from the burden of marrying me?"
Mitsui knew he'd be hurt if Miyagi chose to withdraw his acceptance but, for Miyagi to be happy about it? That's something he hadn't thought of and the pain of knowing it seared his heart.
Really an idiot, Miyagi thought with a shake of his head.
This time, it was Miyagi's turn to make the other look at him. "I would be lying if I say that I'm not happy with your proposition, because I am, but not for the reason that you're thinking of."
"…"
Miyagi's lips tugged at the corners as he reached out and tenderly caressed the face before him with the back of his hand, making Mitsui's heart swell with the sweetness of it. "I meant it when I said I'll marry you that time. There was never a doubt of that. But… I was not ready to accept it, not that time anyway."
"And now?" Mitsui couldn't stop that question from popping out even if he wanted to.
Pulling his hand away, he removed the ring from the necklace around his neck and placed it together with Mitsui's on his palm. "Partially. But I'm getting there. Are you willing to wait?" He asked, looking up to meet a pair of hopeful blue eyes..
Nodding his head, "Even if it takes forever, Ryota," Mitsui declared, standing and hauling Miyagi up to give the latter a hug full of happiness and relief. "Even if it takes forever," he repeated again, silently against Miyagi's ear.
"Thank you, Hisashi." Miyagi's happiness was almost complete as there left only one hurdle to resolve. Untangling himself from Mitsui's embrace, he said, "I still have one thing left to confess and I think we better sit down for this."
Taking a deep breath, "Do you have any idea what I'm afraid of? Or what I'm keeping from you?" He questioned.
"No. But you don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Mitsui offered, squeezing Miyagi's hand.
Miyagi smiled in gratitude and squeezed Mitsui's hand in return. "Like you, this is something that I need to do. If I don't say it now, I might not find the courage to say it, ever. So just… Just let me finish before you say anything. Okay?"
Mitsui said nothing and only nodded his head.
"When you first hinted that you liked me, I was disgusted. Just the thought of a guy liking me makes me sick. That's why I avoided you like a plague that time," Miyagi divulged, pausing to check how Mitsui was taking it all in.
"I'm okay," Mitsui said, urging the other to continue.
Nodding, Miyagi turned around so his back would be leaning against Mitsui's chest then wrapped Mitsui's arms around him. "But I got to admit, you're persistence sure paid off, since I soon found myself missing you. But, I didn't want that. So, I kept telling myself that it was nothing. That it was just because I was rejected once too many times that I missed the attentions you're giving me. But, I was wrong. Because even though I fought hard not to admit it, I knew that I had fallen in love with you."
Sighing, "So, when you took it on yourself to drown me with alcohol that time during Hanamichi's party, I finally gave in to my feelings and accepted your love."
Feeling Mitsui's arms tightening around him, he raised one knuckle to his lips and gave it a chaste kiss. "Maybe it was the alcohol or just the mood, I don't know. All I remembered was this overwhelming feeling of need to be with you," Miyagi disclosed; feeling freed in a way.
"And that's bad?" Mitsui asked, cutting across Miyagi's newfound peace.
"Not really." Feeling the other tensed, Miyagi shifted so he would be facing his lover again. "See, even if I don't deny my feelings anymore and we're together, there's still this one thing that's keeping me from being completely happy with you."
"And that is…" Mitsui pressed.
Miyagi looked down for a moment and seemed to gulp before lifting his eyes to meet those of Mitsui's again. "Being gay… I have a problem with it," Miyagi finally admitted and waited for his lover's reaction.
Eyes wide, "Why?" Mitsui stammered.
Freeing himself from any sort of contact with Mitsui whatsoever, Miyagi cradled his head between his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. "Because I used to make fun of gays."
Standing up, he went to where the ball was and started dribbling it. "I had a classmate once in junior high who was gay and the students in my class made fun of him, ridiculed him, and avoided him like he was a carrier of some sort of disease. And I… I was amongst those boys." Miyagi caught the ball in his hands and clutched it tight against his chest as the remembrance of his past doings taunt him.
Mitsui, sensing the change, immediately went over to Miyagi's side and hugged him from behind. "It's in the past, Ryota, and there's no use being ashamed of it."
Dropping the ball, Miyagi turned around and gave Mitsui a tight hug. "I know. But, it's not that simple."
Mitsui was about to say something again when Miyagi pulled him to sit on the bench again. "Why not?" He asked after they resumed their previous position; him sitting sideways while Miyagi sat beside him.
Holding his head between his hands, Miyagi closed his eyes and said, "Because, because if I didn't join my friends in making fun of him then… then maybe… he wouldn't have taken out his revenge on me."
Blue eyes flared with an emotion primal to man. "What do you mean?" Mitsui questioned, holding his breath and waiting for Miyagi's answer.
"He molested me."
Mitsui's back went rigid upon hearing that and his eyes blazed with anger but he controlled himself. It wouldn't do the both of them any good if he reacted prematurely. He still didn't know that facts but he was sure going to get it.
And then, I'll hunt down that pervert, Mitsui thought.
"What happened?"
Hearing the change in his lover's tone, Miyagi instinctively snuggled up to Mitsui and said, "I got drunk in one of my classmate's party and he… he locked himself with me in the bathroom while I was throwing up." Feeling Mitsui tensing around him," Nothing happened, Sashi. A friend who saw him come in helped me," he hastily informed him.
"Did he touch you?" Mitsui's voice quivered but he didn't care.
Shaking his head slightly, "Not in the way you're thinking. His lips were on my neck and his hands were all over me but that's it. I was surprised and a bit woozy that time but I still managed to fend him off, though barely because he's bigger than me. Good thing that my friend came in when he did or…" Miyagi trailed. He didn't want to let Mitsui imagine how far it could have went but he wouldn't lie about it either.
No more secrets, Miyagi said to himself.
A sigh of relief escaped Mitsui as he tightened his arms around his lover. "Thank God." He didn't know that Miyagi had such an experience in the past since he never asked. He valued privacy and that's why he allowed Miyagi to have his. But now… after learning about his ear-pierced lover's encounter with the third sex, he wished that he could turn back time and made his intentions known in a more subtle way. He could have just courted Miyagi as a boy would to a girl instead of chasing him around like the lovesick fool that he was back then.
But I didn't so there's no use thinking about it. All I could now is to help him get past this and maybe, he'd be able to fully accept what he is.
"How do you feel about it now?"
Nestling deeper within Mitsui's embrace, "Better, now that I told you about it. And, come to think of it, I shouldn't have made it a big issue since nothing did happen. But, I guess, I was just ashamed of it and that's also why I couldn't tell you," Miyagi admitted.
"I understand," Mitsui remarked. Then, after some thought, "Is that also why you're so jumpy when there are gay people around?" He asked, remembering the fiasco about the movie house where he took Miyagi for his birthday and some other similar incidence in the past wherein Miyagi would shy away from a crowd of gay people.
Miyagi softly sighed and nodded his head.
Finally understanding everything, Mitsui curled and leaned down to nuzzle his face against his beloved's neck. "Thank you for telling me about this," he whispered.
Tilting his head sideways to accommodate Mitsui's now roving lips, "There's nothing to thank about. I'm the one who should say sorry since I waited this long to tell you."
"What made you?" Mitsui mumbled, loving the taste of Miyagi's neck in his mouth.
Smiling, but partly because of his beloved's teasing, "I got scared of the thought of losing you." Catching Mitsui's lips with his own, he gave the lower lip a playful bite then said, "When it comes down to choosing whether to save us or forever keep the secret with me, I chose risking your reaction in order to save us. You and I, this relationship, is much more important to me. And your unselfish sacrifice earlier strengthened my belief that you'd never leave me. That much I have proven today," Miyagi disclosed.
Leaning back in mock surprise, "Just now?" Shaking his head, "You should know that nothing's more important than keeping you by my side, Ryota. Secret or no secret." Tilting Miyagi's face up, "And even if that bastard did touch you… My feelings won't change," Mitsui huskily declared.
Miyagi already knew that but his heart swelled, nevertheless. "Sorry, guess you're not the only one who's slow on catching up on things."
Inching his face closer to the one before him, "Just out of curiosity, what would you do if I did take you up on your offer and say that I don't want to be married at all?" Miyagi asked.
Mitsui pondered on the question for a moment. Then, with everything falling into place, he reached for the necklace that was lying on the bench and took the rings from Miyagi's hands. "I really don't know what I'd do, Ryota. But there's one thing that I'm sure of…"
Inserting the rings into the necklace, Mitsui reached behind Miyagi's neck and clasped the silver accessory in place.
Forehead to forehead, "Married or not, loving you forever is what I wanna do, Ryota, that's all I wanna do." Mitsui avowed and proceeded to seal his promise by giving his now teary-eyed lover a deep and soulful kiss.
I can't tell you when just yet, Hisashi. But one day, I promise, I'll make you the happiest man on earth.
Those were Miyagi's last thoughts before Mitsui led him to their dorm and they spent the entire night and the whole of next day showing just how much they mean to each other. Suffice to say, they lived happily ever after.
- THE END -
A/N: This fic is dedicated to Liete... A long overdue fic for Ryota's birthday. ^^;;
Started on August 24, 2002
Finished on October 29, 2002