It had all started no less than five minutes ago. Levi had been sitting at the kitchen table, the morning Sunday paper spread out across the counter in front of him, his morning coffee hot and steaming to his right; trying to enjoy the quiet peace of the morning. He would have succeeded too, if only his sixteen year-old son would stop banging on the front door.

"Dad? Dad! Open the door! Its morning–You said you'd let me back inside when I finished mowing the lawn…And take out the garbage, and do the dishes, and clean out the garage. But anyway–I'm finished! Can you let me back inside now?"

Levi let out a long sigh threw his nose, flipping another page to a new article. This one was about a new shipment of 'Clorax Clean-Up Fresh Cleaner Spray'. Boring…Everyone knows Windex is better...

"Did you vacuum the ceiling yet? And wash the windows?"


"….Can I do it tom–"


"But there's someone you need to me–"


"Is Eren polishing the wheels on the car, again?"

Levi looked up as none-other than his beloved wife strolled in, trying to position about three different bags of plastic yellow groceries on both arms, completely unaware of the look he gave her while she peeked out the window that allowed the woman to see outside. Where Eren was relentlessly trying to burst the door down. He turned his gaze back down to the newspaper.

"I thought you promised me you weren't going to do that again!" she scolded as she slid the bags onto the table and began to divide them into sections. Levi's wife was about as crazy at organization as he was cleaning. That was why the two hundred different spices in their cabinet were put in alphabetical order.

The ebony-haired man didn't up from his morning paper. "He deserved it this time, I was only disciplining him,"

The woman shot him a heated look, but in a matter of seconds her eyes flickered back to the poor boy outside.

"…It looks like someone's out there with him, Levi."

His eyes tightened, and the man's grip on the paper tightened with a dignified crunch. "Who is it? Do they have tattoo's? What are they doing?" he demanded, almost knocking over his chair while rising from the table. "So help me if this guy's doing drugs I'll–"

"Levi!" his wife chided, raising her hands up in a slight defensive position while looking between the window and her spouse–a sudden glance back at outside bringing a flash of surprise to her eyes. "Their not doing drugs–And its rude to stereotype!"

"Like I care," he snapped back, stomping over to the window where his bride stood, practically giving off enough steam to run a train. "Let me see,"

Peering suspiciously out the large window with narrowed-steel gray eyes like a hawks, Levi quickly spotted both his son and the mystery man on the front steps to their house. Eren was still trying to knock the door down (with no success), while the other boy stood beside him.

There was just one problem.

It wasn't a man. Or boy. Or even a male.

It was a girl.

"…Who the hell is she?"

"Levi!" the woman exclaimed, shooting her husband yet another fiery glare. Even knocking his over the back of the head a couple times, it was lightly of course, but it still hurt to be slapped by your wife.

"Don't you get it, honey? Eren has a girlfriend!"

Breakfast that morning was defiantly one of the most awkward experiences Levi had had so far. That was obvious. But he was almost too angry to care at this point.

"So Mikasa, where are you from? Do you go to Eren's school?" his wife asked kindly while passing over the platter of eggs to the center of the table. She seemed to be the only one eating. Eren too nervous, Mikasa too...expressionless, and Levi too pissed.

There was a moment of pregnant silence before the young woman answered, fiddling with the edges of her red scarf she wore around her neck as if she could sense all the trio's pair of six eyes on her at once–But also immediately striking Levi off as suspicious.

"The Shiganshina District, Mrs. Rivaille," she replied, the corners of her constant impassive mouth curving upward slightly, flashing a ghost of a smile.

She's defiantly goth...And doing drugs, thats a bad sign...Levi thought darkly, almost about to break the metal spoon he was using to scrape bacon out of the tin. Eren had eaten the rest, leaving only little scrapes left, and when Levi's bacon was involved...Things got ugly. The only thing the retired ebony-haired soldier loved more than cleaning supplies, his wife, and more cleaning supplies, was bacon.

Glaring heatedly between his spouse, Eren, and 'Mikasa'–though he doubted that was her real name as they made small-talk, his left eye kept twitched whoever the young black-haired girl so much as looked in Eren's direction. Levi had insisted on both him and his wife sitting between them (against both Eren and her objection), but she still kept looking at him.

The girl had a set of slender, almond-shaped eyes that held a set of actually relatively pretty gray irises. Like the color of ashes from a fire, or charcoal. They weren't hard in expression like Levi's though, leaning more towards simply just bored, or inexpressive. They annoyed the hell out Levi–only because he couldn't read her properly the way he could other people, but the strange thing was that whenever Eren looked her way–so much as even glanced her way, it was enough to send the girl rolling over onto the floor. Not including his wife, who seemed to think the whole thing absolutely adorable while at the same time appeared to be as excited as he was pissed. Therefor spending the whole time chatting the small half-an-hour the family spent together in the morning away.

It wasn't until another fifteen minutes later when Levi was finally able to ask one of his own questions. Luckily, he had been able to go to the bathroom while his wife had stopped to take a breather (but to get a few other things as well as piss). Therefor lessening the amount of blazing hot anger he was immitting from his person like steam, though only by a fraction. He was still seething beyond recognition no matter what.

Wiping his mouth and stacking his dirty plates on top of one another quietly while the others conversed, Levi stood up, plastering a look of indifference that he hoped to match Mikasa's when he looked down on her.

"Mikasa?" he asked, smoothly doing a quick scope of the items on his person in his mind, just to be safe. "Do you think I could go speak with you in the other room? In private, if thats alright with you." he said, though his tone of voice suggested he would've dragged her out even if she'd refused.

The young girl didn't blink, staring blankly up at at him as he was to her.

"Of course, sir," she replied despite the pleading 'I'm sorry I just brought you to your dance with the devil' look Eren was giving as she stood up with an equal amount of vigor as Levi had.

The man dipped his head in her direction, trying got keep the glare from threatening to surface into existence while he gestured rather stiffly towards the front hall. They wouldn't be overhead from there.

Once they were finally alone but not without after a few odd looks from Levi's wife and a fearful scarce few from Eren, they stood in the middle of the hall across from each other. It was only then when Levi realized the flaw in his plan.

She was taller than him.


Levi really needed to think out his battle strategies more. How could he have been so stupid? Should't he have noticed that when she had stood up to follow him that she was no longer able to look up at him, but down instead?

He should've made her sit down somewhere. Damn.

Well, it was too late now, and it wasn't as though he was going to be intimidated by a teenaged girl, that was for sure.

With that, Levi mentally shook his muddled thoughts away. Looking up (though only slightly, thankfully) at the girl before him, he decided hastily that he was going to instead break her down with his eyes. He had been in the military before, and therefor knew what it was like to be looked-down upon.

First, he began with her...size. Not only tall in stature, but Mikasa Ackerman was also actually rather built. Like her expressionless features Levi was also caught somewhat off guard, though he didn't let it show. Her shirt was tight around her biceps and forearms, and therefor showing the taught muscle of her arms visible. She was slender in build, but now when he actually looked at her, he could tell she would have excelled in the army.

Second, Levi questioned her smarts.

"Ms. Ackerman..." he began, carefully being sure to draw out every word when he spoke in an attempt to scare her. However, this girl didn't seem like she would be fased even if a dinosaur looked her in the face.

"Whats seven times seven (7x7)?"

Not even a flicker of surprise passed over the girl's face when she answered no less than a split second later.


Levi shot her a look.

"Sir," she added hastily, glancing down at her feet in what Levi hoped was embarrassment for her slip up. But he nodded nonetheless.

"One-hundred forty-eight times nine-hundred eighty-five (148x985)?"

Another pause. This one only a second or two longer than the first. "Two-hundred seven thousand-forty (227040),"

"Eight-hundred sixty-five times seven-hundred sixteen (865x716)?"

"Six-hundred nineteen three-hundred forty thousand (619340),"

"One-thousand two-hundred forty-two times two-hundred eighty six (1242x286)?"

"...Three-hundred fifty-five thousand two-hundred twelve (355212),"

A pregnant pause. This girl had steroids on her brain.

"Good," Levi finally said aloud, finally stopping the pacing he had been doing threw out the drill to stand directly in front of the girl. Damn, I need to get some stilts, this girl is like the female Michael Jordan...

"I have something I want to give you, Ms. Ackerman. It's something all good soldiers should have in time of need. And also what all young woman should have when dating my son,"

Mikasa nodded.

"Hold out your hand,"

She did so.

When Levi put the object in the girl's hand, her face didn't change. There was the smallest glimmer of surprise that passed over her eyes, but it was gone so fast that he could have mistaken it for the lighting. She put the object in her pocket.

Mikasa dipped her head politely to him.

"Thank you, Mr. Rivaille,"

Later that day, long after Levi and Mikasa had returned and her and Eren's studying session had been interrupted by an urgent phone call from her parents, she had begun walking home. Which was when the dark-haired girl finally reached a none-populated side street, where she could examine the item properly.

The object was a condom.

The End.

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