Prompt/theme: Numb

Word count: 362

Entry for Dimitri's. Smexi. Shewolf's' Frostbite2015 1.5 million Words Challenge' to support the official Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign. With your donations, the producers will give Frostbite the movie the greenlight for production. Please spread the word as much as possible, and donate whatever you can.

AN: This is my contribution, it might become mulit-chapter, but that depends on if I can get the creative juices flowing! ;) This one's only short, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! It's set just after Last Sacrifice (or possibly during the end of it) and is definitely before Bloodlines. And thanks to whoissamwho for reading over it! :)

WARNING: contains spoilers of what happens from the end of Shadow Kiss and onwards!

~Ginevra Annabeth Herondale

He was numb.

Frozen.

The thought of what had occurred gave him a chill. A chill so cold that he couldn't feel anything. He didn't want to feel anything.

Not the sadness, the anger, the betrayal, the bitterness.

None of it.

So he drowned his sorrows in his old vices. The very vices he had previously given up for her.

He loved her, had given her everything.

Yet she still chose him. It had always been him, ever since he had met her.

He was stupid to think she could get over him that easily. That she could get over him, period.

The signs were all there, signs of which he tried desperately to ignore. That he hoped would fade in time and with the love he gave her.

The spark in her eyes when he was mentioned, even when he was strigoi.

Not to mention her aura. Her aura that shined brighter when he was around, so bright that it could've melted the very slopes he met her at.

It was never that bright when she was with Adrian. No matter how hard he tried. No matter how much he cared for her.

And now... Now it was all being flung back in his face.

She moved on so quickly, like her time with Adrian never mattered. Like he was just something to pass the time while he wasn't there.

Even though it was Adrian who gave her the money when she left to find Dimitri.

It was Adrian who supported her when she came back, broken, from Russia.

It was Adrian who never tried to hide or disguise his feelings for her.

It was Adrian who loved her unconditionally.

And yet... It wasn't enough. He wasn't enough.

So he ignores the regret, guilt and sorrow in her aura whenever she sees him. Because it only makes hating her that much harder.

And despite everything, he feels sick.

Because she may have crushed his heart into a million pieces...
but he still loves her.

And no amount of frost or drugs could numb his love for her.

No matter how hard he wishes it would.