Doing What I can't Because I can
Art has always been a foreign concept to me. Not the in the 'I don't really like it' sense as such as being totally alien and incomprehensible to me. I can't be alone in this, I've asked friends who have perfect vision what art is and even they have difficulty answering. At best I can surmise that it's all about conveying meaning, through colours, shapes and patterns. Then they always want to know why I'm asking about art; 'you're blind' they say, or perhaps not so bluntly, 'why do you care about art?' I don't think art is lost to me just because I can't see. The world still has meaning to me, even if I all I can see are flickering shadows and silhouettes. I can't see, therefore I can't create works of art, that's just how the world works isn't it?
Except that I hate that, I defy it with everything I have. Who cares if the world says a blind boy cannot be an artist? I am who I am and I can be artist. To you the dirt is just brown. To me dirt is a rough, grainy sensation that clings to my skin whenever I fall, lingering even after I try to brush the granules away. To you the grass is just green. To me the grass is running my hands over each crisp blade, the earthy scent of a freshly mown lawn. Can I not convey those meanings? Can't that become art? I… I don't know. I can try though, that's why I'm in the Art Club, no matter how strange people think it is I have to try.
Painting is hard. Sometimes I try and paint in precise linear strokes, cutting across the page and quite often the desk too, just to get a feel for what a line is. Complex shapes are difficult but I can do blurs and blotches. I once tried to paint what it was like to be blind; covering a whole page in paint and going over some bits again and again in a way I'm told creates variation between light and dark tones. I don't know if my paintings are any good, but do they have to be good to count as art? Mr Nomiya doesn't have much to say about it, my work isn't the same as his. There was a girl though, Rin Tezuka, who says my paintings are interesting, that's got to mean I'm getting somewhere right? She says I'm interesting too, rather bluntly and I don't know what to think about that. I'm just a boy who doesn't believe my problems can stop me from being an artist. We all have problems, only we can decide how great they are and what they prevent us from doing.
Did you know that she paints even though she doesn't have arms? In way she's just like me, I wonder if she does it just to prove she can? I suppose it doesn't matter, it's just nice to think I'm not alone in the way I think. Sure, maybe I prefer sculpting to painting because my sense of touch helps out but I can still paint, maybe I can do anything. That's what matters to me in the end, more than any artistic concept. Doing what I can't because I can.