Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD or Devil May Cry. Both are respectively owned by Ichiei Ishibumi and Capcom, while I am simply a single person backed by none. Quite sad, now that I think about it.
A/N: Damn… 38 reviews and 110 favorites in 10 days. What was originally a half-assed idea made purely from Fridge Logic turned into quite a riot. I honestly didn't see this coming. Thanks for the support, guys!
So with that out of the way, enjoy while Dante explores Oddville, runs into devil and fallen angel conflicts, and praises the deity up high for finally getting him pizza without olives!
A fair intro of madness to come.
Mission 1: START
"I want a basil and spicy salami pizza, and I want no olives on it. Got it?"
A teen with brushed-down snow white hair called over the phone. He stood at an impressive 6' 2", about 188 cm, and was wearing a white, long-sleeved button-down shirt with vertical linings, black pants, and brown dress shoes. His shirt was unbuttoned, showing off a red tank top that hid his impressive body build. He was currently drying his hair with one hand, the other one holding the phone.
"Huh? Payment for the tabs this month? And no, I can't leave a tab this time? …Damn. Fine, I've got the cash this time, so don't worry. I'll pay it all up. Alright. I'll wait for 20 minutes."
And with that, he turned off the phone and tossed it into the air. Yawning, he went to his desk. He spared his knocked-down chair for a moment before lightly lifting his leg, kicking the chair up onto its legs, and sitting on the cushion, crossing his legs on the desk in a laidback fashion. He felt a slight sense of satisfaction for a moment when the thrown phone had landed perfectly in its charging station on his desk, and patiently waited for his food to come.
After 20 painful minutes had passed, a knock on the door revealed a delivery boy with a pizza in hand, hopefully with no olives.
"No olives, I hope?" The teen took a wad of yens out of his pocket and gave it to the delivery boy.
"I believe so. The manager was quite adamant about the 'no olives' part. You're one of his regular customers, after all," the pizza boy gladly received the cash and gave his customer the pizza.
"Keep the change. Think of it as a bonus for not getting the order wrong," he nodded when he checked to see that there were no olives. After a brief nod, the teen closed the door, went behind his desk to throw himself on the cushioned chair, threw his feet up onto his desk in one motion… and proceeded to gorge on the food of the heavens. As he did so, Dante reflected on what had happened thus far.
That was where he was, as he repeated it in his mind.
It felt too surreal, even with everything he had experienced before this moment. Especially when he was finally released from the hospital. After recovering from the shock of finding out where he was and about his de-aged form, he was once again shocked at the bill the hospital had thrown at him. Even if it wasn't as big as the tab he left for the amount of pizza he ordered back in his old world, it was still something he wasn't happy with.
Debt. How he hated that word with a passion. The only word that rivaled it was 'taxes'.
Moving on. He had initially been displeased about his appearance, but by no means did he hate it right now. Well, it may have led to him having an awkward staring contest with a mirror during his second day, but that's a story for another time. In fact, he liked it very much right now. One reason was that it served as a good cover for why he kept eating pizza and strawberry sundaes, especially pizza more often than not. No one sassed him for it and just assumed that his inner child hadn't died yet.
Too bad he couldn't get his hands on booze just yet. Getting shitfaced drunk was gonna have to wait for about two more years… legally, that is. He knew a contact that knew a contact that'll solve the alcohol crisis.
'And getting flicked by a dragon is apparently beneficial for my mug,' he surmised jokingly. And with his youth restored, every stupid quirks and traits he possessed during those years came back as well. And puberty, for that matter. Oh, sweet, lovable puberty. At least this time, he was prepared for the large amount of testosterone his body was producing at the moment.
All things considered, it had been an interesting, if not strange, year for Dante. Aside from the alternate reality assumption he had made in his slightly insane mind last year, which turned out to be true, this world he's currently living in was, in fact, as identical as his homeworld would ever be.
With key differences, of course.
For one, the man known as Dante Sparda never existed in this world. Hell, there wasn't even a Tony Redgrave. There was a Dante Alighieri and a Dante Bonfim Costa Santos, but the former was born in the Middle Ages and the latter was a Brazilian footballer. Then when he tried calling the phone number of his workplace, he kept ringing up some ice cream parlor and was promptly hung up every time he asked for Trish, Lady, or even Patty. Hell, he even tried calling up Morrison and Enzo, but their numbers led to numbers that had not even been registered.
Which led to a scary revelation: Devil May Cry does not exist. And if what he's guessing was true, then the legend of Sparda doesn't exist either.
He really was in an alternate version of the Human World.
Then to add insult to injury, he didn't have any form of legal identification, despite his initial protests that he was an American citizen back at the hospital. Well, he's technically an illegal immigrant who basically willed himself into existence, no records of his past proving otherwise. It had sucked big time for him during his first month getting acquainted with this foreign world. Having to learn how to read and write in Japanese on top of navigating through the Japanese welfare system without a shred of knowing what's saying what had been an ordeal deserving of a medal.
Luckily, it was pretty much the same as the American system and he received help from a significant person, and could now read and write in Japanese as fluidly as English… even if his penmanship still sucked.
And so, without a single form of legal proof of his citizenship or even records of parents of the same family name and no place to be deported back to, it was solved with him gaining Japanese citizenship as a foreigner through a 'naturalization' process.
He was now officially Redgrave Tony, last name first. Age 17, coming close to 18 in a couple months.
How he ended up in the hospital and who brought him there, he'll never know. He could have gone off and done some shady business as a bounty hunter or vigilante, amass enough money to buy an identity illegally and thus solve his problem. He had been living a rough life, so he knew just the right places to look, courtesy of having Enzo as a business partner for some time.
That would have made life so much easier… life insurance, his curvy ass. His healing factors would take care of that problem, not that the hospital or anyone in particular needed to know about that.
He was lucky enough to find himself a home. How he managed it… there's actually a very compelling story behind it, but that's better saved for later.
Anyways, after managing to get himself emancipated, he found himself greeted yet again by another obstacle that stands in the path of every teenager around most of the world: going to school. Not only that, since he was now legally considered an adult due to his emancipated status, he also needed to try and make the welfare check make ends meet. He had been selling pistols he took from adversaries in his younger years for extra cash, and due to gun laws in Japan, it didn't look like he'll be dealing with that anytime soon. He just needed to make sure there weren't any demons breathing down his neck.
Oh, and speaking of demons…
It came as quite a gift horse for Dante, without the 'looking in the mouth' part.
There were no activities that showed any suspicious signs of demon attacks. Or rather, there weren't any obvious signs of the supernatural existing. In fact, the general populace appeared to be oblivious to it and wrote it off as nonexistent.
But about two months in, he had a run-in with a couple guys who called themselves 'youkais' that demanded why a being like him was on their turf. It turned out that in this strange world, these 'demons' were categorized and were ironically a lot more benevolent and reclusive than the demons he's accustomed to. By benevolent, he meant they won't attack you for whatever demonic reasons and by reclusive, he meant no one in the ordinary was aware of their existence.
Shocking? Yes. A good change for once? Hell yeah. That meant no more random demon attacks and no more interrupted pizza night.
The serious downside was… he couldn't find any connections with his Devil Arms. Some of them, like Rebellion's, were still there, but were currently indisposed. No, more like the connections were there one day, and the next, they weren't there anymore. It's hard to explain, but it's there and at the same time, not there. Either way, it still led to one problem.
No Devil Arms meant no Devil Trigger… or rather, no smooth transition from human to Triggered form.
But considering the peace around him, he figured he doesn't have to worry about his demonic tools of the trade… for now, at least. He hoped the guys and girls won't be too pissed at him for taking his sweet time finding them. Finding them is still a priority, though.
Never said there were NOT any straggling demons around doing evil. So far, he had put down seven of them, none of them posing a challenge at all.
…Looking on the bright side, at least he managed to find the guys Ebony and Ivory. He had seen it being confiscated back at the hospital and managed to steal it back a week later. Quicksilver Style all the way, for that matter. No idea where Rebellion was, though. It wasn't with his guns when he got them back.
Gotta find that sword fast. Sentimental values aside, who knew what will happen if a part of the supernatural got their hands on it?
…It was getting quite boring with only hunting demons once or twice every two months. There wasn't any style in simply shooting them up or beating the living crap out of them with a demon-infused wood sword. Gotta have variety.
Anyways, ending up in a world oh-so-similar to his own was never something he had any form of backup plans for. If anything, he had always thought the other dimensions besides the Human World were Heaven and Hell. At least he was in a civilized reality that sold pizzas and strawberry sundaes and released an equivalent of Two HandGun Magazines here. Thank God for that.
Dante twitched; as yet another headache came forth. Oh. Right.
Speaking of thanking a deity whose existence he doubts, he had begun experiencing migraines left and right every time he said a thing that pertains to either insulting or praising the Lord Almighty. Strange, since this never happened to him before. Maybe God got tired of his shit and decided to administer some form of divine hatred?
That sounded so cute and lovely, God acknowledging him.
Didn't mean he's ready to try washing his hand or mock anointing himself with holy water. That would be very stupid. Speaking of which, he did some other experiments and they haven't born much result. He read some part of the Bible of this world, and no major headaches aside from his excessive boredom (maybe that's the pain?), and he's wearing a cross necklace right now as a side project, and so far, no reaction towards it. Maybe it's a dud.
Why read the Bible? Well, boredom had been said to bear many miracles, and Dante reading a book with no pictures was one of them.
…Please, don't judge him. He's just a curious person. Ah, but since when does he care about being judged?
"…The pizza's pretty good." Dante remarked to himself as he checked the clock. "…Wonder if they'll accept me leaving a tab the next time? I'm kinda broke with giving that guy the money and all…"
And the best part of all? He could have all the olive-less pizzas and strawberry sundaes he want without anyone bitching about his eating habits. So to sum it up… it's been quite an interesting year and some months. He said that already, right?
Dante reached for another slice of pizza… and realized that he had already finished the whole box. It had only been a good two and a half minutes of bliss for his tongue… He frowned, slightly displeased with the size of the pizza delivered. It was good, but it was smaller than the pizzas he was more accustomed to back in America. Maybe he shouldn't have given the change to the guy and filed a complaint instead…
Another knock on the door, and this time, Dante knew who it was. It's definitely a truancy officer coming to see if he's at school or not. Or his nagging landlady. Same difference.
He released a tired sigh and walked over to his desk, picking up a black blazer and wearing it over his shoulders. Along the way, he picked up a school bag containing all the stuff he needed in the place he readily nicknamed 'hell on earth', and a satchel containing a bokken. Ignoring the knocks on the front door, he opened his window and discreetly jumped down from the 4th floor into the alleyway.
It's time to go to school, however late he was.
A splendid school where the majority of the students enrolled was female, and a place that could even be called the setting for a paradise for men and/or a harem comedy show. It was a prestigious, former all-girls school that had become coed for about a few years that can be counted on both hands and maybe a foot. Not much was known about this school, though it's more because of Dante's lack of interest in the history of the infrastructure than anything else. As a school where rich and noble girls (or 'Ojous' as Patty would call them) were enrolled in, the facilities were anything more than outstanding. The clubs found on campus received enough attention and support (money) to conduct their activities, the entire school grounds were well kept 24/7, and the technologies were top-notched.
It also happened to be the source of a strange miasma Dante had been feeling for the past year since he first got enrolled here, as well as hard proof that aside from youkais, the occult was as real.
Well, in any case, there were two groups in particular that struck a nerve with him whenever he heard about them or chance a glance at them. The first, and the one that had always been the center of attention since its formation, was the Occult Research Club.
What's weird for Dante was that the club was in the spotlight not because of any achievements worth mentioning, but because two of Kuoh's most beautiful girls, pertinently named Kuoh's Two Great Ladies, founded it a year before he arrived in Oddville and had since attended aforementioned club. And when a certain Prince and a certain cute mascot girl joined last year and this year respectively, it was clear that it gained even more attention than normal.
Personally, Dante had never met any of these club members, with the exception of Rias Gremory, only hearing about them in passing or stealing a glance at them and from what he saw… he'll be blunt, the Great Ladies were both hot pieces of ass that surpassed the models in fashion magazines, the Prince was… a princely boy, and the mascot girl was a cute squirt that made him think of a fluffy little kitty.
It still begged the question: Why? These girls (and guy) were all aware of their status and looks, yet they congregate to the same club. Something felt a little off.
It didn't help that he felt like they shared the same sentiment for him.
Dante let out a long and silent yawn once again, tears forming in his eyes as he focused unwillingly once more at the board full of formulas he didn't understand. Algebra… one of those math skills that adults will be using once they begin making a living. And can be easily substituted by a calculator.
It had something to do with substituting a number for a letter and finding out whatever number the letter was…
"Ah, Redgrave-kun. I see my lecture bores you. Mind answering the question on the board? Solve for x." The math teacher asked him.
Dante glanced at the formula and shrugged nonchalantly, wildly guessing, "2."
The teacher blinked and looked at the question again, only to see that it was- "T-that's correct."
The hunter turned student spared himself a smirk. 'Looks like Lady Luck is on my side today.'
"So…" Dante started slowly, looking at his customer now that school was over and the classroom he was in empty. "I see you saw my website. So, what do you want?"
Did he forget to mention the 'make ends meet' part? Well, since he technically doesn't have a business anymore, he either had to find a job or set up a business here. Trish and Lady can run the business back in his own world while he's gone. Patty will be 18 in about a few months, so maybe she'll help as well. Though, how long it'll take for him to return home… was a question he preferred finding the answer to later.
And so after enough paperwork that could build a large bonfire, 'Yorozuya Dante' was born. Jack-of-all-trades, accepting any kind of jobs for a fee.
He initially considered naming his new business 'Devil May Cry v2.0', but figured no one would want to call him, no matter how awesome the name sounded, and the fact that the supernatural wasn't exactly a popular subject in a business. That all led to him discovering something so marvelous that he wept demonic tears of happiness and wondered where it had been all his life.
With that, Dante now has a personal homepage. Maybe when he returned, he'll get Devil May Cry a website as well.
Unfortunately, Yorozuya Dante had to be typed up in Japanese, which was a complete pain in the ass and took a month to finalize. It's like these people studied the English language for about three years in school, and after that, they either forget about it or it's left to atrophy over the years. It really was a hassle. Made him wanna just go lay on top of any building and stargaze or watch the clouds instead.
On a sidenote, all that anime and manga on the Internet… when did he get hooked on it again? Patty was seriously holding out on him if these shows were as entertaining as demon hunting. And they really were.
He can now add 'situational shut-in' to his expanding repertoire.
"Well…" the other boy asked in a confused tone. "What do you mean, you can do anything?"
"Just as the website said. I'll do anything for money. And if that anything strays along the lines of R-rated, I may have to think about it. That's Yorozuya Dante, all in a nutshell." Glancing at the boy and seeing a confused expression, he sighed. "Look, um…"
"Oh!" The boy seemed to realize something important and bowed, "My name is Hyoudou Issei. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Mm. Same." Dante waved off the pleasantries, earning a frown from the brunette.
The fourth thing he discovered was… everyone, and by everyone he meant EVERYONE, spoke in perfect English. This was a case he should be looking into, but due to the convenience of the ability, he decided against it.
At first, it was so bizarre, hearing everyone speak English so fluently. Then when he asked how they could all speak, they gave him weird looks before laughing and telling him that he was speaking JAPANESE, not English, perfectly, as well as asking him where he learned it from.
He kept his mouth shut after that. No need to appear stranger than he already felt. That was not cool.
He continued, "You came to me with the password I posted on my site, placed in a link that no one could enter unless they looked very carefully, so I'm assuming you're here for business instead of flaming me like all those other boring people on the web. So what's the cinch?"
"Um…" Issei seemed rather nervous about something. "Well, Redgrave-kun…"
"Call me Dante. It's my business name, and I prefer that I be called that when I'm doing my job."
"R-right. Um, Dante-san…" Issei struck the Thinker's pose. And a grin sprouted on his face. A grin that made Dante reevaluate if taking a job from this customer was going to be worth it. "Well, there is one thing… do you think you can get me a harem? Or at least, a girlfriend? Preferably with big oppai?"
"Do I look like the kind of person who knows girls like that to you?" Dante asked rhetorically. Seeing the other boy look at him with the same dopey expression, Dante continued, "Look. I have bills to pay, a rent that's long overdue, and a landlady that's hot on my ass about this month's rent, so please tell me you're being serious about that request."
Issei continued looking at him with that same stupid grin. Realizing that Issei was really serious about that, Dante slumped forward with a sigh. "…Something realistic… something realistic… is that so hard to ask for…?" He tilted his head up from the desk, feeling really tired for some reason.
"…Alright, how about this. Consider this pro bono advice. Tomorrow, just continue doing whatever you've been doing. Live however you have lived so far and at the end of the day, moan about your misgivings on a bridge overlooking a street. Hopefully, some women will take pity on you, and as long as you don't screw things up on your part, you'll obtain a harem or at least a girlfriend overnight."
"That doesn't sound like very good advice." Issei mumbled, and Dante snorted.
"Yeah? Well, how 'bout ya go build a bridge and get over it? I had to live with three particular people, names I forgot here, who made my financial life a living hell, alongside with being seduced by a sweet ass guitar at least once or twice every week until last year. Be happy that you're not suffering from debt as I am, Ise-boyo," Dante snapped, before pausing. Since when did he give a damn about his financial life?
"Right, right," Issei frowned, but understood that he almost crossed a line right there. "Dante-san, you're pretty weird… but you aren't like the rumors said you were. I think you could be a cool, nice guy." He grinned, making Dante pause at the declaration. "How about this? If you ever need a place to relax, me and the guys can recommend you a certain place."
"Thanks, but no thanks. Don't you have a bridge to find and moan over?"
Issei shrugged. It's the guy's loss, not his. "I'll see you later, Dant- er, Redgrave-san!" The brunette left, leaving Dante to ponder to himself. Soon enough, he got up and began to leave as well.
That was the first compliment he had received in quite a while now. Aside from his good looks, no one had ever said anything about his personality. "…Nice, huh? I was called lazy, selfish, cheap, a showoff, asshole, and bastard, but never nice." He remarked, and mulling over the feeling he has, he concluded, "…It feels nice to be called that."
He was about to leave the building, but that would have to wait as he came across another obstacle.
"Redgrave-kun, a moment of your time, please," a straight-laced voice came from behind Dante, causing him to steel himself for what is inevitably another nagging session.
"Well, look who we have here! Fancy meeting you again, Sona!" Dante turned around and greeted his mortal enemy and her other friend with a rather cheeky smirk. "So how can I help you on this marvelous day? Your eyes are as flinty as the day we first met."
"Don't try and butter me up like before, Redgrave-kun. Also, please refer me to the appropriate title of 'Kaichou'," As always, the prez remained unruffled by his compliment.
Oh, and the second group that caught his attention would be the Student Council. Unlike the Occult Research Club though, his reason was for far more childish and rather petulant reasons than it was about the occult.
This year, he should have been a third-year student, but was held back due to many absences in a row that he had on his record and his plainly abysmal grades in everything except English and Physical Education. It led to him eventually butting heads with the current Student Council Prez, Shitori Sona, and her bean counters.
The relationship between the two can be described as two people mutually agreeing to disagree, though it doesn't stop her from trying to 'reform' him. Now though… supposedly, Japan had a long-standing tradition of Student Council Presidents attempting to reform delinquents, through one way or another. It was amusing at first, but then he ran out of excuses to give. Thus, his status as a 'Yankee' was unofficially solidified and Sona had been after him like a wolf after its prey…
"Ooh… I like a fast woman, like you Sona," Dante grinned. The Student Council President's eyes narrowed at his obvious attempt at flirting with her. He had the grace to feign sheepishness as she adjusted her glasses. Sona's friend, her Vice President, coughed and narrowed her eyes as well, refraining from lashing out at Dante's rude behavior.
He continued grinning, much like the cat that got the canary.
"I want to discuss multiple issues that have been circling around about you, Redgrave-kun. For example, you arrived at school late. Again."
"To be fair, I felt a little under the weather today," he replied airily.
"Another one is your dyed hair…"
"Like I said how many times ago, this is my natural hair color," Dante defended, scratching his ears.
"And I can still hardly believe that a person can be born with such unnaturally white hair."
"…Rias Gremory has unnaturally red hair."
"And that is not up for debate," Sona retorted. Dante had a feeling she was diverting away from that subject. "Not to mention your insistence of carrying around that sword."
Funny thing, really. Back in America, being seen carrying around weapons was fine material to getting the police called on you, and it was a real pain having to deal with them. Here though, turns out that Japan has a history of martial culture, so as long as a practice weapon being carried around remains wrapped, no one would care.
Not to mention, he was technically the best in the club, almost getting nominated for captaincy. He had declined the offer, instead giving them advice to start doing more physical conditioning, put more dedication in their art, and be a lot more proactive. An advisor of sorts, if you please.
But he never officially left the club. Doesn't explain why some of the girls protested his absence.
"As a member of the Kendo Club, it's natural that I carry around a practice weapon between classes. Not to mention, I look quite dashing with it in hand."
Still, being registered was a very convenient reason to carry a weapon around.
"A member that only showed up on the first day."
"What can I say? Staying in one place just isn't my cup of tea. Ghost member stuffs."
"And just about recently, I heard that you have a job. What's that about?" Sona's eyes closed in on his own.
"Gotta make money to pay the rent, right?" Dante quipped patiently.
The two had a staring contest of sort before Sona broke it off with a cool look.
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave that job, Redgrave-kun. Having a job while attending school is a violation of school policies. I'll overlook your blatant ignoring of the hair issue, but…" Her eyes glared harder into his again. "I will not condone any more misanthropy you have planned for this year."
"Oh, come on!" Dante whined, neglecting to mention that he's the boss of this job and technically couldn't leave it. "Why must you declare war on me, Sona? Is that why the two of you put all the fun in camps?"
The other girl snorted slightly, caught in between slightly amused and understanding the rather morbid joke Dante pulled off. Not sure if it was a snort of amusement or a snort that suggested offense, though.
"I have fun." Sona protested primly, adjusting her glasses in a way that suggested she took offense to his uncouth accusation. "It's just that my definition of fun involves more common sense, courtesy, and respect for rules than your's."
Dante blinked before cupping his chin in thought. "…I'm having trouble comprehending your definition of 'fun'. Please wait a moment while I go get a dictionary from… somewhere that is not here."
"Don't even think about it." Sona was not fooled by his lame attempt to run away.
"Damnit. I thought I could get away with that…" Sona frowned at his rather casual admittance. "…Not that that will stop me!" Dante turned around with a slick flourish. "If you don't mind, I got things to do. It was nice talking to you, Prez!"
Sona did nothing to stop him as he walked away. She knew she couldn't. This was happening for about a year now, and it wasn't stopping anytime soon. "…Know that you must keep yourself under control, Redgrave-kun. If you don't change your conduct, then consequences will be severe. Any threat to the school will not be tolerated." She watched Dante to make sure the message sank in. "Come, Tsubaki. We're leaving now."
The glasses duo spared one last look at the rebel student's back and walked off as well. Dante snorted amusedly as he looked out the window.
"Things always gotta be complicated. One world or another."
The younger one of the two Sons of Sparda.
Occupational devil hunter.
Healthy admirer of the female body.
Adamant strawberry sundae lover.
Fanatically obsessed pizza worshipper.
Ardent olive despiser.
And last and not least, half-demon.
All of the above is the basic gist of Dante, who now goes by the name Redgrave Tony.
The man who conquered the trials of Temen-ni-gru, who resealed the Emperor of Darkness Mundus back in the Demon World, who defeated a demon wielding the power of Abigail without breaking much of a sweat, who helped another descendant of Sparda defeat a fanatical priest who lusted for the power of Sparda, and the one who defeated the former Demon King Argosax.
He was capable of surviving bullets shot point-blank to the head and stomach, several impalements to major organs, and had swords of renown like Rebellion and Alastor shoved point-first into his body so many times that it wasn't funny anymore. And ultimately, he was the son who ultimately surpassed his own father, the Legendary Dark Knight, a spoken legend that was revered by humanity, even after two long millennia.
…Now he spent his night watching anime and reading manga. Most of the time.
Speaking of which, his Internet has been down since he got home. He hadn't been able to pay his Internet bills, his rent for the apartment, and his electricity bill is about two or three weeks overdue. Maybe that's the reason why.
Oh, how the mighty has fallen. A legitimate BAMF who could handle fighting against monsters beyond human, no, ordinary comprehension, was being suppressed by mere taxes and debt. Ironic, right?
…Looking at it with context and considering Dante's personality, not really.
Back to the subject at hand. His priorities to get back to his home world aside, this world was just as interesting and frankly, he could handle living here for a while before returning. Especially since there's so much he didn't know already, but that's the fun part. Not knowing was part, if not most, of the fun in an adventure.
Plus, he's a teenager again, so why not live it out again?
Thus, the reason why he's out at night investigating any paranormal activities.
He abruptly stopped walking as something shanked the ground in front of him.
…Okay, so he was curious about the church on the hill, but so what? That wasn't supposed to justify why an energy spear of pink light rammed itself into the earth in front of him. And why there's a sexy lingerie model with black wings descending down from the sky. And why she had an expression that suggested how much she wanted to enact a large number of amorous ordeals on him.
There's a lady. Flying right above him. Supposedly in the direction of the hills. And she's looking at him. And she's wearing a rather revealing outfit. Also, he could make out a cameltoe.
He could live with that.
Dante wolf whistled, "Nnneat."
The female smiled seductively, "You like what you see?"
"Oh, I like what I'm seeing." Dante folded his arms and continued checking out the lady giving him a show free of charge, showing no signs of keeping a guard up while keeping his trademark smirk. "Girl, you lookin' good."
The lady frowned for a bare moment, before she returned to her previous stupor. "With that cross on you, you must be a priest? Or an exorcist? I'm sure God doesn't want one of His own to be talking like that."
Dante looked at her as if she was crazy. "Lady, I'm sure God would consider it a sin not to glorify that ass."
"Ufufu~ you do have a way with words." She giggled with a hand over her mouth while forming a spear inconspicuously behind her. "Now be a gentleman and please die." She threw the spear that cut through the wind and exploded when it appeared to make contact with the white-haired hybrid. Seeing nothing coming out of the smoke, she grunted unladylike at the rather fast ending and turned around.
"Hey hey hey! What the hell was that for?!" The harpy froze when she heard an indignant voice coming behind her. Turning around, she narrowed her eyes at the seemingly unharmed Dante, only his clothes slightly ruffled as he stepped out miffed at the development. "Here I am, admiring you up and down like any guy would, and you throw a freakin' dildo bomb at me?!"
"Whuh?!" She let out a surprised squawk at his vulgar wording before calming down and forming another spear to rectify her mistake. "…So you're no ordinary mortal, huh? No matter, your fate has been sealed since you stepped into my presence."
"Fate." He raised a hand to his face and struck a pose. "The word every cheesy villain use before they get their ass handed to themselves. Ya coulda gone with somethin' less cliché, but ya went with that instead." Dante quipped back. That got an easy reaction out of the crow lady.
"Cheesy? Villain?! Cliché?! Who the hell do you think you are, making a mockery of Raynare of the Grigori?!" The now named Raynare demanded.
Dante's mouth shifted into a shit-eating grin. "I'm glad you asked!" He struck another pose, this one much more glamorous. "Feast your eyes upon me and burn it into your innermost memory! I am the man whose name makes both demons and men quiver in fear and women in lust… I am the all-powerful and infinitely sexy number one demon hunter you'll ever meet in your life… I am the cocky, white-haired, red-long coat wearing, demon-weapon-wielding badass, Tony Redgrave!"
All was silent as Raynare continued gawking at Dante. He began frowning with displeasure.
"…That didn't sound anywhere near as cool in my head," Dante turned his back on the harpy, who was gradually getting pissed by the seconds. He finally bumped his palm in realization. "Ah, of course. I'm missing my coat and the bitchin' speed metal music that was supposed to come with the intro!" True to his words, he's still wearing his school uniform and OH MY GOD, his blazer's ruined!
"Damnit, Nevan! Where the hell are you when I need you!? And you! I'm making you pay for ruining my blazer! It's the only one I got on hand!" Dante pointed petulantly at Raynare.
"Impudent buffoon!" She snapped, making Dante realize something.
'Huh. I don't curse often… it's gotta be the hormones, huh? Damn hormones.' He thought while tilting his body slightly to dodge a spear.
"Feisty, but not enough to be Dope!" Dante remarked, finally drawing out Ebony to shoot another incoming light spear dead on without looking, canceling out both projectiles and shocking the fallen angel in the process.
Ebony. The black handgun. One of the two custom-made and heavily modified M1911-style handgun chambered for the .45 ACP rounds. It's meant to be used left-handedly and features a hooked, two-handed trigger-guard with an ejection port on the left side, as well as a set of target sights. Its usage was primarily for long-distance targeting and comfort.
"A gun?!" Raynare didn't have enough time to react to the development, spending it on leaning back in time as Dante suddenly appeared in front of her and whipped the spinning gun at where her head was with a 'Wooh!'. She attempted to spear him head-on, only for him to whip her hand with the gun barrel and parry the blow towards his right, and again formed another spear in her other hand to stab him again, but-
"Not just a gun, milady… but two guns!" He took out Ivory and once more smacked her other hand with it, disarming the spear towards a nearby tree.
Ivory. The white handgun. The counterpart of Ebony and of the same type as said handgun. It's meant for the right hand and used a more traditional rounded trigger-guard with an ejection port on the right side, along with a pair of combat sights. Usage was primarily for rapid firing and fast draw times.
Along with Ebony, the pair was crafted by Nell Goldstein from the many busted pistols he brought in during his greenhorn years and was considered to be her final masterpiece. Engraved on their respective inward-facing side is 'Ebony & Ivory' in a cursive script along with the unique design of piano keys, and on the outward-facing sides a dedication to Dante, 'For Tony Redgrave, By .45 Art Warks'.
He pivoted around Raynare, bumping her playfully with his butt. Staggering and humiliated by his taunt, she rapidly turned around to see him walking up with a confident gait. She jumped and flew back to make distance, not wanting to know what else he'll do if she remained close.
"What's the point of using those guns if you're not going to shoot me?!"
"…Hm." Dante took a look at his trusty dual pistols before shrugging. "Well, I was afraid that if I 'banged' you, you wouldn't be able to handle it." He did mention being a teenager again, right? Right, good. "I mean, do you see the size of my guns? Not exactly something that any girl can handle, no matter how experienced."
"You… ingrate!" She hissed. Alright, that was a bit too easy.
"Alright, fine. Be that way." Dante placed Ivory at his mouth and took out the bokken strapped to his back. Nothing special about it, just an ordinary plastic stick he bought online. "Meet my sword." He said with a smile through gritted teeth. "It's long, hard, sharp at the tip, and once I insert it inside, you'll scream for hours!"
"You!" Her hiss turned into a flat-out shriek at the innuendo, before she hesitated when she saw something behind him.
The Devil Hunter turned around only to see nothing, then turned back to see a light spear sailing towards his head. He fired Ebony at the spear once again, only to see white after that. "…I will not forget this humiliation, mortal! Be lucky that I am in a good mood to spare your life!"
Once he regained his vision, Raynare had already escaped. Or had gotten out of his sights. Either way worked.
"…Well, that was a lame way to wrap things up. And it was a really short fight, too. What's the matter? Afraid of someone who can bite back?" Dante scoffed as he placed the bokken and his guns back in their respective places. "Well, too bad, lady! You were kind of my type, too! I even thought about being gentle for your sake."
Silence greeted him.
"Looks like my luck with the ladies really is that bad. There's Lady shooting me in the head, Trish zapping me, Patty redecorating the office with those cursed Hello Kitty dolls, Sona bitching about my conduct or whatever every day, and then this Raynare lady wanting to be the dominating partner in an S&M relationship."
Dante began surveying the area around him, arms akimbo. Noticing the many feathers left on the ground, he picked one of them up. His smirk fell for a moment.
"Luck aside, business has been at an all-time low…" He stared at the feather closely and began muttering lowly, "…Maybe a poster girl… and a secretary. Business began blooming when Trish came, however short it was… Alright! I need to find a sexy secretary! Preferably one that likes everything I like!"
Yep. He had his priorities straight. Rather than try and figure out why there were stuck-up homicidal harpies or fallen angels and whatever roaming around, he's more concerned about finding employees and placing all of his work on them instead.
Typical Dante, really.
"Now I know that there's a party brewing in this town." Dante smiled. "At least this time, there will be foods, drinks, and babes unlike the one Vergil threw. Let's see what the course has to offer, shall we?!"
With that, he threw his hands down to blow his blazers back and walked home, storing the feather in his pocket as he left.
A souvenir to remember this event.
A/N: Okay, quick note, and then I'll shut up. This is a story I'm doing leisurely. It means nothing is planned out beforehand, and everything was typed without much thoughts placed in them. That way, not a lot of pressure is on me whenever I'm doing whatever I'm doing.
I am not an organized or disciplined person.
Speaking of who I am, I'm not like fairy tail dragon slayer, who can pump out chapters upon chapters daily like a factory with no repercussions, no offense to the guy.
Anyways, review! Comment about Dante's supposed short attention span! And review again!
*LAST EDITED: 2/7/2018*