I've never cried.

In the beginning, as a soldier of the Lord I lost brothers in the battle against all who went against Gods' commandments. They were just gone. Dying in the service of God was part of an angels duty.

No tears were shed.

When I was cast out of heaven and cut off from the Host, I felt new emotions. Regret at how I had lied to my human friends. Determination to prove myself worthy of their trust. I'm ashamed to admit that I pitied myself because I was reduced to so much less than I was before.

No tears were shed.

As I raged against my father when the Winchesters told me what Joshua had said to them. I was consumed by anger at being deserted by a father I had always loved. I felt betrayed, disowned. and hurt.

No tears were shed.

I aligned myself with demons in the name of trying to protect the ones I cared about, They (he) turned away from me and would not try to understand. Desperation and fear led me to make the wrong decision. I laid waste to Heaven and wreaked death on Earth. Even when I finally realized how wrong I was, and stood before the doorway to Purgatory thinking I would not survive.

No tears were shed.

When I touched the torn and frayed mind of Sam Winchester and knew that I was the cause of it by ripping down his wall. As I willingly took his pain into myself. As I decended into insanity.

No tears were shed.

In Purgatory, my heart ached as I ran from my best friend to protect him from the monsters that hunted me. Then releasing his hand at the portal because i didn't deserve to be saved. Even then, watching him vanish from my sight.

No tears were shed.

Metatron took my grace and with it cast down the angels. I was fallen, hunted, and all too human. When I thought I was saved by my only friends, I was sent away to survive or die on my own. Still...

No tears were shed.

Now as I stand before what has become of the brightest soul ever to exist. The one that I have bled, suffered, and died for. As I look into the black eyes of the thing that used to be Dean Winchester, I try to stop the broken sounds that betray my pain.

I cannot stop the tears from flowing.