6I place the straight razor's heel firmly against my wrist. With a quick draw back I feel the sharp stinging pain as the blade cuts a fine deep slice into my arm. Blood, red and sweet, flowing out and dropping to the floor, soon, I will die. It will be a relief. I'll be gone and that's all it takes.
I remember the events that led up to this all too well. It was at the coronation party after my so called dance with that pretentious old man. Elsa and I were together having fun for the first time in years. So miraculous was her beauty that my heart fluttered as we stood together. I longed for the right moment when I would have the chance to tell her, to let her know how I truly felt towards her.
Since we were both in good spirits, I decided it was the best chance I had. Mustering up every bit of confidence I had, I leaned in and quickly blurted out, "Elsa I love you!"
"I love you to Anna," Elsa replied with a sweet smiling face.
"I don't think you understand me. I love you. Like really really love you! Like how a man and woman love each other, not that one of us is a man, but two women loving each other." Elsa had a slightly surprised expression on her face after I told her my feelings.
"Anna, you do realize we are sisters." My hope diminished a little after hearing her words. I had to make her understand how deep my love is for her!
"I know that, but ever since I can remember I had this longing to be with you. I would see you out in the hall walking by and I knew that deep in my heart you're the one that I love! We were meant to be together one day. Whatever happened in the past we can put all that behind us now, it will be me and you together happily forever starting tonight!"
"Anna I'm truly sorry. All that time spent alone must have messed with your head."
I was offended. I tell her my true feelings and she claims I have a mental problem! "There is nothing wrong with my head! It's my heart. I need to be with you Elsa! You got to believe me when I say you are my true love!"
"Anna, what do you know about true love?"
"More than you do. All you know is how to shut people out."
"Fine. I will make time where we can start seeing each other, but only as sisters and friends. There shall be no more talk of this true love nonsense."
Elsa turned her back towards me. She was hurt by what I just said, but her rejection of my love was a more powerful blow. Talking didn't seem to help. Out of desperation I try something that I was sure to change her mind.
"What? Elsa, no. No, wait!" I grab her by the shoulders turning her around; grasping her by the head I forcefully kiss her deeply. Gasps and murmuring could be heard from the crowd as they ceased their dancing and watched us.
Elsa coming to her senses broke free of my grasp and slapped me across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you Anna?" She shouted.
Both of us looked out over the silent crowd, everybody was staring at us. This was the perfect time to show Elsa she doesn't have to hide her feelings from me, from everybody. She didn't need to be afraid any longer.
"Don't you see? Everybody knows now, our secret is out, we can be lovers! I know deep in your heart you love me the same way! Please don't be ashamed to admit it!"
"Anna, no! There is no our secret. You humiliate and disgust me with this love talk. You are sick! Sick in the head and tomorrow I'll get you the professional help that you need." I stood fighting back tears as Elsa walked away from me. I was crushed! All my attempts at getting through to her were futile. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe that's why she shut me out of her life for so many years.
"The party is over. Close the gates," Elsa said as she passed by her Royal Handler.
No she can't just end the party so abruptly! I can't go back to the way things were before, not after tonight! I rush after her. "Elsa, please. Please! I can't live like this anymore!"
Elsa turned to face me. I couldn't believe what she said. "Then you can leave!"
I felt my world spiraling down into a pit of despair! It was bad enough that she rejected my love and said I was mentally ill, but telling me to leave! I see now how much a fool I was! How can she love me, why should she love me? She doesn't even know me. Sisters we are, but sisters are all we are. Nothing more!
Seeing the hurt expression on my face must have been too much for Elsa. She started to rush away, leaving me sobbing as I shouted at her.
"Fine! You want me to leave? I will leave! You will be sorry too. I won't be coming back!" I turned to the crowd. "What are you staring at!? Get out of here the party is over!" Unable to control myself any longer I storm off to my room crying hysterically along the way.
Placing the straight razor in my now blood drenched hand, I proceed to repeat the same process on my other wrist. Feeling weak, I grip the blade as tight as I can manage and forcefully draw it back. The pain inflicted is excruciating! I drop the blade and look at my fresh wound. It is much deeper than the other one. I let my arms hang down on either side of the chair. Blood pours down each hand creating a pool of crimson on the floor.
Such a bitch! How could she do this to me? "I like you as a friend and sister," she said. Like I could be friends with her after what she did to me. She lied! She said we would be together, but then she tells me to leave!
Elsa….why I was attracted to her, I'll never know. How was I attracted to her? That's easy. It was her eyes.
Her eyes that called to me, beckoned me to her. It was her eyes that made me love her, made me want her, need her…love her. Her eyes that were filled with hurt every time she saw me. I gave in to the emotions that her eyes stirred. Her eyes were sad. I can't possibly forget her eyes; her beautiful blue eyes. Damn her! She was always so innocent. I felt sorry for her, truly I did.
I'm feeling weak, so weak and dizzy. Death is near. I can feel it! I'm about to die soon. Good-bye, Gerda. Good-bye, Kai. Please do not weep for me, for I shall be rejoining the only two people that deeply loved and cared for me in my life! Good-bye Elsa. I thank you. Because of you I am leaving to a place where I can truly be happy forever more!