The sun light travels at the speed of light but yet we only see it 8 minutes after it leaves the sun. Even for something as fast as light it takes 8 minutes to reach us, so just how big is the universe? How god damn big is it that the closest source of light for us take 8 minutes at the maximum speed according to the laws of physics to reach us? It is big, almost to big.
It is exactly at times like when I look up to the sky and see the stars I feel small, so very small. There are so many forms of life out there, so that don't even have a name, some that don't even have a form, and yet they exists. How many of them are there? Just waiting to be found out?
And that is always what I feel when I stare at the stars at night, so small. The window of my room shows me what there is outside and everynight before I go to bed I see the sky and the universe beyond.
I have always felt so alone, so insignificant, just another face in the crowd, lost without meaning living a life where I don't know what I am going to do. What am I going to do? Just get a desk job somewhere and live a life without meaning, or do something I love but still even then it would be too small to last long in the world has a large.
Everyone I know dreams big, my dad, my mom, my sister, hell even my dog at one point tried to mate with all the female dogs in the neighborhood. But when I see those dreams I know that in the end none of them will be remembered in history. But I want to, I want to be remembered, I want to be acknowledged, I want to jump up to the world and yell, "I'm alive! I mean something!"
But is that really possible in a world of 7.2 billion and counting?
I now accept my fate, I have always been told to roll over and die, to accept my fate so many times, I have decided to stop resisting, to give into my fate. And that is why I look up to the stars, as a reminder to myself that I am really that small.
But one night, that all changed.
7th December 2012
Port Townsend, Washington
"Night mom!" I yell as I got into my bed. The warm layers cover me in my pj's and I stretch under the covers popping and relaxing myself.
"Night Cal!" replied my mom from the next room, "Night son!" replied my dad.
I turned of the lamp next to my bed and as I close my eyes I notice the moonlight shining on my bed, coming from the window. I had almost forgotten the nightly ritual. I honestly don't know why I do it anymore I already get the message, I'm small I get it.
But either way get out of my warm covers and go to the window and look out into the world. The trees in the forest near the town is silent in the night and the only light that can be seen is the one coming from the full moon.
And there they are, my tormentors, the ones that mock me every night, the moon and the stars.
I close my eyes and start my ritual, I think of what all I did that day and how that would help me leave a mark on this world. I never feel good at the end of this session, but there are those rare days that I do do something useful.
But that was not today. After a minute of mental torment I open my eyes and I see something I never have before. A shooting star, might as well make a wish I thought.
And so I closed my eyes, and I wished my hearts desire, 'I wish I had meaning in my life.'
An when I opened my eyes again I saw the star grow bigger and bigger as it came closer and closer to….. me?!
It soon came so close that at one point thought it was going to hit me! But just then it fell down right in the forest in front of my window. Wait why was there no noise? I mean it was a god damn falling star! There had to be some noise!
I slipped back into the covers and went to sleep, well I tried to at least. I did not want to go out there. I mean that's basically how all horror movies begin! God this is so stupid.
I rustled and turned in my bed, the sheets were warm and comfortable, but I had suddenly an itch. An itch I had to scratch, and it was and the human curiosity. I call it my stupid senses, it some how always ends up bad for me every time I follow this sense, but every time I do I feel happy that night when I look at the stars.
This is so stupid! Why can't I fall asleep? But I already knew the answer, and so with a sigh I grabbed my flashlight and a robe. I walked out of my warm house and into the cold December night.
The night was a time I hated, I am cold blooded, at least that's what my dad says, and I can't stand the snow. I love it and I think it looks pretty, but god I hate the cold!
I hug my robe closer and I walk to the forest. I pass by the old rose bushes, luckily the don't prick me to hard, and enter the forest. Inside it was dark and every shadow suddenly seems to have a monster in it.
My fear of the dark may seem silly but I swear it is all Fred's fault. Fred you see is my oldest friend, he is also the one who ruined the forest for me. When we were young we got lost in the forest and eventually we were found again by our parents. But in the two hours we were lost Fred spent that entire time trying to scare the shit out of me.
Then at the time every shadow was someplace Fred could hide to jump out and scare me, so yes I have a psycho for a best friend, yay me.
But as I continue my journey into the forest, god this is such a stupid idea, I notice a light in the forest.
The light glowed bright yellow, almost like a part of the sun had fallen off and landed on Earth. And when I noticed this light coming through the tree my first instinct was to go towards it. Bad move I know, I mean I saw hundreds of scary movies to know where this is going.
But in the end I did not end up attacked by aliens or axe wielding psychos, no in the end I made it to the fallen star.
And what I sight it was, the earth around the star was glowing from the light the star gave off and it looked almost alive. From the star the smell of brimstone filled my nose and for a moment I felt light on my feet.
For a moment I stood there staring at the stone, but then I realised I just looked stupid. I mean there was nothing else here, sure it looked cool but what ever that's it. I take out my phone and take several pictures of the stone and even a few selfies.
After a moment or two I touched the stone and with that last thing done my curiosity was satisfied. But before I left I wanted a souvenir, so I took a rock from the ground and broke of a piece of the star the size of my fist and took it along with me.
As I walked back, the forest for some reason seemed to be brighter it was almost as if I could see better in the dark, maybe it was just my eyes adjusting. But whatever it was it helped my journey along and I reached back home in no time. After I put the stone in a box under my bed, I was quickly back into my covers and off to sleep with a smile on my face, because today I had done something worthwhile.
That night my dream was strange. It had started out like ushall, me in a pool filled with stars. I was surrounded by the gas giants but for some reason my body was slowly turned around. And then it happened, as my body in the dream turned a sight came into view, I could see something else besides the stars. For the first time in my dreams I could see something else besides the stars, and that something was the Earth.
I could see it all, I could see everything happening on the surface and at the same time I could see the world. It was… beautiful. There are no words to discribe this, for the first time in my life I have dreamt of something else besides the stars and how massive the world is.
But now, now I can feel the Earth, I feel part of it, bigger than it. I feel like I am something like I mean something.
And just then I realised it, I….. I'm flying! I wasn't just floating there I am actually flying! I as soon as I noticed this my vision started to blur and the earth changed into my bedroom ceiling. There was only one problem, the ceiling was 7 inches from my face.
And then like somebody just dropped me I feel down to my bed, my stomach caught itself and as I went to hit my bed, I realised something, I was floating.
I hit the bed with a crash, one which would surely woken somebody up, I get up of the bed and threw away my sheets and look at my arms, they feel so, so tingly? There was no word for it, it felt like my arm was being stung by bees but at the same time I could feel no pain.
Just as I turned to examine whether there was any damage to my bed, my mom came into my room wearing her robe, "Cal! Are you okay? I heard a noise!" She had a face mask on and her black hair was in a net.
Now this was embarrassing, "I'm fine mom, just a little dizzy, I feel out of my bed that's all." I scratched the back of my head and for a second it seemed like she almost did not buy it. But then,
"Alright Cal, be carefull. You didn't hurt yourself did you?" at my head shaking she continued, "alright them sweets I will make you some eggs get ready and be down soon okay?"
I said yes and as she left the room I looked around and saw the stone I got from the star had rolled out from under my bed. It didn't seem to glow anymore, like it was dead. Wait is this what happened to the star as well.
ANd then there it came again the damn curiosity. I swear it was going to kill me one day. And so with that being said I grabbed my robe again and once more went into the forest.
This time the journey was much faster and less spooky as there was no light. I look into crater where the star still laid and saw that it was still glowing.
I slowly walked up to it and placed my hand on it, it hummed and was warm to the touch, it felt right, but suddenly the light seemed to disappear slowly. All the light seemed to gather out of the star and into… my hand?!
I take my hand of the star and drop the stone I was carrying but when I did the energy from the star just kept coming out and into me, but this time it affected my entire body. It was like being possessed, the strange yellow energy filled me and held my in place, it was like taking a warm bath.
But then it ended, just as soon as it began. The entire star looked dull now like the stone, the moment it let go of my and I gained control of my limbs I ran, I ran as fast as my legs to carry me, and for a guy who was 5'4" that was not a lot.
I made it to my house once inside I slammed the door shut and panted to catch my breath.
"Cal, what's wrong honey, why were you out?" asked my mom from the kitchen.
"It's nothing mom, just thought I saw….. something in the forest." I say back. I was lying but god what else am I supposed to do?
My mom seemed to believe me, "Very well then, go and get ready, it's time for school young man."
I nodded and got ready. But as I put on my clothes and eat my breakfast, I can't help but think that some how something had changed that day, and as I sooner learned I was right.
Alright I started this story up again. Why mostly because I felt like it.
And so tell me what you guys think and for gods sake please give me some review they really help and I feel so good when I read them.
P.s I don't own Super man but I do own Cal.