Only love can hurt like this

Authors Note:

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for deciding to read my first fanfic, I'm really excited! I don't know if my writing is any good but I really enjoy it and I wanted to share this story with you all! This story was slightly inspired by PurpleGrl's Ness fanfic "The One That Got Away". I really like it and I recommend her stories. As some of you may or may not know, the title is also a song by Paloma Faith. I love her and this song. I have been listening to her nonstop and it's been really great to listen to her while I write! I was also really stuck on the titles name and realised that it would be perfect for it. By the way, I'm from England and I am trying to keep using American words (elevator not lift, sidewalk not pavement etc.) just to keep the story in its true setting but if I slip up now and again, please forgive me. JI don't own New Girl or any of the characters. Just thought I'd tell you. I hope there aren't any mistakes but I'm sorry if there are. Anyway, thanks again and without further ado, here is the first chapter of my first fanfiction, "Only love can hurt like this."

-A

Chapter One- Life Without Jess

It had been a year since Jess had left and it had been hard on Nick. Really hard. Harder than his Dads funeral. Harder than Caroline. Harder than law school. He didn't sleep. He didn't go to work and he stayed in his room for a whole month, only coming out to get more booze. He didn't know what he had done. "Why d'ya leave me, Jess? We had an argument before you left but we always argued, even before we were together", he'd drunkenly slur to himself as he tried to figure out what he had exactly done to make her leave. He went over that day in his head a thousand and one times, watching her stare at him with her beautiful blue eyes, huge, glassy and tearing up, as she said she couldn't do it anymore. "I need to stop this", he told himself, taking another swig of good ol' Jack Daniel's. Every time he imagined her beautiful face, a picture of perfection, staring at him in disbelief, his heart would sink and break all over again and the pain it caused was unbearable.

"I'm not doing this with you anymore. I'm sorry". It sounded so harsh and he would have hated her for being so casual about it if she didn't look at him the way she did and if she didn't say it in the way she did. He knew she was in the same amount of pain as him and that just confused him even more. "Why, if it was that painful, did ya still leave me?" He couldn't figure it out. Maybe it wasn't painful for her. Maybe she honestly didn't love him as much as he loved her. These thoughts haunted him. It really scared him to think that there might have been a possibility that she never really loved him. But he knew they were wrong, that she did love him and he couldn't shake off the look on her face after he asked her that damn question. He couldn't forget the sound of her voice breaking when she said, "Why would you even think to ask that? I love you!"

"God! Why am I such an idiot? She said she loved me! She said it! Why did I push her?" He dropped his head into his hands and drank again, trying to forget the pain. His love for her felt like it was killing him.

In the second month, Schmidt and Winston knew that if they didn't help Nick get out of his mess now, they would never be able to get him out and back to normal. It took a lot of work, but after weeks of trying, they finally managed to convince him that Jess would come back and when she did, he would need his act together. "Come on. Do you think she's ever going to take you back while you're like this? I mean look at you Nicholas! You look like a hobo. A chubby, damaged hobo, with, well, a terrible metabolism. I'm still confused as to why she was with you in the first place."

"Okay Schmidt, real helpful!" Winston said, cutting Schmidt off before he caused any more damage. "Look Nick. We know you love her, we've known from the beginning! And we know she loves you. So stop this man. Seriously, it's not safe for Ferguson to walk around the loft anymore and this is defiantly not good for you! Get up. Get in the shower and go make sure you still have a job." He could see this little pep talk was going nowhere so quickly added "for Jess, man!" That did it.

So that's when Nick Miller went back to work and back to living a life of bartending and sleeping. Luckily, it had been a very slow month at the bar and with a little of Big Bobs help, he got his job back. He still thought about Jess every second of every day though. About how happy he used to be. About how lucky he was to wake up in the morning and see her sleeping beside him, her curled dark locks falling gracefully on his pillow, eyes closed and breathing lightly, pulling him closer and sighing sweetly in her sleep as he looked at her, with a goofy grin on his sleepy face, completely in awe of her beauty and a little more than confused as to why she was actually with him. Or when he'd wake up to the clanging and crashing of pans and plates. He'd get up, smiling, as he'd walk into the kitchen to find Jess, his Jess, wrapped in one of his flannel shirts, humming along to her own little song while she pushed her glasses up the slender bridge of her little nose, and made them eggs and coffee. It was his favourite sight. He could never get enough of it. Of her. Of watching her make breakfast or sleep or fix her bangs while she got ready for the day, oblivious to his stares and talking about something Schmidt had done or what she had planned. He really missed her. And when times got too hard, when he'd get home late from a back-to-back shift at the bar and just needed to walk in and see his girlfriend waiting for him on the couch, in one of her signature pyjama outfits, watching TV, he was only greeted with an empty, quiet loft. Every time, he would look down, disappointed, tears burning in his dark eyes and would go to the fridge to grab a beer and fall to couch, eyes closed, sighing deeply and thinking of how she would look at him, pouting her small, red lips slightly, upset at how tired and stressed he was, and snuggling closer, telling him not to worry. Her sweet smell and warm hug was always comforting and made him think that everything would get better and he wished he could stay in that moment forever, wished she was still in his arms, loving him. It was like that for the remainder of the year. Nick would think about how Jess would sometimes surprise him at work when he had a late one and how her excited smile and quick sweet kiss would give him all the energy in the world. He would think about how she would sneak into his room at night after an argument and slip under the covers, carefully placing her head on his chest while he tried to cover up a smile. He always failed and couldn't resists grabbing her, sliding his arm around her tiny waist to bring her closer and kiss her as she'd let out a cute giggle. She knew they were both over whatever they were arguing about, and would happily whisper, "Goodnight Nick", before squeezing him tighter as they both fell asleep, smiles plastered on their faces. He wanted that back so bad! He wanted Jess and no-one else. But after a night out with Schmidt, he did meet a girl and they started dating but he couldn't keep it up. Not with Jess constantly on his mind. He knew it wasn't fair to either of them, so broke it off with her in the same week, before they did anything. She didn't seem so bothered and they easily went their separate ways.

It was ten twenty-three on a Saturday night and Nick was at work, wiping down the bar after throwing out a bunch of lads for trying to cause trouble. It had got very quiet and everything slowed down after that which was surprising. It was always a little crowed on a Saturday at this time but he wasn't bothered. For some reason he couldn't stop thinking about Jess. He was always thinking about Jess, but for some reason, on this particular day, he couldn't stop. Usually at work, he would be too busy to stop and think about her and he made sure he was always doing something so he wouldn't slip into a Jess induced, coma-like state. But on that day, even while he was serving customers or talking to someone, all he could think about was Jess, and no matter what he did he couldn't stop. He kept seeing her dark hair falling over her shoulders, her big blue eyes sparkling like two orbs of beauty behind her dark frames and her pale, slender body in a sweet red dress that he loved on her. It must have been obvious that something was on his mind because at that moment Big Bob slapped his huge hand on Nick's back and told him to sit down for the rest of his shift, which was another half an hour. Nick tried to refuse but Bob was adamant and told him he would take it from there and after Nick thanked him and went to sit down on the opposite side of the bar, Big Bob handed him a whiskey and a cold beer before moving down the far side of the bar to deal with a customer. Nick didn't take any notice of the small woman at the very end of the bar and just smiled. Big Bob always knew when something was up and knew what Nick needed. Whiskey and beer. First something nice and strong for a quick buzz, which drowned any pain immediately and then something colder and weaker to hold the buzz. He necked the whiskey back, picked up his beer and took a swig. In mid-flow he suddenly heard a voice making him stop dead in his tracks and slowly put his beer down on the bar. He stayed completely still as he heard the sweet little voice say, "Erm, just a pink wine. Thanks Bob."

To Be Continued…

A/N:

Thank you for reading, there will defiantly be more chapters. We're only getting started! The next chapter will include more of Nick and Jess together! I hope you liked it and please comment telling me what you think, I need as much constructive criticism for me to improve my writing and the story, so any comments will be really helpful. If there's something you want to see in the next chapters, do tell me. I love incorporating new ideas! Thanks again guys! J