AN: This is a little bit of crack-fic. I have no idea how Hiccup and Toothless got to Camp Half-Blood, or how they get home. This is just about conversation, a bit of a writing exercise for me, because writing dialogue is hard. Constructive Criticism is liked.

Disclaimer: Everything but the actual dialogue is henceforth disclaimed.

"Why does your dog look like she belongs to Hel? And why are you riding her?"

"Why are you riding a dragon?"

"Because he's my friend."

"Well, Mrs. O'Leary is my friend, also belongs to hell? Like an anthropomorphized eternity of torment?"

"No, Hel, the Queen of Helheim, daughter of Loki? Ring any bells?"

"Loki as in the Nordic god?"

"No, the one in that movie your elf friend mentioned. Yes, of course I mean the god. Seriously."

"You still haven't explained the dragon."

"His name is Toothless, and he is a Night Fury, the unholy offspring of lightning and death. You still haven't explained Mrs. O'Leary?"

"She's a hellhound, from the realm of Hades. She likes catching trashcan lids and has a crush on Cerberus."

"Aren't they supposed to eat Greek heroes?"
"Aren't dragons supposed to eat people in general?"
"Touché, but no, they think humans taste gross, they mostly like fish and the occasional sheep."

"So, should I be worried?"

"Are you a fish? Because you don't look like one. Are all hellhounds as friendly as her, then?"

"Naw, most hellhounds do actually eat people, but she likes licking them too much. My dad is the Greek sea god, so should I be worried?"

"Toothless hasn't shown any interest in eating you, so I'd say no. You're a demigod?"

"Yeah. How can you see all this stuff? I mean, unless you have a godly parent people can't usually see any of it."

"No godly parent that I know of. Dad-, well, if one of them had divine powers, my dad would still be alive."

"Oh, um, I'm, a sorry for your loss."

"So, how can you see all this?"

"I'd guess because I come from a time when all of this was still widely accepted as existing, I mean I grew up with dragons attacking my village every couple days. It's been changing recently, actually, people don't run screaming when Toothless and I fly to close to a village, they just don't notice, at all."

"Really, even people who know the dragons exist, people who used to fight them, can't see them as well anymore. Someone actually asked me why the dragons were disappearing when none of them left at all."

"I guess the people are just losing sight of them."

"Yeah, I guess."


"Do you have any idea how to get me and Toothless home?"

"Chiron said they're working on it."


"So, in your village, what do you do?"

"I'm the chief. I'm also the assistant blacksmith when I don't have any pressing duties. What do you do here?"

"Unofficial leader if anything bad happens. Otherwise I teach, mostly sword fighting and helping the younger ones learn to swim."

"Sounds interesting."


"What's your favorite type sword?"

"Medium length xiphos, you have one?"

"I've seen a few of those, not many left by my time. I have a ulfberht sword, been in my family for a while, but a few years ago (or over a thousand, I guess), I designed a variant that was made mostly of fire."

"You have a flame sword?"

"Yep. I can show you if you want."

"That is so cool. We have got to show this to Leo."


"The guy you called the elf earlier. He does designing, he actually fixed up an automated dragon and named him Festus."

"Happy, the dragon? That's… original."

"You named a dragon Toothless."

"He has retractable teeth. Anyway. It's not the worst, Ruffnut and Tuffnut named their Zippleback Barf and Belch."


"Two-headed dragon, great for twins."

"Also, you speak Latin?"

"I'm a Viking Chief who travels on dragon whenever I can. The Romans are everywhere, they came to Berk a while back, but the dragons scared them away a bit."

"Where is Berk exactly?"

"It is twelve days north of Hopeless and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death. It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. It's on the edge of Suðureyjar, or Innes Galles, the Greeks called it Hyperborea, I think. We usually call it the Barbaric Archipelago, I have absolutely no idea why."

"Are you always this sarcastic?"

"It relieves boredom."

"Hey, Leo! Come over here"

"What? I have stuff, Percy."

"This is Hiccup Haddock, Chief of the Vikings of Berk, and he has a flame sword. Hiccup, this is Leo."

"A flame sword!"

"Here, if you push this, Zipplecak gas comes out, and there's a flint and steel ignition here."

"That is so awesome! This is- It's almost like a lightsaber or something?"

"You have swords made of light?"

"Only fictionally, seriously, I cannot think of many people who could make this and none who could make something like this without modern tech."

"We use what we have."

"Do you want to come see my workshop? I have all sorts of stuff, and I've been working on building Festus a new body, but I haven't figured out how to get it to store or create fire to breathe on command, a fresh perspective would be welcome."

"Yeah, totally, I mean, that would be great, um, if you want, and um, Percy? Could you make sure Toothless doesn't frighten anyone to death?"

"Yeah, sure. He and Mrs. O'Leary seem to be having fun."


"What, Leo?"

"We should totally form the Avengers."

"Heroes of Olympus not enough for you?"

"Annabeth would be Black Widow."

"Go! Do your science-bro thing."

"Engineering bros."

"Seriously, go, Mrs. O'Leary doesn't like being watched when playing fetch."

"Sheesh, we're leaving, okay?"

"Just, come find us when they figure out how to get me home?"

"Of course."

AN: So, what do you think?