Dear Edward,

When I told my friends that I have had a crush on the same guy since the seventh grade, well they seemed to think it was love.

I remember my bestie saying to me, "I heard that if you like a guy for me than three years it's love."

I'm not sure about that, I have given you stolen glances and shy smiles since I was twelve years old, however I don't feel that I can call it love until we actually get together you know, otherwise I sound kinda pathetic and even desperate. I would like to call it love though, one day. If that's ok with you at the time. But for now a glance back occasionally even a conversation would be beautiful to me, however minimal the action; it would probably make my day.

One of my friends has a boyfriend. They're pretty serious I guess, they've been together almost a year and go on dates almost every weekend. It's sweet although she does pass us off to hang out with him a lot which is annoying. She doesn't seem to get it though. Sometimes I wish that could be us. I see couples holding hands and the girl is looking up at him with a smile as if he is her entire world and I am selfishly jealous. I shouldn't be though, it's my own fault.

I let you go. I had the chance to be with you and I blew it and I think I may have broken your heart. For that I can never forgive myself.

She turned to us and said, "You two should go out, you'd be cute together." I was only thirteen and completely embarrassed because I had been flirting outrageously with you for weeks and thought I had been too obvious about it.

So when you looked at me questioningly with that adorable small smile of yours that fricking melts my heart I laughed and said, "Oh we're just friends, nothing more." I laughed it off and will probably forever regret. I know I still do to this day. Two long years later.

I'm not sure if I will ever actually have the courage to send this to you or not but if I do, im sorry. If that means anything after all this time. I'm so sorry.

Love, or like I guess,

Bella Xx