Disclaimer: I do not own 'Thunderbirds' movie 2004.

I just wanted to show you how I thought Alan should have been.

Warning: Self harm. Not graphic. Depression. Suicidal. Hearing voices. And all around Alan whump.

What can I say? SCREW STUDYING! Cause this life it just better.

Yes I do have friends! And a life.

"Dad, I know I shouldn't have been in the ship, but –" Before Alan could finish, Jeff cut him off.

"You're damn right you shouldn't!" He said coldly, Alan felt his heart sink, couldn't his dad for just once in his life hear him out. Or trust him?

"But I had it under control" Trying to reason with his father. Jeff scoffed.

"Under control? Do you have any idea of the importance of secrecy in our operation? You fired up without the anti-detection shield. You put everyone in danger" Alan felt the tears burn behind his eyes. Danger? "When you act selfishly" He felt like knives were stabbing at him. Ripping his apart from the inside. "You want to be part of the team, you play by the rules. Understand?" He was too shocked to respond. He wanted to. But he felt dead "Do you?" The sharp tone of his father nicked the sense into him and he quickly put a mask up

"Yeah, I understand. You don't want me to be a Thunderbird. You don't want me to do anything. You won't even listen to me!" He stopped shouting at Jeff and he could see the scowl on his face. The scowl which told him that his father didn't even care.

"I've heard enough. You're grounded for the rest of spring break" he felt his stomach turn.

"But, Dad!" He shouted. Jeff gave him a glare which shut him up.

"Bottom line, Alan. You need to grow up" Alan glared at his father. Grow up, so being beaten up at school, teased at by his own brothers, and having to take care of himself ever since the accident wasn't called growing up? Then what was?

"Then let me" he finally said and walked out of the door.

Laying awake in bed, Alan kept staring at the tiles on his roof. Why is it whenever he tries to prove himself, it never works out? He's just scorned at and shouted at. How can he live if his own family doesn't believe in him?

He felt empty, emptiness where his heart should be. He felt tired, mentally. Why? Why can't they just see the real him? Gordon kept on teasing him, about school. He never blew up the school, that was another person who just blamed him. But of course they didn't believe in him. How culd they? He was just the baby of the family, just a kid. A kid who get's into rough situations.

They don't believe in you, cause you're not worth believing in.

"No! They do trust me." The voice snickered.

You're just the baby, the mistake

He felt his heart sink. He knew that he was un planned. But they cared about him, didn't they?

"They do care about me."

Then why don't they get you homeschooled? Because they don't want you around! You're expendable. The kid to take their anger out on.

"You're wrong" But was that true? Don't they care about him?

The next day, Alan woke up around 6am and just lay there. Feeling empty and sad. Ever since last night, he couldn't stop rethinking everything. Did they care? Or was he just expendable? Groaning he got up and went to his wardrobe. Feeling depressed he picked out his black jeans, black converses a grey t-shirt and his thin black jacket. Looking in the mirror, he put on his mask. The smile he wore looked real, examining himself, he couldn't help but be scared. Was this how he would spend the rest of his life? Living behind a mask. But if he wasn't a thunderbird, what would he do? HE couldn't see a future with him in it. What if he wasn't supposed to live that long?

Then die

"No! no, I can't think like that" He said back. Where did that thought come from?

You know it's true. If you're not a Thunderbird, then what are you?

"A Tracey!"

Hmm. How's that working out for you?

Alan felt sick. "Shut up" he practically shouted.

You can't shut me out Alan. I'm you.

He needed to get control, a thought passed his mind and he froze. He hadn't, ever, considered hurting himself. Granted he hadn't ever since he was sent to a bording school, away from his supposed 'caring' family. But with everything that has happened, he was starting to feel the urge coming back with a vengeance. Looking at his desk draw, he knew there was a razor hidden below in a box. Just for safe keeping. He felt it call to him. Somehow he felt his body moving towards it and opening the box in the draw. There, still clean and shiney, with the exception of a few old blood drops was his razor.

"Don't do it Alan" he told himself.

Go on. Do it! Cut yourself, bleed. You know you want to. Be a disgrace like your father thinks.

He felt the tears starting to prickle his eyes. Rolling up his sleeve jacket he saw some old scars.

Your brothers would be so disappointed. Their little WEAK baby brother cutting himself because he can't handle the truth. You're a BURDEN! A DISGRACE! WEAK!

He slid the cold metal against his wrist. Alan gasped immediately as he felt his skin break. He saw the blood, his blood, starting to prickle out and he couldn't help but sigh in relief. He waited for the voice to come back, but it didn't. There was silence. Complete and utter silence. Wrapping up the cut, he felt calmer. And a bit better. He slid the razor in his jeans pocket, just incase he needed it again.

Walking along the beach, he reached for his rock skipper and played with it. All the while thinking about his family. Hearing an emergency alarm, he looked up into the sky and saw thunderbird 3 take off. He kept himself from laughing, and they didn't even bother to call him. Hearing some footsteps he turned around and saw Tintin. He didn't bother to say hello cause, well, she hated him.

"Alan!" the familiar voice of Fermat coming into rang. He saw his little friend pounce out of the bushes and he couldn't find but smiling at him. "Tintin! Thunderbird 5 has been hit! Thunderbird 5 has been hit!" As he made his way over, he was puffing from loss of breath and Alan had to keep him steady on his feet before collapsing "Thunderbird 5 has been hit!"

"Ok. Ok. Ok. Don't panic. Don't panic" he tried to calm him down. Hearing a huge wave like sound from the ocean they all turned around and saw an enemy ship rising from the water. Alan felt his heart race quicken. "On the other hand. Run!" they all ran into the forest for hiding.

Hiding from site, they watched the ship take landing and Alan couldn't help but feel guilty and selfish.

"How'd they find the Island? Was it what I did in Thunderbird? Did I ruin everything?"

Of course you did. You let an enemy in because of your selfishness

His heart caught his throat. The voice was right. It was all his fault.

"No. That compound we found could have a transmitting capability" fermat reassured his friend. Alan nodded, putting his mask to perfection.

Could have. He said could have. He thinks it's your fault too. Your family and your friends think your selfish. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!

"We have to do something" Tintin said. The two teenage boys nodded. Fermat looked at them.

"My dad's in the control room"

"How do we get there now?" Tintin said in defeat.

The air vents you fool

"Thanks" he muttered to the voice. Going undetected by his friends. "The vents" they rushed off back to the house with a plan. Alan kept his mask in place and vowed to prove himself to his family.

"Come on! Hurry" He shouted as they rushed through the forest.

As they arrived, they spotted the guards and Alan's hope plummeted.

"Watch out for the guards" he wanted to smack Fermat. Yeah, cause intimidating guys in black was so not noticeable. Alan lead them to the air vents entrance as the man turned his back and silently opened it up.

"Get in, get in" he whisper as he close the gate behind him.

They crouched through the vents as Alan told them the directions.

"Just keep straight ahead."

"Ok" Tintin whisperd back. Hearing loud voices Alan remembered that the second power plug as they arrived.

"That's it" Pointing to the duct.

"Okay, this one" Fermat agreed pointing the same one. Lifting the duct, they peered down at the control centre. They watched as the Hood spoke to Jeff.

"They've taken over" he whispered in guilt. It was all his fault.

You should have never started Thunderbird 1. Now look at what you've done.

Alan made no move to object. Alan spotted the bald man and raised an eyebrow,

"Whose the bald freak" he whispered. They saw him take Tintins parents into the room and he heard her gasp.

"You" Kyrano said in fright. He suddenly clutched his head in pain and Tintin took an intake of breath.


"T-They've got my dad" Fermat said in sorrow.

"Ok you have our attention" Alan's ears perked up at the sound of his father's authority voice. "Who are you? What do you want?" the bald man waved a hand in obvious cheer.

"Oh how rude of me. You can call me the Hood" The three teenagers looked at each other in fear, they now knew his name. Knowing the name of the man who could kill you isn't such a good thing when the chances are you could get caught. "Now, listen here Mr Tracy. We won't be negotiating. I'm going to use the Thunderbirds to rob banks, starting with the Bank of London. The money system will be in chaos and the Thunderbirds held responsible."

"You'll never get away with it!" Scott shouted. Alan felt longing and guilt of his family.

"Why the Thunderbirds?" Jeff asked in curiosity. He never remembered coming across the Hood.

"An eye for an eye Mr Tracy."

"An eye for an eye?" Jeff asked in complete bewilderment.

"Perhaps you've forgotten me, but you remember saving my brother, Kyrano?" bringing his brother into view of the screen cam. Jeff looked at the man in betrayal, Kyrano, taking notice of it explained.

"I'm sorry Mr Tracy. I thought he was dead" The Hood laughed with no humor. He snarled at the man.

"Take them away" he ordered Mullion.

"Yes, sir" the three teens got back up and Tintin was in shock.

"Does that make the Hood my uncle?" she asked in disgust.

"Every family has a black sh - sh" Alan knew what he was about to say and the thought made his heart break. He could hear the voice laughing in his head. Suddenly Fermat sneezed. Making a rather loud echo sound in the vents. Complete silence was in the control room. "This room's murder my allergies" Alan glared at his long time friend. They looked back down and observed the conversation play out.

"You left me to die that day. You may have broken my body but you've no idea how powerful my mind has become. Now you will suffer, as I suffered, waiting for a rescue that will never come." Transom pressed a button and the cam went dead.

"Wait!" Jeff's voice went out. Alan felt tears prickle his eyes, but he kept his mask in plsce. Hearing Fermat about to sneeze Tintin put her hand over his mouth and nose. Just as he sneezed it still made a sound.

"Some ones there" they heard the Hood say,

"Go, go go!" Alan whispered and screamed at them. Pushing them in front of him. He wasn't worth it. Abruptly a hand grabbed onto Alan's foot. Stopping him from running, Tin tin bent down and bit the hand, causing it to loose the grip as they made a run for it.

"Run run!" She shouted.

"No, jump. We can get through to the silos." Alan said as they jumped through the big holes in the vents. "Holy shit!"

"Come on lets go!" He shouted to Tin tin and Fermat after messing with the goons. They ran through the hanger to Thunderbird 1 "Where's Fermat?" he asked Tin Tin.


"Fermat!" they both shouted and relived as they saw the small frame of said person running towards them.


"Hurry up" and they both went back to running. "what were you doing back there Fermat?"

"I had an idea" he replied shortly. A they reached the door Alan went through the possible codes in his mind.

"Try and keep up, OK? I'll open the tunnel. We gotta keep moving."

'Access Denied' he sighed.

Fail at everything you do don't you Alan?

He ignored the voice and kept the mask. Turning to his friends.

"Go back. Yell when you see them coming." They nodded and he went to press another code in.

'Access Denied'

Turning back to see them. He felt a pair of eyes burn at the back of his head. Slowly turning around he came face-to-face with the Hood.

"Alan" the man said in recognition. Somewhat friendly. "You can run if you want.
Were you surprised to hear what your father did to me? It is frightening when we realize our parents aren't perfect. But perhaps you already suspected that about your father" he saw the young boy shift on his footing and smiled "Why did he build these magnificent machines? Do you suppose it was guilt? Because he let your mother die." Alan shook his head. He felt a prick in the back of his mind but pushed it away, somewhat surprising the Hood "Open the door Alan" shaking his head in 'no' the man smirked. "Open. The. Door" his eyes grew red and he felt the strain in his mind again.

"We can't go this way" he shouted to the two, in a strained voice. "He's there" the trio backed away to the middle of the room. Surrounded by the Hood and his followers.

"No!" Fermat cried as he tripped over. Alan helped him back up to his feet. "What are we gonna do Alan?" Alan took an intake of breath. He saw the Hood eye him, with a tint of worry.

"I don't know" Why didn't he know? He was a Tracy, if his brother's were here they'd know what to do.

That's because they are better than you. Always being compared to your brothers. Always going to be a failier"

"I'm thinking ok!" he shouted at the voice. He looked around and saw a big red button behind the Hood. "Keep backing up. I've got an idea" He said the two, Pushing the behind him. He took out his toy and fired it behind the Hood. Tin Tin looked at him in bewilderment.

"That's your idea?"

"It's not me you're angry at, Alan." The Hood said, Alan felt a twinge of shock. He didn't know did he? Putting that aside he went to the main idea.

"It's not you I'm aiming at" grinning at the older man. Firing it straight at him. He ducked at the rock hit the red button. He felt the floor holding him up, drop and feeling the cool breeze of falling, the hot flames of Thunderbird 1 and water.

Alan watched from the bush where Lady Penelope and Parker were being held by the Hood.

"How are you Alan?" He jumped involuntarily. The Hood increased the pressure on Parker, causing him to cry out on pain. He looked away in remorse "I hope you don't think I'm going to chase you." Increasing the pressure again on Penelope and Parker. He looked up in shocked silence.

Not running to save them. You SELFISH little boy! Not saving the ones who are kind to you!

"You can make it stop Alan!" he shouted and increased the pressure. Parker was going red in the face and Lady Penelope looked as if she was about to faint. "You have something that belongs to me" pushing his hand out.

"Really, sir, don't mind me. This isn't the first time my head has been pulverized. And it's never done any real harm before" Parker tried to reason but then screamed out in pain. Alan grimaced.

Yes. Run away, show them how weak you really ARE!

"Stop! Stop. I'll give it to you" he shouted, running to the Hood but throwing it in the opposite direction. "Fetch!" But it curved and headed back to the man. Alan watched in fascination.

"You made a match out of it, Alan, I'll give you that" he praised, he looked back at him and smirked. "Put those two with them. But take Alan to Thunderbird 2. He is most intriguing"

'Guidance processor installed'

"The processor has been installed. Thunderbird is ready for takeoff" Transom gleefully said. Alan was tied to a chair beside the Hood.

'Begin launch sequence'

"What is our ETA?" He asked Mullion. Alan watched, helpless.

You FAILIER You failed protecting your own friends and now Lady Penelope and Parker. You WEAKLING! Your brother's and father would be disgraced.

Alan sat there, feeling the empty space where his heart should be. He felt…empty. Dead inside. He could feel his razor in his pocket. If only he could.

"Under an hour" Mullion informed. "Back of London. Here we come" He heard the familiar sirens and closed his eyes. He couldn't watch this.

"So, Alan" The Hood said as he turned towards the teen with keep interest "How does it feel to finally be in a flying Thunderbird?" Alan opened his eyes, now hollow with emotion. It startled the Hood.

"Not as I thought it would be" the bald man furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. the once brown eyes turned red. He felt the twinge in the back of his brain again and gasped.

"Strange" he said, eyes returning to normal "I cannot read you. But, if everything goes to plan. I will soon" and he returned to resting in the seat. Leaving Alan to ponder of what he meant.

"Thunderbird 5 come in. Thunderbird 5 come in" Lady Penelope said, speaking into the mike.

"How long have they got before re-entry?" Fermat asked Brains in concern. He was worried for the Tracy's up in space and especially his best friend.

"90 seconds and counting" Brains responded. Lady Penelope was typing frantically onto the computer.

'Access to mainframe confirmed'

"I'm in!" Fermat exclaimed in triumph.

"Good job Fermat" Penelope praised. He placed the cam in the right angle.

"Ok, I just need someone on their end to confirm the access protocol" Brains inhaled.

"Thunderbird 5 come in. Mr Tracy can you hear me? Thunderbird 5 come in" he said a little more forcefully. "

"45 seconds till re-entry" Fermat said nervously.

"Dam it Jeff wake up!" Brains shouted full on. Everything was quiet for a moment.

"That's the first time you've called me by my first name Brains" Jeff said in a sleepy voice, yet still commanding. "Thanks for waking me."

"Mr Tracy, confirm access protocol" Fermat said. There was a beeping noise in the background and they heard John laugh.

"Confirmed. We're back online"

"Gravity is restored. Put Thunderbird….Your craft into geostational orbit" Brains directed.

"FAB Brains"

'Geostationary orbit re-established'

"Looks like we're good to go. Where's the Hood?" everyone was silent on tracy Island. Lady Penelope had told them about the Hood taking Alan, for reason's unknown. Fermat and Tin Tin were the most distraught.

"In Thunderbird 5 headed for L – L"

"London" Penelope said for him.

"She's right"

"He's got the mole onboard" Ferman informed.

"Looks like Thunderbird lost a booster, Dad" John said on the line. Jeff deflated.

"Let us go after the Hood" Lady Penelope said, looking at Fermat and Tin Tin.

"Ok, Penelope. We'll meet you there. Wait!" Before they could sign off "Where's Alan?" He asked looking worried, you could see his tired lines progressing. Brains and Penelope gulped.

"The Hoods taken him" Lady P said. Jeff stumbled on his feet. You could hear the silence on the other line. It was as if Death rolled over. Jeff looked as if a storm was brewing.

"Thunderbirds are Go!" he roared. "Let's catch that son of a bitch!"

"FAB Mr Tracy"

"Look at all this gold!" Mullion shouted in amazement. Alan followed them out, his wrists were getting tighter, causing his cut to start bleeding. During the day, he lost his jacket so he's now wearing only his t-shirt, nothing to cover it.

"Stay on focused. Nine more banks to go" The Hood looked at Alan and raised an eyebrow at the blood. "I don't remember doing that" Alan cleared his throat in nervousness.

"You didn't" The Hood took a hold of his wrists and put pressure on them, causing Alan to wince in pain. He narrowed his eyes at the teen.

"You poor, poor boy. Having all these secrets. But soon" The Hoods smile widened "Soon, you won't have any" he pushed Alan onto the floor near the bank vault. Alan watched in powerlessness as they stole the gold, jewelry and diamonds from the bank. He somehow felt nothing, just blank. And he welcomed it.

"Ashes to Ashes, diamonds to diamonds" The Hoods remonissed and sensed Lady Penelope in the room "Lady Penelope. What an unpleasant surprise" Alan perked up and looked from the floor to the most pleasant image he could see.

"Oh thank god!" she was pointing a gun at him and was dressed as if she was a chinses samurai. In pink. And a woman.

"Oh, don't be rude. I can't tell you, what a pleasure it would be to use my little finger to pull this big trigger. Now don't move!"

"Mullion" he ordered and waked the gun out of her grasp. Alan tensed up and watched in horror. As Mullion, the great big oaf that he was. Carried Lady P to one of the little bank stalls.

"That's not cricket!" She said.

"I'm sorry. The only part of sport I like is winning" The Hood said. Alan shrugged, he could agree. But still he was fuming inside at how Mullion man handled poor Miss Lady P.

"How Ghastly" After Mullion hand – cuffed her to the pole she turned her attention to Alan, who was sitting on the other side of the room. Calm, too calm for her liking. Then she noticed the blood around his wrists and tensed. Did the Hood hurt him?

"Alan, how are you?" Alan looked at her and smiled sadly.

"As fine as you could be when your kidnapped by a psychopath" She smiled and spared a glance at the blood.

"What happened?" Nodding to it. Alan looked at the blood and looked away from her. Not meeting her eyes.

"Nothing" She could tell that he didn't want to talk about it, so she didn't push. But she would get the answer. Even if she had to wait years.

While they were waiting for something to happen, Alan used his razor to cut through the rope that was tying his hands together just as it broke, Alan saw his father enter the room and lay eyes on him.

"Alan!" He saw the look of horror in his eyes which sent his heart plummeting.

"Dad no!" He turned around and saw the Hood.

"Did you save them all this time Jeff? Or did you leave someone behind?"

"I didn't make you what you are" As he advanced on the bald man.

"it's not me you have to convince" looking at Jeff's defenseless son on the ground. Jeff's anger boiled.

"Leave my son out of this!" As he went to pounce on him, the hood sent him flying into the vault where Penelope was.

"Dad!" Alan ran to his father and crouched to the bars.

"I'm disappointed in you Alan" The Hood said, Alan turned around and glared at the man. "I thought we were kindred spirits" pouting a bit.

"Well, we're not. I'm Jeff Tracy's son" He said as he advanced on the hood.

"Yes" laughing "You certainly are" and used his powers to send Alan flying into the wall. Jeff watched in complete terror as his baby son was smashed into a wall. His whole body froze at the sight of Alan in pain. Alan lay on the ground, chocking.

"Stuart, hold him" He ordered one of the guards. The man picked up Alan and dragged his body near a pole. "Now Alan, just stay still"

"Let go!" Shouted the familiar voice of Gordon. "Get your stinkin paws off of me you hairy baboon!"

"Alan!" Scott shouted as he saw his baby brother. The four brothers stopped to take in the sight of him. He looked ready to pass out, blood on his clothing and a cut starting to bleed on is forehead.

"What did you do to him!?" shouted John. Ready to kick some ass.

"Scott?" Alan asked in a tiny voice it broke their heart. Scott bit his lip.

"I'm here baby brother" Alan smiled but it quickly changed into a grimace.

They don't deserve you.

"I'm sorry" he said, barely above a whisper. They had no clue what he was apologizing for.

"You five. Put them with their father" the other guards grabbed the four men and hauled them into the vault, locking the door.

"Sir, we've got these three" Mullion and Transom arrived, dragging Parker, Fermat and Tin Tin.

"Alan! Alan are you ok?" Fermat shouted.

"Bring the girl to me, but put those two with the rest" Mullion pushed her to her knees before the Hood. The girl was shaking in terror. "Now, I have noticed that you have the gift." She froze. Everybody watched in interest and worry. "Now, now no need to be shy. It is a privilege to be born with it. But not yours since you seem to hide it so well. No need to hide it when you won't have it" HE said as he placed his hands on the side of her skull. His eyes went red as he concentrated.

"What are you –" she got cut off by her screams in pain as she felt the power being ripped off from her very soul. Blood poured out form her nose and then her body went limp.

"Tin tin?" Jeff asked. Alan limped over to her and collapsed to his knees. He shook her, trying to see if she would react. He got nothing. The hood stood up and shook his head. He felt stronger. More capable of anything.

"Tin Tin!" Alan cried out as he realized she wasn't breathing. He looked over to his brother's where they looked on in horror. He connected his blue eyes with brown. "Virgil! What do I do?" He asked as he held Tin Tins limp body in his arms.

"Y-You…" He trailed off, not knowing. "I-I don't know" They all looked at him in helplessness. He began to tear up. "I don't know!" he held his head in his hands.

"Tin, you've got to wake up." He said softly "I've already caused enough damage today. I've already lost myself, but I can't loose you" a tear fell from his eye. "Please, just wake up. Please…."

"Dear Alan" the Hood said as a guard picked him up to stand. He stood on shaky legs, feeling a void of emptiness.

"Don't you fucking hurt him!" Shouted Scott. Jeff made no move to correct him of language.

"If you hurt him Baldy. Your hair won't be the only thing which would be gone!" Gordon shouted. Alan hung his head.

"It's ok" he said. Everyone looked a him in shock.

"What?" John asked. Alan looked at his family and smiled sadly.

"I said it's ok. I'm not important" They stared at him as if he's gone mad.

"Well. This just got interesting" The Hood exclaimed in joy clapping his hands together.

YES! a cliff - hanger! Oh dear lord what have i done?!

Fav and review if you want to see what happens to Alan!