Dear readers, chapters for this particular story always take a while and it doesn't help if you keep sending private messages asking for the next one.

Richard: I think Penny's change in outfits came from two reasons. One, that as she got older, she wouldn't wear the same things as she did when she was younger (not to mention that a woman in a relationship might not want give other guys any ideas) and two, probably because Kaley told them how cold she always was because of the generally low temperature in TV studios (to avoid the audience from falling asleep or become sluggish)

Well, enough of that, enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of the franchise. I write here only for my own pleasure and that of others who read the story and I don't make any money. Any similarities to song titles or lyrics are absolutely coincidental and unintended. Some dialog is verbatim from different episodes and are there to keep the story going.

---

"Do you think that he's home?" Penny asked when they put their luggage and the two cases of wine down in front of the stairs.

"Where would he be?" Leonard shrugged. "It's not his date night, so he wouldn't be at Amy's."

"Alright, you take the cases of wine and bring them up to my place, I'll take our luggage down to the laundry room and start a load." she said.

"Yes, dear."

With Penny's help, Leonard got the two cases under his arms, carrying both upstairs. Penny grabbed their luggage and dragged them into the basement, finding the washing machines empty. She loaded all of them with all their clothing, added detergent and put the coins into the machines, all of them starting to rattle.

Gathering around the now mostly empty suitcases and bags, the only remaining pieces of clothing being some of her delicates, she headed upstairs and into her apartment, where Leonard had put down the cases of wine on the kitchen island

"The clothes are in the washing machines." she told him as she walked towards the bedroom to stow away the suitcases and bags.

"Good." he nodded. "Will you go down to put them into the dryers or should I?"

"Lets decide in ninety minutes when the program is done." she chuckled. "I'm going to wash my underwear and bras now."

"Why didn't you put them into the washing machines?" he wondered.

"Leonard, look at these." she gave him a look and held up one of the thongs. "You think this would survive in the washing machines downstairs?"

"How would I know." he laughed. "Why not though?"

"They're too delicate." she explained. "There are washing machines that you can use for delicates but the ones downstairs can't do it. They don't have the required program."

"Maybe, when we find our own place, we can buy one?" he suggested.

"Buy a washing machine?"

"Yes." he nodded. "If we get a place with a balcony, we could put our clothes out into the air to dry, saving us the purchase and energy costs of a dryer."

"Hm." she hummed and walked into him, giving him a loving kiss. "Our own place sounds nice."

"It does." he kissed her back before pointing to the apartment door. "Now, should we face the music now or put it off for later?"

"No time like the presence." she said. "Also, I plan of ravaging you tonight, so lets do it now instead of risking Sheldon disturbing us then."

"Alright." he said and led her out of the apartment.

Steeling themselves for the outburst they were sure was coming, Leonard used his key to unlock the apartment. They entered it, finding Sheldon sitting on the couch in his spot, giving the kitchen island a thousand yard stare. They stopped walking, waiting for Sheldon to recognize them but their friend still just looked straight ahead. The other strange thing was Sheldon's skin tone, since he looked like someone squirted an entire bottle of spray tan on the visible parts of his skin. She looked at her husband, Leonard giving a shrug.

"Ahem." Penny hemmed, trying to get Sheldon's attention, who turned his head slowly like in a bad monster movie, looking at them as if they were strangers.

"Leonard!" Sheldon jumped up from the couch. "You need to divorce Penny, immediately!"

"What?" Penny was confused at those particular first words from him.

"Why?" Leonard asked, equally confused.

"Some new important information has come to light." Sheldon said, almost breathlessly. "Women are the worst! I thought it was paper cuts but I was wrong. No paper ever cut me this deep."

"Wait, what's going on?" Penny stopped him from talking.

"What happened now?" Leonard asked calmly.

"Amy has ended our relationship." Sheldon revealed.

"She did?!" Penny gasped.

"Are you crying?" Sheldon asked her.

"No." Penny shook her head.

"Of course you're not." Sheldon scoffed. "You women thrive on our suffering."

"I'm sorry buddy." Leonard said while Penny reached into her pockets to get her phone. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes." Sheldon said. "If I ever talk about going out with a girl again, roll your eyes at me like I do at you when you say dumb things."

"Okay, just because you're going through this with Amy doesn't mean that all women are bad." Leonard said.

"Whatever!" Sheldon retorted, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes.

"I'm going to call Amy." Penny said and pressed her friend's contact information.

"Sure, gang up on me." Sheldon huffed.

"Hey Amy, it's me." Penny spoke into her phone.

"Is she crying?" Sheldon asked hopeful.

"No, she's not." Penny told him.

"As I said, they thrive on our suffering." Sheldon turned away.

"Listen, sweetie, I'm heading to Amy's, you deal with him." Penny said to Leonard and gave him a kiss before moving towards the door. "And don't forget the laundry."

"Sure, let me deal with the toddler with the temper tantrum." Leonard sighed.

"Ames, I'm on my way." Penny said and hung up, then headed into her apartment to get her car keys as well as two bottles of the wine they had purchased in New Zealand and made a mental note to ask why Sheldon looked like he had stepped into an oven for a minute.

She got into her car and drove off. Since it was already late afternoon, the rush hour traffic of people wanting to get home making the trip into a crawl. Finally, she parked her car at the building and got out, heading through the open door and up the stairs to Amy's floor. When she arrived at the apartment, she knocked on the door and it took only ten seconds for it to open, revealing a distraught Amy.

"Hey." Penny greeted her and walked into the apartment, hugging her friend.

"How was the honeymoon?" Amy asked.

"It was great, but this is about you now." Penny said as she ended the hug. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." Amy admitted and stepped aside, revealing the other person in the apartment.

"Bernie!" Penny was surprised. "When did you get here?"

"A few minutes before you." Bernadette replied. "Amy called me."

"So, what's going on?" Penny asked. "I thought you even said the I love yous already, why are you broken up now?"

"A few days after you left for your honeymoon, Sheldon actually asked me to go on a vacation with him, can you believe that?" Amy began.

"No, actually, I can't." Penny shook her head.

"Neither can I." Bernadette added.

"Well, he did." Amy nodded. "I was over the moon. I thought he would suggest San Francisco or any other place that has large train museums or something similar but imagine my surprise when he said that we would go to Costa Rica."

"That does sound strange, coming from Sheldon." Bernadette agreed. "He's afraid of water, refuses to swim and he always said that he was afraid of too much sunlight and given how he looks, he certainly got too much."

"Well, there's only one reason why he wanted to go there." Amy sighed.

"Leonard." Penny shrugged.

"Yes." Amy confirmed. "He even told me after we landed. He whipped out the travel information that you had left lying around and we went to the hotel you were supposed to be in."

"So, what happened?" Penny wanted to know.

"We checked into a room and I wanted to go to the pool." Amy continued. "Sheldon agreed with me but while I was getting some sun, he just walked around in his long-sleeved clothing."

"Wait, he only wanted to go to spoil their vacation?" Bernadette asked Amy while pointing at Penny, her question laced with disbelief in her voice.

"Yep." Penny nodded. "I got wind of that plan so me and Leonard decided to lay out a fake registration."

"So, where did you go?" Bernadette wanted to know.

"New Zealand." Penny smiled. "It was great."

"Good for you." Amy gave her a glare. "Costa Rica was nice, except for Sheldon's mood. He asked the hotel staff which room Leonard was in and he was told that nobody with either his or your name had ever checked in. Also, you had turned off your phones apparently because he tried calling and both of you were unavailable."

"Yeah, we did that to prevent him from disturbing us." Penny nodded with a smile.

"Sheldon began believing that you were in a different hotel." Amy said. "Long story short, we spent several days moving from hotel to hotel to find you guys."

"And how did this lead to you breaking up with him?" Bernadette wanted to know.

"After the fifteenth hotel, I told him that I was tired of moving around and that we should just enjoy our time there." Amy replied. "I said that you guys were most likely not in Costa Rica at all but Sheldon couldn't fathom the idea that you might have tricked him."

"Going by his face, you did stay there, right?" Bernadette asked.

"Yes, we did, even though he complained even more when he got the expected sunburn." Amy nodded. "I tried to distract him by talking about our future together and you know what he said?"

"Do I even want to know?" Penny was apprehensive.

"He said that we should hurry up because, and I quote, 'Your eggs have a sell-by date.', end quote."

"Oh no." Penny gasped.

"That made me snap." Amy admitted. "I felt burned out by this. For years, I was trying to increase the pace of our relationship but he blocked that and then he has the audacity to say that we need to hurry before I turn barren?"

"He didn't!" Bernadette gasped this time. "That's horrible."

"Yeah, so I said that I wanted to go home. He of course didn't think anything of it and was glad to do that." Amy said. "When we arrived back, he asked when we should meet up for date night and I told him that we were broken up."

"He clearly didn't take it well." Penny told them. "When we arrived, we found him sitting on the couch and staring into the distance. He seemed quite apathetic until he noticed us and demanded Leonard to divorce me."

"Why?" Bernadette was confused.

"Because in his words, women are the worst and thrive on male suffering." Penny chuckled.

"But enough of Sheldon for now." Amy proclaimed. "Penny, tell us of your honeymoon."

"Very well." Penny shrugged and pulled the wine bottles out of her bag.

---

"Good morning." a grinning Leonard greeted her when she entered the guys' apartment.

"Hey." she said tiredly. "Where are you going at this hour?"

"To work, it's Monday." he winked. "Did you spend the night at Amy's?"

"Yeah, I took two of our wine bottles and then Amy opened some of hers as well." Penny nodded. "Bernie was there too."

"I know." Leonard said. "After you left, I called Howard and Raj, so we could play video games to distract Sheldon. Howard told us that Bernie was with Amy as well."

"Did the distraction work?" she asked.

"Somewhat." Leonard told her. "He became morose again when his bedtime came along."

"As you probably have noticed from his face, Sheldon did go to Costa Rica." she laughed.

"Yeah, I gathered that." he nodded. "Luckily, his sunburn had already turned to tan, otherwise, the evening would have gone quite differently. What did Amy say about the reason for the breakup?"

"Well, Sheldon kept complaining that he couldn't find you in Costa Rica and then Sheldon had the audacity to say to her that her eggs have a sell-by date."

"Her eggs?" Leonard was confused.

"You know." Penny pointed to her stomach.

"Ah, I get it." he gave a pained smirk. "That was a mean thing to say given that it was him who made this relationship go at a snail's pace."

"Yes, and that's the exact reason why Amy then broke it off." Penny nodded. "Come here, give me a kiss."

"Whoa." Leonard leaned back after their lips touched.

"What?"

"You have that... intoxicating bouquet of morning breath and alcohol." he laughed.

"It can't be that bad." she huffed and cupped her hands over her mouth and nose, breathing out through her mouth before taking a deep breath through her nose. "Oh my god!"

"Told you." he winked. "So, you should go home, take a shower and brush your teeth. And don't blow air against your walls, otherwise the wallpaper might peel off."

"Ha ha." she moped and gave him a playful kick. "Get out of here!"

"Going, going." Leonard laughed and turned his head. "Sheldon!"

"Good morning, Penny." an appearing Sheldon greeted her.

"Morning crispy chicken." she grinned.

"I see you imbibed heavily again." Sheldon said.

"Yeah, Amy needed some relaxation." Penny shrugged.

"I knew it. She's depressed about the breakup and has to drown that in alcohol." Sheldon said with relief in his voice. "I'm gonna get that girl back."

"Wow." Penny rolled her eyes after Sheldon had left. "The denial is strong in that one."

"If I didn't have to leave now, I would ravage your right now." Leonard chuckled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "See you later."

"Bye sweetie." she called after him.

With a sigh, she got up and walked over to her apartment. She took off her clothes, simply throwing them onto the couch and walked into the bathroom, where she took off her underwear. She stepped into the bathtub and took a shower, feeling refreshed immediately once the water his her and used her loofah to clean herself from the grit she had accumulated.

After rinsing herself off, she fumbled for her toothbrush and toothpaste and brushed her teeth while under the spray of water. Once finished, she dried herself off and put on her pajama bottoms and one of Leonard's button-down shirts before flopping into bed. She hummed into the comfort, much better than the couch that she had somehow managed to sleep on at Amy's. Jet lag was hitting her hard and she didn't know if she should just let herself fall asleep or not. She had no idea if she had slept but she was rocked awake by her phone ringing. She checked the contact and saw her agent, so she hit accept and put the phone against her ear.

"Hey Deborah." she tiredly greeted her agent.

"Penny, welcome back." Deborah said. "How was the honeymoon?"

"It was great." Penny smiled. "But I'm pretty jet-lagged."

"Oh, where did you go?"

"New Zealand." Penny told her. "Why are you calling?"

"I just wanted to give you the bad news before you wonder for too long." Deborah opened.

"What?" Penny sat up. "What bad news? What are you talking about?"

"That role in the third Clerks movie?" Deborah clarified. "Kevin James called, he said that he has filled the role with someone else."

"Frankly, I had forgotten about it." Penny chuckled. "He had called in during a podcast I did with Wil Wheaton and told me about it."

"Well, apparently he meant it but as I said, they filled the role." Deborah said.

"Okay, thanks for telling me." Penny shrugged, even though her agent couldn't see it.

"No problem." Deborah said. "I'll notify you if something else comes up."

"Thanks Debbie." Penny nodded and ended the call.

She looked at the time and saw that she had slept, or at least dozed, for almost three hours. Deciding against getting into bed again, she walked into the living room and to the kitchenette to make herself some coffee. As she waited for the coffeemaker, she looked out of the window and when seeing someone standing at his open window at the building across the street, she looked down at herself and realized that she was almost flashing the guy.

She walked into the bedroom and changed into some workout clothes. After returning to the living room, she drank her cup of coffee and then put earbuds into her ear to listen to music while she forced herself to go through her exercise routine. Normally, she would have done Yoga, but the idea of doing a half moon pose while cranked up on caffeine made her wince.

Putting down an exercise mat, she began her hour-long workout. She truly didn't like it but it did make her muscles burn and increase her stamina. Once she was done, she added some stretching and a few exercises that would improve the muscles in her butt, knowing how much Leonard loved to have his hands on it when they kissed.

After a quick shower, she put some lunch into her microwave and then finally saw the basket with the washed laundry. Leonard had clearly separated hers and his and she began to fold her clothes. Each shirt gave her the memory of the say she wore it in New Zealand and she felt a longing to be back in a Jacuzzi under the stars. It was too bad that Pasadena, and Los Angeles as a whole, was so suffused with light pollution that something like that was impossible. Maybe she should suggest to Leonard to go camping, like the time when they wanted to watch the Leonid meteor shower, even though that time had been derailed by them getting high on weed cookies.

When she found nothing good on TV, she sat down and opened her laptop and connected to her university account. Since she had done the movies and then the honeymoon, she had taken the semester off but her professor had given her projects she could do for the required credits to pass it. She groaned when she saw the sheer amount of work that was required but she still wanted the degree so she opened the first project and began researching, also making sure this time that she didn't put in typos that would change the meaning of any sentence.

"Honey?" a voice startled her away from her concentration.

"Oh hey." she smiled at her husband and pursed her lips as a demand for him to bend down and kiss her. "What are you doing home already?"

"It's after five." he chuckled and looked at her screen. "What are you doing?"

"Working." she shrugged.

"Your history class?" he finally recognized what she wrote.

"Yeah, professor Tubman had given me some projects to do to get the credits for this semester, since I took it off for the movies and then our honeymoon." Penny confirmed. "However, I might have misjudged how much work would be involved."

"Stay at it." he could only say. "It'll give you an even bigger sense of achievement when you finish all of it."

"That's true." she admitted. "Also, it gives me something to do when all of you are at work and nothing good is on TV."

"There is that." he chuckled. "Listen, do you want to have dinner with us or would you rather go to Amy again to spend time with her?"

"I think I'll ask the girls to come over and we stay here while you guys have your Sheldon-demanded Thai food." Penny smiled.

"Very well." Leonard nodded.

"But when he heads to bed, come over." she told him. "We haven't had sex in your bed or mine since we got married, I think it's high time we remedied that."

"I agree with that." he laughed and gave her a kiss before turning to leave. "By the way, Sheldon has yet to mention the fact that we sent him on a wild goose chase to Costa Rica."

"I'm sure he will at some point." she shrugged and he left.

She called both Amy and Bernadette, receiving confirmations from both and that Bernadette would bring the food. Penny prepared a bottle of wine, making sure to allow either none or one glass maximum for the girls, to avoid the necessity of letting them sleep at her place. For one, she didn't really have any extra place to sleep anyway, the couch being too short even for Bernadette, and also because she was serious when she said that she wanted to have sex with her husband tonight.

"Hey Ames." Penny greeted her friend when she arrived thirty minutes after the call.

"Hello, Penny." Amy replied and Penny could see that she was still somewhat depressed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Don't get me started." Amy groaned after flopping onto the couch. "Sheldon came by the lab several times today to convince me to come back to him."

"Will you?" Penny asked.

"The part of me that still loves him wants to but the other part is still mad at and disappointed with him."

"Maybe you should spread your wings, you know?" Penny suggested. "Go on dates with someone else."

"I'm not you or Bernadette." Amy pointed out. "I can't just go to a bar and pick a guy up."

"Certainly not with that attitude." Penny said, but had to admit that Amy had a point.

"Maybe..." Amy began but then a knock on the door interrupted her.

"That should be Bernie." Penny said as she walked to and opened the door, revealing the diminutive blond. "Hey Bernie."

"Hey Penny." Bernadette smiled and walked in. "Hey Amy."

"Hey." Amy waved at her other friend.

"How are you feeling?"

"I get by." Amy shrugged.

"Howard told me about Sheldon going to your lab." Bernadette said.

"He did that multiple times." Amy said.

"You could ask the university president to make him stop doing that." Bernadette suggested. "It's a form of harassment after all."

"I'm not sure I wanna go that far." Amy said. "I'll see how it goes the next few days."

"Suit yourself." Bernadette shrugged. "So, Penny, how is married life?"

"Frankly, little has changed so far, except that I now share his last name." Penny replied. "Which isn't surprising given that we have been back from our honeymoon for only two days now."

"You got pictures from your honeymoon?" Bernadette asked.

"Plenty." Penny chuckled. "Let me just connect everything."

Penny did what she had been taught by Leonard and connected the phone straight to the smart TV. Once the connection was established, Penny flipped through the various folders, making sure not to even accidentally click on their special folder with the password protection where they had stored all of their more intimate pictures and videos.

She moved the two folders, one with the pictures, the other with the videos, to a third one to have them in one place and clicked on the one with the pictures. Opening the first automatically created a kind of playlist, every picture in the folder in the large overview. Penny clicked on the first and then used her phone to swipe to the next in the list.

"It looks beautiful there." Amy commented after several of the landscape pictures.

"It really was." Penny confirmed.

As the pictures went by, Penny described each one that showed a new location. Of course, she omitted that she and Leonard had sex in a few of those, like the secluded beach they had reached on their canoe. She realized that every picture was a priceless memory of a great time, of peace and quiet and just being together.

"How was the Hobbit house?" Bernadette grinned when the pictures arrived at that point.

"Like the movie, except that it had some modern appliances." Penny smiled. "Like the TV, the bathroom where the larder in the movie was and the modern lights instead of candles but other than that, it felt as rustic as it looked in the movies."

"If you think about it, living under a thick layer of soil and grass should be a great temperature insulator." Amy mused.

"Can you show some of the videos?" Bernadette asked.

"Sure." Penny nodded and played some of them.

"What's that?" Bernadette wanted to know when one of the videos showed the caves they had visited.

"It's some kind of insect." Penny told her. "I can't remember the specifics but the guide explained it very well."

"You know, seeing this, I'm almost ready to ask Howie to go on that same vacation." Bernadette chuckled.

"I bet he would jump at the chance." Penny agreed. "However, you might have to content that Raj just accompanies you."

"We wouldn't take him with us." Bernadette seemed affronted.

"But he could simply book a vacation at the same hotel at the same time and there's really nothing you could do about it." Penny shrugged. "Except complain of course."

"True." Bernadette had to accept. "So essentially, we would need to plan it in secrets and just leave at night or early morning while he's still sleeping."

"And maybe did what we did and keep your phone's off or selectively put his number to going straight to voice mail." Penny said. "We kept our phones off for most of the trip, and when we turned them on for pictures or videos, we had to make sure that GPS was also turned off, just in case Sheldon tried to use that to locate us."

"Well, I never saw him try that when we were down in Costa Rica." Amy told her.

"Where is that?" Bernadette asked when a video showed the beach where people dug holes. "And what are they doing?"

"This is the hot water beach on the eastern coast of the Coromandel peninsula." Penny recounted from memory. "During four hours around low tide, water bubbles up from hot springs underground. You can dig the pools and they essentially become a hot tub."

"You clearly show off your gorgeous body in a bikini." Amy smiled widely.

"Uh, how would you know?" Penny wondered, feeling a bit uneasy about Amy's sometimes weird obsession with her body.

"By how many of the men are stealing looks at you." Amy pointed to the TV.

"What? Where?" Penny paused the video in which Leonard was seen digging.

"Wait." Amy said and took the TV's remote, which she used to rewind the video and pause it. "There."

"Wow." Penny laughed at how the man was trying to shovel while looking into her direction.

"There's another one." Bernadette pointed out. "And a third."

"A fourth." Amy pointed. "Oh, and those two kids as well. And a few of the women as well."

"Why?" Penny wondered. "I wasn't the only attractive woman on that beach."

"I'm sure plenty of guys will have looked at every woman on that beach." Bernadette shrugged. "It's the nature of men."

"That's true." Amy nodded. "Evolution has made men do this."

"Pretty sure some of the men looking are wondering how Leonard could be your boyfriend." Bernadette guessed.

"Ugh." Penny cursed. "I hate when guys do that. It's worst when me and Leonard are going somewhere with a lot of buff guys."

"To be fair though, if I didn't know you, I'd also quite in disbelief." Bernadette admitted. "I'd probably think that Leonard must be rich or has a really big..."

"I get it, I get it." Penny interrupted her.

"So, you let him dig while you only filmed?" Bernadette grinned.

"No, I did help him." Penny moped and fast forwarded until the video ended and Penny started the next one, that one showing the dug hole getting filled by water bubbling up from below.

"That's so cool." Bernadette gasped. "How hot was the water?"

"Around a hundred and fifty degrees." Penny said. "Pretty hot. But it was very relaxing."

"What's that?" Amy asked when Penny started the next video.

"Those are the Hamilton gardens." Penny told them. "They were very beautiful. They have sections with different plants from various regions on Earth."

"Amazing." Bernadette looked dreamily at the footage.

"After that, we went to a place that had mud pools." Penny said. "Luckily, I had taken our bathing clothes and I made us take mud baths in those but I didn't film it."

"What is that video titled 'Inferno'?" Amy asked, pointing to the screen.

"Yeah, we took a walk to a place called Inferno Lake." Penny chuckled and showed the video.

"Oh my god, I've never seen a lake with such blue water." Bernadette gushed. "Did you swim in it?"

"I suggested it, even skinny dipping since we didn't have our bathing clothes with us but Leonard correctly pointed out that a skinny dip would most likely melt our skins off, since the lake is very hot and acidic." Penny described. "Later we went to another lake that used to be called 'Frying pan lake', which is even hotter than the first one."

"You just walked everywhere?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, and after we had watched the lake for a while, it occurred to me that we had spent an entire afternoon watching at water and steam." Penny laughed. "After that, we went to that place with the tower from Lord of the Rings."

"So, what's dark sky?" Bernadette pointed to the title of the next video in line.

"It's called the international dark sky reserve." Penny told them as she started the video but put it on pause. "They offer sky watching at night because the southern cross rises over the horizon at night. We also booked the hot tubs."

"Did you have sex in them?" Bernadette grinned.

"Actually, the host made it quite clear that it was prohibited." Penny chuckled.

"Oh wow." Amy commented when the screen showed the rise of the southern cross.

Since the entire thing lasted several hours, the screen showed how Penny put her phone onto a table next to the tub, the video filming the sky while they could hear the low conversation that Leonard and Penny sometimes had, along with the sounds of kissing. Amy started to fast forward the video, seeing the band of stars rise higher and higher until it left the camera's field of view.

"No more videos after that?" Amy asked.

"No, star gazing was the last thing we did." Penny shook her head. "We traveled back to the hobbit house, then spent our last night and the next day, we had to leave."

"Wow, there are two thousand pictures in that folder." Bernadette said as she scrolled through the picture folder.

"Yeah, I took a lot of them." Penny chuckled. "So glad that Leonard bought me a huge sim card for my phone a few months ago. I'll probably spend a few weeks sorting them."

"We..." Bernadette began but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Penny shouted.

"It's Howard." came a voice back.

"Come in." Penny called and the door opened to reveal Howard and Raj.

"Sheldon's bedtime is approaching, so he ended the evening." Howard told them. "We can go home now, if you want to."

"Sure, good idea." Bernadette nodded. "Got to get up early for work tomorrow."

"I'll head home too." Amy agreed and got up as well. "Bye Penny."

"Bye girls." Penny said to both women and also said goodbye to the guys.

After closing the door, she began cleaning up, taking the glasses and snack bowls back to the kitchen and cleaning them. Knowing that Leonard would surely come over later, she put fresh sheets on the bed and wondered if she should roll the TV into the bedroom but decided against it, since she really wanted to have sex with him, after which he would most likely sleep due to him having to get up in the morning as well.

"Honey, I'm home." Leonard's voice came from the living room when she was in the bathroom, drying herself off from her shower. "Penny, you here?"

"In the bathroom." she called back and finished up, throwing her nightie over her body.

"Nice!" Leonard commented on her outfit when she came out.

"Like it?" she giggled.

"Love it." he hummed and walked into her waiting arms, giving her a kiss.

"So, how is Sheldon doing?" she asked as she got into bed and Leonard changed into his sleep outfit.

"Not good." Leonard sighed. "He pretends that he doesn't care but he does. Sheldon did the same thing Howard did when he made everything into some statement about him going to space. Only Sheldon made everything about Amy."

"Amy still loves him but he really hurt her feelings with his words." Penny nodded as her phone chimed with a message.

"Who texts you at this hour?" Leonard asked. "Your lover?"

"No, he knows to only text me during the day when you're at work." she waved him off and poked her tongue out to assure him that it was a joke before looking at the message. "Hey, it's from Sam."

"Have you sent her the video of us?" Leonard asked.

"Yes, I uploaded it to our shared web space after we got in." Penny nodded.

"Then I'm sure it's about the video." he said, leaning over to look at the screen.

"She sure liked it, she gave us ten thumbs up." she giggled.

"Yeah, those aren't thumbs." he chuckled, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"What?" she was confused and looked closer, finally recognizing the shapes. "Oh, yeah. Alright then. She says that she has uploaded the video she made with Marcia on our wedding night."

"Wanna watch it?" Leonard suggested.

"You pig!" Penny mockingly gasped. "You would rather watch our friend have lesbian sex with my co-star instead of having sex with me?"

"You look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to." he smiled.

"I, uh... ah fuck it, lets get the TV in here." she grumbled and downloaded the video folder to her phone.

As Leonard unplugged the TV and reconnected everything in the bedroom, Penny used her laptop to copy the video onto an external hard drive. She gasped at the size of the folder and it took several minutes to finish despite the fast copying speed. Penny handed the drive to Leonard who plugged it into the TV and then turned towards the bed, stopping short.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"You're not wearing underwear." he pointed to where her nightie had ridden up.

"No bra either." she grinned, pointing at the semi-transparent upper part of the nightie. "Now get into bed, I wanna be in your arms when we watch this."

"Yes, mam." he chuckled and got into the middle of the bed, where Penny sat down between his legs and leaned against his chest.

"Oh, that's why the folder was so large." she said after opening it, seeing way over a dozen separate files.

"Very considerate of Sam to partition the video into smaller ones." Leonard chuckled. "But she also gave us the full video, it's the last one."

"Holy shit, that one is almost seven hours long." Penny gasped when she looked at the information of the video. "Which one should we start with?"

"I'd think we should start with the one that's literally called 'Watch me first'." he said and gave her hip a squeeze.

"Yeah, yeah, smart ass." she gave him a gentle elbow hit and hit play on that video.

"Hey there, you two." the Sam on the video began. "If it's only one of you, don't you watch one of the videos before the other is there. If the two of you are there, then let me describe what you got."

"Very considerate of her to educate us on how to watch a video." Leonard said with a smile after hitting the pause button on the remote Penny was holding.

"Yeah, very." Penny agreed with a laugh and hit play again.

"If you haven't noticed already, the original video is almost eight hours. That's because I just kept the camera rolling, even when we were doing nothing but talking or just dozing. I edited the video into smaller ones that only show the action between us, so you can decide what to watch. Just in case you think that you want to hear us talk, it's just bedtime talk between lovers, only few things are about you."

"Oh great, now I need to watch the whole thing just to know what they said about us." Penny huffed.

"So, if you just want to watch us screw each other, use the smaller videos. I named them after the order we did it in, If you're interested in everything that went on, just watch the full video. Now, I hope you got my message with my opinion about your video. I must say, even though I have seen videos with you doing it that long several times now, I'm impressed at how long Leonard can last, especially given his asthma. Also, Penny, you giving me that describing dirty talk made me pleasure myself even harder while watching you. And I certainly want to thank you for that finish you gave me. And now, enough from me, it's time for you to enjoy us. And just in case you ever meet Marcia again, she knows I filmed us and that I was giving you the video and she was fine with it."

"So, your co-star is also quite kinky." Leonard chuckled. "Which do you want to watch?"

"Lets start with the full video, I want to see how it starts." she said. "And Sam obviously hasn't seen the rubber band I used on you, good thing I chose a skin-colored one."

Penny started the full length video, seeing a dressed Sam standing in front of it and manipulating the camera angle. An equally still dressed Marcia sat on the bed, albeit with one of her dress' shoulder straps hanging from her arm.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Sam asked. "I will most likely send this to Penny."

"It's okay." they could see Marcia shrug. "Based on what you told me, I have no worries that she would post it online."

"No, she wouldn't do that." Sam said and, finally satisfied with the camera angle, stepped back from it.

Sam walked back to the bed and didn't bother to sit down but just bent forward to press a kiss on Marcia's lips. Marcia grabbed upwards, squeezing Sam's voluptuous breasts and pushed Sam's dress down to free them from their confinement. Sam just pushed Marcia's head against her chest and the blond woman greedily sucked on the nipple, rolling the other between her fingers. A moaning Sam pushed the remaining strap from Marcia's shoulder, making the dress fall.

"Huh." Leonard commented.

"What?" Penny wondered about his reaction.

"Marcia's breasts are smaller than they appeared in that dress." Leonard said. "Or in any of her outfits in the movies."

"She probably uses these bras that push the breasts to the middle and the dress might have those shells inside its chest." Penny suggested. "A lot of women do this, I have even seen pictures of celebrities in dresses with shells but those pictures were taken from the side, making it obvious that their breasts didn't fill out the dress."

In the video, Sam didn't seem to mind because she pressed her mouth on Marcia's left nipple and sucked on it as if she tried to get milk out of them. Sam didn't waste any time and pushed her hand under the hem of Marcia's dress, eliciting a loud moan from Penny's co-star. Sam's arm became almost like piston and even though they couldn't see anything due to the dress, Penny imagined Sam using one or two fingers to get that reaction.

Whatever Sam was doing seemed to be working because even with them kissing, Penny could hear Marcia squealing in a climax, her legs straightening involuntarily. Marcia said something to Sam that Penny couldn't make out but whatever it was, Sam straightened and reached behind her to open the zipper on her dress, the piece of fabric falling down her narrow body.

Penny could barely suppress a chuckle at Marcia's facial expression, the almost comical way she licked her lips like a man dying of thirst approaching the clear pool of an oasis in the desert at the sight of Sam's body. Sam had apparently taken off her underwear before setting up the camera or gone commando through the entire wedding but either way, Marcia was apparently very appreciative of what she was seeing because Sam didn't even have to move before Marcia buried her face between Sam's legs.

Penny wondered how Marcia was able to handle that position, given how her neck was scrunched back so far that it looked as if her neck would snap. It soon became apparent that she couldn't since Marcia simply slid off the bed, kneeling on the floor to get better access. Sam put one leg on the bed to give Marcia better access and Penny's co-star didn't need any more invitation, pushing her head against Sam's vagina even harder.

Her neck was still crunched but clearly Marcia felt no more discomfort, given how hard she was pushing against Sam's core. Penny wondered if it looked the same when Leonard licked her when Marcia shifted her position again, sitting on the floor and raising her arms to grab Sam's butt cheeks while almost pulling Sam downwards. Marcia's tongue moved wildly, spreading Sam's labia while the exotic woman moaned and mewled from the ministrations.

Marcia seemed to be good at it because it took only four minutes for Sam to move in that staccato-like way that indicated a climax. Like Leonard often did, Marcia didn't let her go but went even harder, making Sam moan louder and move harder, her hands now behind Marcia's head and pulling it harder against her. Sam began moving her hips as if slowly but strongly riding a dick and Marcia seemed to enjoy it as well, given how her fingers dug into Sam's butt cheeks and the sounds she was making herself.

Even though they had watched plenty of videos of Sam with various partners, male and female, this one was almost surreal for the fact that Sam wasn't the obvious leader. Whenever Sam had done it with a guy, she was always in charge, telling the guy how to do her and when she was with a woman, Sam also was the one giving the orders. Here, Sam didn't even have to speak and Marcia did what she wanted.

After another climax, Sam moved back, causing Marcia to almost growl in protest but Sam pulled her up and almost threw her onto the bed. She said something Penny couldn't make out but it had apparently been a command to get naked because while Sam sat with her back against the headboard, Marcia discarded her dress and her underwear before sitting down on Sam's lap, both women kissing.

It didn't take long for the position to change again. Sam pushed Marcia away from her and Penny's co-star fell backwards, landing between Sam's legs. Sam pulled Marcia's legs up and Marcia spread them wide, bending her knees to put her feet behind Sam's head. Penny could see that unlike Sam, Marcia didn't fully shave between her legs but left a thin strip ending above her clit. Sam didn't seem to mind and bowed her head down, burying her tongue in Marcia's pussy.

"Oh, that's something we can do." Penny said to Leonard. "It wouldn't scrunch your neck."

"Yes, and we did that already." he nodded.

"We did?" Penny felt ashamed at having forgotten it.

"Yes, but we can do it again if you want." he chuckled and pulled her back into his chest, Penny settling down and noticing how Leonard began gently rubbing her clit with one finger.

On the screen, Marcia had started to become very vocal. Penny realized that the walls of the honeymoon suite must have been very thick and sound insulated because she remembered hearing very little unless she pressed her ears against the wall, and even then it was muted. But in the video, Marcia gave voice to her pleasure without care, loudly and even aggressively, yelling order at Sam to go harder and deeper.

Sam seemed to oblige and Marcia shook hard with a climax and like what Marcia did, Sam didn't let up but continued. Fifteen minutes later, Marcia pulled away, laughing in pleasure and Sam also grinning and wiping her mouth. Sam got up and moved out of the camera field of view, returning a few seconds later with a bottle of water, taking a big gulp before handing it to Marcia who also drank deeply from it.

"So, how long have you known Penny?" Marcia asked Sam.

"I met her husband Leonard first, on a science expedition on the North Sea." Sam replied. "One day, our ship got almost capsized by a freak wave and we had to go into port for repairs."

"Oh no, did people get hurt?"

"A few bumps and bruises, one guy suffered a broken leg, another a few cracked ribs." Sam told her. "The damage to the ship was more severe, hence us having to get to port instead of just flying the wounded out."

"And when did you meet Penny?"Marcia wanted to know.

"We went to Aberdeen in Scotland for repairs and got a week off to recover from the ordeal, though we all wanted to work on the data." Sam described. "Then Penny suddenly showed up to be with Leonard and from then, it essentially became a vacation with whatever family could make the trip."

"Did you and Penny...?"

"No, but believe me, I wanted to." Sam laughed. "Still want to and with Leonard too, though neither will budge."

The rest of the conversation was just trifle but it didn't take long before they went back into action. Sam simply began rubbing Marcia's clit which made the blond woman growl and jump up. She pulled Sam down the bed before jumping back on and sitting down on the other woman's face. To Penny's shock and surprise, she didn't just enjoy any tongue play but began to almost violently ride Sam's face, grinding hard and fast.

Sam didn't seem to mind and used her left index finger like a thin dildo, just holding it in a certain position and letting Marcia's movement make it penetrate. Marcia whooped loudly and climaxed hard but didn't let up much, continuing her assault on Sam's mouth. She managed to keep it up for another five minutes before she stopped and lifted herself up, only to turn around and plant herself back down.

Sam went back to pleasuring Marcia as Marcia bent down to eat Sam out as well. Despite having seen a couple of videos of Sam doing another woman, that was the first time she was witnessing a girl on girl sixty-nine. Their height difference was obviously not enough to impede it and Marcia ate Sam out with gusto, sometimes shaking her head like a dog shaking out a toy.

It was very apparent that both enjoyed it, given the moans and groans both gave. Penny could see exactly when either of them climaxed by how stiff their muscles got or when their lower parts simply shook. Marcia, ever the actress, played for the camera, looking straight at it and poking out her tongue as far as possible to flick it over Sam's clit.

They spend another twenty minutes pleasuring each other before they stopped once more, both leaving the frame, probably to use the bathroom. When both returned, they again talked, this time over their respective lives and Marcia's acting career, which apparently wasn't too much yet. Penny used the remote to fast forward, making a mental note to watch the bedtime talk later to see if there was more about her and Leonard.

When Sam moved, Penny went back to regular speed and watched Sam get up this time and pulling Marcia's head off of the bed, her body remaining on it. Marcia only grinned and stuck out her tongue, Sam simply sitting down and riding Marcia's face with the same speed and roughness as Marcia had done before. Sam became just as vocal as Marcia, yelling out her pleasure before also bending down to get into another session of sixty-nine.

"Okay, that's it." Penny cursed and paused the video.

"Need to use the bathroom?" Leonard asked, confused about her pause.

"No." she shook her head and got off the bed, walking to the foot of it and grabbing his ankles before pulling him two feet down.

"What the hell?" he laughed as she climbed back onto the bed.

"I just spend the better part of an hour watching two of my friends eat each other out, giving each other orgasms and your hand between my legs didn't help." she huffed and scooted upwards, pulling her nightie off in the process, throwing the fabric on the floor.

Leonard gave a what sounded to her knowing chuckle as Penny pressed her vagina against his mouth. His tongue began working immediately, burying itself between her folds and moving against her inner walls, making her moan and shudder almost right away. Her feet planted wide to give him the best access, she rested her hands on the headboard, trying not to let all of her weight simply rest on his chin.

It was tough to not just let go, given what he was doing between her legs. She had no idea if it was due to her extreme arousal from watching the video but it seemed to feel even better than usual when he licked her and it didn't take long for her to climax, her body shuddering from the pleasure. Moaning, she began moving her hips, getting friction from his mouth and nose and enhancing the experience further.

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. His eyes were closed and she could see his upper lip moving and she once again could not believe how lucky she was to have found and ultimately married him. None of her earlier boyfriends ever had been this determined to give her pleasure. To her, it might be the result of him not being what she normally would think of a stud but the past eight years had been the best of her entire life.

And even after all those years, sex hadn't become stale or boring. She knew from some of her acquaintances in college or the gym that they had the issue of sex with their partners becoming boring after several years. Not so with Leonard. She loved getting her pussy licked. Leonard never seemed to tire of it, even trying to keep her from getting up when she had to stop. She loved being on top. And by all pieces of evidence, he loved her being on top as well.

And she also could count the number of times he had refused her when she wanted sex on one hand, not counting the times when it was impossible because he had some issue like his allergies or lactose intolerance acting up or when she was horny during her period. While men generally never refused sex, those in long-term relationships often were a different story.

She looked down at her new husband. His eyes were still closed. His mouth was still moving and keeping the roaring fires inside her going. His hands were occasionally going up to caress her breasts, otherwise he kept them on her thighs. A look down at her own body made her wonder for a moment if it was her big, firm but slightly sagging breasts, her flat stomach or her butt that caused this reaction from him, even though he had never shown any sign that this was the case. She mentally slapped herself for having these unfounded insecurities for a few seconds when her thoughts were interrupted by another climax, making her shake.

"Fantastic!" she hummed as she lifted herself.

"I live to serve." he chuckled.

She was about to move down to ride him but suddenly, he lifted himself up and grabbed around her. With a startled shriek, she found herself on her stomach, her legs off of the bed and she giggled in anticipation of what was to come. She didn't have to wait long to feel his manhood entering her and without being able to stop it, she began groaning in rhythm with his rapid thrusts.

Yes, she loved being on top but she also always looked forward to what Leonard was doing now. She loved it when he took aggressive charge like that, pounding her with wild abandon but still making sure that she felt the maximum pleasure possible. With his feet left and right of her hips, every time he slammed into her, his angle and position gave him that extra half inch of depth that drove her crazy with pleasure.

Her arms flailed around, alternating between grabbing his ankles to have an anchor to almost ripping her sheets with her fingernails as she tried to ride the wave of ecstasy. She noticed Leonard's groaning getting louder and faster and knew that he was close she gave his right ankle a squeeze, trying to tell him that it was okay with her.

His speed increased even further, his groans getting louder still and with a bear-like expression, he unloaded into her, every pulse accompanied with an especially hard thrust. She felt his spill entering her and the twitching of his manhood as he climaxed before he collapsed onto her back, breathing hard but chuckling nonetheless.

"That was fun." she grinned, making him laugh.

"Yep." he agreed.

She turned her head and gave him a kiss on the cheek, making turn his head to her and kiss her. He pushed his tongue deep into her mouth, fighting hers for dominance and she wasn't holding back with the kiss, giving back as much as he gave. After a few minutes, he stopped and rested his head on hers, holding himself up with his forearms as to not hurt her in any way.

When it had shrunk enough, his manhood left her with a plop and he reluctantly got off of her. She wanted nothing but to bask in the afterglow but soon enough, she felt something run down her leg and she quickly hurried into the bathroom to clean herself up. Leonard joined her, using a wet rag to clean his buddy before cleaning his face from the sweat he had accumulated.

He climbed into the bathtub and Penny joined him. He used the shower to clean himself and her before handing her the shower head. While he left the bathtub to dry himself off, she turned the shower head so it produced a tight stream instead of a spray and held it between her legs, spreading her labia with her fingers and hissing at the weird feeling of the water going inside her like this.

It worked though and freshly cleaned, she took the fresh towel Leonard had put out for her to dry herself off. Since they had brushed their teeth before, she returned to the bedroom, finding Leonard spreadeagled in bed, now wearing shorts, his head coming up to look at her as she picked her nightie off of the floor and threw it over her body again.

"So, wanna keep watching?" Leonard asked, pointing to the TV where the video of Felicia and Sam was still on, paused at the moment where Sam's tongue ran over Felicia's clit.

"No, we can keep watching tomorrow or another day and you need to get up early tomorrow anyway." she shook her head and pulled the comforter over her. "Gives us the chance to get horny for another bout of rough sex."

"It wasn't that rough, was it?" he wondered.

"Well, granted, not the beginning, but what you did in the end, oh boy." she grinned.

"Okay." he accepted. "But I wonder how much time they spent not doing it. Sam said that the edited videos are the ones with the action and the full video shows the in-between stuff."

"So?"

"Well, so far, we have watched a total of one hour and fifty minutes." Leonard pointed to the time stamp of the video. "Of that there was about twenty-five minutes where they were just talking."

"I don't follow." she shrugged.

"Eighty-five minutes of action and they're not done with their third time." he said. "So, lets say thirty minutes per bout and according to the number of videos, they have done it fifteen times. That's seven and a half hours, if the average time holds."

"I still don't follow."

"Honey, we ended the reception at two in the morning, and it took about twenty minutes until we were in our room. Granted, Sam and Marcia had left right away, so lets say it was ten minutes before they could begin their first time." he continued. "That means that they must have done it all through the night, without any sleep to be out of the room when we left ours."

"Sam did say they dozed a bit in between." Penny pointed out. "The later times were probably shorter. They must have felt some exhaustion from it, so they most likely stopped after two or three orgasms."

"True." he conceded. "Well, we'll see when we watch the others."

"But hey, back to what we talked about, next time I sit on your face, I'll do it rougher." she shrugged. "Like, really riding it, how does that sound?"

"Fine with me." he nodded.

"Really?" she was surprised, even though she knew she shouldn't be. "Even if I did it as rough as Marcia did with Sam and vice versa?"

"Hey, I like when you sit on my face." he winked. "I love how your pussy tastes, I enjoy licking it and when I'm on top, so to speak, once we get past the ten minute mark, my neck feels stiff because I have to scrunch it so much. With you being on top, my head and neck are straight, which eases a lot of the burden."

"Oh god, I never knew this." she was shocked. "But how does your neck get scrunched when you're between my legs?"

"I'll show you." he said and lied down flat, his gaze to the ceiling. "So, when you're on top, my head and neck are straight with my body, or even slightly bend forward, depending on how you sit on me, right?"

"Right." she nodded.

"Now, when you're on your back like you are now, and I go down on you, it looks like this." he said and scooted down, pulling up her nightie to reveal her bare pussy and spreading her legs before pushing his tongue against her clit for a few seconds, making her hiss in pleasure. "Look here. My head is almost ninety degrees bent up compared to my body so I can reach your clitoris and especially your lower vagina at the right angle, for when I want to stick my tongue into you."

"I see it." she said.

"This position is very uncomfortable." he continued. "And if I do it for more than ten minutes, I feel stiffness developing."

"Is that why you have started to roll your head?" she asked.

"Yep." he confirmed as he returned to his position next to her after giving her pussy a last kiss. "You can try it to see how bad it can feel."

"What, call Sam to lick her pussy?" she grinned.

"Hm, good idea." he thought about it. "I'll film."

"Hey!" she laughed. "Not funny."

"A little funny." he winked. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it at some point."

"Well..." she huffed. "Okay, I did. Sam is a very forceful woman."

"She is." he agreed. "But back to the point, just stand up, lean your head back as if you try to catch rain with your mouth and stay like that for a few minutes."

"Okay." she said and got up, leaning her head back the way he had described.

"So?" he asked after a minute of her just standing there.

"You're right." she confirmed and got back into bed. "I never knew this, why didn't you say anything? You sometimes licked me for a long time in that position."

"I know." he said. "But at the beginning, it wasn't that bad. The stiffness only began three years ago or thereabouts."

"Okay, standing order from now on, you going down on me will not go past the point where you feel uncomfortable." she stated. "Otherwise, I will either sit on your face or we just do sixty-nine, then I can give you pleasure as well."

"As you wish, my lady." he said in an exaggerated way.

"I love you, Mister Hofstadter." she smiled warmly at him.

"I love you, Misses Hofstadter." he smiled back.

After giving him a last, long kiss, she closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep.

---

"Hey!" an appearing Leonard smiled at her.

"Hey hubby." she grinned and met him in the middle of the room, giving him a kiss. "You look happy."

"I am." Leonard almost giggled. "Howard has gotten his hands on a special vehicle and we're going to Mexico this weekend."

"Uh, where are we going?" she asked excitedly. "Tijuana?"

"Um..." he hesitated.

"What?" she looked at him.

"When I said we, I meant us guys."

"You're going to Mexico and you didn't even think of asking me?" she gasped.

"That reminds me, Penny, can I please go to Mexico with the guys?" he pleaded with an innocent smile. "Howard got his hands on Richard Feynman's van."

"Who's that?" she asked.

"Feynman was a world-renowned physicist who won the Nobel prize and had done groundbreaking research in quantum physics and quantum electronics." he told her. "Sheldon is still pretty despondent and we thought that this trip would distract him from his gloom."

"Where are you going then?" she asked.

"When he won the Nobel Prize, he used the money to build a house in a place called La Mision in Baja." Leonard told her. "It can be rented for weekends."

"Wow, it looks big." she commented after using her phone to search for it on the internet. "Wait, over three hundred bucks a night?"

"Yeah, I know, but we all chip in and Raj is paying the bulk of it." Leonard nodded. "So, can I go please?"

"Yeah, okay." she moped. "Next time, ask me a little earlier."

"I will, thank you." he smiled. "But, in my defense, I only learned about it this morning."

"Then I think I'll get the girls to come over and have a girls night." she shrugged. "If necessary, they could sleep over at your place."

"True." he agreed. "So I might have to accept the idea that Amy will sleep in my bed."

"She could sleep in Sheldon's bed." Penny said.

"If we broke up, would you sleep in my bed?" he looked at her.

"Point taken." she chuckled. "When do you leave?"

"Later today." he replied.

"Whoa!" she gasped. "You're going to drive through the night?"

"No, the drive takes only three hours, barring any traffic jams." he shook his head. "We just pack some change of clothes, something to drink and some food for the road and we're set."

"Who's driving?"

"Howard will." he told her. "The van is rented under his name."

"Wait a second." she realized. "Are you sure that it wasn't you who planned this trip?"

"What makes you think that?"

"You know that it's my time of the month this weekend." she pointed out.

"That... never occurred to me."

"Uh hu." she gave him a look.

"Love you." he grinned.

"Yeah, yeah." she huffed. "Go pack."

"There you are." she heard Howard's voice say when Leonard opened the door.

"Hey guys." she greeted him and Raj, who were standing on the fourth floor landing. "Who had the idea for this trip?"

"I did, why?" Howard told her.

"Never mind." Penny grumbled, disappointed that she couldn't hold it over Leonard after all. "What did Bernie say when you told her about the trip?"

"She was fine with it." Howard shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"Because Leonard told me that he only learned about said trip today." Penny said.

"I got the notification that I could rent the van only this morning." Howard told her. "I made the reservation for his house in Mexico when you were still on your honeymoon, right after Amy broke up with Sheldon."

"And why didn't you tell me?" Leonard asked.

"I didn't want to risk you accidentally telling Sheldon." Howard said. "Can we go now?"

"Sure, lets pack some stuff and get Sheldon." Leonard nodded. "Do we tell Sheldon that it's Feynman's van or should we just go and tell him on the road?"

"Lets tell him on the road as a surprise." Raj grinned and opened the door to the guys' apartment.

Penny typed a quick message to the girls, telling them about the girls night and that they could spend the night if necessary. It took less than twenty minutes to receive confirmations from both and Penny checked her fridge for what she could offer as snacks. The wine was already there, and she knew that she had a few bags of various snacks.

Knowing what the girls liked, she ordered two small pizzas with some garlic bread, setting the delivery time to when the girls night was supposed to start and began cleaning her apartment. She booted up her laptop and put the porn files from Sam into the special hidden folder with the password protection, just in case they needed the laptop for something that couldn't be found or done with her phone.

"UNHAND ME THIS SECOND!" she heard a yell coming from the hallway.

"What's going on here?" she asked after opening the door, seeing the guys carrying a protesting Sheldon who had been blindfolded and his hands bound together.

"He's a little recalcitrant about coming with us." Leonard grunted in reply as they manhandled Sheldon down the stairs. "Raj, can't you gag him?"

"Sure." Raj nodded and pulled a tie out of his pockets, tying it around Sheldon's head.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Penny commented. "Animals are the most dangerous when cornered."

"Sheldon is not..." Howard began.

"OOOOOOW!" Raj yelled in pain and threw his tie away when his hand flew up. "He bit me!"

"Screw the tie, just get him down." Leonard sighed and they continued walking to the third floor, where they encountered Sheldon's downstairs neighbor. "Um, good afternoon, Misses Gunderson."

"Misses Gunderson, help me!" Sheldon demanded.

"If you want, I can smack him with my cane." Misses Gunderson offered. "That will knock him out."

"Thanks, but I think we're good." Leonard laughed.

Penny laughed as she heard the receding complaints of Sheldon and went back into the apartment to finish the cleaning. The clothes went into her closet, especially the nightie and once the floor was clean, she grabbed the vacuum and cleaned the floor. At the agreed upon time, the food arrived, Penny taking it from the delivery boy who she thought was about to hit on her before noticing her wedding ring.

"Hey Penny." Bernadette greeted her after arriving, putting down a bowl that proved to be potato salad.

"Hey Bernie." Penny greeted back. "Amy is on her way."

"You really wanna stay here?" Bernadette asked. "With the guys gone, we could go out. Strip club, maybe?"

"Nah, if I want to see a naked dancing man, I just flush the toilet while Leonard's in the shower. " Penny giggled.

"Hi." an appearing Amy greeted them, carrying a tupperware box.

"Hey." Penny said. "You seem in a better mood."

"Yeah, since we do a girls night, I decided to make cookies in the shape of male genitals." Amy grinned proudly.

"Aw, you didn't have to." Penny chuckled and opened the box, seeing the result of Amy's labors. "Whoa, that's anatomic."

"The veins are gummy worms." Amy explained.

"Oh look, Jewish and gentile." Bernadette said, discomfort written across her face as she gazed upon the cookies.

"I had extra dough." Amy almost whispered.

"How did you get them to keep their shape during the baking process?" Bernadette asked. "Just a cookie cutter?"

"Cutter for the big cuts and nylon thread for the more detailed stuff." Amy told her.

"How long did that take you?" Penny wondered. "I only told you about this evening a few hours ago."

"I was already baking cookies anyway." Amy shrugged.

"Leonard just texted me." Penny said after hearing the phone chime and reading the message. "They just crossed the border."

"I hope the boys don't get too crazy in Mexico." Bernadette worried.

"Oh, yeah, right." Penny laughed. "Lock up your daughters or Sheldon might lecture them about the North American Free Trade Agreement."

"Boy, that was a long night for me." Amy thought back to that particular evening.

"Since you brought potato salad, I'll heat up some wieners." Penny said and went into the kitchen, grabbing an open plastic box and putting the eight wieners and some water into it before putting it into the microwave and setting it to six hundred watts and five minutes.

Meanwhile, Penny placed plates and cutlery, as well as mustard and ketchup, onto the kitchen island before putting the pizzas onto two bigger plates and using a knife to properly cut the pizzas into pieces. After each of them eating a slice, the microwave dinged and Penny took the box out, pouring out the water and placing the sausages onto another plate.

She had to admit, the potato salad was very good and soon enough, they were sated and drinking wine. Amy put the cookie box in front of them and with some apprehension, Penny took one of the gentile ones and ate it. To her surprise, they were actually really good, not to sweet, firm to the bite without being too hard and the gummy worms gave them that little extra taste that cookies normally didn't have.

"I can see why Leonard is so often smiling when you had sex." Bernadette giggled, the wine already going a bit to her head.

"What makes you say that?" Penny was confused.

"The way you eat the cookies." Bernadette grinned. "You always take them into your mouth tip first and sucking on them before biting off the piece."

"Great." she rolled her eyes. "If you see that as an indicator, then Howard probably thinks there's something to be desired."

"Hey, I give my husband head." Bernadette huffed and almost choked when she took one of the Jewish cookies and pushed it completely into her mouth, making Penny and Amy laugh.

"Yeah, she's tipsy." Amy nodded. "She'd never tell us this or do that otherwise."

"Agreed." Penny chuckled.

After they finished eating, Penny cleaned away the plates and put the snacks into a bowl, putting that on the table as well as the wine bottle from which they were drinking. As she looked at her friends, she could only marvel again at what nine years had changed in her life, from someone only being around girls like herself and buff guys to being married to a nerd she loved more than anyone else in a group of friends she would have never been around during her teen years.

"So, Penny, how's married life?" Amy asked,

"Oh, it's great." Penny smiled. "But in this instance, I'm actually mad at you for breaking up with Sheldon."

"Why?" Amy wondered.

"Because Sheldon has become pretty despondent and we decided not to tell him yet that me and Leonard move in together." Penny told her. "Leonard thinks that might take Sheldon over the edge and I tend to agree."

"You guys still aren't living together?" Bernadette was surprised.

"We are, kind of." she shrugged. "I mean, he sleeps here, but it's only a matter of time before Sheldon has a bad dream and tries to climb into bed with the Leonard-shaped pile of pillows."

"Speaking of Sheldon, how's single life treating you?" Bernadette asked Amy.

"Fine, I guess." Amy hesitated. "I've been focusing on me. I was thinking about changing my wardrobe."

"Yes!" Penny agreed with that, Bernadette too voicing her agreement.

"But then I decided I don't want to go changing who I am just because of some man." Amy added.

"Yes." Penny repeated, a little more dejected this time. "You know, it is normal to want to change your look after a breakup."

"Actually, I was thinking of making one small change." Amy said, prompting Penny to list everything about Amy's attire, from the sweater to the shoes.

"Sorry, what is it?" Penny apologized after Amy's look.

"Piercing my ears." Amy revealed.

"You really never had that done?" Bernadette was surprised again.

"My mom said pierced ears were for whores, pirates and genies." Amy explained.

"Okay, well, you're a grown woman now." Penny argued.

"I know, but Sheldon had this clause in the Relationship Agreement forbidding cosmetic surgery unless it's to look like a Klingon." Amy defended herself.

"We'll take you to the mall to get it done." Bernadette grinned.

"Why? I can do it right here." Penny offered.

"Really? You have a piercing gun?" Amy wondered.

"No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube." Penny told her and got up to get those. "I've done it, like, a dozen times."

"Oh, I don't know." Amy hesitated.

"Oh, come on." Penny grinned and stroked Amy's ears. "I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity."

"This party's weird." Bernadette pointed out.

"Why? Because we're not talking about celebrities?" Penny rolled her eyes as she got a needle.

Penny filled a bowl with water and a second one with ice cubes along with a lighter, all of which she took to the living room table. She used the lighter to heat the needle to disinfect it and cooled it in the water bowl before using one of the ice cubes to numb Amy's ears. After two minutes of doing that, she gave Amy's earlobe a flick, her friend not reacting so Penny pushed the needle through the skin and flesh, causing the expected blood to come out.

"Am I bleeding?" Amy almost panicked when she noticed the tissue with the red spots in Penny's lap.

"That's normal." Penny calmed her.

"Amy, I noticed your status still says in a relationship on Facebook." Bernadette tried to distract her.

"You're right. I should probably let all of my Facebook friends know." Amy confirmed. "Penny, I'm no longer in a relationship."

"You have no other friends on facebook?" Bernadette looked surprised.

"No." Amy confirmed. "Unless you have an account and become my friend."

"No, I don't have an account." Bernadette shook her head. "Penny, did you change yours to married yet?"

"Uh, no, not yet." Penny said. "I haven't used facebook since we got married."

"Have you called your parents since your return from your honeymoon?"

"No, why?" Penny wondered.

"You know, just to tell them that you're okay." Bernadette shrugged. "I would have done it if I hadn't spent my honeymoon sitting at home worrying about Howard on the space station."

"You're right, I should call them." Penny agreed and finished with Amy by clicking the earring in place. "There you go. You're all done."

"That wasn't so bad." Amy commented and held up a mirror to look at herself. "Nice! Boy, if my mom could see me now, she'd lock me in the sin closet."

"That's a joke, right?" Bernadette hesitated.

"Actually, the joke was on her. I could still see the TV through the slats." Amy unfortunately confirmed the horror.

"I'm starting to see why you and your mom aren't very close." Penny realized. "Have you even told her that you and Sheldon are broken up?"

"Uh, well, actually, to be honest, I haven't told her yet." Amy replied.

"Will you?" Penny looked at her.

"You haven't called your parents either." Amy countered.

"You not telling your mother that you broke up with Sheldon and me not calling my parents to tell them I'm back from my honeymoon is so different that it's in another dimension." Penny huffed.

"I think it's the same." Amy grasped at straws.

"Fine." Penny shrugged and grabbed her phone. "I'm calling home, but when I'm done, you're calling your mother."

"Sure thing." Amy gave a fake smile.

"Hey, Daddy." Penny greeted her father after he had picked up the phone.

"Hey, slugger. How's my girl?" Wyatt asked. "You're back in the country?"

"Yeah." Penny smiled. "Got back last weekend. Sorry for not calling right away. Is Mom around?"

"No, she and your aunt have decided to use some of the money we got from the power company to spend a weekend at some spa." Wyatt told her.

"So, how's the farm?"

"It's good." Wyatt said. "I've decided to restart the agriculture aspect on a smaller scale."

"Why?" Penny wondered. "I thought you were happy with making the money from the power companies."

"Yeah, but frankly, when you have worked a farm for decades, you kinda miss the work when it's suddenly not there anymore." Wyatt explained. "Anyway, I decided to do it a little better than I did before. Remember the old tractor you got working again?"

"Yeah, sure." Penny nodded, even though Wyatt couldn't see her.

"I got a rototiller for that tractor." Wyatt told her. "It's a beautiful piece of machinery, and used to regenerate the soil, which leads to a better harvest."

"That's nice." Penny commented, not knowing where he was going with it.

"Anyway, uh, I backed over your pet pig with it." Wyatt revealed

"Moondance?" Penny almost screeched, remembering the little piglet she had adopted the last time they had visited their parents. "You killed my pig?"

"I did not kill him." Wyatt said. "The vet took care of that."

"When did that happen?"

"Oh, ten, twelve months ago." Wyatt said.

"You didn't tell me for a year?" Penny shrieked.

"I didn't want to spoil your wedding." Wyatt argued.

"Dad, that was less than a month ago." Penny deadpanned.

"Um, I didn't want to spoil your engagement?" Wyatt tried again.

"Uh hu." Penny deadpanned again.

"Well, love ya, slugger. Gotta go." Wyatt suddenly said and hung up the phone.

"Wait, dad." Penny tried but only heard the beeps that denoted the ended call before turning around and glaring at her friends.

"Okay, Amy, your turn." Bernadette said, clearly uncomfortable.

"Thanks a lot, guys." Penny huffed and flopped down into her armchair.

"What did we do?" Bernadette asked.

"Before I made that call, my pig was alive and happy and rolling around in the mud and now he's illegally buried in our backyard next to my great-grandmother." Penny complained. "He was Schrodinger's pig."

"Really?" Bernadette was doubtful. "They didn't eat him?"

"No." Penny gasped in horror. "He was a beloved member of the family."

"The breakfast meat family?" Bernadette grinned.

"It's not funny." Penny threw up her hands and turned to Amy. "You're up. Call your mother."

"Oh, maybe later. Your pig dying made me sad. And a little hungry." Amy tried to weasel out.

"Phone, now!" Penny ordered.

"Okay. Okay. Fine." Amy sighed and got up before doing a halfhearted swipe on her phone with her finger. "Hi, Mom."

"Try dialing." Penny said, not being fooled for a second.

"You saw that, huh?" Amy winced and dialed for real. "Hi, Mom. How are you doing?... Oh, good. How's work?... That's nice... I'm fine... Hey, listen, I've been meaning to ask, how come Aunt Doe and Aunt Florence never got along?"

"Okay, just give me that." Penny couldn't take it anymore and grabbed the phone from Amy's hands. "Amy broke up with Sheldon, she got her ears pierced and she made us eat penis cookies!"

"Interesting." her mother's voice came from the speaker. "Can I talk to my daughter, please?"

"Hang on." Penny grinned and held the phone out to Amy. "She wants to talk to you."

"Hi, mom." Amy winced as she put the phone against her ear before pulling it back a bit and Penny could hear the yelling from where she sat. "But mom... I know, I know... It's a long story... Why?... But mom, I'm not a child anymore... But... Yes, mother."

"What did she say?" Bernadette asked after Amy had ended the call.

"Where are you going?" Penny wanted to know when Amy walked into her bedroom without saying a word. "Amy?"

"Oh no." Bernadette groaned when they watched Amy open Penny's closet and sitting down inside it before closing the door again.

"Amy, what are you doing?" Penny was incredulous at the situation.

"My mother told me to sit in the closet." Amy replied, her voice muffled due to the door.

"You do realize that your mother isn't here, right?" Bernadette asked. "She won't know if you don't sit in the closet."

"She will know." Amy said. "Just let me sit here for an hour."

"Fine." Penny shrugged, unwilling to argue any further. "Some girls night."

"Yeah." Bernadette nodded.

"More wine?" Penny offered the bottle.

"Sure." she nodded and held out her glass. "Amy, more wine?"

"I can't drink while in the sin closet." Amy refused.

"Want me to roll the TV into the bedroom so you can watch something?" Penny offered.

"You're not making it better." Amy retorted.

"For god's sake, come out of there!" Penny yelled and Amy complied, shuffling back to the couch as if afraid that her mom would suddenly come in.

"Sorry." Amy sighed. "I had a difficult childhood."

"Yeah, no shit." Penny rolled her eyes. "Have some wine."

"Thanks." Amy nodded and took a deep drought.

Feeling sorry for her friend, Penny poured her more wine but decided not to get her drunk, since Amy would have to sleep in Leonard's bed and the last thing she wanted was Amy vomiting into it or the room. Bernadette also drank very little, her small body not good at taking a lot of alcohol anyway.

At about eleven, the evening ended. Penny handed each a new toothbrush and as they had planned, Penny opened the door to the guys' apartment, both women walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth. Neither had pajamas with them so Bernadette simply took off some of her clothes while Amy just flopped into Leonard's bed and quickly fell asleep.

The next morning, Penny woke up and did her morning routine in the bathroom before heading over to the other apartment and found Amy stumbling tiredly out of the bathroom, rubbing her face to wake up. Nodding a good morning to her, she entered Sheldon's bedroom, finding Bernadette sleeping soundly.

"Bernie, wake up." Penny grinned and shook her blond friend, who seemed to have difficulties to open her eyes.

"What time is it?" Bernadette asked.

"A bit after eight-thirty." Penny told her. "Lets go out for breakfast."

"Ugh." Bernadette grunted and got up.

"Damn girl, why do you keep hiding these?" Penny chuckled and pointed at Bernadette's chest, her huge breasts held up by her bra.

"I have no need to flaunt them, I'm married." Bernadette shrugged and walked into the bathroom after grabbing her clothes.

"Good point." Penny agreed, since she herself often wore clothes that didn't flaunt her chest, except if they went to some event.

Once both girls were finished, they walked downstairs and to a nearby bakery, where they sat down on one of the tables. They all ordered coffee and some pastries for breakfast, enjoying the balmy morning air as they drank their beverages.

"So, what will you do today?" Penny asked.

"I have enough to do at home." Bernadette shrugged. "And with Howard not home, I can do them in peace."

"Like what?" Amy wanted to know.

"Doing the laundry and cleaning up a bit plus I have to do some work related things."

"I'll have to do some laundry too." Penny said. "Not that much though, only one load."

"Same here." Amy added. "And then probably having to evade my mother."

"Will she come to your apartment if you don't answer the phone?" Bernadette asked her.

"Likely." Amy nodded. "Thank you Penny, for making my day."

"Sorry." Penny apologized.

When their breakfast was done, they returned to the apartment block where the girls bid their goodbyes and got into their respective cars, driving off and leaving Penny alone. She walked up the stairs to her apartment and gathered the dirty laundry together, some socks, some panties and two shirts. She left her apartment but as soon as she reached the elevator doors, she saw her husband and Sheldon slowly coming up the stairs, dirty and disheveled.

"What are you doing back?" she asked them.

"We got a flat and couldn't get the tire off." Leonard said dejectedly. "And we had to walk eleven miles to get to a place from where we could get transportation back."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Penny felt empathy for them. "If it makes you feel any better, I pierced Amy's ears and her mom made her sit in my closet."

"We blew up Feynman's van." Sheldon added.

"My dad killed my pig with his tractor." Penny countered.

"I had to spend the night in Mexico with Sheldon." Leonard gave the knockout punch.

"You win." she conceded and headed downstairs.

Arriving in the basement, she put her clothes into the machine and was about to add detergent before she stopped herself. After putting her detergent on the machine, she returned upstairs with the basket and entered the guys' apartment again. She saw Sheldon sitting in his spot, his head leaning back and his eyes closed as if sleeping.

Continuing on, she heard the shower going and knew that Leonard was cleaning the dirt of himself, so she walked into his bedroom and grabbed his dirty clothes, putting them into her basket. Lastly, she entered the bathroom and without saying anything, took his boxer shorts, adding it to her basket before leaving the apartment and heading back to the basement. She added his clothes to hers and finally added detergent, then the coins to make the machine go.

Returning upstairs, she walked back into the guys' apartment and found the couch empty. The sounds of the shower still emanated from the bathroom and she assumed that it was now Sheldon's turn in it. She opened Leonard's bedroom door and found her husband sleeping soundly already, and she felt sorry that his planned weekend had ended in disaster.

Dropping a kiss on his forehead, she left him to rest and returned to her apartment. She would wake him after lunch so he wouldn't mess up his sleep schedule and then they could make a plan on how to break it to a fragile Sheldon that Leonard would no longer be his roommate.

---

Deciding to end it here. As of writing this, apparently the Fanfiction email issue has been resolved. I received a few old reviews and other notifications, however not all of them. Lets see how long it lasts ^^

But as I'm editing this, the FF editor again puts random paragraphs into bold -.-

Review please :)