1Title: Misery Loves Company
World: The Sims 2
Words: 2,014
Author's Note: I don't actually have a Sim I created named Eggmund Lecher. But I did create Mr. Caruso, his family, the crazy lady from down the street (whose first names will not be mentioned here), and Ganondorf the cat. Yes, I did have Ganondorf from Legend of Zelda on the mind when I had Chester Gieke adopt him. I thought it was humorous. Rated T because I'm worried.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Sims 2 or the name Ganondorf. They belong to Will Wright and Shigeru Miyamoto respectively. But I suppose I own the Sims and the cat I created…I don't know.
Monday had started out normally enough for Eggmund Lecher of Belladonna Cove. Get up, use the toilet, shower, have breakfast and coffee. Unfortunately for our inane Sim, he was up until midnight looking through his telescope to raise his logic skill to advance further in his Science career, and got abducted by aliens in the process, then returned home at about four in the morning. So, needless to say, this Monday was a tiny bit different when he fell asleep on his pancakes, and woke up six hours later to a phone call stating he had been fired for missing too much time. Eggmund just knew he shouldn't have skipped work so much to go on all those dates. Luckily, Eggmund managed to get a new job. Unluckily, the job was a golf caddy, and he hated golf just about as much as he hated the Landgraabs.
Eggmund had established that he hated Mondays now, so there was no way Tuesday could get any worse. Eggmund was sadly mistaken. His Tuesday started almost like his Monday, wake up, toilet, shower, breakfast, sans the falling asleep in his food. He started his first day of work, and got hit by a golf ball sent at him "accidently" by the dean of the local Sim State University and had to be sent to the hospital. Now, Mr. Caruso was by no means an arrogant or cruel man, but he had no regrets. Eggmund had been whining all day, after all, and scaring off the birds. Perhaps he could get a snapshot of the elusive rose-crested swan that his daughter had been raving about for the past two weeks, and he and his wife could finally get some rest.
Our ridiculous Sim decided that he couldn't stand Tuesdays now. They were about as bad as Mondays as far as he was concerned. But Wednesday would be better! The golf ball had given him a concussion, and he was off for the rest of the week until he recovered. So he was going to kick back, relax, order some pizza, and make the best of his sick leave. He had his day all sorted out. Until his neighbor decided to spend the day in his house. Actually, by neighbor, he meant his geeky neighbor's devil cat. Chester from the next townhouse over was amiable enough, and kept to himself mostly. When he wasn't going to work or spending time with that crazy lady down the street, he was inside messing with his computer or TV. But his gigantic pet cat was a complete terror to everyone in the townhomes, and no one had the courage to speak up to Chester in fear of enraging the cat.
So today, Eggmund had concluded that Ganondorf was about as stupid as his name when the black mass of fur and fat slipped through the door when he answered the delivery man. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get him out of his house. Whenever he tried to pick the thing up, he'd hiss at him and swipe. Deciding to ignore the beast, he left his pizza on the counter and took a quick nap. When Eggmund awoke about an hour later, his whole house reeked of the most disgusting stench ever. Holding his nose, he reluctantly went to find the source, and he found out what it was, and was about as mad as Ganondorf was going to be when he threw his fluffy ass out the door. All of his pizza had been eaten, the box shredded to pieces all over the floor, and on his kitchen counter was a large, brownish-red mass of vomit. Ganondorf laid by his staircase with all fours tucked neatly under his body, looking pleased with himself.
Eggmund stepped forward to throw the fiend out, and stepped in a puddle of water…warm water. He looked down, and found the true source of the foul smell. Eggmund screamed at the top of his lungs; the black Persian did not respond in any form or way. However, Ganondorf was not pleased with Eggmund as he found himself being lifted by the scruff of his neck and tossed in the nearby flowerbed outside. Luckily, he'd made sure the stupid human didn't get away with unjustly throwing him out of his territory. In his rage and desperation to rid his home of the offending smell of vomit and urine, Eggmund didn't treat the scratches given to him by the fuming cat outside, and got an infection about an hour later. He'd have to have a word with Chester about that devil cat, and he didn't care what said cat or his owner thought of it.
Mr. Lecher decided that Wednesday was the absolute worst day of the week, on top of being hump day. Oh well, at least he could still stay home. He'd just have to make sure his neighbor's cat wasn't plotting to kill him as he talked to himself. He called up Chester to ask him of Ganondorf's activities, and the confused and irritated reply was that he was currently in the litter box. Chester then proceeded to scream at him for tossing his kitty in the flowerbed, which just so happened to be full of bumblebees. Apparently, his "sweet little Gannykins" got stung a several times, mostly on his sensitive ears, Eggmund noted with sadistic delight. And that conversation was the highlight of Thursday. But Thursday still ended up taking the cake for the worst day of the week, when Eggmund mysteriously got locked in his bedroom. It wasn't so bad, until he had to go to the bathroom. Not wanting to stain his carpet, he broke his window and pissed over the small balcony. What he didn't know was a woman was passing by and called the police. Eggmund was fined five hundred simoleons for public urination, seven hundred simoleons for indecent exposure, and then his landlord fined him an extra two hundred and fifty-five simoleons for breaking his window. And he also got beaten up by a rather muscular man in a leotard and ballet slippers for not noticing he was smelling the flowers below and got a wet head for his trouble.
Friday, however, was possibly the worst day of Eggmund's entire life. Today, his fear of fears happened, and he had been having terrible nightmares of this event occurring. He slapped himself for being shocked that it had happened, ever since Monday, his week just kept getting worse and worse, and now he was afraid to wake up tomorrow, for he couldn't imagine anything worse than the atrocity that just happened. His first cousin, Graham Krackar, came over for a visit. He didn't seem too pleased with how Eggmund smelled, or the lingering smell of cat urine wafting from the kitchen. And when it came time for Graham to go back home to Downtown, he refused his hug. Eggmund had never been so agonized, embarrassed, confused, and enraged in his entire life, and he was sure he would never feel such pain again. That night, Eggmund cried himself to sleep, and replayed the refused hug in his head like an ongoing horror movie.
Eggmund was terrified to leave his bed. After yesterday, he couldn't possibly imagine what kind of horrors would happen today, on Saturday, the end of the week. Just when Eggmund was starting to think that maybe Saturday wouldn't be too bad and considered getting out of bed, he heard a window shattering downstairs. Summoning up his courage, our idiotic Sim ran downstairs to see what caused the noise, and he wished he hadn't.
Standing in his living room in a mess of shattered glass was a clown sobbing at the top of his lungs, with a name tag on his white overalls that said Sunny. Eggmund paled, he was terrified of these things. Chester happened to be coming home from a night spent at the crazy lady's house, and poked his head through the glass-less window and told Eggmund to shut his clown up. The redhead apparently wasn't over what would be known as "the Ganondorf & Lecher fiasco" to the inhabitants of Main Street for years to come.
Now, Eggmund really didn't think Saturday could get any worse with his phobia dragging himself around the house crying. That was until water came flooding out of the bathroom. After the clown left, his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when he saw his toilet had nearly been ripped out of the floor. A buzzing sound was heard from his living room, and he could see flashing lights. Eggmund peeked around the corner and saw his TV screen shattered. He scurried away from the door and hid under his kitchen table. The devastated clown trudged in the kitchen and tried to stick a cup of ramen in the microwave, only for it to blow up, which cause the clown to cry out in fear. Wailing over his loss of a meal, the clown started to dig through the refrigerator, breaking jugs of milk and eggs. Eggmund slowly followed after the clown upstairs about a minute after he left, and found his upstairs bathroom in the same condition as the one downstairs.
Sniffing followed by a distressed wail and loud sobbing rang from his bedroom, and after about fifteen minutes of working up his courage to see what kind of destruction the clown caused, Eggmund pushed open his door and nearly screamed. His bed was soaked where the clown cried himself to sleep. On top of that, all his clothes had been strewn from his closet, and all his windows shattered with flies buzzing in and out where a pile of rotten trash had somehow ended up in the center of his room.
Eggmund ran downstairs while flailing his arms in a silent panic, and hid inside the trashcan on the street, thinking the tragic clown wouldn't find him there. His breakdown was interrupted a few minutes later by Ganondorf, who apparently had the memory of an elephant and the grudge of a woman scorned, and he wasn't happy to find his nemesis of two days inside the trashcan he sprayed a few hours earlier. The muscled black Persian barreled the trashcan over and proceeded to shred Eggmund to ribbons as revenge for his tiny swollen ears. Ganondorf was collected by Chester for his daily massage, and Eggmund was alone again; smelly, disoriented, and bloody. A wail erupted from his decimated townhome, and Eggmund bolted back into the trashcan. He was interrupted again by his landlord, who was understandably furious to find a crying clown throwing a tantrum in the townhouse. Eggmund was fined twenty-five thousand simoleons for the damages done to his townhome and was informed by Chester that he was suing him for five thousand simoleons for the emotional distress afflicted on Ganondorf, as well as the vet bills for his swollen ears.
This was the story of Eggmund's week from hell. For our conclusion, Mr. Caruso managed to get a snapshot of two beautiful rose-crested swans in a mating dance, and he was finally able to get a good night's sleep. The aliens that abducted Eggmund for a sample of his brain matter never did find out what makes a Sim crave grilled cheese sandwiches, and had to go find another abductee for further study. The landlord bought a helicopter with all the money he got from Eggmund and Sunny's destructive tendencies. Chester began dating the crazy lady from down the street, Ganondorf the cat saw him less and less, and extended his reign of harassment to the twins living in the two-story brick house next door. As for our hero, Eggmund? Well, he got in a slightly better mood, causing Sunny the tragic clown to leave, but he never did get over the trauma caused during that week, nor did he get promoted from a golf caddy.
And everyone lived happily ever after, except for Eggmund, who burned a grilled cheese sandwich and got food poisoning from eating it two weeks later.