Chapter 1: Friends With Benefits

A/N: Could I resist adding another story? No. I have enough time to write even more as you can tell by my quick updates. I'm going to run out of things to write about before I run out of time, I have to try not to update too fast – feel free to give me ideas for stories.


Rated M: for adult nonsense.

The gang was scattered around a bonfire drinking, all different selections of drinkers. Stan was the 'I fucking love you man!' kind of drunk; Kyle was the 'Designated drunk driver' type; Wendy was the 'Only one beer, I'm trying to watch my waistline' type; Bebe was the 'I'm going to need something stronger than beer' type; Cartman was the 'Who wants to fight?' type. Kenny was watching them all with a careful eye; he could care less about the people who weren't in his circle of friends who were also strewn around the lake. Kenny was the type of drunk who had so many alcoholics in his bloodline he was immune to hangovers and could keep cool and act sober in the drunkest of states.

Stan slung an arm across Kyle's shoulders and started slurring words into his ear loudly, "You and me, man. We're going to take over the whole world." Kyle rolled his eyes. "You know I love you, right?" Kyle responded with an exaggerated sigh.

"Fuck off, Stan." Kyle tried to push him away but Stan was much stronger than the redhead.

"Want me to fucking kill him?" Eric growled.

Wendy gladly distracted the drunken football player, sitting daintily in his lap to draw his attention away from his super best friend. "Oh, Wendy, hi." Stan was properly distracted. Kenny and Kyle made gagging gestures at one another and laughed. Kenny knew Kyle had chugged two beers early on so he would sober up in time to drag his drunken friends back to their doorsteps like the loving mother he was.

Cartman had finally drunk enough to fall over onto the soft ground with a dissatisfied grunt. Kenny laughed at his misfortune loudly and the fat boy with his head in the dirt raised his middle finger towards the blonde, "Fuck you Kinny, I fucking hate yooooou, you poor piece of shit. I'm gonna kick your ass when I get up!" Kenny laughed again; his 'best friend' was one in a million.

They all turned their heads when they heard the distinct gagging noise of someone losing the contents of their stomach. Bebe was crouching behind a tree expelling her booze. "I got it." Kyle said standing up, the blush on his face evident. Kyle loved cleaning up after the curvy girl's sloppiness, likely hoping for the inevitable sexual re-payment for being such a knight in shining armor.

Stan turned his head away from his girlfriend to watch his friend depart; he was gladly leaving the remaining drunks to fend for themselves in hopes of nailing Bebe.

Kenny chuckled, he'd heard Bebe was sloppy and selfish in bed… maybe Kyle was really giving?

Kenny hadn't fucked any of the girls present tonight, he'd had a few 'experiments' with a boy or two though. After getting Syphilis and dying from the one girl he'd fooled around with he was done with women, men on the other hand…

Kenny glanced at Stan who was wobbling a little back and forth, whining about missing Kyle. Wendy was trying to stay perched on his lap but was flailing wildly. Kenny had mustered up some good fantasies about Stan in the past and figured he just might have to do the same tonight. Stan was ripped from spending so much time playing sports and his skin was so clear and his eyes were so sexy. Kenny adjusted himself to hide the erection he'd sprung from thinking about his good-looking friend.

"Hey, Stan?" Kenny called to get the other's attention. Stan's head snapped in his direction with that dumb drunk look on his face, "Can you take me to the gym tomorrow?"

Stan had a gym membership where he could bring one guest each time he went and Kenny used it to his advantage since he couldn't afford one of his own… plus it was the best place for ogling Stan. "Sure, man. If I'm not too hung-over." He laughed.

"Noooo." Wendy protested, "I wanted to go out with you tomorrow!"

"Sorry I made plans." Stan pointed a finger at Kenny who chuckled at Wendy's misfortune. Stupid bitch.

Kenny's subconscious was even more creative than his wakeful mind. His dreams played out a sexy scenario at the gym the following day. He was watching Stan lift weights, joined him in the locker room… Stan asked Kenny if he wants to join him in the shower… Stan is so fucking hot naked… he grabed Kenny roughly and fucked him into the shower wall with all his towering strength…. Kenny woke up with a rather painful boner. Gone were the days his body could orgasm in slumber. He pleasured himself while clinging onto the hot memory of his dream. When he was finished he glanced at the clock, it was past nine in the morning. He had three texts from Stan:

7:45am Stan: You up?

8:38 Stan: Text me when you wanna go.

8:53 Stan: Wake up you lazy fuck

Kenny chuckled and typed out a response.

9:17 Kenny: Just got up. Miss me?

9:18: OMW

Kenny yawned and stretched before dressing in some basketball shorts and a t-shirt that weren't for the gym but would do just fine. Stan arrived moments later in his full gym gear, super sexy. "Ready?" He asked Kenny with his winning smile, although Kenny could see hints of the hangover creeping into his tired eyes.

"Thanks for taking me, gotta stay in shape." Kenny joked, flexing his muscles that were about a third the size of Stan's. Kenny was active, unfortunately proper nutrition was out the window with his family.

Stan laughed, shoving Kenny in the arm. The walk to the gym was short and as Kenny climbed onto the treadmill to have a run Stan was immediately drawn to the weight machines as usual and Kenny had a great view. There was something about Stan being covered in sweat and flexing his sculpted muscles that made Kenny want to melt into a puddle. "I wish Kyle wanted to go to the gym with me."

Kyle this, Kyle that, blah blah blah. "Yeah, I just don't think he gives a shit about working out." Kenny answered, panting. Kyle was bookish and skinny but it suited him just fine. Kenny didn't really like working out either, but he did like watching Stan work out enough to pretend. "Plus, he's probably balls deep in Bebe's tits right now."

"Gross!" Stan said between repetitions.

"What's gross? Tits?" Kenny joked.

"Of the Bebe variety." Stan groaned.

"Are you jeeeeealous?" Kenny could barely get the words out he was breathing so hard. He turned down the slant a bit so he wouldn't look like a pussy for fainting after running for five minutes.

"Of Kyle? Fuck Bebe, what's the big fucking deal?" Stan was still going strong, he never tired out.

"Are you jealous of…" *pant* "Bebe?"

Stan laughed out loud at Kenny's question. "We're sick of the gay jokes."

"But it's so cute." Kenny said, Stan glared at him. "Stan and Kyle sitting in a tree K-I-S-S…"

"Shut up!" Stan laughed. "That's fucking gross!"

"Why, cause he's a dude?"

"We're like brothers." Stan grumbled. "So, that's like incest, man." After an hour and a half Kenny was collapsed on the floor gasping for breath and Stan stopped his motions to look down at the tired boy, "Did you eat breakfast?"

Kenny let out a little bark of laughter between his gasping breaths. "Yeah totally, eggs benedict and steak." He said extremely sarcastically.

"Come over to my place for lunch." Stan stood up and offered a hand to Kenny to pull him off the floor.

It wasn't a question, "If you insist." Kenny followed the toned boy to the locker room, his favorite place in the gym. Stan unabashedly undressed in front of Kenny who would stare drooling until Stan looked his way and he would expertly avert his gaze to something else. Sadly Stan did not invite Kenny into his shower stall to fuck him senseless but Kenny could see Stan's perfect wet ass from his own stall. He didn't have enough time to jerk off to the image now but he would store it in his spank bank for later.

Walking back to Stan's house was excruciating on the legs he'd abused on the treadmill. When they arrived in the front door Stan called out to his mother, "Mom! Protein!" He growled. Kenny thought it was so funny Stan was demanding of his mother, but to be fair his parents were physically demanding of him.

"Oh, hello Kenneth." Sharon said as she walked into the living room to grab Stan's gym bag. "What would you boys like, some sandwiches? Leftover brisket?" She looked between the two boys, "A horse?" She jokingly asked Stan.

"Yes, a horse; that sounds awesome." Stan deadpanned.

"Coming right up!" She said chuckling all the way to the kitchen.

Kenny and Stan sat at the dining room table, or rather collapsed in Kenny's case. Sharon came out five minutes later with two huge steaming brisket sandwiches. "I don't know if I can eat all of that!"

"Dude… it's just a sandwich." Stan ate a third of his in one bite, which was magnificent because the thing was massive. Kenny took a little nibble, about three times smaller than Stan's. Although delicious the sandwich was intimidating, no wonder Stan was so muscular. A sandwich to Kenny was a piece of processed cheese folded in one piece of white bread, peanut butter on a hot dog bun, or a sliced up spam on a biscuit; those were regular dinner staples.

"So… 'brisket' is beef?" Kenny glanced up at his friend.

Stan laughed, trying not to spit food all over the table, "You've never had it?"

"Of course not, it's like fucking steak on a sandwich. You think I eat steak?" Stan frowned at his friend, Kenny was always oblivious to how much he missed out on.

"I'll make sure you eat steak at some point, this is not steak." Stan pointed at the remaining one third of his sandwich.

Kenny hummed taking the next bite, it was really juicy which he was not used to. "Your mom is such a good cook." He practically moaned. "You wanna trade?"

"Fuck no!" They both laughed.

"We should hang out more." Kenny said, going in for another bite but feeling his stomach about to burst. Stan nodded in a non-verbal agreement. "So, tell me about Wendy."

"What about her?" Stan had just finished his sandwich, he'd nearly inhaled it.

"What's the deal? Do her titties taste like chocolate or something?" Kenny chuckled at his own question.

"Ha! No. Why?" Stan cocked his head to one side.

"Everyone wonders why you're still dating her. All the girls in town want you." Kenny knew it was true, Stan did too.

"She's… I don't know. I'm expected to have a girlfriend and Wendy is really easy to get along with and isn't very demanding."

"Demanding?" Kenny raised one eyebrow.

"Remember the last time I broke up with Wendy?" Stan asked, Kenny nodded for him to continue. "I got together with Red and she was sex crazy, like insane crazy. All she wanted was sex sex sex. At least Wendy likes to talk or just hang out and doesn't expect anything from me. We only do it like once a month which is perfectly fine with me."

Kenny was silent long enough for Stan to nudge him out of his daze, "Why would you only want to do it once a month?"

"It's not all it's cracked up to be, it's messy and awkward and a lot of times it's just disappointing in general. I prefer girls keep their clothes on, maybe I'm just old fashioned. I don't even want to do it once a month, it's for making babies and I don't want to have babies anytime soon." Stan shrugged.

Either Stan was more religious than Kenny thought or he was corruptible! Kenny had to play this strategically. "Why don't you just break up with her? Be single for a while?"

"I don't want to be… alone." All Stan's friends made fun of him for being a hopeless romantic, but this was insane.

"Do you love her?"

"I guess, I don't know…Maybe." Stan shrugged.

"By the way, sex is awesome, you just haven't had any good sex yet."

"How do you know I'm not just a creepy sex-hating freak?" Stan laughed nervously.

"How many people have you had sex with? Just the two?" Kenny asked.

"Three. I fucked Bebe when I was drunk once… worst I've ever had." Stan shuddered. "But, Wendy doesn't know, so that's a fucking secret." He pointed warningly at Kenny.

"Understood." Kenny raised his hands in mock surrender. "Who was the freakiest?"

"I don't know, Red I guess?"

"What made her freaky?"

"She said nasty stuff and gave better blow jobs than Wendy, it was just constant." Stan shrugged again.

"Did you look at her when she gave you head?" Kenny grinned wickedly.

"No, girls look weird with dicks in their mouths." He scrunched up his nose.

"What do you think about when you masturbate?" Kenny leaned in.

Stan blushed and stuttered for a moment, trying to find his words, "That's really personal, let's stop talking about my sex life." He was blushing, looking nervous, upset even, and that's when Kenny was sure that Stan had to be fantasizing about men at least on occasion, or one man maybe, Kyle? Who knows, but this gave Kenny an opening to try and seduce the other. The hardest part would be breaking through the chivalry of Stan and his on-again off-again girlfriend, Stan wouldn't be the cheating type… unless maybe he was drunk? 'I love you man!'

"Okay. You wanna bring Halo over tonight? My parents are out of town and I have a stolen bottle of vodka under my bed, unopened!" Stan could never deny free liquor.

"Yeah sure, put it in the fridge and I'll bring mixers. Why didn't you bring it last night?"

"And share it with Cartman and Bebe, no thanks!" They both laughed.