Well, ok then, I suppose it's my turn to make a Foz snippit/oneshot dump, ala Corvus no Genmu. I put it off for long enough, though I do suppose that slumming through the backlog of most of Space Battles FoZ snippit archive did add to my wanting to do this... And seeing as I've been having some pretty bad writers block lately and am unable to finish the latest chapters on my other stories for the moment, I've decided to sink some time into this to try and free my mind.

So let's see how far this rabbit hole goes, shall we?

But before we go much farther I think I'll explain two things that I'm going to do differently with this series.

One, I'm going to list any warnings at the beginning of each individual chapter itself, this includes but is not limited to; violence, suggestive theme's, alcohol/drug use, trigger, etc. Just so you'll all be forewarned as these wont all be sunshine and rainbows

They'll be extremely varied by genre, so there's that too...

Two, I'll be listing what the chapter is, i.e. One shot, snippit, and what I like to call an Abridgelet, which I think I shall coin right here and now. That's right folks, I said it first! "What is an abridgelet?" You might ask? Simple. Instead of being a short one shot that covers a small portion of a story, or a snippit which covers a single scene or two, an Abridgelet is a complete single chapter story in and of itself, comprised of a dozen or more snippit sized pieces that covers the expanse of an entire series. A good example would be the telling of one of the years of Harry Potter simply by listing all of the 'good' parts and leaving most of the trivial stuff out or simply mentioning things that happened in the interim.

These are usually formed by me when I have so many ideas that they literally cover most of the series, so there's bound to be quite a few of these Abridgelet's.

Usually these Abridgelets will cover single chapters but that doesn't mean all of them will, in which case these successive chapters shall be named part one, two, three, etc.

So without further ado, Chapter one of "A Familiar Assortment."

Warnings: Possible Trigger, Implied drug use, Humorous use of Violence and Suggestive themes, F/F harem pairing.


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Familiar of Zero or Onion-Tou, all copyrights belong to their respective owners.


Chapter 1: A little bit of Mischief

Dancing lights.

That was the first thought that passed through Louise's mind as she stared at the strange assortment of incandescent orbs that floated in front of her.

This was her 'Divine, Beautiful, Wise and Powerful' Familiar?

Beautiful, perhaps... but wise and powerful? She didn't even want to think about it being divine now that she thought of it. What if she had summoned something divine and forced it under her will? Would she be labeled a Blasphemer? Now that she thought about it, that particular suffix perhaps... just maybe wasn't one of her better ideas.

It certainly was unique though and that had her more giddy than she thought possible.

That was, until she found someone standing in front of her. The man, as it turned out to be, happened to be the senior fire form teacher and the current presiding authority of the ritual that had summoned her familiar. Professor Colbert was his name, an elderly balding man whose bumbling personality made it difficult to take the man seriously. Now however, her teacher sported a severe look, sweat running down his face and his staff in front of him, a prepared fireball on it's tip which crackled ominously.

The man's reaction to the lights had most of the student body wary, her tormentors quieted by the threat of possible danger. Louise felt a sick sort of pleasure that she had summoned something that would quiet the jeers and taunts that followed her constantly.

Now though, she had to wonder what had her teacher so scared. "Mr. Colbert?"

The man flinched slightly, the hand not holding his staff held back to keep her away from the lights.

"Stay back Louise, these are no ordinary lights!" His eyes narrowed. "It is a Will 'o Wisp; A type of minor spirit that presides over mischief. Small they may be but they are powerful when threatened or angry and are known to draw travelers from road ways to their doom."

Louise froze. A Spirit! She had summoned a SPIRIT! The girl paled, her mother was going to kill her. Spirit magic was the realm of the firstborn elves and was considered heresy by the church. If she bonded with such a creature would it mean she herself committed heresy?

Using her not so inconsiderate willpower, the girl calmed her heavy breathing and suppressed her growing panic. No, she wouldn't be considered a blasphemer, she finally realized. The Montmorency were well known to deal with a water spirit from time to time and it was common knowledge that mage's of the past had dealings with spirits to an extent and were never formally punished for it.

But what would her binding as a spirit entail? Gathering what was left of her courage, Louise approached the lights to find out.

"Ms. Valliere!" Colbert noticed only too late that his charge had approached the Will 'o Wisp. He called to her again but the girl ignored him. Gritting his teeth, the teacher allowed the girl to continue on, holding his ground to protect the other students from the possibly malignant spirit

Louise stopped several feet from the lights, staring at them in wonder as they seemed to play tag with each other in myriad displays of sparks and ethereal trails. She cleared her throat which got the attention of the lights.

The orbs stopped their play and stilled almost immediately. For almost a minute, Mage and Spirit seemed to 'look' at each other, despite the latter not having a face for the former to actually 'look' at. This was quickly remedied however as the balls of light seemed to coalesce around a fixed point, the energy assimilating into a singular form that appeared before her. With a small *pop* a creature appeared in front of her.

The thing, barely as large as a man's hand, had an entirely white body except for two little tips of tan on top of it's head that seemed to represent hair. She also noted that the things head was larger than its body, with said body seemingly cutely represented by ill-defined arms and legs. And finally, it's face sported a cute... almost childishly drawn expression of curiosity.

It certainly looked the part of a mischief spirit...

"Nyo?" The thing made a noise reminiscent of confusion, tilting it's head slightly to the side, It's eyes blinking rapidly as it regarded her.

"Um." Louise cleared her throat. "Hello? I...ah." She rubbed her head, trying to think up a good way to ask this creature if it was her familiar. "You wouldn't happen to be... my familiar... would you?" Smooth Louise, really smooth...

The thing blinked again as it regarded the girl and then panned it's eyes upward to look at the other students, then it's eyes roved higher to take in the castle that housed the student body. For several minutes a strange frown of concentration crossed it's features as it seemed to... for a lack of a better term 'feel' it's surroundings.

After another moment the thing seemed to sigh, apparently giving up on whatever it was trying. It looked down at Louise again and lowered itself to her height, tilting it's head again as it got in her face.

"Hoyo?" 'Who are you?' It seemed to ask, staring into Louise's eyes.

Something inside of her, perhaps the childish portion that had yet to bury itself under the cold rationality of steel bubbled to the forefront, willing Louise forward to whisper almost conspiratorially to the creature. "My name is Louise." She whispered. "I know it is rude of me to ask a spirit like you this question but..." Her eyes trailed off to the side. "Would you perhaps..." She blushed. "Be my familiar?"

The little creature seemed to ponder that question for a moment, humming and shaking it's head back and forth to the tune while it poked it's lip cutely. A small globe of glass appeared over the spirits head, which lit up like one of the academy's magical lamps. The given representation seemed to imply that the creature had come up with an idea, a notion that seemed strangely fitting for the little creature.

A devious grin formed on it's face as it pantomimed conspiratorially back to Louise, going over several things in it's own strangely cute grunting and cooing language while waving it's body emphatically to get it's point across.

"So you'll be my familiar if I let you do what you want anytime you're not needed?" Louise asked quietly. The creature nodded. "I'll agree to that only if you agree to stop doing something if I ask you to, alright? I cant have you doing things that might get me in trouble after all."

The creature seemed to think on that a moment, weighing it's options in it's little hands, another strangely emotive way of physically describing it's emotions Louise supposed. Something seemed to click in the spirits mind however as it slowly nodded, holding one of it's tiny hands out to Louise as if it wanted her to shake it.

"You agree?" Louise wanted it to affirm.

The spirit nodded. "Oni!"

Somehow Louise knew that this was the tiny things name and that 'it' was actually a 'he' Nodding to herself, she reached a finger out to shake with the small spirit. "Louise." She smiled, shaking the spirits hand while at the same time pulling her wand from her holster and holding it up between them. "My name is Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière. Pentagon of the five elements, bless this humble being and make it my familiar." She then tapped the spirit on the head once before planting a kiss in the same spot, which made the small creature blush, the hue of almost the entirety of his body turning a soft pink.

Then that pink paled as a sharp hissing noise made itself known.

"Kuu!" The spirits eyes widened in pain as small black marks formed across his chest, seemingly burning into the spirit's being.

An almost motherly concern sprung up in Louise's mind, pain from a familiar brand was not supposed to hurt that badly! She reached out a hand and held the spirit almost like a mother holding a small baby, humming and cuddling him until the pain passed.

"Shhh, it's okay." She hummed. "I'm sorry that had to hurt so much... it shouldn't have hurt that much." She gently blew cooling air onto the brand to soothe the slightly reddened spot. "Don't worry, I'll kiss it and make it all better" She cooed, cradling him and planting small kisses on the tender brand. A small giggle escaped the spirit then and would have made an almost heart warming scene had one of Louise's tormentors not made a disparaging comment towards her, questioning that after all she had boasted that she had summoned and I quote. "Such a pathetic little familiar."

Oni, who had been enjoying the mothering, soothing actions from his summoner snapped taut in her hands. A single, strangely pulsating portion of it's head springing up to throb mercilessly. An eye twitch seemed to join it as several of the other children in the group started laughing.

"Fuu." Louise ignored the jeers of her peers for a moment and stared down at the strangely... irritated look on the face of her familiar -She nearly squeed that she was able call him that!-

Then that joy turned to horror as the spirit's head grew to nearly triple it's size, the entirety of it's eyes turning an almost cute shade of red and mouth forming an ill defined zigzag of what appeared to be a childish representation of teeth. Light glittered for a moment before the spirit flew towards the instigator of the insults with frightening speed.



It was over in an instant as the students and teacher found the instigating student hung from the castle walls by his undergarments. The loud snapping being the yanking upward of said undergarments, the crack being an iron hook -which appeared from nowhere- being rammed into the stone wall and the subsequent rip being the fabric of the boy's unmentionables as the spirit released the weight to follow the laws of physics and let gravity do all the dirty work for him.

Louise stared at the scene for all of five seconds before she stooped over, laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes.

The spirit floated back over to Louise where it landed on her head, a satisfied look plastered on it's face and a small cigar clenched between it's teeth.

Barely able to control herself, only one thought went though her mind as she came up for air, only to bend over again with fresh guffaws.



Kirche blinked. She had just finished with her morning ritual of insulting Louise's lack of physique when she found herself wrapped by an almost dizzying array of soft ropes. She blinked again and found herself looking at the ground as she was suspended in air by a single thick rope tied into the back of the strange rope 'harness' that had covered her body, splitting and showing off her breasts while at the same time rubbing her... ahem.

Kirche lifted her head to look at Louise, who was standing in front of her with her familiar atop her head. A satisfied smirk adorned her face and her familiar rubbed it's chin admiringly, giggling lewdly at the woman's predicament.

"Moo Moo." Oni pantomimed little milking motions, snorting in his own cute way at the woman's bovine inspired punishment.

Kirche felt strangely insulted.

How a spirit knew of the ancient and noble practice of Shibari, none of Halkeginia would ever know, or even understand for that matter.

Spirit of mischief indeed...


"Oh, it's so cute!" a pair of arms short forward, intent upon their target.

Oni turned. "Nyoroo-hrk!" And found himself snuggled between a rather generous pair of ahem... "Will 'o Wisps" The pale milky skin of Siesta the Maid making it almost impossible to differentiate the spirit for the skin of the breasts that were suffocating him.

"Ny-ny-nya!" He grunted several times, extricating himself from marshmallow hell. He then flew several feet off to get away from the huggy woman and get divert her attention. Louise needed some food and he was sent out to get it for her! "Nah! Nah boba! Neh Lou Fuha!" It wagged a comically large finger at her, something that taken with what he had said in his strange language amounted to 'No! No more breasts! I need food for Louise!' How the maid could come to that conclusion was as strange as the little spirit himself.

"Alright little guy." Siesta giggled. "Follow me, we'll get some food for your master."

-20 minutes later-

Siesta and Chef Martieu stared at the towering platter of food in shock.

"Mah Mah!" The little spirit replied smugly, slapping a rather generous slab of brisket near the bottom that it had somehow cooked in minutes that would have normally taken hours. The pair of humans stared at the glorious menagerie of food that set their mouths to watering and brought uncomfortable rumblings to their stomachs.

Finally, Martieu could take it no longer as he prostrated himself before the spirit, bowing his head to the superior chef. "Can you teach me the ways of the wok oh master of the kitchen!?"

A little paper chef hat appeared on the spirits head, followed closely by a small paper fan. "Oh hoh hoh hooo!" The spirit laughed into the back of his hand, slapping the paper fan into the stack of food. "Bah ah Kusa!" He growled, fire in his eyes as he set to work teaching his new pupil, while at the same time snapping his fingers and sending the food to Louise's room.

He then found Siesta prostrated on the floor as well, happy tears in her eyes "Can you teach me the secrets of servitude oh master of maids!?" She even saw fit to open the front of her dress, showing off the lace of her bra... as if that would tempt the little spirit

Oni blinked, a blank look on his face. He held up a finger, opened his mouth to say something before closing it back, thinking better than to open that can of worms.



Louise coughed as she got back to her feet, ears ringing and wiping dust from her body. She then looked up to search for the golem that had nearly ended her life and sent her flying into the dirt by it's powerful fist.


That was the last thing she heard before a white light flew past her.


A shockwave washed over her, deafening her for almost a minute as she weathered the worst of the percussive wave. When her eyes again returned to the golem, all she found was a smoldering crater, of which she could see the comically smoking form of Fouquet twitching in it's center.

Oni stood over the crater wagging an oversized finger at the destruction as if chastising the thief for daring to harm his summoner.

Kirche walked up beside Louise, who's ears were still ringing somewhat from the blast. The pair stared at the massive crater in shock for several moments before Kirche turned to her rival and choked out a word.


"Yeah?" She responded, clearly shocked at the destruction the little spirit could cause.

"I take back everything bad I said or thought about Oni-"

Louise looked taken aback. She actually sounded sincere about that... maybe Kirche wasn't that bad after a-

"-He is the perfect familiar for you."

Louise sent her rival a sour look.

The spirit let out a little 'hmph' of triumph while staring at his handiwork.



The occupants of the church all turned mechanically towards the door which had opened inwards, revealing Oni in all his glory. The tiny spirit cast a long shadow while tapping his foot impatiently into the ground. "Gah Lou NA!" 'Gimmie Louise, NOW!" He seemed to say, growling more like an angry kitten rather than a vengeful spirit.

Wardes noted the throbbing vein on the little creatures head, no doubt showing it's displeasure of him making off with his master. He glanced over at Louise, whose glazed over look was starting to disappear, damn! The close proximity to her familiar was breaking the enchantment. Thinking quickly and with a cry of "Yoink!" the traitorous Manticore captain stabbed Wales through the chest, killing him instantly.


Wardes paled at that sound, having flashbacks to only a few days ago and his challenge of the spirit to a duel, as silly as it was, that had been a enlightening experience for the man.

Turning slowly, the man paled further when it noticed that the vein on the spirit's head had doubled in size and it had a large red card held in it's hands.

"Nun nu nu!" Oni chastised, wagging the paper at him, expression darkening with each wag.

"Mommy." Wardes let out a whimper of fear as the little beast approached, the spirit letting out maniacal cackles and dark lines appearing on it's face.

"Papi." Oni corrected darkly, pulling a comically large whip from behind it's back and made a motion for Wardes to bend over and touch his toes. "Oosa papi? Heh heh heh heh!"

The cracking of a whip filled the air, along with the girlish shrieks of a man whose voice rightfully shouldn't go that high...


Louise stared out of the back seat of the Zero fighter at the large invasion force of airships that threatened the safety of her home. Oni was sitting in the pilot seat of the machine... er... well, sitting on the stick that controlled the zero fighter, seemingly handling it by himself.

They were out of bullets and out of time, it was only delaying the inevitable now that the Albionese airships had broken past the line.


Louise looked to her familiar, the little spirit waving a hand back and forth in front of his face, all but saying 'no problem.'

Louise blinked once, then turned slowly back to the incoming airships. With a confidence she didn't know she had, the girl pulled the glass back on the roof, grabbing her wand in the process.

She had long realized that her brand of magic was far more useful than what she had first realized. Her familiar had shown her so many wonderful applications of explosions, taking the time to really teach her how to make such pretty-

She shook her head to clear those thoughts from her mind along with any thoughts of pretty colors and noises...

It didn't help that her explosions only got stronger with the spirit around, the runes on it's chest glowing and a sharp increase in her willpower making large castings almost effortless for her. Now, she felt that same power well up inside her, filling her with almost limitless potential. Words; whispers unheard by anyone else filled her mind, making her dance their dance, sing their song and play along with their story as they gave her knowledge she didn't know she knew.

"Explosion!" She whispered hoarsely before the world disappeared in white.



Louise breathed in harshly, glancing around at her surroundings. They were on the ground she noticed, the plane long since landed on a clear patch of land. She turned around and nearly gasped at the complete destruction of the Albionese fleet along with much of a mountain that had been unfortunate to get caught in the blast. She had aimed for the center of the fleet at the Albionese flagship, for the explosion to wipe out such a landmark that far away from the epicenter... It was then that she noticed Oni sitting on the wing of the plane...

Oh, and there was three of him and they seemed to be sitting behind a small table.

They each clapped, then raised small white signs, each with a number on them. The left one's flipped up and revealed a large Ten. The middle Oni flipped his up to reveal a similar number. The final one held up his sign, but unlike the others this had a Six on his face.

The other two Oni turned to their triplet, eyebrows twitching. "Mah?" He shrugged his shoulders, letting out a feeling of 'What?'

The middle Oni slapped the right Oni over the head with his sign.

The right Oni let out an indignant squawk but got the message and flipped the sign around to make a Nine.

The left Oni facepalmed.

The middle Oni smacked him over the head again. "Unn." He droned, eyebrow twitching and pointing at the right Oni's sign.

The right Oni shrunk under the middle Oni's gaze, taking out a comically large marker and pulling the cap off. He closed one eye and stuck out his tongue as he marked on the page. Several squeaks later he tossed the marker aside. "Aha!" He flipped the paper back around to reveal that he had scrawled two more zeros and a one after the nine.

The middle Oni joined his palming brother in a facedesk.

Louise could only shake her head in amusement at her familiar's antics.


Karin roared out a challenge, raising her wand to launch a Heavy Wind spell at her daughter to teach her not to disobey her wishes, when a strange... almost foreign feeling invaded her system.


Karin's eye twitched, the twitch growing several times as a small mewl of pain escaped her lips.

Oni sat atop the woman's head, placed square in the center of the cheetah print thong that Karin wore -something Louise could say with certainty that she didn't need to know about- the small patch of cloth attached to the string that was stretched to it's nth degree rested snugly against her mother's crown. The little spirit took a sip from the tiny ceramic cup that he had acquired from somewhere, Louise had long since given up on finding where the little creature hid his things. He then reached down and flicked the elastic strap that wrapped it's way around her mother's forehead. With another groan of pain Karin released her wand and reached up shakily to extricate the torturous garment from her person.

Oni then grabbed hold of the string that had flossed itself between the woman's cheeks and yanked as hard as he could. -Which was quite hard actually-

Karin's eyes rolled up into the back of her head as she passed out on the ground.

The Heavy Wind -Later known teasingly as The Stretchy Panties by her husband and insultingly by her enemies who didn't know who exactly they were taunting.- would later write in her memoirs in her twilight years that because of that particular incident, she would deem it wise that all soldiers go commando so as to never have to experience that pain. -A wise but impotent choice on her part as Oni would have simply conjured up an undergarment in it's place and then proceed to atomic wedgie her anyway.-


Louise could honestly say that having a spirit for a familiar was AWESOME. Especially when his familiar runes can give you enough magical power to spam the Void: Haste spell. Combined with the magically enhanced armor she had been given by Henrietta from the palace vaults she was perfectly capable of doing crazy stupid things like this with very little danger to her body.


Twin explosions rung out as Louise hopped over a line of soldiers, followed closely by a zip of white light. The line of soldiers then disappeared in a conflagration as they went on to their next target.

They had long since run out of fuel for the Zero fighter and had to land the thing in a clearing outside Saxe Gotha. After a few minutes of hiding the machine, the two then proceeded to follow Henrietta's orders to the letter and decimate the attacking army to make way for her troops.

Which was what they were doing now.

Another powerful pair of explosions ripped into a line of mage's, stopping all but a few of them from getting their spells off. Louise grinned then, high on adrenaline as she lowered her wand and pulled free Derflinger from her back to intercept the incoming magic and swallow it whole.

"Damn you're a crazy wielder." The blade mumbled to itself in horror. "And stop beating those mage's over the head with me already, they're dead!"

Louise responded to that by launching a powerful blast of return magic from the swords tip at a line of archers, which went up like a matchstick. Their screams of agony only urged Louise on as she cast several more Explosions at the massive cannons that were even now lining her up in their sights, turning the great war machines into giant pipe bombs which sent out havoc and destruction in their wake.

It was at that point that Louise realized why people feared elves so much. This was just a tiny spirit of mischief, what could a spirit of war or destruction cause in a battle such as this?

Cleaving another soldier in two with Derf, Louise decided that it didn't matter. She'd long given up on the holy land, if it hadn't been claimed in six thousand years then it just wasn't going to be claimed. That was her thoughts as the two; master and familiar locked wills together, allowing the runes of the Lífþrasir to power up and cast another large joint explosion that wiped out an entire regiment of soldiers. Things would go fairly similar to that for the next two hours of bloody hit and run combat. Louise would later escape afterwords, the blood of twenty thousand on her hand, nearly a third of the forces stationed at Saxe Gotha and a new title to call her own.

The Bloody Void.

Louise would later come to hate that title as much as her previous one of Zero... but she could cope. She had long since come to terms that she would be a battle mage and she had already taken life so she wouldn't freeze in battle, not this time... After finally exhausting herself and making a quick escape she spent the next five days, hiding away in the countryside and mourning the lives that were cut short. To her friends, this habit would earn her another title.

The Weeping Maiden.

Like the previous two, she despised this title, but for entirely different reasons.


Louise and Oni froze, just having snuck into a small village outside the Saxe Gotha border to make their way back to the edge of Albion and link back up with Henrietta's forces when something stopped both master and familiar cold.


A twitch.

*Boing Boing*

Another twitch.

*Boing Boing Boing*

Oni floated over to magical 'entitties' that had presented themselves. Blood flowed from the spirits nose as it's eyes twirled in dazed spirals. Moments later it disappeared between the two masses; lost to the Cleavage Zone.

Louise blinked only once before following after her familiar. It really was to be expected, months before in that love potion induced two months that shall forever be known as the "Black Out" Louise had found her newfound attraction for women. It was one of the few things to carry over along with her increasing lack of propriety that her familiar subscribed to. On a side note they were both barred from ever again entering the charming fairies inn during that time. Why? Neither would say but both master and familiar promised never to speak of that time again. With a quiet "Chuuu" Louise slammed her face in between those glorious mounds, humming lightly to make them jiggle in a rather delightful manner.

And it really didn't need to be said that after the Battle of Saxe Gotha and the past week of playing 'hide and go fuck yourself' with the forces of Albion, she REALLY needed an outlet for herself before she ended up blowing the entire continent out of the sky for some perceived insult to her person. Hey, she was tired enough and desperate enough to try... And by the founder would she try...

Tiffiana stared down at the woman and familiar that had made her breasts their home, head tilted and a confused expression on her face.

A perverted giggle echoed between her breasts as Louise and Oni shared in the wonderful experience.



That's all that needs to be said.

She had tried to love potion her again. After the Black Out incident, her most loyal servant had tried to love potion her again... Well, She couldn't really fault her for that. The maid WAS one of the deciding factors in her turn to women during the 'Black Out That Shalt Not Be Named' after all and Louise did care dearly for her.

And, seeing as she was already in a relationship with Tiffa who just so happened to be a half elf on top of that, it wasn't like dating a second woman could be any worse for her, right?

Louise blamed the effects of the potion still running through her blood at that moment, to which she had built up just enough of a tolerance so as not to act like a complete jackass this time.

That didn't stop her and Oni from spanking the maid like the naughty girl that she was... or taking advantage of her either -To said maid's delight.- Thankfully the potion turned out to be a bit of a dud compared to the first one and didn't last longer than a few days. Louise's budding relationship on the other hand, blossomed. Hoo boy... her mother was going to be pissssssed.

Between Eleanore not wanting to marry and Cattleya's illness there likely wasn't going to be any grandchildren for the Valliere house.


Maybe Oni could help with that? The crazy little spirit had done so much for her already... maybe... just maybe...


Joseph stared in horror -if he was actually capable of that emotion- at Louise's familiar, who was standing almost nonchalantly on top of the pedestal that used to house his firestones.

The little spirit let out a cute little belch, a white hot fire and subsequent ring of smoke lilting away in the wind. Oni raised his hand to his lips, making a kissing noise while raising his hand up. "Mua Des ah Speca meba!"

Sheffield stared at the little spirit in abject disgust.

Louise could only chuckle in pain on the floor, that'd teach em to mess with the Destruction Duo. Take that Karma!



"Ehh?" Oni's voice was rather showy and pleased with himself as he pulled the now indignant Matilda out of hiding so that Tiffiana could glomp-hug the woman, much to Louise and Oni's perverse amusement.

"Kill me now please?" Could be heard from between Tiffa's breasts.

"Sorry, cant do that." Louise snickered. "I wouldn't want to hurt my lover's feelings."

It was almost alarming how fast Matilda pulled herself out of marshmallow hell to get right into Louise's face.

"Care to repeat that?" The threatening tone of voice barely fazed Louise.

"Your sister is amazing in bed." Louise grinned a shit eating grin... that is until Matilda's fist bounced off her face.

"Funny story actually." Louise pointed out with the beginnings of a black eye while at the same time raising a finger in exclamation. "And don't ask how it happened, but she's also pregnant with my child."

Another shiner matching the first sent Louise to the ground before Tiffa could stop her sister.

"Totally worth it." Louise giggled maniacally from the floor, much to Matilda's displeasure.

"How?" The enraged earth mage growled.

"A wizard did it." was not the response she wanted despite how true it actually was and unknowing that Louise owed Old Osmond a few favors after he had showed her how special the Founders mirror actually was.

The swift kick to the ribs, in hindsight, was totally uncalled for but it silenced Louise's stifled giggles all the same.

Matilda would eventually come to accept Louise as family... somehow... If only to be that annoying aunt that babied her nieces and nephews.

Say what you want to about Louise, her and Tiffa's kids were adorable...

"I also have another lover, whom also happens to be pregnant. Just pointing that out!"

Ok, maybe Louise wasn't worth the trouble. Matilda thought to herself, pulling off a rather impressive vertical elbow drop that knocked the poor Valliere unconscious.

Far too soon for Matilda's tastes but now she could have a nice long chat with her sister in all but blood on why sleeping with crazy Void users was a bad idea.

That was until Tiffa stuck out her bottom lip and performed what is commonly known in the anime section of the multiverse as the "Puppy Dog Eyes Technique."

Matilda cursed Tiffa's cuteness but fell to it's compelling power all the same.


Louise stared up at the hanging body of Pope Vittorio with a curious expression, one halfway between amusement and disgust.

And it was so like her current self to make as black a joke as possible. "I've heard of soap on a rope, but pope on a rope is a new one."

Oni turned to her, a blank look on his face.

"What?" Louise shrugged. "It can't be all fun and games when people start hanging themselves... and you had a hand in that by the way. What have I told you about putting hallucinogens in peoples food?"

"All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a-"

Louise and Oni glanced over at Julio who stood in the center of the circular room staring at the tile floor, eyes wide and muttering to himself in a low monotone.

"All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a-"

"O...kay" Louise blinked. "Just how much did you give him?


Louise froze. "A Gallon!?"

Oni nodded solemnly. "Ah leta galo... Oota Moo Jah"

A shiver went up Louise's spine. "Alright let's just leave him to his-"


Said mage jumped as Julio got within her personal space.

Staring wide eyed, Julio opened his mouth. "Louise, I need you to tell me that I can leave the throne room if I want to."

Leaning back and looking at the man as if her were crazy she tried to assure him. "Julio you can leave the throne room if you-"

"BITCH DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Julio screamed, before slumping and staring at the floor again. "All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a-"

"..." Louise backed away slowly, closing the door to the throne room behind her.


"Why am I doing this again?" Ari asked, with a twitch of his brow, the elf staring at a map of Halkeginia and different spots that signified large deposits of windstones.

"Because that Louise girl made nice with the elven nations and proved that most humans aren't actually uncivilized savages." His wife, Luctiana pointed out. "She also made friends with that cute little spirit of hers, she cant be all that bad if the little guy likes her that much.

"You just like her because she let you ride on that void dragon before she brained it with that giant hammer of hers." Her husband grouched. "Where the hell did she pull that thing from anyway?"

"Hammer space. " Luctiana pointed out cheekily, the fabric of the fourth wall rippling for but a moment. "Though that makes about as much sense to you as it does me."

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with, we have a lot of work to do to make sure this continent doesn't end up like that floating country of theirs. Albion, I believe the name was."

"Yay, do we get to blow things up?" Luctiana asked, almost giddy.

Ari stared at his wife for several long seconds before sighing. "That girl has rubbed off on you in all the wrong ways."


Louise sighed as she stared up at the ceiling of the Des Orniers mansion; Her "gift" for saving the country and continent on multiple occasions. She was also Henrietta's adopted sister and royalty, which was a rather novel experience. "Defeat the bad guys?" She muttered to her familiar.

Oni, who was sitting above Louise on her pillow, gave her a thumbs up.

"Check." Louise nodded. "Saved the day, country, continent or any variation of the three?"

Another thumb joined the first.

"Check." Louise again nodded. "I know this is usually reserved for men but... Get the girl?"

Oni's thumbs turned sideways, pointing to either side of Louise where Tiffania and Siesta were sound asleep, their tummy's already bulging slightly from the life they held.

"Double check."

"Ahem..." Louise sat up and looked to either side of her two lovers and found Kirche and Tabitha laying on her bed.

"Tabitha want's to know why we're here." Kirche cleared her throat. "And also why she didn't show up in this story."

"Ahum." All eyes turned to Oni. "Michy Mi." He said simply.

"He has a point." Louise shrugged. "He is a spirit of mischief and it IS his story."

"Hmm..." Tabitha cleared her throat.

Kirche's ears perked up. "Tabitha also wants to know why it feels like naughty things were done to her and why the last several hours are a blank."

"Welcome to my world." Louise replied happily. "I suffered from that too, love potion gone wrong probably."


"Tabitha wants you to know that she hates love potions now and would like to borrow your wine cellar for a few hours to hopefully forget about you ever telling her that." Kirche frowned. "And she would also like you to know that if she gets pregnant from this that you better take responsibility."

"Can do." Louise responded in a far too chipper manner. "Come back if the alcohol doesn't work, I don't mind going for broke and you look like you could unwind some."

"Hnn..." Tabitha grunted the affirmative, and would likely do so, long after she drank enough alcohol to put a flight of dragons under the table.

Louise and Kirche watched Tabitha leave, watching as the door closed behind her. Kirche then turned to Louise, a small perverted leer on her face. "What's this about going for broke I hear? Oh, woe is me? I seem to have a blank in my memory as well and I have too high an alcohol tolerance to drown it in, oh what am I to do?"

"Hey Chicka Bum Bum!"

Louise turned to Oni, an eyebrow raised. "Oni, what did I tell you about that?"

He then proceeded to remove Kirche's shirt via firstborn magic.

"Perverted little bastard isn't he?" Kirche grinned.

Louise rolled her eyes. "He's a spirit of mischief." As if that explained things. "And you don't know the half of it."

With a warcry, Oni launched himself into Kirche's bra, disappearing once again into the Cleavage Zone.

"But I suppose you're going to find out..." Louise then mimicked her Familiar's antics and tackled her once rival off the bed and proceeded to do unmentionable things to her.

Oni clawed his way out from under Kirche's panties and waved at the fourth wall, a wide grin on his face. "That's all folks!" Before turning and hoping back into the action.


Yeah... that happened.

Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.

And don't think too hard on how Siesta and Tiffa got pregnant, it will only hurt your brain.

In case you're wondering, Oni is actually based on Onion-tou, a web based emoticon character who has a lot of popularity on deviantart. As for the personality... well I kind of used the Onion-tou emoticons as a basis for his personality, then mixed him with a bit of Boonta from Gurren Lagann and the Rabbits from the Rayman franchise. Then, instead of giving him voidhaxx, I made him a spirit THEN connected him to Louise THROUGH Voidhaxx. Imagine a near infinite tap of energy that Louise can draw from through the Heart of God runes. I mean spirits are practically IMMORTAL, their life energy is near infinite.

Also, quite a few references throughout this thing, can you name them all?