Much later I'm lying flat on my back on the couch with Banky laying chest down on top of me. Both of us quietly resting in the afterglow. His head is tucked underneath my chin and my arms are holding him close. As much as I appreciate this comfortable silence my curiosity gets the better of me.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The last time we were on this couch."

This remark makes me squeeze him closer and I open my mouth to apologize again for proposing such a hurtful and idiotic idea.

"Banky I-"

"Holden, don't. I'm not fucking fishing for more 'I'm sorrys.' I just…when I was sitting here, when she demanded that you choose. I thought for sure that would be the last time I'd ever see you again. I never thought in a million fucking years that you'd choose me."

"Well, you thought wrong."

This makes him laugh a bit, "Apparently. So, what are you thinking about?"

"Hooper." This makes Banky laugh a lot.

"Why the fuck are you thinking about Hooper?"

"I'm just eager to see the look on his face when we tell him about us, aren't you?"

Instead of a reply, he just gives me silence.

"Banky?"

"We don't have to tell him you know."

"What?"

"I just mean, we don't have to make any big announcement or anything. It's not anybody else's fucking business."

This hurts my heart and confuses my brain. He's been dealing with his feelings far longer than I have. Yet, I'm the one who wants to shout from the rooftops, while he's content to hide from the world?

"Banky…"

He starts to sit up so I do too. He then rubs his hands over his face which is never a good sign.

"Look, I'm not fucking ashamed of you or us. I just don't want to deal with all the shit Hooper is bound to dump on me. I'm just not exactly 'eager' to answer a bunch of fucking questions or have to listen to the infinite 'I told you so's'…he'll just be so fucking smug as fuck…and nosy as hell. I just…Fuck, it's just too much and…"

There's that awful phrase again, 'just too much'. The last thing I want is his mind going back down that road. He needs time and space, that's reasonable. This isn't a big deal Holden, unless you make it one. Don't make it one!

He's still rambling and is clearly getting upset.

"Fuck Holden! I don't know how to do this! I-"

He stands up, I assume, so he can walk away. Fuck that! I quickly dart my arm out and reach around his waist to keep him where he is. Looking up at him I say, "Banky, it's ok, I get it. We can just keep this to ourselves for a while. If you don't want to tell anyone, we won't tell anyone."

He closes his mouth and just stares down at me before whispering, "Thank you, Holden."

Banky needs more time. I can be patient. I can. It's not a big deal. Really. I'm fine with this. I'll be fine.