The rest of the night passes by and he doesn't sleep.
Truth is he doesn't really want to sleep. He can't stand the thought of another dream where he was losing her.
He spends the rest of the night reflecting.
From afar he's a man that has everything; a dream career, one in which he had become name partner faster than anyone expected. He has more money than he knows what to do with half the time. Lives in an amazing penthouse that oversees a concert jungle. Fast cars available at the snap of his finger and beautiful women that would be more than willing to please him night after night. He notices a trend; they're always tall, leggy blondes or brunets, never a red head.
He sits alone with his thoughts and that was becoming a dangerous thing. Career, money, cars but yet something is missing.
He thinks back to a conversation he had with his father shortly after he came up with the brilliant idea that he would go to Jessica and convince her that he needed his own secretary. That he wouldn't work for her if she didn't take on Donna as well. It was a packaged deal, two for the price of one.
His father called shorty after to say that he was proud of the decision to leave Cameron and the DAs office. Their conversation slowly drifts to Donna, it always does. He knows his father purposely does it to rile him up. But he plays along because it makes his father happy and even though he isn't a religious man himself, lord knows Gordon Specter deserved some form of happiness.
"Enough about you, how's my girl doing?" His father says casually.
"She's coming with me to Pearson Hardman." He says confidently.
"Does she know about this?"
"Not yet, I just had an idea."
He fills his father in about the talk he plans to have with Jessica. There's a moment of silence on the line then a small laugh
"She's going to kick your ass you better tell her about this plan of yours and fast."
"You're doing all of this for you and for her does that mean you plan on coming to your senses soon?"
"She's a gem."
"Do you?" Gordon continues before he can get a word in.
"You keep parading all your random female conquests in front of her, you might think its harmless and all fun and games but one day she's going to have enough and".
He doesn't let up, it keeps coming.
"and she's going to want to move on, start a life for herself and not just be your friendly secretary. Someone will come along and sweep her off her feet before you know it. You need to realize you need her a lot more than she needs you, my boy".
"Dad, enough! Donna and I are friends, we have a great working relationship, and nothing else, she's made sure of that." Harvey says defensively.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing Dad, never mind."
"All I'm saying is you that have this beautiful, smart woman in front of you, who isn't afraid to go toe-to-toe and call you out on your BS. For the life of me I don't know why you can't get your head out of your ass".
"Why don't you make a move on her then?" He says jokingly.
"Trust me, if I was your age and had your looks, I would have closed that deal a long time ago, I love that girl!"
"I'll let her know when I see her."
"Be my guest but she already knows. I tell her every time we talk, just before she puts my call through to you, Gordon Specter doesn't waste time"
"Well I'll leave you to enjoy your little musings about Donna, I got work to do, old man."
"Okay, talk to you later kiddo."
"I love you Harvey, but…"
"Yeah, yeah I know. You love Donna more."
A smile makes it to his face as he remembers. He misses his father terribly; he never took the time to grieve properly. He had been so busy working, trying to make a name for himself that he forgot about the man whose name he carried.
Gordon Specter was a good man, he had his flaws but he always tried to be a great husband and an even better father. Harvey wishes that they had more time. He would give anything for his father to see his name, their name up on the wall.
He can't help but think what would happen after he was gone. Would anyone mourn for him? Who would wish that he were still here? Would anyone speak of him in such high regard as he does with his father?
Reality hits him hard. He has no one.
He's been so busy trying to make a life, make a name for himself that he wasn't really living at all.
His fathers' words come back to haunt him to his core.
"You keep parading all your random female conquests in front of her" that's exactly what he had been doing for years. Countless woman. They have no substance and he's no saint. He used them for entertainment and to keep his bed warm.
The one woman he ever truly wanted, put limits on them a long time ago. He thinks of the one night they had and longs for it. One night, she was his and he was hers.
He just hopes she gives him a chance after all he's put her through. He spent too much time and wasted money on women who could never measure up to her. He realizes she is his touchstone. She is the woman he compares every woman that came into his life to. He knew he could never fully trust Scottie, not the way he blindly trust her. Zoe had come close but close would and could never the real thing. Donna would always be his standard.
He would figure this out, he just didn't know how. He just knows he's tried of playing games and wasting time. Maybe he does want a wife, the house, two kids and SUV because there's no way in hell he would ever drive a mini-van. Maybe he is finally growing up, only took around forty years.
It's nearly 6am when he realizes it's always been her. He said so in front of Jessica all those years ago without realizing. It would always be packaged deal for him, all or nothing.
He starts by making sure he makes into work early that morning and leaves her favourite latte on her desk. He knows it not much, but it's a start and step forward for him. His father said someone would "come in and sweep her off her feet", many men have tried, all have failed he knows that if she gives him this chance he would never let her down again.