I decided it was time for me to take a break from my South Park stories to reflect on how much of a weeb I am. What better way to do that than with some Kuroshitsuji? Probably a lot of better ways but oh well.

So this is gonna have some frick fracking between a twelve year old brat and his suave babysitter, who is much older. If this is not okay with you, then leave. Because I guarantee criticizing me won't change the story.


There was no doubt about it; Ciel Phantomhive was a problem child. Actually, he was just a brat who refused to listen to anyone, but problem child sounded much nicer to Rachael and Vincent Phantomhive. It was their fault, perhaps. Spoiling Ciel might have turned him a bit rotten. But that wasn't their intention. Since Vincent was the head of a well-known toy and candy company, they usually got many products for free. They really didn't mean for Ciel to turn out so...awful.

"I'm not going!" The tiny twelve-year-old shouted at his mother, crossing his arms. "You can't make me!"

Rachael continued to beam at him with a fake smile that was starting to hurt. Both were sitting at the dining room table. "But, sweetie, it's Lizzie's. You know how much she loves to have you around."

Ciel snorted, taking a lollipop out of the pocket of his expensive trousers. Rachael stiffened. It was so close to dinner, her son shouldn't have been eating sweets. "It's a tea party, mother. That means that there will be other annoying girls with frilly dresses and squeaky voices to bother me. I can tolerate Elizabeth, but that's a challenge in itself."

Rachael pursed her lips. It was obvious that Ciel wouldn't budge, so she gave up. "Very well, dear. Maybe next time. You know, dinner is soon. Perhaps you could save the sweets for afterwards?"

Ciel narrowed his eyes, taking a deliberate lick at his lollipop. "I'm going to my room." With that, the small boy stood from his seat and fled up the stairs of the Phantomhive manor.

Rachael watched him leave, a heavy feeling of guilt at the pit of her stomach. This was their fault. Recently, she had gotten a small job at a local hospital with her sister. Not for the money, but for the chance to help people. Because of it, Ciel had begun seeing less and less of his parents. It was only natural he would be cross about it.

Baldroy, the chef of the household, came into the room with a small plate in his hand. He placed it in front of Rachael. "Heard the fight with young master. Thought I'd whip you up some chips and dip to cheer you up, ma'am."

Rachael smiled at the man, then looked down at the plate. It seemed Baldroy had managed to make the dip himself. "Thank you, Baldroy. I appreciate it. I'll save it for after dinner." She raised an eyebrow. "You are making it, right?"

"Of course, ma'am. I, uh...just had a small problem, is all."

"Did you set it on fire again?"


Rachael giggled, patting Baldroy's cheek. "Just get to work. And if you see Finnian in the garden, please tell him to be careful with the tulips. We don't want to have another incident like with the daisies."

The chef chuckled at the memory of the household gardener accidentally using a chainsaw on the poor daisies because he wanted to 'give them a trim'. "Yes, ma'am. Ah, that reminds me, here's the newspaper, just like you asked."

"Thank you, Baldroy." Rachael stood, taking the newspaper from the chef and heading upstairs. As she reached the second floor, she was suddenly bumped into.

"Ah! M'sorry, madam! I was just looking for the polishing items and I wasn't looking very well and..." Mey-Rin, the maid of the house, explained quickly. She was a bit on the clumsy side, but was a very sweet girl and the Phantomhives just could not get rid of her, just like they couldn't get rid of Baldroy and Finnian.

"It's quite all right, Mey-Rin. I should have been looking as well. The polishing tools are in the bathroom cupboard."

"Ahh, thank you, ma'am!" Mey-Rin bowed, then bounced toward the bathroom. Rachael chucked, going to the bedroom she shared with Vincent.

As she laid down and looked at the newspaper, she thought about her son. He used to be so sweet and kind, what had changed? Was he just at that age? Rachael certainly wasn't that cold at twelve. She couldn't imagine that Vincent was either. So, it had to be their parenting that was the problem. Rachael felt her eyes well up with tears, and tried to refrain from weeping over such silly things.

She focused on the newspaper to calm her down and immediately something caught her eye. It was an advertisement, for a babysitting service. The advertisement assured that their sitters were top notch, and could handle any sort of problem child. Problem child. That phrase is what really caught her eye. Maybe this is what Ciel needed. Someone to keep him company while they were gone. The other members of the staff were nice, but they had their duties. No, this would be absolutely perfect.

She grabbed the phone that was located on the side of the bed, dialing the number quickly. On the first ring, someone picked up, "Akuma Uba Sitting Service, how may I help you?"

"Hello! My name is Rachael Phantomhive and I was hoping that I could find a sitter for my son."

"Ah, Phantomhive, you say? I know of your husband's company well. I'll try to help you find the perfect sitter, ma'am." The voice was so smooth and silky, Rachael would probably agree to anything it suggested. "Tell me about your son."

Rachael sighed, looking wistfully at a nearby picture of her son, back when he actually smiled. "Oh, my Ciel used to be so sweet. But now he's so stubborn and rude, he doesn't listen to us anymore. Not to mention, his grades are dropping tremendously, though he is such an intelligent boy! Since his father and I are both working now...I thought maybe a sitter would do him good..."

"A wonderful idea, Mrs. Phantomhive. All of our sitters are highly skilled, and can also double as tutors for a small fee."

"That would be great, thank you!" Rachael gushed, actual hope blooming inside her. "Honestly, I thought it'd be hopeless."

"I assure you, the sitter I have in mind excels at these kind of children." The voice at the end of the line chuckled, as if she just made an inside joke. "I will send him to your manor tomorrow, and if it goes well please call me again to discuss payments if you take a liking to him."

"That would be amazing, thank you so much...ah, I didn't catch your name."

"I apologize, It's Hannah Anafeloz. And the sitter I will be sending tomorrow is Sebastian Michaelis, who is our newest sitter. Do not worry, he is quite qualified for the job despite this."

Rachael was overjoyed. She thought she was going to cry again, more from happiness than hopelessness. "I cannot thank you enough, Hannah. I am so grateful."

"Thank you, Mrs. Phantomhive, for your interest. Sebastian will arrive at noon tomorrow. Have a nice day, Mrs. Phantomhive," Hannah practically sang, before she hung up.

Rachael did the same, and she was practically oozing with giddiness. Ciel would be so much more happier with a companion. This was a good idea after all.

Then, she heard the front door open. Vincent was home. A few seconds later, Mey-Rin was calling for Ciel and Rachael to come down for dinner.

Rachael practically skipped down the stairs, eager to tell her husband and son the news.

It never occurred to her that Hannah never asked for the manor's address. It was just some unimportant detail that she wasn't going to dwell over.


Meanwhile, Hannah Anafeloz was quite happy herself. Not only had she made a deal with the owners of the Funtom Company, she had also gotten a job for the newest member of her company, Sebastian. The thought of his name made her grit her teeth.

He was a smooth and calculated being, she couldn't deny that. But she wasn't sure that he had abandoned his old habits like the rest of them had. He was troublesome, but this was the perfect job for her.

"Sebastian," She called out, and he was there in an instant.

"Yes?" It was obvious, even to Hannah, that he was trying not to look irritated. No, irritation did not suit him at all.

"It seems you have a job interview. Tomorrow, noon," she paused, then frowned at the man, "I would appreciate it if you made a good impression. These clients are very important."

Sebastian smirked at her, an expression that angered Hannah to no end. "I see. Well, no worries, Hannah. I will do my best."

Hannah growled a bit, standing up. "I'm serious, Sebastian. No tricks, no inappropriate behavior, and absolutely no contracts." This odd request was somehow understood between both of them.

Sebastian waved his hand, his smirk growing in amusement. "Yes, yes. You can trust me, Hannah. After all, I might be a lot of things, but a liar is not one."

Deciding that trusting him was the only thing she could do, Hannah gave Sebastian a folder. "This is all the information I've gathered on the child. His name is Ciel. According to his mother, he is quite the problem child." A smile found its way to Hannah's face. "I'm sure you could handle it. So much in common with him already, hmm?"

Sebastian ignored this comment, opening the folder instead. The instant his eyes landed on a picture of Ciel, his crimson eyes changed to pink and a different expression had replaced his devious one. Hannah recognized it all too well. It was hunger. She quickly snatched the folder out of his hands, and his eyes faded back to their original color.

"Ah...I apologize, Hannah. Just a slip up. Won't happen again, I promise." Sebastian bowed, though it did nothing to melt Hannah's icy glare.

"Are you sure you can handle this, Sebastian?"

"Of course," Sebastian began to exit the room, pausing to smile slyly at Hannah. "I'll be one Hell of a sitter." With that, he shut the door.


So that was the dumb first chapter. I've never written for Kuroshitsuji before, so I'm so sorry if I got any of the names/personalities wrong. The only one that was intentional was Hannah, because I didn't know who else to put.

Side note: Akuma Uba literally translates into "Devil (or demon) Nanny" in Japanese. How shady is that am I right.