Star Warz

Episode ?:

Prologue to the End

It is a time of peace in the galaxy. With the thwarted efforts of both the Fan Boy Armada and Henry the Designer, everything was going quite well for the Republic. In fact, everything was going so well that there was no fan fiction to bring anything new. Whether there are fans to these trilogies or not, the fact remains that things are getting boring, so here I am writing again. To think, I retired so long ago now I'm back in the fray due to boredom, and geez this is gonna hurt my hand. Any who, before starting this new enthralling tale, I'll take the time to update everyone on what's been happening:

It's been 3 years since the fall of Henry the Designer. Because of persistent peace, the Jedi find themselves with nothing to do, so they decide to separate in order to find new thrills. Joseph went off to find his calling as a bounty hunter: to sail the seven sectors of the galaxy, get rich and swoon every lady he comes across. Though the lady part isn't going so well, the other parts he did quite nicely. In fact, business was so well he won himself the Millennium Falcon from Han Solo in a game of cards. As a result, his chances with the ladies improved because hey, that's a sexy ship. As of now he is doing Kessel runs and has been with one Twi'lek, who was never heard from again due to reasons of embarrassment.

Will and Sara got married while retaining their Jedi status, saying "These are old Jedi rules. We're the next generation of Jedi, baby!" At first people didn't like this, but after seeing how cute the two were together, they allowed the change. They are occasionally called upon to settle other-world problems, but generally live a quiet life on Coruscant.

Jared left from the Jedi and fell into obscurity. Personally he wasn't that much of an important character so don't question my judgment, mortals!

General Chris got robotic limbs and retired on a world of endless beaches, sun and fun. I wish I could write the name of that planet but I don't have my references at the moment but maybe you can think of one. He has had no contact with the Jedi for quite some time now.

The band of former nerds led by Ted still work for the Jedi. Yet in their spare time they still work the slow healing process for all the nerds still traumatized by their immense pwning. The coward of the group, Hugo, is still a coward.

Anna and Copeland hooked up and travel the galaxy freely as wanderers. At times they will go out to perform minor misdeeds like steal candy from babies and other devious yet funny acts because Anna is evil like that. Copeland's happiness and sanity levels have vastly improved since being so far away from Squishy, whom he still despises at times.

Finally, we have the biggest success story yet. Squishy was left with the Century Sparrow since no one wanted to be associated with the Cutesie Cannon everagain. Taking the ship along with a huge list of supplies, he set out in search of greatness. Within months he managed to relocate great quantities of Jawas from Tatooine, and with the help of some Ithorian technicians, he managed to build Jawa Home: the largest space station ever built. It was a place created for Jawas and all races in general with a design similar to an Ithor herder ship, only 12 times bigger and holding biomes suitable for most specialized races. This made Jawas space traders as well as desert handymen, and very good ones at that. Construction of Jawa Home began and finished close to Bakura, and also served as a tourist attraction for anyone who could make the trip (which is practically everyone, I mean come on :P).

In a surprise twist to the whole galaxy, Squishy formed an alliance with the (dun-dun-dun!) Ssi-Ruuvi race: dreaded killer velociraptors from space! In a press conference, Squishy revealed he intended to have Jawa Home built where it was for this exact reason. Though negotiations were hostile at first, Squishy in time managed to show the reptiles the true good of this alliance. One of the first deals made was an alternative energy source for Ssi-Ruuvi technology proposed by Squishy, where instead of using the souls of unwilling captives, they could harness the power of dancing from willing volunteers. This proved to be far more efficient and powerful than the old entechment method, and also saved countless underling lives. And through his great enthusiasm, charm and the power of dance, Squishy turned the Ssi-Ruuvi into one of the most liked, cool-to-be-with races around, realizing the silliness of their religious beliefs. While there are some that still stick to the old ways fiercely, the rest of the race dubbed them as wet blankets and went on to enjoy their fresh new perspective.

In time, they learned Basic and started working at Jawa Home as gratitude to the little man who opened them up to the galaxy, and also donated a plethora of ships and remodeled battle droids. At this moment, the controls of Jawa Home are being run by a hip, rad Ssi-Ruuvi nicknamed Steezy, along with other coolster such as Ithorians and Jawas. For now, Squishy is bringing new inventions unto the galaxy to express his creative mind, and is having a pretty fine time in his chambers, lounged at his desk and overlooking his vast accomplishments.

So there you have it. The galaxy is fine, and all the Jedi are pretty much living the sweet life (well, Squishy at lea$t). So nothing can go wrong, right? Yet there seems to be a shadow looming over this serenity. Could it be a new threat, or the effect of a glare on the camera lens?

Find out, in this next exciting episode of Star Warz!