A/N: The song I use here is called Bad Apple. However, regarding the lyrics: The song is originally Japanese, These are not the direct translations, they are fan-made lyrics to the song. They have allowed for other fans to use them, so therefore, are not copyrighted, and thus okay for me to use. Thanks, and enjoy!


Ever on and on

I continue circling

With nothing but my hate

In a carousel of agony

Every day was the same. Her talent that she wanted to use to make people smile was used to steal and crush their dreams. And now they wanted more. She sang more often, more depressing songs that brought darkness. Now all she heard when she listened to her songs was hate and agony.

There was no way out.

Until slowly I forget

And my heart starts vanishing

And suddenly I see

That I can't break free

She despised this work. Yes, she loved the popularity and fans. But, as much as she tried to harden herself; tried to pretend that the heart's eggs didn't matter and no matter how much she told herself that they were so pathetic they deserved to have their heart's egg stolen, a small part of herself didn't like it, and knew it was wrong.

I'm slipping through the cracks

Of a dark eternity

With nothing but my pain

And the paralyzing agony

To tell me who I am

Who I was

Uncertainty enveloping my mind

Till I can't break free

But she didn't show it, of course. She hid behind a mask, and buried that part of herself deep inside where it would never come out.

Eru.

That was the part of her she hated: the soft side, the caring side, the loving side. So she threw it away. Threw her away. And now she had someone who could help her: X-Dia.

And maybe it's a dream

Maybe nothing else is real

But it wouldn't mean a thing

If I told you how I feel

X-Dia helped her, she maximized her singing and X-egg collecting. And maybe, if she did her best, maybe he would finally notice her. Pay attention to her.

But then there was Hinamori.

She would take Eru: she was weak like that. Weak and pathetic. Even her own chara thought she was unworthy.

…so how did she get his attention?

She was just as good as Hinamori. Tons better, even. The two were barely comparable. Utau was rich, beautiful, and famous. Amu was nothing. So why did he like her? It wasn't fair! Nothing was! If only she could find the Embryo. ..

So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside,

And I wish that I could live

Feeling nothing but the light

You can tell me what to say

You can tell me where to go

But I doubt that I would care

And my heart would never know

The Embryo would solve all of their problems. It would free her and Ikuto. If only she could find it. They would be freed from the clutches of Easter, and then maybe she could do what she really wanted to do with her gift.

Make people happy.

Because even though she told herself and others different, she wasn't happy. She didn't want this. But what could she do? She knew what would happen if she disobeyed.

If I make another move

There'll be no more turning back

Because everything will change

And it all will fade to black

So she would continue what she was doing. Being a mere puppet for an evil man who only cared for himself.

What else could she do?


This was a one-shot from Utau's POV, about how she feels working for Easter. I love Utau a lot, she's definitely a favorite of mine. The song used here is Bad Apple, The English lyrics.

Thanks for reading, R&R!