114Disclaimer: The characters and original story of the Marvel Cinematic Universe do not belong to me; this story is not for sale or profit.
A/N: Welcome back for Part II! If you are finding me for the first time, this is a sequel to the story Feed the Rain. This part of the story has a little bit of a different format to the first part. I wanted to keep the story completely from Jane's perspective, but I felt like I had to include something more to tell it right; please tell me what you think in your review! Thanks for sticking with the story, please enjoy Part II!
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Mark of the Beast
"I'm searching for answers, 'cause something's not right.
I follow the signs; I'm close to the fire.
I fear that soon you'll reveal your dangerous mind…"
- Within Temptation
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In the high reaches of the World Tree, a king with one fierce eye reclined upon a golden throne. He cast his sight out into the far reaches of distant space, past whirling galaxies, bursting stars, streaming comets and all-consuming black holes, over strange and fantastic beings of every variety, ancient civilizations creating and discovering new wonders and mighty fleets of starship obliterating each other in interstellar battles. All of this he bypassed, searching farther and farther, only to pause upon a tiny blue speck in a quiet corner of the cosmos, making its steady, industrious way around a little yellow star.
Closer still he looked through air and light and misty clouds, until his gaze came to rest upon a winged metal tube gliding through the air above the planet's surface, filled with numerous insignificant mortal creatures going about their insignificant mortal lives.
Amongst them sat a woman upon whose whim the fate of all the Realms relied. In all the universe, it was she that drew the king's eye most constantly.
The king sat forward on his golden throne, watching with unwavering fascination as the woman passed a hand over her troubled brow, lingering unconsciously over the invisible mark of magic that had been cut there. She stared out the window, her eyes filled with conflict and confusion.
She had a decision to make. And whether she understood it or not, the fate of worlds hung upon her choice.
"Well, Jane?" the king whispered to the empty air. "What will you do?"
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Jane stared out the tiny porthole at the glittering waves below. The sun struck the water at a sharp angle, and if she relaxed her eyes and let them go slightly out of focus, she could imagine she was seeing a spray of stars against a twilight sky. The illusion calmed her, just as staring into the real night sky always did. Right now, that whimsical fantasy was a lot easier and more pleasant to dwell on than the harsh, unbelievable revelations of the past two days. Or the encounter that was soon to come.
She pulled her hand away from her forehead, only to bring it down to massage her neck, where very recently a livid black bruise had stained her skin. The jar of ointment that had healed it without a trace pressed sharply into her thigh, but she refused to carry it anywhere but in her pocket; she would not risk parting with it. Or its runic riddle.
Need. Gift. Healing.
They were more than mere ideas. They were the weights on a balance scale: one that continued to swing to and fro as she teetered between the two choices in front of her, embodied by a single symbol. Uruz. The beast. Or the rain.
War or peace. Truth, or lies. Conflict, or allegiance. Destruction, or healing. The sickness, or the cure.
The beast, or the rain.
Jane closed her eyes against the glittering stars on the waves. To choose what was right, she would have to do something very wrong. To do what she thought was right, was to choose the wrong thing. She had been chasing herself around in circles for hours. There seemed to be no answer.
Her mind flashed back to the dark of the hotel room, the storm and the green lightning, shocking revelations, the curiosity and the pain. The memory of the hand around her throat made her fingers flex tight against the arm rest. How could she ever trust him?
"I would never hurt you…" Those had been Loki's words, spoken like a solemn vow. Objectively speaking, she supposed he hadn't. Except…"At least not more than I have to."
Jane didn't like the idea of Loki deciding how much hurt she could endure, even if it was just a bruise. It didn't feel like just a bruise… The memory of the burning in her lungs and the blackening of her vision sent a tremor through her. It wasn't the injury itself. It was the act. The fear, the helplessness, the violation…
She reached up to touch the rune pendant, and swore he would never lay hands on her again.
On the heels of that, a sensory memory of the gentle friction of his lips rose up to swallow the crushing grip of his hand. Remembering the slide and press of his mouth on hers shot a confounding spark of electricity zinging along her limbs before she tamped down on it, vowing he would never do that again either, and refusing to acknowledge the curious shadow of ambivalence her resolution conjured. She could reluctantly admit, in the sanctuary of her own mind, that it had been… rather stimulating. For a moment. A very brief moment. But it hadn't felt that good – not good enough to overcome everything that stacked against it – and whatever good it had felt had been the product of adrenaline and fear… and maybe a little bit of curiosity… the conceit of being wanted so desperately… nothing else.
It should never have happened in the first place. It would never happen again.
No matter what choices she made surrounding the golden sun in her pocket.
This was a distraction she couldn't afford now. She forced it to the back of her mind. Loki wanted an alliance between them. One that he apparently believed could make things right after all that had gone so wrong. One that would begin, she could only assume, with her silence, making her complicit in his deceit and creating a 'debt of loyalty', as the mysterious Alexa Solberg had put it.
Jane had already chosen once not to expose him, when she had failed to contact SHIELD while she was still in New York. But the real test was yet to come. Because at the end of this flight, Thor waited for her. And much as her own indecision disgusted her, she had yet to decide what she would do.
Loki's thinly veiled ultimatum echoed in her head.
"Are you so eager to burn another world with me Jane?"
She shivered. That message was clear enough. If she kept quiet and didn't stir up any trouble, there was a chance he'd do the same; if she told anyone that he was alive, and they came looking for him, he would defend himself. She had no idea what he might do, but there was zero doubt in her mind that he would do it. He would not be taken easily. Innocent people would get caught in the crossfire again. Lives would be lost.
And this time, it really would be my fault…
Jane hunched her shoulders, rubbing them in an attempt to drive away the cold that seemed to have invaded her bones. She thought she could feel the magic cut that marked her choice tingling on her forehead, so cold that it burned. The fine hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and her eyes darted furtively around the plane. There were moments she could swear she felt his eyes on her, watching her from some dark corner as he had last night, but no matter how often she looked around herself, he was nowhere in sight.
He's not near me. He's inside me. In my head...
Jane squeezed her eyes shut as her forehead prickled and itched. She resisted the urge to scratch. She still had no idea what the mark really was, what it was for, or what it did. Alexa had told her that it was dangerous, but not necessarily evil; that it represented two possibilities, raging fire or cooling rain, the embodiment of the choice Loki was offering her. Loki himself had told her that it would protect her. And she'd seen with her own eyes that it was created with the Tesseract's blue magic, rather than the more common Asgardian green magic.
But it wasn't much to go on. What did 'dangerous' really mean? And as for protection… Jane dropped her hand to the rune pendant still hanging around her neck. Hagalaz had taught her very effectively that protection could mean a lot of things, and those things weren't always what you might expect. As for the Tesseract, that was a complete wild card, it's only known properties being interstellar teleportation and unpredictable mind-altering effects.
"It doesn't change you. It reveals you…" Her fingers tightened on the rune pendant.
What if she touched the mark and Loki popped out, like a genie from a bottle? What if by scratching it, the mark thought that meant she was being harmed, and… and… did something. Something bad? Worst of all, what if it was influencing her thoughts and perceptions, and she didn't realize it? Loki had denied it, but what was Loki's word really worth?
The uncertainty was tying her in knots.
She had to tell to Thor. Setting aside all of the conventional reasons why it was the right thing to do, there was a chance he would know what the mark was, and what to do about it. Despite Loki's warning, despite the devastation she could be responsible for if she revealed that he was alive, despite the way her insides squirmed with unease at the thought, and despite the pain it would cause him to learn that his brother was not the honorable hero he currently believed him to be, the only rational conclusion was to tell Thor what she knew.
What part has rationality played in any of this?
She shoved that thought forcefully aside.
If she were honest with herself, she also had another, more selfish motivation: trust. She and Thor had to be able to trust each other. Especially since she didn't know if she trusted him yet. He had broken so many promises. And with good – no, excellent reason each time. But the fact remained…
"Thor divides his affections."
Jane shook her head, as though she could shake off her doubts or somehow detach Loki's poisonous influence. Nothing he said regarding Thor could be trusted. Loki didn't want her to build a bond with Thor, he wanted her to build a bond with him. She couldn't allow that. She wanted to trust Thor, and someday she would. But in the meantime, she had to be trustworthy as well. She couldn't choose Loki over Thor, if she ever wanted to build something meaningful with him.
But then it came back to Loki's threat. If the charred, broken husk of Manhattan had been too heavy a burden, how could she bear the guilt of another city, another world, another crowd of innocent lives, whose blood this time really would be on her hands?
If I keep quiet, I am his accomplice. If I tell, I am a murderer. Either way, he makes me complicit in his crimes. Either way, he ties us closer together…
Maybe she could convince Thor not to go after Loki? She very nearly laughed at herself on the heels of that thought. Thor couldn't know of a wrong without trying to right it. It wasn't in him to ignore a crime, no matter the cost.
Is it in me to do that? she wondered. She didn't like to think so, but the real trouble wasn't so much that she ignored right and wrong, so much as she sometimes didn't quite know the difference. Like right now.
Thor would know the right thing to do instantly. He always knew just where he stood, just what he believed was right. An ache of longing blossomed in her chest and she sighed, longing to be in the sheltering strength of his arm, and simultaneously wishing that the plane would never land so she never had to make this decision.
"I can't, Loki," she murmured, letting her eyes go out of focus to stare out at the glittering lawn of the sea. She hardly knew which choice she was referring to. "I just can't…"
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A guard in gleaming golden armor stood before the throne.
"What is your will, my king?"
The king drew his eye from the little blue world and turned it intently at the faithful guard, seeming to weigh and measure him with his one wise, all-seeing eye.
"The threat I have seen on the horizon lingers just beyond my sight. Send the remainder of the forces to the outer perimeter. No living being shall enter or leave this realm, on pain of death."
"As you say, so shall it be done, your majesty."
The guard fisted his hand over his heart and departed to carry out the king's will.
The king sat back on his golden throne, his fingers tightening around the shaft of his mighty spear. His other hand drifted down to his side, into the folds of his cloak, where a tiny detonator was secreted, its wiring set to trigger a series of quantum explosives seeded along the perimeter of the Realm. Not near enough to destroy the Eternal City. Just enough to shatter the edges of the land mass and send them toppling into the void.
Along with every warrior in the realm, now stationed along the brink of the abyss.
In his mind's eye, the king pictured them falling, numerous as writhing golden raindrops, to meld without ripple or trace into the black chasm of the cosmic sea.
The king cast his eyes down upon the mortal goddess, and the mark upon her brow, carved with a double-edged dagger. The blade that would seal all their fates. His voice echoed hollowly in the empty chamber of the now empty palace and grounds. In his solitude, he allowed the command to take on the tone of the plea it truly was.
"Do not make me do this, Jane."
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"Attention passengers," the flight attendant's cool, overly-friendly voice came over the plane's intercom, pulling Jane from her fruitless thoughts. She was in the lavatory, splashing water on her face to clear her head, and had been staring into the little mirror for several minutes, lost in thought, as though maybe her dripping reflection might come to life and tell her what she should do. "Please fasten your seatbelts, stow your tray tables and place your seat backs in their fully upright positions, as we are about to begin our descent."
Jane's heart fluttered in her chest like a trapped bird.
She couldn't be the cause of more death and destruction.
She couldn't keep Loki's secret, building a tacit alliance with him while sacrificing Thor's trust.
She couldn't tell.
She had to tell.
Sighing heavily, she scrubbed at her face with a paper towel and exited the lavatory, squeezing past the other passengers making their way towards their seats. One of them, a middle-aged businessman wearing a blue blazer and a sour, harried expression clipped her shoulder as they passed, hard enough to spin her half way around.
"Watch where you're going," he snapped dismissively. "Ditzy bitch," he added in a gruff mutter.
On a normal day, that kind of thing would have irritated Jane, but she would have let it go. Today was not a normal day. The confusion and tension coalesced into a sizzling blaze low in her stomach, radiating up to coil, aching, behind her eyes. A quiet ringing started in her ears as she turned to glare at the man's back.
"Excuse me?" she all but growled between gritted teeth
The man stopped and turned, his lip curled, eyes hard, clearly spoiling for a fight and ready to put her in her place.
"I said…"
Jane watched through narrowed eyes as the words died on his lips and the color drained from his face. He stared at her for a heartbeat, then took an uncertain step backward, shaking his head and raising his hands in a gesture of surrender.
"Nothing," he said quickly. Jane frowned at him, her anger banking with confusion at his sudden change of tune. "Nothing. Sorry… sorry, ma'am," he shook his head, backing away. "Just… bad day... long flight… shouldn't have… sorry. Sorry."
He turned away and hurried up the aisle back to his seat. Jane watched him go, brow furrowing. Then she shook her head and moved back to her seat, fastening her seatbelt and relaxing as best she could into the headrest. She tried to hold on to her anger at the man in the blue blazer, preferring it to the helpless anxiety of her indecision, but it eked away as the ringing in her ears subsided. She had bigger problems to worry about than some jerk and his mood swings.
The more her anger evaporated, the more anxiety poured in to replace it, and as she stared out the window at the glittering water giving way to land, she let one quiet tear roll unimpeded down her cheek.
She couldn't tell.
She had to tell.
Her voice, when it issued from her lips, was a high thready whisper, and the words left her feeling like a frightened child.
"Don't make me do this, Loki."
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The king watched with baited breath as the woman stepped through the door of her small dwelling place, and into the arms of her Asgardian lover. His fingers curled and tightened around the arm of the throne as he watched them embrace, their delight in each other plain on their faces. When she reached up and pulled his mouth down to meet hers, the king turned his eyes away.
"I could almost believe you do it on purpose," he whispered to the empty air. He closed his glittering eye, shaking his head. "Is it ridiculous that I would rather you hate me than love him?" When he opened it again, a bitter smirk played along his lips, appearing quite unnatural upon his wise and stately visage. "But love and hate are two sides of the same coin. And given the correct pressure, that coin can be flipped."
Thus appeased, the king turned his gaze back upon the little blue speck, and upon the woman and her lover. No matter how cruelly she tormented him with the course of her affections, the moment on which all their worlds hinged was upon them, and he would watch without flinching.
"Command me, my queen," the king murmured. His fingers found the detonator once more, resting, deceptively relaxed against the trigger. "I am ready."
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"I have missed you so, Jane," Thor sighed, cradling her face delicately in his hands. Jane craned her neck to stare up into the masculine beauty of his face, reaching up to cover his hands with her own and pressing her cheek into the rough strength of his fingers. He was dressed casually in a grey t-shirt and jeans, but that did nothing to disguise his otherworldly magnificence.
This was what she had been waiting for, longing for, desperate for: his towering nearness, his overwhelming presence, the wonderful simplicity of their feelings for each other, her mind quieting as he awakened her senses, the guiding hand that would lead her unwaveringly down the proper path, even if she couldn't see where she was stepping. It never failed…
So why wasn't it working?
The peace and happiness he always brought her was now no more than a brittle veneer over the swelling mass of confusion and painful uncertainty, like a boil that needed to be lanced. Her heart felt light, but her stomach was twisted in knots. She looked up into his smiling face, and all he happiness was shot through with fractures. She felt sick with guilt.
"How was your trip?"
She opened her mouth…
"It… it was…"
Tell him. Looking into his eyes, it was the only right answer. Tell him!
…then she closed it.
"Don't look for me."
Telling Thor was the right thing to do. He loved her and trusted her. He would have the answers she couldn't find. The benefits outweighed the risks by miles.
"My only plans are to lay low. But if I am forced to change those plans…"
There was no reason for her to believe Loki would keep his word. None. And she needed to build trust with Thor, not Loki; keeping Loki's secrets from Thor would be an absolute violation of that trust.
"You will be the rain that cools his fury. Or you will be the fire that drives him to incinerate everything."
From nowhere, that heart-rending smile, sad and knowing, flitted through her mind, and the taste of his lips accosted her memory without her permission. The feel of them, still so real all these hours later, made her skin tinge so brazenly that she could swear they were there even now, invisible but real.
"You are my rain."
Her chest constricted painfully. She cleared her throat.
"Um… it was…"
Tell him!
"…fine…"
No, it was not fine! I was attacked by your dead brother, who it turns out is not so dead after all!
"Kind of boring actually. Lots of teaching, like, really basic stuff to a bunch of politicians and soldiers."
It was the opposite of boring! I got a magic symbol slashed into my forehead, and who knows what it does!
"But I got to meet Tony Stark and Bruce Banner! They're, like, science geek celebrities, it was a pretty big deal…"
I met the part-Asgardian descendents of the long lost brother you never knew existed!
"But other than that… you know… it was just… um… fine…."
God, she was a bad liar. Why am I lying to him? What is wrong with me? Guilt, hot and acidic, burned behind her eyes, and a heavy, uneasy knot in her gut twisted tighter. She dreaded finding a way to explain herself, since there was no way Thor would believe such a…
"I am pleased to hear it," Thor said, smiling warmly. Openly. Trustingly.
Jane discovered that the only thing worse than Thor discovering she'd lied to him, was Thor not discovering that she'd lied to him. The smoldering guilt in her gut blazed white hot. Unbearable.
"No…" she said, closing her eyes, swallowing against a bitter taste on her tongue. "Actually…"
Careful…
"…actually, it wasn't all fine…"
…be very careful now…
"Jane?" Thor's voice was laced with concern, and when she opened her eyes, his brow was deeply furrowed, his shoulders tense, as though braced to catch some heavy pronouncement about to fall from her lips. "What is it?"
"It's… about Loki."
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TBC…
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A/N: What do you think? Will she tell? Let me know your prediction in your review!
The runes referenced in this story are based on real runic meanings, but some aspects may be embellished or uniquely interpreted for the purposes of this story.
This series was inspired by an awesome fanart by Selene on Tumblr; there is a link on my profile page, please go take a look, you will be sorry if you miss it!
The song I listened to while writing this part of the story is the chillingly beautiful A Dangerous Mind by Within Temptation; your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go listen.
Any comments, critiques or questions are most welcome. Reviews make me write faster! Please let me know what you think and help me become a better writer!