Section I - Article I: Concerning Ale

1. All dwarves (and hobbits and wizards), are entitled to NO MORE than THREE pints of ale (this will hopefully prevent you from becoming drunk)

2. There will be no drinking contests (the results have not been satisfactory. The last time this occurred, Erestor had nightmares for months. He did not appreciate being serenaded as "the most beautiful she-elf in all Middle Earth". You know who you are KILI)

3. Singing loud and obnoxious drinking songs is strictly prohibited, they have been known to disturb the peace on many occasions (Bilbo Baggins, you know what we speak of. DO NOT attempt to sing an inappropriate song that the dwarves taught you so that all of Rivendell will hear it AGAIN! Seriously, Erestor is scarred for life)

4. She-dwarves are not allowed to be mentioned while drinking, all of Middle Earth does not need to know how you like to spend your time with she-dwarves (no one was impressed)

5. No dwarves, hobbits or wizards are allowed to drink, possess or be within one hundred feet of elvish wine. It is very potent and one pint results in a company of very drunk dwarves (we would like to know who procured this wine for them; you will be punished, we would just like to know who you are)

6. No belching contests are allowed while drinking; though you may think it amusing others are thoroughly disgusted by it

7. Dwalin is not allowed to be in possession of his weapons while drinking, this will result in a massacre (we would not like to relive past experiences, Glorfindel's hair took forever to grow back)

8. Ori is not allowed to have his writing supplies while drinking and we would appreciate it if he would inform us how to remove the ink from skin (Saruman was not amused when he awoke with spectacles drawn onto his face)

9. Nori must be locked up if he is drinking and the key must be thrown away until further notice. We would appreciate it if he would return everything he stole during his last drinking excursion

10. Thorin is not allowed to be near a mirror while drinking (it unnerved a great number of people to see him admiring himself)

11. Gandalf is not allowed to be in possession of any and all materials capable of producing fire while drinking. THIS INCLUDES ALL FIREWORKS (you nearly burned all of Rivendell down as well as multiple other places)

12. Bifur is not allowed to be near any plants while drinking (we are not sure how he managed to come into possession of poison ivy but he somehow did and managed to ingest it without any of us knowing)

13. No one is allowed to relate Balin to a "Santa Claus" while he is drunk. We are not sure what that is but he did not take kindly to it. We have yet to find the victim of his wrath.

14. Dori is not allowed near Elrohir and Elladan's room while drinking. They did not appreciate the thorough cleaning it received from said dwarf.

15. Fili is not anywhere near dye when drinking (many are still suffering from pink hair from the last attack)

16. NO ONE is allowed to steal Bofur's hat as a practical joke while he is drinking or at ANY OTHER TIME (we were thoroughly surprised when Fili and Kili escaped alive)

17. Bombur is not allowed near the kitchens while drinking. We were without food for Valar knows how long after the last incident

18. Oin must be in possession of his hearing trumpet while drunk and we do not care if you permanently forge it to his head, he must be using it (ale apparently extremely warps what he hears, Elrond is still avoiding him because of this)

19. Gloin is not allowed to make bets while drinking. As the best drinker it is unfair to the others when you make bets while sober and they make bets while they are drunk. You are guaranteed to win

20. Bilbo Baggins is not allowed anywhere near a frying pan while drinking and it is advised that everyone avoid him if one is found in his possession (it turns out that the frying pan can actually be lethal weapon)


Author's Note: Hi guys! To all those who read "The Dark Star", don't worry I'm working on the next chapter!

This was just an idea I had and I wanted to see what people thought of it.

Ideas for new lists of rules are always welcome!

Read and Review please! :D

-Biddle29