Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing my two favorite characters from the show.
Spoilers: Season 1: Episode 10 – I am become death
Summary: "When he wakes he doesn't know how long he's been out but Octavia is gone from his side and he immediately looks to where Clarke is. Was. His heart stops, seeing that the hammock is now vacant. He wants to panic – no, no, no – not Clarke."
A/N: I got hung up on this scene (so much Bellarke feels) and the obvious relief Bellamy shows. I may fold this story into a longer, missing scene fic for this episode. Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Bellamy barely registers when Carson and Dirk drag him into the drop-ship. All he knows is that he feels like shit – he feels feverish and weak, his nose is bleeding, his chest is congested, he can't breathe and he wants, needs to cough so badly.
Once inside, he vaguely hears Octavia commanding the other sick around him to move and give him room and he wonders why. But then there's a sudden sensation of falling, he's falling and dropping onto something soft and it occurs to him with some levity that Carson and Dirk have absolutely no bedside manner. He's thinking of saying something berating when he feels the convulsions start and his throat constricts as something he knows is blood comes rushing out of him through his nose and now his mouth. He tastes metal and can't seem to get any air in and he thinks darkly, this must be what it feels like to drown.
Mercifully, there's Octavia's voice again. He feels himself being manhandled and turned to his side and more sticky, thick liquid comes gurgling out and the feeling of being suffocated is suddenly alleviated. He glances up quickly and spots blonde hair, Clarke's form in repose a few feet away in the hammock before his sister's face comes into view. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows, Clarke's too still and he can't explain why fear all of a sudden grips him.
He's thinking he might just pass out when Octavia is talking to him again. She's letting him know she's there and he can't help but tell her how he feels because it's true, he's fucking terrified. He could die, and then who would watch over her? They all could die, Clarke – Clarke could too – she's so lifeless. And then if not and Finn's plan fails, the Grounders would come and that would be the end of it.
The end of them all.
Bellamy doesn't want to die. Not anymore. Not like that night when they found the bunker full of guns. There's still so much to do. That he wants to do. Clarke made him believe that this could work.
Surviving on earth could work. So, the thought of an earth without Clarke is implausible.
He's feeling cold now and so, so tired. There's blackness seeping into his vision and he wants to fight it, he cannot let the darkness claim him. But it's so strong that it eventually does.
When he wakes he doesn't know how long he's been out but Octavia is gone from his side and he immediately looks to where Clarke is.
His heart stops, seeing that the hammock is now vacant. He wants to panic – no, no, no –
He hears and sees the person responsible for this viral mess and he can hardly reign himself in. He doesn't even know where Murphy got the balls to proffer him a cup of water, but it takes every ounce of Bellamy's will to not swat it away violently. Clarke would be impressed he thinks grimly.
But then he hears a voice – I got this one – he can't fathom the amount of relief he feels.
He knows that voice. Low, husky and hers.
It's like he's dreaming when he finally spots her – he watches as she takes the cup from Murphy and takes a seat next to him. When she touches her hand briefly to his back to make sure he takes the cup of water from her, he knows he's not hallucinating and Bellamy is – grateful.
So extremely, embarrassingly grateful that she's sitting beside him that he asks the obvious. Of course she's feeling better, there's color in her cheeks and the intense distress he saw on her face before she passed out in Finn's arms seems a little less so. She manages a small smile and it's enough for him to feel some reprieve from their hell.
Because any minute there could be an attack that would destroy them all. He struggles briefly with what's most important right now and resolves to revisit why the thought of Clarke dying affects him so deeply later. Instead, he tells her they need to get everyone inside the drop-ship now. He doesn't realize it, but it isn't until she gets up to start moving everyone in, that he finally breathes.
Thank you for reading!