Give me love like never before, 'cause lately I've been craving more,
And it's been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,
Give a little time to me, or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around.
And all I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, Oh give me love.
He was pretty sure things with Jess and Sam wasn't that serious. They hadn't been together for that long, even considering their 'benefit' stage in the beginning. He hasn't even heard them exchange 'I love you'. Or had they? And he has been totally blind and oblivious to their relationship. Had he been too invested and intrigued by Jess herself that he have missed all the signs. Been too busy trying to deal with himself and his emotions. Trying not to touch her, sit too close, to kiss her. These things he has been craving to do.
He honestly thought she might feel the same way as he did. So many people had pointed out their weird friendship. Even thinking they were together. It was Paul who noticed it first but Nick thought nothing of it, after all he was only trying to protect Jess from another heartbreak. That's what friends do right? But then when he got with Julia, she always asked him what had happened between the two. Stating that they spend too much time together and she even complained about how Jess always done his laundry without question. But he brushed those comments away making clear to Julia that she probably does the same with the other guys, it's just who Jess is. It wasn't until Caroline was back one the scene did he realise maybe this thing they had could be more than one sided. It was right after their butt shaking argument when he went back into his bedroom did Caroline mention something about him and Jess. She simply said that they had passion. Passion that they never had in their relationship before and she hoped they would this time round, but when she told him Jess likes him he brushed her off. He told her she was seeing things. But when he broke up with Caroline and saw the look of relief and happiness on Jess' face when he came back did he start noticing her noticing him more. Walt also noticed and commented on how much grown up he has done since 'blue eyes' has entered his life. If he could have noticed this then surely when he passed away and Jess came to Chicago his mom would too. She did, of course. It wasn't until she saw Nick struggle with the eulogy and the calming effect Jess had over him did she know the pair shared this deep connection. So she told Nick that she's glad that he has someone to take care of him. All he could do was nod his head in a silent agreement.
He's been in love with Jess for over a year now and finally he decided to man up. And where did that get him? Knocked back down! Maybe he should give up. She's happy right? She has Sam, the doctor; who has money to spend on her and take her out on dates. He looks like he's emotionally stable. Unlike Nick. Jess really does have a good thing going on for Nick to ruin with his self loathing and doubts. If she wasn't truly happy with Sam then maybe he would tell her how much he has fallen for her. If she was happy Nick would have to give her up, move on and watch her get married. Maybe start a family. Even if he didn't like it.
Nick was in too much of a deep thought that he hadn't notice the roof door open and Jess walk towards him angry and confused.
What is wrong with him now? I know he has always remained a grumpy mystery to me but come on. He literally just walked out of his bedroom all happy and one look towards me and CeCe his smile vanishes. And then just storms out? Argh he makes me so angry sometimes. He obviously knows about me and Sam getting engaged. I saw him stare at the ring. I know it cant be about that, we are best friends right. He should be there congratulating me. Do I follow him? He has gone to the roof for sure. Since his father has passed he has been spending more time up there; his thinking spot. Maybe that's what this is all about. As I opened the door I notice him standing by the roofs edge looking down at his hands in deep concentration. He hasn't even noticed me yet like he usually does and this slightly angers me for some reason.
'Look Jess, I just wanna be left on my own okay.'
'Please tell me what's wrong Nick, like I said before, I'm here for you. No matter what.'
I place my hand over his to try and calm him down and to reassure him. He looks down at our joined hands and I can see sadness and pain in his eyes. I need to know if he's fine. He just needs to open up to me.
'So... Me and Sam are'
'I know' Nick interrupts.
I need to get away. Why does she always follow me for? I just need to go, before I say something stupid. I start to walk away and make my way down to the loft. I know Jess is hot on my heels but I need to get away from her. I make my way into the loft and noticed the arrival of Schmidt and Winston, who were sat on the couch with CeCe. I'm so close to my door when she grabs my arm to stop me. Her hand is so soft and warm and I can feel the electricity pulse through my veins from her contact.
'What the hell Nick? Where are you going?'
'I told you I need to be alone, just...'
I look from her hand which is still gripped around my forearm to her eyes. My mind goes blank as I stare at her.
'Your happy right Jess?'
'Of course I'm not happy. Your upset and you wont let me in! Your running away like you always do. It upsets me to know that you don't trust me.'
'I, umm. I meant with Sam. He makes you happy right?'
'Umm yeah Nick of course. Why?'
'And I what?'
'You know. You love him?'
I know this is gonna break my heart but I need to hear her say it. Say she loves Sam. I need her to break my heart fully in order for me to move on. She needs to, as much as I don't want to hear it.
'Do you love Sam? Are you in love with him?'
She just stands there staring at me confused. I look back down at her hand to the ring that's placed on her dainty finger. It looks huge and completely wrong. One massive diamond. It is defiantly the kind of ring you shouldn't get Jess. She deserves better. Subconsciously I grab her hand and play with her engagement ring.
A/N Sorry for taking my time a bit on this update. New baby alert :) and my brain gone squishy trying to get it written down from what I had in mind. Hope you enjoy! Feedback welcome, helps me know if you want me to continue or not.