A/N: Someone, cough cough (risknight) challenged me to do a pirate story. This isn't quite a story more like a long drabble. But the point is I wrote something Piratey. About another story of mine New Year 2014. I wont say I've abandoned it. However I'm seriously stuck. It just isn't going the way I want it to. So for the time being, I'm going to leave it alone. Hopefully having written this little pirate diddy, will help loosen up my brain where New Year 2014 is concerned.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of The Big Bang Theory. I'm just borrowing for a moment.

For the life of him, Sheldon simply couldn't figure it out. He pondered it and pondered it. It took up endless hours of his time. Time better spent on figuring out the mysteries of the universe.

Sheldon was happy Penny got a new job. A dinner theater opened up in Pasadena. Pirates of the Pacific Coast. Yes she still did waitress one day per week, but she was the female lead in the stage show they put on.

While even Penny would admit it wasn't Broadway, it was at least a stage, with an audience of 300-500 every night. Every Thursday he went and had dinner there. They were kind enough to bring him, a bacon, BBQ cheese burger, everything on the side. With lemonade in a tankard and pirate fries. What pirates had to do with french fries Sheldon would never know. But that's what they called them. He wasn't one to fuss. Sheldon never took notice of the fact, not a single other audience member ever had a cheese burger.

He continued to ponder through all of this, why the heck he was so fascinated with Penny's wench costume. Sheldon would admit and had on several occasions that Penny was a beautiful woman by anyone's standards.

There was just something about that wench costume though. The Lord knew Sheldon had seen Penny in numerous outfits. Even a bikini. None of them had the effect on him the wench costume did. Every time he saw her in it, he found himself taking in deeper breaths of air. His pulse would start to kick up several beats per minute. He tried not to even think about how his khaki's didn't seem to be as roomy when she bent over the table to hand him his meal.

He found his index finger would start to twitch. Sheldon knew if he just ran that finger around that bright red ruffle of the peasant blouse Penny wore. If he let it make just one trip from her bare left shoulder down over her well shaped breasts up to her right shoulder, then down her tanned back,and back up to her left shoulder. Well he was sure it would stop twitching.

Something else Sheldon has spent many hours pondering. Penny's demands he lace up her corset for her every night. He's sure it's going to be the death of him. There is another thing Sheldon ponders about that corset. If she can't lace it up without his help, how the heck does she unlace herself without his help? He's quite sure that very soon he's going to storm into 4B and demand an answer. Because continuing to ponder that corset being unlaced by any fingers but his own, is slowly driving him crazy.

So many things for Sheldon to ponder. However there is one thing that neither Sheldon nor Penny ever sit around pondering. What the heck Leonard and Amy were doing up on the top of that volcano when it blew up. As any good pirate would say..."Dead men tell no tales."