18Disclaimer: It all belongs to JK Rowling, except the bits you don't recognise, which are probably mine.
Chapter 1: Internet Dating
"What about her?"
"Have you read the profile, Hermione? It's only 150 words but she manages to fit in seven spelling mistakes and about thirty exclamation marks. Can you really see me getting on with someone like that?"
Hermione's eyes tracked across the page as she read more about "Christie123". "I see what you mean. Perhaps not... Okay, look at her then - she's gorgeous!"
"Are we picking out a date for you or for me?" sighed Harry.
"But she's lovely! You two would look so good..."
Hermione broke off as she saw Harry's raised eyebrow and lopsided grin. "Sorry.", she muttered.
"The idea is that I pick out someone who I think would suit me, then you tell me what you think." said Harry as he opened a new browser window and started typing out a more explicit search. "If we're going to indulge your repressed lesbian fantasies there are other sites we can try." He winced as his friend punched him on the arm then closed the new window and went back to looking at more profiles. "I don't know why I let you talk me into this in the first place".
"Because you're 21 years old, you haven't dated in two years and your best friends think it's time you started", replied Hermione. "If you want a girl who likes you as Harry and not for being the Boy-who-lived, what better place is there to look than in the muggle world? There are a thousand times more young women and not one of them has heard of you."
Harry frowned as he considered the truth of Hermione's words.
After the Battle of Hogwarts and Voldemort's death there had been a vast outpouring of emotion in the wizarding world. Dozens of weddings took place and new pairings sprang up almost daily. Harry had bought himself a flat in London but virtually moved in to The Burrow where he and Ginny Weasley spent endless long moments in each others' arms. On the surface it seemed to be the perfect romance but it wasn't long before the pair realised they wanted different things. The emotion washed over Harry while Ginny swam in it: she wanted to go out to parties while he preferred peace and quiet; she wanted to meet new people while he wanted to spend time with his close friends. Neither could change into what the other needed, and they agreed, fairly amicably, to call it a day.
Since the break-up, their romantic lives had gone the same way. Ginny had dated three or four seventh years as well as a reserve Puddlemere chaser, newly graduated from Beauxbatons; Harry spent hours at work training to be an auror, but the only social life he had was when Ron or Hermione forced him out of his flat at wand-point.
After a couple of years of this, his two best friends were deeply worried. Ron had no ideas beyond hugely unsubtle suggestions that Harry give it another go with Ginny. Hermione, however, decided that difficult times called for difficult measures, and after quite a bit of cajoling, managed to get Harry to give Internet dating a try. Harry agreed but insisted that as she probably knew him better than he did himself, and was far better at reading subtext than he was, Hermione had to help him choose. Part of him was now regretting his insistence. A larger part was regretting the whole thing.
"Why don't you pour us a glass of wine?" suggested Harry. "There's some cheap muck on the rack in the kitchen and the drinkable stuff is out in the back."
"I'll go for cheap", said Hermione. "Every time you persuade me to drink good wine it takes me a month to be able to stomach the kind of stuff I can actually afford. Red or white?"
"Red for me", he replied, "But both should be open so help yourself."
Hermione got up and headed into the kitchen while Harry moved on to the next page.
He was staring at the one of the profiles when Hermione sat back down and handed him a glass of merlot.
"What's the problem?"
"Thanks. That one's the problem.", said Harry. He took a sip and gestured with the wine glass at the picture of a young redhead with brown eyes.
Hermione looked at the picture. It wasn't really that similar to Ginny but it was obviously close enough to stir memories for her friend.
"I thought you were over her now", she said.
Harry thought for a moment. "I am. But I still have the memory of being in love with her. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah." Hermione moved her chair closer to Harry, put an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. "Come on, Harry. Let's get you some new memories so you don't have to spend so much time with the old ones."
More profiles failed the pair's scrutiny.
"Too old. More mature is one thing but I'm only 21 and she's 37..."
"She's too young. Don't you have to be 18 to be on this thing?"
"Wow... she makes Lavender Brown look like an intellectual!"
Twenty minutes later, Harry paused. "Now this one looks interesting."
"Long curly brown hair... brown eyes... student... Is there something you've been meaning to tell me Harry?" teased Hermione.
"You caught me out. You've always been the only one for me. Will you marry me, Hermione?" - Harry upped the ante.
"Oh how I've waited for those words! I'm the happiest woman in the world!", she upped it right back. "Seriously. What is it about... SexyAccountant? Are you kidding me?"
"Well you have to admit she looks pretty sexy", replied Harry. "And I'm guessing the 'accountant' bit is because she's studying at the LSE."
"We've seen lots of attractive women, Harry. Why has this one caught your eye?"
"I honestly have no idea." Harry frowned. "She just... feels right".
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Destiny, huh? Well what are you going to say to her?"
"I suppose it's like ripping a plaster off - just get it done" said Harry. He cracked his fingers in anticipation. "Okay, no comments while I'm typing"
'Hi. My name is Harry. I saw your profile and want to know more about you. My own profile is honest but I have to confess that it misses out some of the most interesting items. I hope we'll be able to explore my past together. If you want to find out more and I look like the kind of guy that might be worth a second glance, please reply.'
"And now you can cast a killing curse on me", said Harry, burying his head in his hands.
"It's... " Hermione stopped.
"You know you can just say it?".
Hermione didn't reply. Harry watched her eyes flicking back and forth, wondering how so few words could cause such concentration. "Come on Hermione! It's what... 50 words asking a girl out on a date. Please don't try to compare it to Shakespeare!"
Hermione slapped Harry's arm and continued reading for a few more seconds. "I think you're nearly there. You need to say a bit more about why you're asking her out, though. Her in particular, I mean."
"Okay. Any suggestions?"
"Well you mentioned her username earlier. How about mentioning that? It'll show a bit more thought."
Harry puffed out his cheeks and blew a long breath while running both hands through his hair.
"How about 'The idea of a "sexy accountant" was far too much to resist and I'm hoping you'll tell me more' after 'about you'?", he asked.
"Put it in and read it to me", replied Hermione.
Harry started reading in his best Actor voice.
"Greetings, young lady. I am Harr-hah!" - he came to a halt as Hermione's finger jabbed into a ticklish spot on his side.
"Don't make me do that again", she said.
Harry sniffed and raised his hand to his forehead, dramatically turning away from his friend. "I could have made it to the West End if I wasn't held back by... OW!"
"You made me do it again!" smiled Hermione. "Read your post or be jabbed in even more sensitive places!"
"Is that a threat or a prom..."
Hermione's eyes narrowed as she raised both index fingers threateningly.
"I surrender!", said Harry, backing away from her as far as he could go without leaving his chair. "I'll do it properly".
Harry sat up, took a couple of breaths and read: 'Hi. My name is Harry. I saw your profile and want to know more about you: the idea of a "sexy accountant" was far too much to resist and I'm hoping you'll tell me more. My own profile is honest but I have to confess that it misses out some of the most interesting items. I hope we'll be able to explore my past together. If you want to find out more and I look like the kind of guy that might be worth a second glance, please reply.'
Hermione sat back on her chair and closed her eyes. "Say it once more".
Harry did.
"Yeah..." she said and opened her eyes again, turning her gaze on Harry. "That'll do."
Harry let his eyes rest on Hermione's for a moment, then he smiled and turned to the screen. He moved the mouse cursor over the submit button, paused again... then clicked.
"Okay, I've sent the message", he said. "Alea iacta est."
"So now you're comparing a date request to condemning an empire to a years-long civil war"? asked Hermione, smiling again. "I think you might be exaggerating just a little bit."
"You've never had to ask anyone out, have you?" asked Harry.
"Well... no."
"Caesar had it easy."
Harry pushed the computer keyboard back on the desk and picked up his wine glass. "Well that's my love life sorted out. Let's take another stab at fixing yours."
Hermione frowned slightly as the pair stood and walked through to the living room.
"It's not broken... it's just..." her frown deepened. "Wobbling a bit."
Hermione threw herself onto the sofa then kicked off her shoes and curled her legs up underneath her body. Harry sat down next to her and put an arm around his friend as she leaned up against him.
"We had another argument the other day. He still can't understand why I'm going to university. Calls it a load of pointless muggle stuff."
She paused and finished off her wine. Harry silently summoned the bottle from the kitchen and refilled her glass.
"I tried telling him a legal degree would help me get a better job at the ministry."
Harry sighed. "I think I can guess what came next"
"His actual words were 'So you're still determined to have a job then?'"
"Ouch. So when does he get out of St. Mungo's?"
"Ha. Well if I could do silent, wandless magic he'd be a smoking hole in the ground, but I managed to avoid any actual hexes."
"I always knew Ron was a bit... traditional in his views, but I'm surprised you haven't been able to talk him round."
"He's so set in his ways. It doesn't matter that he's known people like Amelia Bones or Minerva McGonagall who have made names for themselves. No. He's only interested in the Weasley way - mum stays home and dad works."
"I think we both know that's never going to happen."
Hermione shifted position so she was lying on Harry's lap. Harry dropped a hand to her head and began running his fingers through her hair.
"I don't know what to do, Harry." said Hermione. "He doesn't even consider that it's an option. It just isn't the way the world works in Ronald Weasley's mind. I love him. I really do. But..." Hermione paused, shutting her eyes for a moment. "But I can't be with someone who won't let me live my life."
Harry leaned down and gently kissed his friend's forehead.
"He'll come around eventually. I'm sure he will." he said, not sure if he actually believed the words he was saying.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
A/N: I've had this partially written for months and decided to go ahead and publish it. I'm well aware that it could do with a polish, but I'm hoping that by publishing a bit I'll find the motivation to finish it then go back and clean up the rough edges. All thoughtful comments are welcome, but flames aren't.