2The night before their wedding Francis takes her to the side, explains to her that he would care for her and treat her as a wife—that he would do anything for her, excluding one thing. He cannot give her his heart.
She asks why, and he say it's because it already belongs to someone else, and she nods, because the marriage was arranged and not one of true love, though they rarely were, so she expects this. In a way she's touched, because he toke the time to tell her what everyone else tried to protect her from, but she's also hurt, because part of her hoped they would both grow to love each other, and she would finally live out her long lived fantasy of a true romance.
She doesn't let him know of her distress, only nodding and saying it's alright, and she expected it anyway, so there really is no need to worry, all the while hoping he didn't notice the slight hitch in her voice.
If he does he doesn't say anything, and for that Erika is grateful.
. . . o0o . . .
The night of their wedding is full of glamourous gowns, fancy cakes, and polite conversations, but despite all the glamour, she fells duller than anything, as if she's being forced to attend a political party instead of her wedding.
The one thing that catches her interest is the missing King and Queen of the Spades kingdom. They had invited all the kings and queens (even the Club kingdom, known for their ruthlessness in battle) as a show of good fortune, and not showing up was a great dishonor, especially since the relation between the two kingdoms was not the best. (The past queens couldn't even be in the same room.)
She's not the only one that notices, and she hears murmurs throughout the night, speaking of how they dare skip such an event, when they so graciously invited them, and the possible punishments of such an event.
She doesn't admit that she isn't offended in the slightest, and whenever someone comes up to her and tells her how sorry they are that she had to shoulder such a disastrous misgiving she just nods along, secretly hoping for them to leave.
It was while a man in the Club kingdom (at least, she thinks it was a man) keeps going on and on about the Spade's rudeness and how he would have them beheaded and just not getting the hint through her badly hidden contempt that she wants him to leave that she first sees him.
He was wearing a dark brown ponytail when he showed up, apologizing for his lateness through his panting breaths and wearing a sweaty face. He explains that the King and Queen of Spades had to attend the Queen's ailing mother, who was sickly after the most recent birth of a young prince by the name of Peter. He says that this was last minute, and that the past Queen may go any moment, so Queen Arthur really does have to go now but he himself comes bearing the gift they sought to give to the new Queen.
Erika accepts the emerald necklace gratefully, and her eyes linger on the man who puts it on her. She asks who he is, and he apologizes for not saying sooner.
He's the Jack of Spades, and he goes by many names, but the one he was using currently was Yao. Yao Wang.
That night he lingers in her dreams instead of Francis, and she awakes with a feeling of guilt, and feeling she sees that's mirrored in the other's eyes.
(Despite everything she swallows thickly and hopes his dreams remained faithful, even when hers did not.)
. . . o0o . . .
Four years past before she sees him again, and it's in a meeting about trade. She doesn't recognize him at first, but slowly the face hits a name, and her long forgotten dream on her wedding night comes back to her. She blushes brightly and turns away, hoping no one notices, especially not him, but of course he does because she's been staring at him since the beginning of the meeting trying to match the face to the name.
He looks at her curiously but not unkindly as he smiles lightly and nods his head, a simple gesture to show that he remembers the young queen who was not quite so young anymore.
Even as she turns away furiously and tries to calm her pumping heart she berates herself for it because she still hopes someday Francis will wake up and love her, and how can he do that when she's here: blushing over men she hasn't seen in years.
She doesn't notice Yao's confused face or Francis's resigned one.
. . . o0o . . .
They continue on like that for years, glancing at each other but not doing anything until the fifth anniversary of her wedding, which all the Kings and Queens (and Jacks) were invited to celebrate. This time no one is missing, and Erika goes around happily.
(She got used to the political conversations a long time ago.)
She eventually meets up with the Jack of Spades, laughing as he complains about the King and Queen, and hoping it hides her uncomfortableness at the casual manner in which he talks about them. Does he not know they can kill him at any given moment, she wonders. But as she gets sucked into the conversation, she ends up talking in the same brash manner, though the complementary wine most likely didn't help. Somewhere in the back of her mind she decides to blame it on too much wine, if someone did call her out on it.
Surprisingly no one does, but Yao says that they rarely do, and asks if she wants to escape the party to some balcony somewhere.
She nods, the alcohol in her system making her forget that it's a reckless and stupid decision, but laughs as Yao drags her through the halls anyway, ignoring that it's her castle, not his.
She tears her hand from his (since when were his hands so warm?) and challenges him to a race, wide smile and all. He's hesitant, but relents with a few pleads and whines, chuckling softly. They race to the top of the tallest tower, where Erika suddenly realizes how bright the stars are.
Yao lags behind, wheezing and panting, but still says he has a lot more years to go when Erika compares him to the stars.
She laughs, saying he misunderstood what she meant.
She refuses to say what she really meant, no matter how Yao asks, but the next morning there's a crumpled piece of paper in his hand, saying simply,
You are as wise and shining as the stars, though the age does certainly help.
Q. Erika
He smiles, and it's the first night in a while that Erika no longer hopes for Francis.
. . . o0o . . .
Their relationship changes after that, not quite flirty, but not friendly either. They exchange letters regularly, even in times of need, and they grow closer because of it.
Erika writes to him about how Francis looked at a peasant girl asking for redemption from some past life, and how he confessed in private that that was the girl that had stolen his heart. She writes that she expected to be angry and vengeful, but can only be happy they are finally getting a chance instead, but ends up burning it all.
It isn't her story to tell.
Likewise, Yao writes about how his long ago vow of virginity (which, she had learned from his previous letters, was necessary to become a Jack) was currently under discretion, and how if it was found broken his position as Jack would be taken away, and he would be looked down upon no matter where he went.
He tears it up as if it would tear apart the actual discretion, flushing it down the toilet.
. . . o0o . . .
The secrets grow out of worry and guilt, until they arrange to have a private meeting—to improve relations, they tell anyone who asks.
They all pretend to believe it, even the Jack and Queen themselves, until in the sound-proofed room Erika ends up crying, though she doesn't understand why. To everyone else they were simply pen pals—acquaintances at best.
So why did it hurt so much?
Yao holds her, whispering sweet nothings into her ears to calm her down, and it doesn't work at first, but Yao is as persistent as he is a Jack, and she eventually stops sobbing, rubbing her eyes in a way she hoped seemed natural.
She tries not to focus on the fact that in the end, the things he whispered—which were of love and care—were exactly as described.
Nothings.
. . . o0o . . .
The relations between the Spades and Diamonds grow tense, despite everyone's best efforts. The Queen of Spades and the King of Diamonds are natural enemies, and Erika can't find it in her to protest and act as caring as she would have usually.
She feels like she's stuck on a downward spiral going nowhere, but everywhere at once, she confesses in a letter to Yao, but that too ends up in the fireplace.
(It's only when Francis comes into their shared bedroom smelling like that peasant girl—that Lisa—that she realizes she hasn't dreamt of him in a long time, and that she doesn't feel betrayed in any way.
They would have been better off as friends from the beginning.)
. . . o0o . . .
Her and Francis become closer as her and Yao grow apart, and eventually she confesses everything to him, and she ends up sobbing on his shirt like she had sobbed on Yao's, and she cries all that more because of it.
When she's finally cried out (she can't help but wonder where she got so many tears) he looks her in the eyes, and calmly tells her that she is in love, and by the way she speaks of him, Yao is just in love with her as she was with him.
For some reason she doesn't protest, and Francis doesn't have so much of a slimmer of jealousy in his eyes.
It begins the relationship between the Spades and Diamonds improving, and the mark of Yao and Erika becoming like Francis and Lisa.
. . . o0o . . .
Her second wedding ceremony is small, almost too small, and her gown is threadbare, the cake tastes like dirt, and they're wedded together by a thread on their pinkies instead of a pope, but the conversation is so much more livelier and real than her original wedding that she doesn't feel fake or forced to be someone she isn't, and the feeling exhilarates her.
She can tell by the light in Yao's eyes that he feels that same way, and she laughs more than she ever has before, and this time it's her real laughter, not fake like in all the political conversations she has.
She loves her second wedding more than she ever could her first, because it's her wedding, not the kingdoms'.
(She's sure Francis feels the same, despite not being there herself, because of the way he smiles, which is so much bigger than it was with her.
She hasn't cared about that for so long she doesn't even bother putting a time to it, but she's all the happier because of it.)
. . . o0o . . .
A/N: Hey, it's me. This was requested on my Tumblr, and since I liked it I decided to post it here. It was fun to use present tense, but what do you think? Please leave a review to tell me what you, and I'll see you next time.