It was dark. But that was okay. Moritz wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He felt better in the dark. No one could see him. No one could see how much of a failure he was.
Moritz turned the cold piece of metal in his hand. As long as he could remember his papa had kept a gun by the side of his bed. For protection purposes, of course. His papa would probably notice the gun being gone before he realized his son was.
Mortz bit the inside of his lip and placed his thumb on the trigger. A voice in his head danced around saying, "Come on, just get it over with!"And thats all he wanted to do. Only, he was scared. More scared then he'd ever been he had ever been. But he had to do this. For the greater good. Moritz remembered what his father had said to him after he had failed. Of how glad he was his father hadn't lived to see this day and how we was ashamed to be Moritz' father.
The memories were enough for him to lift the gun to his head. This is it.
Then he heard leaves crumbling under someones shoe. Someone was coming. Moritz quickly set the gun under his leg. As he did so he saw a small figure coming towards him.
"Moritz? What are you doing? It's getting dark."Moritz was too caught up in fear. He didn't hear clearly anything Ernst Robel had said.
"I said it's getting dark." Ernst repeated patiently. "What are you doing in the woods at this hour?"
"I-um," Moritz pushed the gun further out of couldn't tell Ernst the truth of what he planned on good would come from it.
"just…thinking." He answered finally. It wasn't completely a nodded and stared at his feet. Neither of the boys were good at talking so they just sat in silence for a while.
Ernst noticed a shimmer under Moritz leg. He asked, curiously, what it was. Now Moritz was screwed. If his heart wasn't racing fast it was then. He couldn't possibly tell Ernst. He could have just said it wasn't real. That he had imagined it. Ernst was naive; he might believe it. It was interesting. Just a few minutes ago Moritz had silently wished someone might come and find him. Now someone had and it scared the crap out of him. But that wasn't necessarily true. In a way he enjoyed him timid presence. Ernst wasn't presenting Moritz with questions which he greatly appreciated.
Before he knew it he found himself telling Ernst what it was.
"A gun?! For what?" It was a pointless question that Ernst asked. He already knew the answer. Ernst had been there when Moritz had failed. He could guess what it would be used for.
"I deserve to die." Moritz whispered. He could feel his eyes swelling with tears.
"Moritz," Ernst began, "just because you failed doesn't mean your a failure or that you deserve to die."
"But I-I" Moritz tried to find the right words. He'd never been good at that.
Ernst sighed. "Look. I know things seem like they'll never get better. But if you kill yourself you never give them the chance for things to. Suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can't wake up tomorrow and change your mind about it."
by now Moritz was in tears. "But I'm a disappointment. even if I didn't fail I-I'm just so different. My parents could never love me. They deserved to have a better son. I'm saving them from more shame."
"No, Moritz, they already do love you. They're just really strict and they already paved the path they wanted for you. They just got mad. But give them time, they'll forgive you. And, take it from me, there's nothing wrong with being different. I know, everyone says there is. But it doesn't matter what other people say. All that matters is what you think."
Ernst had always been kind. Sometimes he'd lie I'm order to make others feel better. But for some reason, Moritz knew he was being serious this time. Which Ernst was.
Moritz nodded and cried some more. Ernst pulled his friend into a hug. Moritz dwelled on what Ernst had said. It made sense. And not a lot of things made sense to him any More.
After a while, when Moritz had finally calmed down Ernst pulled away and said, "But seriously Moritz, it's dark. We should get home."
Moritz nodded. as they walked Moritz kept looking at the moonlight. And that's when he realized that even in darkness there can be light. You just need to know how to find it.
It made me happy to write it and I hope it made you happy to read it. Please leave a review to tell me. Please? It only takes like two seconds and it would make me very happy :)