Disclaimer: I do not own AHS.
A/N: Hey, everyone! So as promised, here is the first chapter to the prequel to Dear Father. I just liked working on the flashback scenes for Dear Father so much that I just decided to do a whole prequel dedicated to Lana raising Johnny, please enjoy!
CH 1- Mother to be
"I don't care." Her voice was strong with deep frustration, "I want that story. You promised me that story."
Luis Graham sighed. He sat at his desk, "Winters, please. Just have a seat." He eyed Lana wearily as if she would burst right before him.
"No, Lou. You promised me this story and then you give it to Copeland? Are you fucking with me?" She pressed.
Lou cleared his throat. "No. I am not. Listen Lana, I gave this story to Copeland because it is a fast paced story and let's face it." He paused and looked at her, "You have other matters to attend to."
"But I brought you the Briarcliff story. You know everything I went through to get it." The words gritted through her teeth.
After all she had done, Lou had assigned her some boring desk job. That wasn't what Lana wanted. She wanted to continue her career. She wanted to make a name for herself.
Lou sighed. "Lana, what you need to do is go home, take a load off. Take care of your…condition…and once you're feeling better then I'll give you the position you deserve."
And with that, the conversation was over.
"Other matters to attend to." Lana muttered to herself as she stood outside of the building where she worked. With shaky hands she pulled out a cigarette from her purse and lit it. She inhaled the warm air and let it escape through her lips out in to the cold November air.
She closed her eyes, placing her hand upon her pregnant stomach. She was at her ninth month. Lana was uncomfortable and always agitated. The hormones were driving her insane. No wonder Lou couldn't stand her at the office anymore. She knew she was ready to pop any day now but she just couldn't stay away from work. She needed to occupy her time.
Now that Briarcliff was exposed, Lana had other matters to attend to but they had nothing to do with the being growing in her womb. Besides that, Lana hated being home. It wasn't even home. No, that new house was not home. Home had been with Wendy in their quaint little suburban house they had purchased together as "roommates".
Lana didn't even own the house she lived in. She had been renting a new place because returning to her old house was too unbearable. She just couldn't muster walking through that door with her pregnant belly. It felt like a betrayal to Wendy. However, she would rid of the problem soon enough. She only had a few more days to go.
She groaned at the instant kick to her spleen. He was kicking again. He was relentlessly kicking night and day. Especially at the sound of her voice.
The devil had told Lana she was having a boy and she kept that belief.
Lana sighed and tapped her cigarette.
It was past three in the morning and Lana lay wide-awake, starring off in to the darkness. Any day now. She was going to give birth any day now. Lana knew the day would come sooner or later. She couldn't lie that she felt the fear slowly brewing inside of her.
She slowly placed her hand on her swollen belly. This had become a habit. He was unusually still that night and hadn't moved since she left Lou's office in a huff. Lana looked down to her stomach and wondered if he was asleep. He was usually bouncing around her stomach at that time.
"You'll be gone soon." She said to him. "And soon it'll be just me…" she felt her eyes prickle with incoming tears.
Lana had to admit that she had grown so used to the little unwanted visitor growing with in her that ridding herself of him would be strange. She hadn't had a moment of peace to herself in so long but it had to be done.
Lana just couldn't do it. She couldn't raise Bloody Face's son.
She sat up and brought her feet over the bed, her hands at her side. It was hard to move and her entire body ached. Oliver Thredson had really done a number on her. She winced at the pain in her back and sat still for a moment, waiting.
He didn't move.
Lana frowned but ignored it. She didn't need back pain and someone constantly jabbing at her spleen or her ribs. She stood and went to the kitchen to grab herself a cup of water. After, she returned to bed and lay there until she finally managed to fall asleep.
The following morning, Lana sat in the kitchen of her home, glancing down at her cup of coffee. He still hadn't moved. Not even when she got up to take a shower. Lana tried to ignore the worry creeping in the back of her mind but she ignored it, blocking it out with anything else.
She heard the ringing of the paper boy and stood to her feet with a soft groan. "Ugh." She placed her hand behind her back, barely able to stand straight. Lou was right; she was going to burst at any moment.
Lana made her way out on to the porch where she spotted the paper down by her feet. She closed her eyes trying to remain calm. Picking up the paper from the floor should have been such an easy task. She should have been able to bend over and pick it up but her swollen belly prohibited her from doing so. She felt ridiculous and disgusting.
Lana parted her legs slightly and tried to bend down but her fingers barely reached the paper. "You got to be fucking kidding me." She said under her breath as if it was something new. She stood back up straight and caught her breath.
She gave up and waddled back inside.
Lana returned to work later that day despite Lou's constant nags. All the women in the office were in a frenzy when Lana was around. They couldn't help themselves and would gather around Lana and feel her pregnant belly.
They oo'd and cooed and asked so many questions. They just couldn't help themselves and Lana's cold glares didn't discourage them from gathering around her. It was as if they seemed to forget how she got pregnant in the first place.
But it had been like that for months. Strangers who did not know her would come up to her, smiling and asking her how far along she was. Lana tried not to be rude since these people had no clue who she was and what she had gone through. So she would answer them. They'd ask if she had thought of a name and Lana would shake her head. A simple "No." was always the answer. And before they left they would smile at her and say, "I bet your husband must be really proud." And then they were gone, leaving Lana standing there with their well meant words hanging around her like some kind of joke. It was as if they were in on it, mocking her just like the cosmos.
The only woman who was respectful and empathetic was Bern, the receptionist. She was a kind, older woman who spoke to Lana and not to her over sized belly. Lou would grow agitated that none of the women were doing their work and instead were crowding around Lana. One woman went as far as to give Lana her old baby name book.
Lana was disgusted at the thought of even keeping Thredson's child but said nothing as the woman insisted. At the end of the day, she threw the book in her purse and went home. During the drive she couldn't help but to wonder why the baby hadn't moved. Even the women noticed when they placed their hands on Lana's belly and waited for movement. He was usually thrilled at the sound of various voices and moved erratically inside his mother.
Lana was in pain while her co-workers were in absolute pleasure. But that day he hadn't even moved an inch. Not even at the sound of her voice. Lana was worried but she didn't want to admit it to herself.
When she got home she dumped her purse on the table and dug for her cigarettes. She grabbed the baby name book and tossed it on the table carelessly. She found her cigarettes and lit one. It had been a long day.
Not able to stay on her feet for long, Lana sat down at the table. She tried to settle herself in to a state of calm. After a moment, her eyes slowly wandered to the baby book. That book was the first baby related thing that had made its way in to her home.
Lana wasn't going to keep the baby so there was no point in naming it. But what if she did? Lana looked back to the book. On impulse she opened it and slowly skimmed through it. She was having a boy, the devil told her, so Lana looked through the boy names. However, she caught herself and scoffed, throwing the book aside. She extinguished her cigarette and got ready for bed.
Lana lay in bed. Her entire body ached and she was exhausted beyond belief. The baby still hadn't moved. Lana worried, she couldn't help to. It wasn't like him to stay still for so long. Lana had heard of women who lost their babies towards the end of their pregnancy; the infants were stillborn. The thought crossed through Lana's mind. What if her child had died inside of her? Perhaps that's why he wasn't moving.
Lana's heart skipped a beat and her breathing quickened. Her hand slowly clutched the sheets. What if he was dead? Well, that solved her problem. No. Lana didn't want anymore death. She had told the woman that when she was about to abort him. If she wanted the baby dead then she would have let the woman continue.
It slowly dawned on Lana that there would no longer be anyone to talk to when she was alone, no one to wake her in the middle of the night and surely enough, no one to keep her company. Lana composed herself. She was being foolish but she couldn't help it. She hadn't had a very healthy pregnancy either.
She fought so hard not to but in the end she gave up and placed her hand on her stomach. "Everything is alright." She whispered softly.
It was four in the morning when Lana woke with a sharp pain that ripped through her body. She cried out and sat up almost instantly. There was a strange odor coming from her sheets and her feet were cold. Lana turned on the light and yanked her blanket off of her. Her nightgown, her legs and her sheets were drenched.
Lana gasped in shock.
Her water had broken.
"No, no, no." She said in denial as fear took over. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to meet Bloody Face's son.