((A/N: This is a birthday gift to my friend, Jessica. Happy birthday!))
It was Harry Potter's friend's birthday and he and his family were throwing her a huge party. Her name was Jess, and she was a hella rad hot dog vendor, so she deserved a pretty cool party.
Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and all of their oddly named children were getting The Burrow ready for Jess' party. Also, the four main kids from South Park were there because fuck yeah, the writer can do what the writer wants because this is fanfiction, you jealous motherfucker, and anything can happen in fanfiction.
Anyways, back to the story. Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Lily Luna, Albus Severus, and whatever the fuck the other kids were unfortunately named were in the kitchen, making the cake. Because who better to put in charge of making cake than a bunch of children?
"Hey, hey, it would be really fucking cool if we put Kinny in the cake!" Cartman announced. "That way, when the wiener girl cuts the cake, Kinny can jump out and then it'll be so fucking awesome that no other birthday parties will be awesome after it!"
Kenny said something muffled in response, but nobody could understand him because if the parka and the fact that he had kind of concealed a small rabbit inside of his mouth for reasons that will not be discussed right now. So, since they were all a bunch of dumb children, everyone thought that Kenny thought it was a good idea, even though Kenny is a relatively sane person and any relatively sane person would not agree to such a thing.
The young ones mixed up the cake batter, and poured it into an enormous cake pan. It was bigger than Kenny, which was convenient for the plan.
Once the cake batter was in, Cartman ripped the small rabbit out of Kenny's mouth and threw him in the batter, despite the fact that he was struggling and obviously didn't want to be in the cake. They put the batter-filled cake pan, which was wiener-shaped, into the oven.
A few minutes later, Harry burst into tears! He used the streamer he was supposed to be hanging up as a tissue.
"Oh, Harry, what's wrong?" Ginny asked her beloved husband.
"I miss everyone!" Harry sobbed out. Snot that was the same color as his bright green eyes squirted out of his nose.
"What do you mean?" Ginny asked, immediately getting a she-boner from the snot. She had a secret snot fetish, but never told Harry for fear of rejection.
"My mom, my dad, Dumbledore, Snape, Dobby, everyone who died! I miss them!" Harry cried out.
Meanwhile, Jess was arriving at the door, hand-in-hand with her boyfriend Herbert Hoover. She was riding on her hot dog cart that was full of disembodied human remains because Jess was also a serial killer.
Hermione opened the door. "Hey, Jess. Hi, Herb."
"Hello, Hermione," Jess said with a smile as she walked inside. Hermione and Ron led the happy couple to the kitchen, where the kids were putting the finishing touches on the wiener cake. There was also a huge pile of presents on the table, all for Jess.
Jess opened her presents. They were all hot dogs or hot dog-related, except for the one from Ron because he misinterpreted what Harry meant by "wiener". He got her something not appropriate to mention in his fic.
Wait, wait. It can be mentioned.
Ron got Jess a disembodied human peepee. It was awkward for everyone
The whole time Jess opened presents, Harry kept crying and exclaiming "I MISS EVERYONE!" It made everyone really uncomfortable
Then, Ginny handed Jess the cake knife and slid the wiener cake over to her. Jess blew out the candles and wished for all of Harry's friends and family to be alive again so that Harry would stop bring a damn pussy. Jess cut into it, AND SUDDENLY A TON OF BLOOD SQUIRTED OUT! HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
EVERYONE RAN AROUND SCREAMING. Except for Jess. She cut a little more, and saw Kenny's burnt bloody body. It was cut right in half!
"YOU KILLED KENNY!" Stan exclaimed in a tone of desperation. Tears formed in his eyes.
"YOU BASTARD!" Kyle cried out in anguish. He suddenly burst into loud sobs.
BUT THIS STORY DOES NOT END SADLY!
Upon closer inspection, Jess discovered that Kenny's insides were glowing!
All of a sudden, Dobby the house elf crawled out of the wiener cake! He was holding a sock and was dressed completely swag-tastic.
"Dobby!" Harry cried out happily.
"Master Potter!" Dobby cried out happily. They hugged!
BUT THAT WAS NOT ALL!
Harry's parents came out of the wiener! Then Sirius and Remus and EVERYONE ELSE HARRY LOVED! They were all emerging from Kenny's corpse and the wiener! It was a miracle and Harry had stopped crying like a pussy! Everyone was happy, especially Jess because she had gotten her birthday wish!
BUT THEN THE BEST PART OF ALL HAPPENED!
Once all of Harry's lost friends and family came out, there was still one last person left inside of Kenny's corpse. It was Kenny himself, but dressed as Princess Kenny! He looked so damn kawaii and everyone told him so. It was truly an amazing event, and then Jess announced she was pregnant with Herbert Hoover's child!
As soon as she made the announcement, Jess went into labor! And she gave birth to Eric Cartman's evil dick!
HOLY MOLY, THINGS WERE GETTING WEIRD!
The dick just jumped around, though, and then collapsed after a few moments. So that was good.
After that party, everyone lived happily ever after and then Jess and Herbert Hoover adopted Princess Kenny. And nobody ever let those dumb little kids make a wiener cake again, because kids shouldn't be allowed to cook without adult supervision.
Harry and all his formerly-deceased loved ones moved out to the middle of the country and they all had many marvelous adventures until they all died of old age again.